Dread or Anticipation?
I wish I could tell you I had my act together and always have my blog posts figured out ahead of time, but I don't. My life resembles that pattern, doing things by the seat of my pants. I am not sure how I got to this point. I used to be such a planner, able to think ahead, meal plan, make lists and right now I seem to be hovering somewhere between a misty valley of apprehension and a deep dark cave of despair.
I have always been an emotional person. I feel things, not just experience them. I have teared up at kids movies, cried when we had to put our dog down, or the guinea pigs died; i have also had bouts with anger and frustration as well as times of great laughter and happiness. More recently, I have become well acquainted with fear. I've always been a bit of a nervous person, feeling almost sick the first day of school or when I have to go to the dentist and so on, but now, it is just full blown fear.
I think things happen in our lives for a purpose. God allows circumstances to bear down on us at times to make us more like Christ, but we still have to choose to bend. That is where I am at. I am trying to bend. I want to be like Christ, but I am learning that I cannot do that in my strength. He seems to be reminding me of that even more so lately with sleepless nights and bouts of anxiety. Yet, I can still see clearly enough that I know this is an opportunity to bend.
“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
This is what I need to be doing, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead. I will be the first to admit, sometimes the future looks rather scary. It is certainly a great unknown. However, I can choose to look to the future with anticipation for what God will do, rather than dread for what He won't do.
I need to remember, God's plan is perfect, no matter what I am feeling, His ways are perfect and His love is just as real and sure as the air I breath!