Knowing the truth about ourselves — Faith

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

Many times when we are walking in the darkness, especially if we are doing it for an extended time, we tend to forget who we are meant to be. We fall back into the pattern of listening to the manipulator’s voice, rather than the Creator’s voice. We focus in on our insecurities, rather than our place on His solid foundation. We begin to obsess over all that is wrong, rather than being thankful for all that is right. I know. I have been there.

Being a low energy person, it is easy for me to get tired, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is a reason, Jesus said to come to Him when we are weary and need rest. He wasn’t just talking about our physical weariness. In fact, I think He was referring more to the weariness we feel when we are walking in the darkness. What did he say in those verses?

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)

I want to come back to these verses when I explore how to survive the darkness, but for today, I want you to notice verse 29. We are to take His yoke on ourselves, but not just that. We are to do it so that we can learn from Jesus. Why? Because He is gentle, humble and in Him we will find rest for our souls. We can see here, it is not just our physical bodies that can find rest in Him, although I believe we can find that as well. In Him we find rest for our souls.

Once again, I want to draw on my own experiences to help you understand how important it is to remember God’s eternal truth when you are going through dark times. If we forget who He says we are, then we open the door for Satan to influence us with his lies and manipulative whisperings. Let’s look at a few of the false faces we wear when we are maneuvering the dark places in life.

False Face - The Mime

You all know this one. They don’t talk about their struggles. You might even identify with this one. Unfortunately, the Christian church has made the mime one of our most numerous congregants. We don’t talk about it. When life gets tough, we sink down into our character and keep silent. Are you struggling with mental illness? Don’t talk about it. Are you frustrated in your marriage? Don’t talk about it. Are you shell shocked after a great loss? Don’t talk about it. We are too busy, too tired, too wrapped up in our own selves to take the time to listen, even if we wanted you to talk. Then, like the mime, we occasionally act out. We blow up at inappropriate times. We cry for no reason. We are alone in our silent performance as the rest of the world wonders why we are acting so odd.

False Face - The Stoic

Definition of a stoic:

“a member of a school of philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium about 300 b.c. holding that the wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law”

— Webster's Online Dictionary

A person who maneuvers the dark times with this philosophy will often exhibit no emotion at all. Their attitude might resemble that of a rock. While even those who identify with stoicism do have emotions, their desire is to not give in to extravagant or showy emotion, choosing rather, to maintain a steady, even keeled composure.

False Face - The Dancer

When difficulty comes, this person will often be flitting from one thing to another, like a bee buzzing from flower to flower. An individual who exhibits this behavior, is often afraid to slow down or sit still, knowing that when they do the full weight of their struggles will overwhelm them. They believe if they keep moving, they will not have to really deal with their pain and eventually it will become less difficult.

False Face - Pollyanna

If you are not familiar with the term Pollyanna, it is defined as a person that is excessively positive or optimistic. Originally, Pollyanna was a novel written in 1913 by Eleanor H. Porter. It told the story of eleven year old orphan girl Pollyanna Whittier, who is sent to live with her stern, cold, spinster Aunt Polly. Pollyanna maneuvers life playing a game she learned from her father, called the Glad Game. The premise being that there is always something to be glad about, or an opportunity to always see the brighter side of any dark cloud.

While I do believe there is benefit in looking for the good in life and in finding things to be thankful for, it is equally important to not deceive ourselves into believing there is nothing wrong, when in fact we are still truly hurting and struggling.

I am sure if we looked deeper we could find more False Faces that we adopt and use when we are not willing to face the darkness we are going through. However, it is of great importance that we do recognize our struggles and difficulties.

What does God’s Word say about us? Let’s look at another page from my journal.

I recognize my standing as a sinner.

“23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

— Romans 3:23 (NASB)

I called on Your name and You washed me whiter than snow.

“13 for “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.””

— Romans 10:13 (NASB)

““Come now, and let us debate your case,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They shall become as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be like wool.”

— Isaiah 1:18 (NASB)

I know, according to Your word, my name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

“27 and nothing unclean, and no one who practices abomination and lying, shall ever come into it, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life.”

— Revelation 21:27 (NASB)

I am sealed by His blood.

“30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

— Ephesians 4:30 (NASB)

“22 who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge.”

— 2 Corinthians 1:22 (NASB)

I know according to Your word, I am not condemned.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

— Romans 8:1 (NASB)

I know when I am weary and burdened, I can come to You and You will give me rest.

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

— Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

I know that Your yoke is easy and Your burden light. I can come to You and learn from You because you are gentle and humble.

“29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:29-30

I know You are always with me.

“5 No one will be able to oppose you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not desert you nor abandon you.”

— Joshua 1:5 (NASB)

“5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever abandon you,””

— Hebrews 13:5 (NASB)

I know You have given me, Your precious and magnificent promises.

“4 Through these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world on account of lust.”

— 2 Peter 1:4 (NASB)

I know that You work all things together for good.

“28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28 (NASB)

I know You love me.

“See how great a love the Father has given us, that we would be called children of God; and in fact we are. For this reason the world does not know us: because it did not know Him.”

— 1 John 3:1 (NASB)

In order for us to be able to walk in the darkness we must remember, not only who God is, but who we are. I hope you will find encouragement in these verses.

Next time I will delve into what our response should be when we are walking in the storms.

Have a good week.

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

When Darkness Comes - Part 6: Remembering Who We are in the Darkness