The "Slamwich" Generation

When my girls were younger we came across a card game called Slamwich. It is a fun, fast paced game, where you build sandwiches using cards that have pictures of bread, lettuce, bacon and other sandwich type fixings. While you are trying to build your sandwich you have to keep an eye out for the sandwich thieves who try to steal your sandwiches. At certain points in the game you slam your hand down yelling, "Slamwich," if you see the fixings for an entire sandwich, sandwiched in the discard pile. It was a favorite game of many of the kids their age and would often be accompanied by lots of yelling and slamming.

You may have heard of the sandwich generation. This phrase refers to people who are of an age where their lives are sandwiched between the demands of their children struggling for autonomy and the demands of caring for aging parents. The point at which one enters the sandwich arena depends on the age and maturing of the children and the increasing demands of parents with failing health or mental capabilities.

This past weekend I went to visit my mother. My father died 10 years ago, so my mother has been living alone for quite a while now. My oldest brother lives in the area, so he is there for her when she needs a job done around the house, if there is an emergency, or just to have her over for dinner with the family. I am thankful that Jeff is there and that he has taken an active part in helping my aging mother. He is definitely in sandwich mode. 

Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull.

As I drove the five and a half hours home, I began to think about that term and the thought struck me that it is really more like the slamwich generation! Sometimes, it feels more like we are getting slammed between the demands of these other generations of people. I think many of our children are self focused. We were too at that age. They don't often think outside the box of go to work, hang out with friends, go to school. Life revolves around what pleases them and what they think makes life significant. Married children are establishing their own homes, their own routines and starting families. You would think that it makes it easier for us who are in the middle of the bread! But I am still helping them out, whether it be with a little money to help them through another month of bills, or being available for babysitting. For older people, their demands are more obvious. While I was at my mother's she was having a large amount of anxiety over many different things. She has a harder time sleeping at night, so even that becomes a source of fear. I was able to calm her and help her work through some of that. I don't know about you other sandwichers, but it can be both mentally and emotionally taxing to be in this position..

I have a few bits of advice for all of us who are feeling like we are on display in the deli case at an upscale grocery store:

1. Remember, you are an essential part of that other person's life. They wouldn't be making demands of you, if you weren't needed or appreciated. Well, okay, the appreciation thing is questionable, but you are needed. Whether you are caring for your live-in mother-in-law with dementia, or caring for your grandson while his single mother goes to work, you are important.

2. God has a purpose in all of the messes of life, the lovely ones and the ugly ones. His desire is that we reflect His characteristics of love, compassion, gentleness and long suffering. Long suffering is definitely a slamwich characteristic.

3. I saw a quote recently on a picture at a thrift store over the weekend that I almost brought home with me:  

“Patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith.”

— Unknown

How appropriate for those of us who are feeling the pressure of being in the slamwich generation. We have to have patience with these people we love, especially when the pressure is great. Our responses to them can turn them toward Jesus or turn them away. We also need patience with ourselves. There are times we need to get away. Take a walk. Don't answer the phone. Take a long bubble bath. Read a book. Get together with your friends and watch a movie. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break. And we need to be patient with God. He is trustworthy and He knows what He's doing, even when we don't have a clue.

Photo credit Josh Jones on StockSnap.

I want to encourage all of you who find yourselves feeling like the salami and cheese smashed between two pieces of stale wheat bread, hang in there. You are not alone and you are His beautiful servant bringing hope and comfort to those in need.

Celebrating Together

Though Easter was brought about through sacrifice, pain and death, we do not dwell on those things. We remember Jesus' act of love and as Christian parents we try to teach our children about the meaning of sacrifice, but what we celebrate is the resulting beauty of the resurrection. We emphasize the risen Lord, not the one who was in the grave. We happily look forward, not only to eternity spent with Him, but to the advent of Spring in the calendar year. How you celebrate is probably a combination of traditions you were brought up with and your own new ideas.

When I was growing up, we always wore our best clothes on Easter Sunday. My mother, being a seamstress of sorts, often made matching dresses for her and I, while my two older brothers and my father wore suits and ties. At some point during the day, jelly beans were hidden around the house and we were each given a cup. Our job was to find as many jelly beans as we could. My bothers would, more often, return with cups much fuller than mine, but I didn't mind. I think I enjoyed the ham dinner and the desert afterwords more than the jelly beans. We were also given Easter baskets with various candy and chocolate Easter bunnies.

When I became a parent, I thought it would be fun to take the jelly bean hunt to a whole new level and have a treasure hunt. After all, I wasn't a big fan of jelly beans. Several months before Easter I would begin shopping for little toys, candies or other items my girls might like. I would wrap them in tissue paper, gift bags or gift wrap and proceed to hide them all over the house and yard (if the weather allowed). I would make clues which Rebecca and Rachel would have to follow. Sometimes, one clue only led to another clue. But eventually a clue would lead to a gift. This hunt was such a hit that now, Rachel wants me to plan a hunt for her son Quintin. Oh, just twist my arm! 

There are so many wonderful things families can do together outside of the actual church services. These days many churches host egg hunts and other fun activities making the celebration last from Palm Sunday through Easter Sunday. Here are a few suggestions for making Easter, not just about gifts and candy, but about Jesus.

1. Get "resurrection eggs" and use these to tell the story of Easter.

2. Plan a jelly bean hunt, or a treasure hunt and every time something is found, read a portion of the Easter story from the Bible.

3. Color eggs. While you're doing this fun activity with your kids or grandkids listen to Christian music, or talk about how an egg symbolizes the Triune God, and new life.

4. Plan a nature hike. In the midwest we don't know what the weather will be like, but as long as it is not raining, go to a nearby park or out in your back yard and talk to the kids about God's creation.

5. With your older kids you could watch a classic old movie such as Ben-Hur,  The Greatest Story Ever Told, or The Passion of the Christ (this is very graphic and should only be shown at your discretion). Talk with your children about the movie, ask questions about the portrayals in the movies and how it compares to scripture. Ben-Hur is a fictional account based on the novel by Lew Wallace.

6. Have your kids help prepare the Easter meal. Have them be involved in setting the table, getting out decorations and tossing the salad.

7. When your family is sitting down to eat spend a few moments letting people pray or express things they are grateful for. Gratitude doesn't just have to be for Thanksgiving.

In the comments section below share some of your Easter family traditions and ideas.

God bless you as you celebrate the glory of our Risen Lord.

A Suffering More Dark

No one wants to suffer. I mean how many of us would sign up for a root canal? Or how about six months of chemo? Maybe you would prefer the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. We all know individuals who are suffering. Right now I know people who are living with illness, cancer, loss of income, divorce, death of a child, emergency surgery, stroke, death of a parent, loss of a friend to suicide...the list goes on. Many of you are acquainted with that awkward feeling you get when a friend tells you the difficulties, they or someone else are going through and you wonder, "What can I do?"

That awkward feeling is replaced by a descent into a dark place when the suffering comes from within your own family. How hard is it for a mother to bury her baby, or her adult child? I have heard it said, "A parent should never outlive their child," but it happens. More often than we would like. What pain does a spouse endure as they watch their beloved sinking into death over a period of weeks, months or years? 

i have found in my own experience that some suffering has closure. Death is final. There is no undoing what has been done. It is over. Somehow, that seems easier, especially when you know the loved one is now with Jesus. When, I say, easier, I am not trying to belittle the pain of those who have lost someone. My father passed away in 2006. He spent the last few years of his life delving into the void of dementia. When my brother called me on January 14th at 6 AM, I knew he was gone. I numbly packed my suitcase and kissed my husband and daughters goodbye so I could go be with my mom and help her plan the funeral. We knew it was coming, but death still has a way of leaving its mark. For more than a year, I would feel waves of mind numbing fog. I had truly lost a part of myself.

However, my dad loved Jesus. I know, right now, without a doubt, where he is. I have closure. My dad is worshipping at the feet of Christ and dementia no longer has a hold on him. I still have moments when I allow myself to wrap that cloak of grief around me and remember what I lost, but then I can fold it up and put it away.

No, the suffering, I have found to be much more persistent, much more dank than death is the suffering of hopelessness. Oh, don't get me wrong, I know as sure as God is God that there is always hope, but as a mom, it doesn't get any harder than when your child suffers. The suffering may come in the form of an illness or injury; it might be the dying of a dream for your son or daughter or it may be they have chosen to walk away from the things that you hold to be true and dear. The darker depths are painted with the startling strokes of childhood sexual assault, exposure to addictive drugs, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and many other spiritual, physical and psychological difficulties. Splatter in unplanned pregnancies and alcohol related deaths and a mother's heart becomes worn and she realizes, "I am powerless!"

Yes! I....am....powerless! I am worn.

But! God....is....not!

He is the God that can heal! (Psalm 103:2-3) He is the God that can carry the broken hearted. (Psalm 147:3) He is the God that will have vengeance! (Romans 12:19) He is the God that will bind the wounds. He is the God who does not sleep. (Psalm 121:4) Only He can reach into the past, bring light to the darkness and heal the ragged, gaping injury that was done! He alone is God, there is no other.