You are my beloved. I know you can't see that right now. Perhaps you are feeling as far from me as you possibly could. Feelings can be deceptive. In fact feelings often become the focal point of a life, when in fact, truth should be the focus. I know you are hurting. Something terrible has happened to you. You are questioning everything you ever learned or believed. Your heart aches to the point that you wish it would stop beating, but I can't allow that. Not yet.
One thing I want to make very clear, I love you. You might be thinking, "Yeah! Right! If you really loved me, then why did this happen?" You know, when I set out to form this world I wanted what was beautiful and perfect, but I also wanted my creation to have a free will. What glory is there in a being creating something that cannot act against Him? What relationship would there be if you had no choice to love me or follow me? But you did not ask for what happened. You were innocent.
Unfortunately, not all of my creation is choosing to follow me. There are many who only follow their own desires and wants. Those desires and wants are often tainted by anger, fear and selfishness. They are also influenced by our enemy. Yes he is real. Yes he hates you. He hates everyone, but himself. Oh, he is a deceiver. He has wooed many into believing that the only thing that really matters is pleasing themselves, filling their desires and wants. Others are blinded by the fear that he has thrown over them, like some sort of wet, soggy blanket. Its weight is a continual reminder of their anxiety.
I am not going to force you to go back to church, or start reading your Bible. But be assured, I cannot just let you go. I will arrange your life, your circumstances, your relationships in a way that will slowly turn your face towards me. Like a parent, trying to get a young child to listen, I will take your face gently in my hands until you finally have the courage to look me in the eyes and ask, "Why?"
Then, slowly, little by little, we will begin to talk again. I will nudge you awake in the dark hours of the night or the just lightening dusk of a new day and I will speak to you. Gradually, you will start to hear me again. Life, all around will become even more loud and chaotic, because he does not want you to hear me. He does not want you to see me again. He wants you to only see your pain, your heartache, your fear.
There is a way out of this hurt. There is a way to cope with the nightmares, the panic attacks, the pain that is so deep and heavy that at times you feel you might suffocate. I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. I can't undo what has happened, but I can help you to heal. Listen for me in the darkness, for that is where you will hear me.