Knowledge of God — Faith — Stylin' Granny Mama

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

We are going to dive back into Romans chapter 8. This next section of the chapter is labeled “Our Victory in Christ.” I’m thinking this is something we all need to hear right now, especially in the midst of our current situation. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I know I am daily struggling with the flesh; feeling extremely tired, discouraged and unmotivated.

I found an article that I would like to share that makes a lot of sense. The main point of the article is that we are all grieving. We often think that grief is only something felt when someone dies, but the reality is that every change we go through can proffer some sort of grief, even the good changes. The last few months have been fraught with changes. Many have lost their jobs. All of us have lost the normal routines we had of children going to school and taking ourselves to work or to college. We can’t go shopping or thrifting, to movies or sporting events. We can’t even get together with our families and friends. Every Sunday, churches stand empty. We can’t even go to the grocery store without wondering if we will too will become another statistic. All these changes have put each one of us into a place of grief. For more details read this article by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW titled, COVID-19 and the Grief Process.

Let’s take a look at the next two verses of Romans 8.

“26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;
27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

— Romans 8:26-27 (NASB)

In the same way…

We have to pause for a moment and ask ourselves what this phrase is referring to. Looking at Matthew Henry’s Bible Commentary gives some insight. He says that this refers to the previous privileges Christians were given, that of being an heir or being adopted by God and that of being redeemed by God. What follows are several more privileges we have.

…the Spirit also helps our weaknesses…

Obviously we have many weaknesses. As I spoke of in the preceding paragraphs, we are dealing with our flesh and this idea of grief on a regular basis. These particular verses are referring to our weaknesses in prayer. Who, as a Christ follower, doesn’t struggle with prayer? Whether it is actually doing it at all, or doing it regularly, or spending very much time doing it, we all struggle to have a regular, consistent prayer life. From these verses, it would appear that even a pillar of the faith like Paul struggled with prayer. What is this weakness we struggle with?

…for we do not know how to pray as we should…

Do you have this problem? I sure do. I can’t tell you how often I feel like I need to pray, but then, when I actually start praying I am at a loss for words. I don’t know how to pray for certain situations, or people, not for a lack of understanding, but for a lack of vocabulary. How do I tell God I want this person I love so much to come to Him? I don’t even know where to begin or how to pray, except to acknowledge they need Him. In our current circumstances of course we want to pray for the safety of family and friends; for health care workers and other essential people like the clerks at the grocery stores, but where do we even begin.

My spouse has this prayer that we now laugh about, but in reality it makes a lot of sense. When we were going through an especially difficult time with our younger daughter we would pray together. While I would launch into several minutes of beseeching the Lord and praying scripture, my husband would just pray, “Clean up in Aisle 7, Lord!” It was his true, heart felt prayer and probably just as meaningful to God as my own wordy prayer.

The point is, we often don’t know how to pray, but this is the beautiful part; we don’t have to.

…but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words…

This is an amazing truth. If we are in Christ, and we have His Spirit in us, He is praying for us. I don’t know how that makes you feel, but it is an overwhelming idea to me. This almighty, all powerful being, who created us from the dust of the earth prays for us. But, that is not all. He prays for us with such depth of feeling that it turns into actual groanings, rather than words.

…and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is…

Who is the one who searches our hearts? God, the Father. He is the one searching to see what our desires are and where are prayers are coming from. He also is the one who knows what the mind of the Spirit is. It is the Spirit who is sorting out our prayers. He is the one who filters our requests showing what is in accordance with God’s will and what is from our will. He is like the farmer on the threshing floor, winnowing the grain to separate the wheat from the chaff. The Father trusts the Spirit, knowing that His mind is in accord with His own.

…because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

We need to face reality here. Our prayers are not always pure. We are not always operating with God’s interests in mind. I know that many of my prayers have been wrought out of my own selfish desire to not have trouble or difficulties in my life. I also know that I often pray that others, the objects of my prayers, will not suffer too much, because I also don’t want to suffer. The problem with that is, I may not be praying for God’s will in their lives. I might want them to be saved, but I don’t want it to hurt. I might want them to suffer, but not so much that I suffer as well. I believe the Holy Spirit is essential in making our prayers, God worthy.

I am not saying that we have to pray a certain way. As I shared earlier a prayer like, “Clean up in Aisle 7,” is just as pure and viable as the prayer that is filled with scripture and heart felt tears. What I think is important is that we approach prayer with the knowledge the Holy Spirit is going to be involved, so why not just be honest. God can handle our honesty.

The Holy Spirit is going to intercede for us, according to the will of God, not according to our will. While I think it is important to be “real” when we are praying, I also think we need to get to the point where we really do want God’s will more than anything. This is not an easy place to get to, but true, life changing prayer is going to revolve around the statement Jesus made in the Garden of Gethsemane.

“...Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

— Luke 22:42 (NASB)

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

My Prayers, His Groanings