When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

August 14, 2021 by Amy Christensen in Abide in Christ, Acknowledging pain, Analogy of Christian life, Anxiety, Being a woman, Being afraid, Being God's child, Being in Christ, Belief, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Blogging, Change, Child-like faith, Children of God, Christ-like, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Cleaning up, Coming back to God, Commitment, confession, Darkness, Darkness vs. Light, Despair, Difficulty, Disappointment, Emotional stress, Enduring, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Fear, Feel emotions, Feeling invisible, Feeling overwhelmed, Feeling worthless, Feelings of grief, Feelings of guilt, Filling our Minds, God controls the darkness, God is all knowing, God is all powerful, God is all present, God is for us, God is good, God is light, God is over the darkness, God is sovereign, God is with us, God is within the darknes, God loves us, God's faithfulness, God's word, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Growth in God, Healthy emotions, Healthy thoughts, Hurts, Jesus, Jesus is our hope, Jesus is the life, Jesus is the light, Jesus is the way, Jesus is the truth, Knowing God, Know God Better, Life's storms, Looking at scripture, Praising God, Prince of Peace, Reading the Bible, Renewal, Renewing our minds, Revealing our hearts, Acknowledging feelings, Wonderful Counselor, When storms come, When darkness comes, What if We were Real

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

A Walkabout with God

March 24, 2021 by Amy Christensen in Belief, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Blogging, Children of God, Christ-like, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian allegory, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Convinced of Christ, Cry out to Jesus, Despair, Difficulty, Discipline, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Faithfulness, God allows change, God is all knowing, God is all powerful, God is all present, God is for us, God is good, God is sovereign, God is with us, God loves us, God the Father, God the Holy Spirit, God the Son, God's faithfulness, God's love, God's protection, God's strength, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Growth in God, Hope in God, Jesus is our hope, Jesus is the way, Jesus is the life, Knowing God, Knowledge of God, Learning from the Bible, Learning lessons, Live with intention, Making choices, Meditating on scripture, Our hope in christ, Reading the Bible, Relationship with God, Walkabout, Australia, Australian outback, Bush country, Aborigines, A walkabout with God, Renewal, Renewing our minds

The term walkabout was first heard of in 1897 and was used to describe the Aboriginal period of wandering bush life. A young man between the ages of 10 and 16 would go on his walkabout to make the journey to manhood, spending anywhere from a few weeks to six months out in the Australian bush country fending for himself. In more recent times the term walkabout is used in Britain to describe a casual outing among other people, mingling and socializing.

The other day I was struggling. I am human and real life often weighs heavily on me, causing me to lose clarity about who I am and who I belong to. I was sitting at the small, bar height, table that is strategically placed in the corner of what used to be a dining room, right next to a window. I love to sit there, (see below) especially in the winter, as that is where the sun light streams in for a good portion of the morning and afternoon. I was trying to pray, pleading with God to clear the fog out of my brain and help me to get back to His center, because that is always where I am most content.

Picture from Pantone Spring 2018 photo shoot by Rebecca Trumbull.

As I am often inclined to do when I am alone in the house, I got up and started to pace around the kitchen table and pray out loud. At times, I will stray from my elliptical orbit around the table, and walk a lap or two around the living room. I told God how I was feeling. I confessed my struggles: those of the flesh and those of the spirit. Like a young Aboriginal boy on his quest for manhood in the open country of the Australian outback, I walked, searching for a way to survive. I needed to find my place, my purpose and His peace.

The journey to spiritual maturity, or what we as Christ followers often refer to as holiness, or Christ-likeness is not an easy one.

“10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.”

— Hebrews 12:10 (NASB)

Life is often harsh and unrelenting, much like the heat of an Australian day or the deep, bone chilling cold of that same country’s nights. Survival depends on a variety of factors, including food, water, and a way to keep cool during the day and warm at night. In the same way, the process of maturing in our life with Christ is dependent on several factors. Let’s look at these more closely.

1 - The Need for Food

Obviously, we are talking about spiritual food, but the analogies I am going to draw apply to both our physical and spiritual beings. What we put into our bodies directly affects how we feel, what we are able to do and our quality of life. Believe me, this is an area I struggle with, and I know for a fact when I am eating better, eating less and getting enough water and exercise, I feel like a new person.

The need for the right kind of food for our spiritual lives is just as important. If we are feeding our minds a steady diet of news, social media, music without a positive message, movies, books or other forms of entertainment that do not glorify God, we are going to feel it. I am sure most of you, like me, were caught up in watching the news nonstop when the pandemic began. I am also sure many of you followed the media storm leading up to the election and its ensuing aftermath. It is very easy to become discouraged and hopeless when things are out of control, thus the need to feed on the good food of God’s word.

We are living in different times, but our God has not changed. He has provided all the nutrients we need to endure in this harsh reality we now find ourselves living in.

“For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven and gives life to the world.””

— John 6:33 (NASB)

“Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; the one who comes to Me will not be hungry, and the one who believes in Me will never be thirsty.”

— John 6:35 (NASB)

Jesus said He is the bread. He also says that if we come to Him we will not be hungry. Are you feeling a bit peckish in your spiritual life? Come to Jesus. Is your heart longing for fulfillment and satisfaction? Come to Jesus. What spiritual food are you longing for? No matter what your heart is aching for, Jesus can fill it up and make it feel whole again.

2. The Need for Water

The human body is made up of approximately 60% water. Our cells, tissues and organs cannot operate effectively if we do not have enough water. I am constantly telling my family to drink more water. This life giving substance is even more important if you are in a survival situation like the Australian outback. The area is arid and there are very few trees. Having water with you, or finding a clean water source is essential to survival.

Once again, we see this need for water extends to our spiritual lives. Without true water, we will always be returning to the well to try to quench our thirst. That well may be food, alcohol, drugs or sex. It could also be buying more things, or immersing ourselves into romance novels and pornography. It seems to satisfy for a time, just like drinking a soda or a cup of coffee can give you a little hydration. The problem is, it does not last.

Jesus told us in John 6:35 that if we come to Him we will never be hungry. He also says we will never be thirsty. Many of you know the familiar Biblical event of the woman at the well, found in John 4. You can see two posts I did on that passage last fall: May the Source Be with You: A Woman, a Well and Some Water and May the Source Be with You: An Exclamation, an Explanation and an Effect. What did Jesus tell her?

“13 Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again;
14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never be thirsty; but the water that I will give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up to eternal life.””

— John 4:13-14 (NASB)

Imagine you are walking in that dry, arid bush country, or perhaps you are crossing a vast desert. How would you feel after days and days without so much as a drop of water, to come upon an oasis; a place of palm trees and a cool, bubbling, trickling spring of precious water? Wouldn’t your heart swell with relief and your throat constrict with tears of gratitude? My dear friends, Jesus is our oasis. He is the water we need when our lives have become a long journey through the arid regions of living. He is that cool, sweet, bubbling brook, when we no longer have the strength or the will to go on. He is the God who fills our hungry stomachs and soothes our parched throats. All this He does for us, and more!

3 - The Need for Comfort

We all want to feel comfortable. In the cold of winter we never give a thought to turning up the heat. In the heat of summer some of you switch from heat to air conditioning. Others of us, throw open the windows and get out the fans. When we have a headache we take medicine and when we are anxious or upset we find a friend to talk to who will listen and give us comfort. Is our God, not so much more than heaters, fans and pain medication? He is the God who comforts.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comfort delights my soul.”

— Psalm 94:19 (NASB)

“Shout for joy, you heavens! And rejoice, you earth! Break forth into joyful shouting, mountains! For the Lord has comforted His people And will have compassion on His afflicted.”

— Isaiah 49:13 (NASB)

“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. ”

— 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NASB)

These are just a few of the verses in the Bible that mention the word comfort, but there are so many more. In addition, if you look up the attributes of God and the characteristics of those attributes you begin to realize, God loves to comfort His people. Yes, He is a righteous, holy and just God and He cannot tolerate sin, but He has provided the way, through His son Jesus Christ, the Lord of all comfort.

When we are faced with difficulties, it is easy to run to things that are convenient and well, comfortable. I have gone shopping when I am stressed. I eat junk when I am discouraged. I veg out on Netflix shows when I want to escape, but none of those things are going to give me the comfort I really need. God, and God alone, truly knows how to comfort the deep layers of my soul.

4 - The Need to Change our Mindset

I have to believe that a young man who walks off into the Australian bush country alone, to survive for who knows how long, has to be going into it with a certain mindset. He knows what is expected of him, because it has always been expected of young men by his people. His mother may feel anxious about this step for her son, but she knows it is what he must do to become a man. She knows he will draw upon all he has learned up until this point to survive, including how to find food and water, and how to get through the harsh conditions.

I think that we have done a disservice to our children. We have coddled them. We have protected them. We have neglected to put the expectation on them, that one day they have to grow up and be men and women. We have also not taught them the truth, that life is harsh and hard; that people will hurt them and that they will need to understand forgiveness and love are choices, not feelings.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

— Romans 12:2 (NASB)

One of the most important things I have learned over the last decade as a Christ follower, is growing in Christ is a choice. I cannot just sit around thinking I’ve got the ticket to heaven so all is good. I want to know God. I want to enter in to His inner most layers, because that is where I will truly find His peace, His joy and His contentment. That only happens as we walk, run and fly with Him. That only happens in the dark places, when the clouds are relentless and the pain is an hourly companion.

If you are struggling, take a walkabout with God. He will bend you, stretch you and sharpen you. He will also encourage you, comfort you and remind you of His great, undying love!

“37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 8:37-39 (NASB)

Photo Credit: Rebecca Trumbull — Photo Credit: Rebecca Trumbull

Renewal Resolutions

March 28, 2016 by Amy Christensen in Christ-like, Easter, faith, God, women, Renewal, Resolutions, New Life

I often think Christ's death and resurrection go hand in hand with the idea of renewal. Seeing as it is now officially Spring, I am beginning to see the signs of renewal in nature. If I look very closely at the trees and bushes around my home and neighborhood I can see buds. These tiny, seemingly insignificant changes in nature signal something we all depend on...new life, renewal and change. The thing that thrills me about it is, I get to start over. Just like in the morning I wake up and thank God for a new day, a chance to try again, and maybe do better than the day before.

God has given us many chances to do it over, the "it" being life in general. Every season is a chance to change things up, whether it be winterizing our homes, raking leaves or planting a garden. These are all things that signify change and change is often good. The new year allows us another chance to embrace change. Why do you think so many of us make New Year's Resolutions? Because we honestly would like to make ourselves and our lives better.

So it is with Easter. Not only does the holiday fall close to the actual seasonal change from winter to spring, but it comes about at a time when pots of hyacinth, daffodils and tulips grace the stores and delicious colors fly onto the clothing racks. We are ready for a change. Why not make this a time to ponder other changes besides those in the seasonal realm? Instead of our broken New Year's Resolutions, let's start again with a few New Life resolutions.

When Christ rose from the dead, He brought about an incredible change in the spiritual realm. Death and the law, no longer held power. Those shackles were tossed aside for tethers of choice and bonds of love. What I choose to do today, I desire to do for Jesus. I no longer feel obligated to be "good". Now I desire to show my love to the Great Warrior Prince who saved me.

What sort of New Life resolutions you decide to make will depend on where you are at in your relationship with Christ. Perhaps you have only recently given your life and heart to Him, so for you a resolution might include reading the Bible on a regular basis, finding a church to be involved in and seeking forgiveness from individuals you may have hurt. Someone who has walked with Christ for a while may make a resolution to delve into deeper study, perhaps reading some of the old time authors such as D.L. Moody, Andrew Murray or A.W. Tozer. Perhaps they also decide to make a change in the sort of ministry they are involved in, rather than just being a student at a Bible study, starting one of their own.

For me, I want to live day by day. I have been reading through Andrew Murray's Abide in Christ for a while now and I would like to get back to that. Murray's principal is simple, abide, abide, abide. Christ lives in us and we abide in Him. Abiding is the art of keeping Christ ever before us, day in, day out, moment by moment. I haven't mastered that yet, but that is exactly why I need an occasional do-over....a reset, a reboot, a chance to start again.

“The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
’The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul,
‘Therefore I have hope in Him.’”

— Lamentations 3:22-24

The above passage is a pertinent reminder of what renewal is all about. It is based on God's lovingkindness, compassion and faithfulness. These are new every single morning and so much more every single moment. He is my portion and that is why I have hope. Hope for renewal and hope that He will help me have the resolve I need to live a step above where I was living yesterday.