The work of suffering — Faith — Stylin' Granny Mama

This is a long post, so grab your coffee and sit a while as I share our own story and what I have learned about the necessity of leaning in to God’s truth when we are suffering.

Back in March, my spouse and I decided to take a short get away, hoping that it would give us a chance to rest and relax from the difficulties that had us reeling: the death of my mom, illness, and the loss of my husband’s job. We prayed that God would give us a break from the troubles and give us time to recoup before anything else went wrong.

Our plan was to leave in the morning and drive about three hours, stopping half way to get lunch and maybe spend time at a coffee shop or bookstore. The morning we were to leave my spouse started having terrible diarrhea. I adjusted course and packed a lunch that I hoped would be more suitable to his digestive tract. We did not get to stop at a coffee shop since it was getting later, and we just wanted to get to our VRBO before supper. We got to our VRBO where I made our supper instead of eating out, to help my spouse’s irritated system.

The next day we went into the nearby town to go to our favorite coffee shop, where we hoped to spend some quality time relaxing, eating lunch and doing stuff on our computers. When we got there a sign on the door said they were closing early. We were disappointed but able to get lunch. Unfortunately, when my husband tried to get on his computer it was completely dead. No amount of sitting on the charger was bringing it back to life.

We tried to course correct and run to a couple of thrift shops nearby. While we were in the Goodwill, the wind that had been growing steadily worse was beginning to cause lights to flicker and go on and off. Upon returning to our VRBO we had no electricity and couldn’t even flush the toilet since the water pump was electric. We honestly began to feel as though we were being thrown to the wolves. What started as a desire for relaxation and rest turned into the weekend from hell with more physical problems, a leaking tire on the car, a crazy windstorm that took out a good portion of that county’s electricity and other issues.

Obviously we made it home. Probably the weirdest thing that happened was as soon as we got home, my spouse’s computer came back to life. Really??? The above photo could have been my husband when we got home and his computer started working again. Ha, ha.

I had a crisis of faith on that weekend. I have never struggled with my faith, and with my belief that God is good like I did that weekend. I was sad, and angry. Why couldn’t an all powerful God just make a few things go our way and give us the rest and relaxation we so desperately wanted and felt we needed?

On our way home we stopped at a park and had a picnic lunch. It was a beautiful day, but as I sat at that picnic table I found myself unraveling, because I never wanted to question God’s goodness or His trustworthiness, but I was. I began to feel that it must be me. I must be sinning. I must be guilty of burying bad attitudes and thoughts that made me no longer worthy of His attention and love. I cried because I had always had this close, personal relationship with Him, and now there I was questioning everything because we were suffering.

“It’s so difficult, isn’t it? To see what’s going on when you’re in the absolute middle of something? It’s only with hindsight we can see things for what they are.”

— S.J. Watson, Before I Go to Sleep

It was there in that crisis of faith that God, once again opened my heart and mind to His deeper layers. At that picnic table I made a choice. I decided in my heart that what I needed to do was go back to His word and remind myself of His truth, because that alone is the unshakable foundation on which we base our faith. When we start to question and doubt His word, we begin to question and doubt His character. My friends, God is not fickle. He does not change.

“17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.
18 In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.”

— James 1:17-18 (NASB 1995)

When going through difficult times it is good to pause and evaluate how we are handling it, and to ask ourselves a couple of questions:

1 - Am I suffering due to my choices? In a society where the blame game has become common place it is easy to fall into the mindset that life is unfair and it has nothing to do with my choices. However, choices do matter, and individual responsibility is a reality.

“13 The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.”

— Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 (ESV)

This Old Testament verse is clear. Our duty as God’s creation is to fear our Maker and keep His commandments. Whether we do or don’t all of our deeds good or bad, out in the open or done in secret will be brought before God and will be judged.

“3 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 6:23 (NASB 1995)

The choice to accept or reject Christ does lead to the suffering of eternal death, so no matter how easy life is on this planet suffering will come.

In addition our choices can bring suffering into other people’s lives. Take for instance someone who is driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Many times they go from one place to another without anything happening, but there are many accidents and even deaths caused by people who drove while they were drunk or high. If they injure or kill a person through an accident their choice is causing another whole community to suffer: parents, siblings, coworkers, friends…

2. What truths about God is this suffering causing me to question? Asking questions during difficulty is completely normal and okay. God is big enough to handle all of our doubts, worries and fears. If we go back to the Psalms of David we see, quite often, the once shepherd now King of Israel, questioning God. Psalm 13 is probably one of the most popular of David’s questioning psalms.

“1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

— Psalm 13 (NASB 1995)

What I love about this psalm is that it is raw and honest, but David does not stay in that mindset. By the end of the psalm he is determined that he will once again sing to the Lord, because He dealt bountifully with him. This could have been my own psalm during our weekend getaway that turned sour. “Lord, how long will we endure these difficulties? How long will it seem that You have left us never to return? How long do I have to keep pulling myself up by my own bootstraps, and be overwhelmed by sadness?”

Image by Manfred Antranias Zimmer from Pixabay

In my own experience, again similar to David’s, I was being prompted by the Spirit to return to what I know about God and how He has always provided in the past. During the weeks that followed our getaway the Lord led me to this small, but familiar portion of scripture in the Old Testament.

“21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”

— Lamentations 3:21-23 (NIV)

This is God’s truth. Jeremiah, the writer of Lamentations, knew that he had to go back to what he knew was true about God. It is by doing that, by remembering God’s faithfulness, lovingkindness and justice, that we are able to endure suffering without being consumed. Remember what Job went through, yet he was not consumed. God’s compassions do not fail, even thought they might seem far removed. When we look at it with hindsight we can see how God was in it, from the first bad thing to the last. Every day He gives us what we need for that day; nothing more and nothing less.

Next time we will look at practical ways to endure the long term suffering without giving up.

This morning I decided to go to the coffee shop down the street and just spend time listening to worship music on my computer, reading my Bible and prayer journaling. I have used Oswald Chamber’s devotional My Utmost for His Highest for years. It always baffles me how I can read it year after year and still pull something new from it, much like the Word of God. If you have never used this resource I strongly recommend it. In addition, if you are into Christian biographies, I also strongly urge you to read his biography, Abandoned to God.

Today’s devotional was specific to Christian workers, or people who are in the ministry. Read, The Worship of Work, before you read the rest of this post.

As I was reading through I was having the thought that it didn’t really apply to me or my spouse in our current situation. We are currently not involved in ministry and our church attendance has been sporadic. However, as the Holy Spirit so often does, he broke through my dismissive thoughts and slammed me with the idea that right now suffering is our work. Difficulty has become our ministry. With this in mind I want to do a short series on this truth.

I know I gave some of this information in an email I sent to my subscribers, but just a quick review. On December 25th my mother went home to Jesus. Though this was expected, she was 99, it didn’t make it any less painful. Her funeral was on the 5th of January back in NY state where I grew up. It was a beautiful time of remembering and being with family. My spouse and I journeyed home on the 6th and he was already ill. By Wednesday morning the 7th, my birthday, we both knew we had the flu. At three weeks we were only just beginning to feel back to “normal”. That was January.

February brought the devastating news that the university where my spouse has been employed for 37 years was closing its doors at the end of the semester. This was another blow; another death like loss, for this place had been community for us for so many years. We felt like we lost a dear friend. Even now, when I drive past the beautiful campus my heart just aches, and of course we hurt for all the faculty and staff and students who now have to find new situations.

Obviously, we have been under a bit of stress. If the death of my mom and the loss of my husband’s job hasn’t been enough, we have been inundated by difficulties. My spouse’s car broke down. A tire on his car had to be replaced. We had water in our basement. We had baby raccoons born in our garage, and then mama and babies decided to bend up the siding of the eaves on one of the dormers on our house. We have both had an assortment of physical issues from digestive trouble, to bladder infections, to throwing my back out, to the normal aches and pains of growing old.

Now my poor husband has another tooth that will need to be worked on next week that is giving him pain and discomfort. We also found out our neighbors are being evicted, which also makes us feel terrible for them. We appreciated them as neighbors and now they have to move into an apartment with a dog and two rambunctious boys. And let’s not begin to talk about the craziness in our country and across the globe. Life is very, very hard, and I know we are not alone in the suffering department. It seems people all over are having trouble upon trouble.

So how do we keep our faith, and our hope when so many shots are being fired in our direction? This is where the work of suffering comes in. The first thing we must do is:

Recognize and Accept Reality. As much as we would like life to be a rose garden, it most certainly isn’t. Jesus gave us the simple, unadulterated truth.

“33 These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.””

— John 16:33 (NASB 1995)

The psalmist understood suffering as he often penned his troubles into his poems and songs.

“15 My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.
18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.
19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.
20 Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
22 Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles.”

— Psalm 25:15-22 (NASB 1995)

Let’s not forget Job, who went through more than one man should endure.

“13 Now on the day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house,
14 a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them,
15 and the Sabeans attacked and took them. They also slew the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”
16 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”
17 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three bands and made a raid on the camels and took them and slew the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”
18 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, “Your sons and your daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house,
19 and behold, a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people and they died, and I alone have escaped to tell you.””

— Job 1:13-19 (NASB 1995)

Whenever, I think I am going through suffering I remember all that Job had and lost. If you read on you discover that Satan was allowed to also take away his health and he was afflicted with boils. I have had boils and they are no laughing matter, and to have them all over your body! Job suffered severely, and we know from chapter one that God allowed it.

This is one thing that stood out to me, not just from chapter one of Job, but from this statement in today’s devotional reading:

“We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything;”

— My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers -classic online version - April 23

We are not in control. No matter how much we think we are, nor how much we want to be, we are not. Get used to it. Accept it. Lean in to this idea that the only thing I control is myself; my actions, words and reactions to all of life’s difficulties and suffering.

I know accepting our suffering is difficult, and perhaps that is part of the work. We have to accept that our good Father is allowing our circumstances to tumble us about like a tiny boat on a very angry sea. We may feel this is unfair, or just plain mean, but God knows what He’s about, and every single difficult thing that comes into your life has filtered through His gentle and loving hands.

Next week we will continue to explore the work of suffering.

The Work of Suffering - Part 2: Leaning in to His Truth

The Work of Suffering - Part 1: Recognize and Accept Reality