Wait! I Didn't Want that to Happen!

What do you do when you are very disappointed? Do you blame God? Do you complain and become discouraged and frustrated? Let's face it, life delivers plenty of disappointments. Relationships fail, those things that we wanted for so long break and get thrown away and we even experience disappointment in ourselves due to our failures and lost hopes. Sometimes life leads us down a path that looks appealing, other times, it leads us to a place we don't want to go.

My husband and I left Thursday evening to begin a ten day journey out east. We were going to spend two nights with my mom near Buffalo, NY and then point our car towards Maine, a state neither of us had been, but both of us were looking forward to exploring. I had already made reservations at hotels and Home Away type accommodations and was anticipating new digs to stay in, new scenery to take pictures of, new places to walk with our new hiking boots and new restaurants featuring local fair like lobster and other seafood delicacies. Little did I know my hope and anticipations were about to be dashed to pieces. 

While we were at my mom's we took her to a nearby park for a walk. At ninety plus she is getting a little unsteady, but she is able to still walk with a helping arm. Here are some pictures from our walk.

Saturday morning we left my mom's house at 8:30 AM and hoped to put the hours and miles behind us as we headed towards Portland, ME. We had only just gotten onto the interstate when the pain that had been plaguing me in my lower abdomen on and off for the last four days suddenly torqued up the intensity. We stopped at the next rest area so I could use the restroom. I seriously thought I was having some sort of digestive anomaly. Two years ago I had been diagnosed with diverticulosis, but had never actually had an issue with diverticulitis. 

By the time I began walking out of the rest area, my husband knew something was wrong. He could see it in the way I walked and by the look on my face. He asked the nearest rest area employee where the closest urgent care would be and we were directed to the hospital at the next exit. 

By the time I was finally checked into the ER and was actually given pain medication at least two hours had passed. After a CT scan I was diagnosed with having a kidney stone. I have never had kidney stones before. I was told I would have to stay in the hospital over night to see if the stone would pass and they put me on a regimen of pain meds, antibiotics and drugs to widen out the ureters to help the stone pass. 

Me looking lovely in the ER!

After a mostly sleepless night at the hospital with my faithful husband in a very uncomfortable recliner by my bed we decided this would not be the year we would go on our adventure to Maine. I write this post at a Barnes and Noble as we travel back to our home in the Mid West after spending another night with my mom. I would have been ruthless to not let my mom see me and know I was okay after all that had happened. It proved most beneficial to have a good nights rest and some food that I could actually eat. I feel much better today!

With our car still full of bags and treats and hiking boots as well as five new prescriptions, we began our trip home feeling rather glum and disappointed that things had not worked out as we had hoped. Now I go back to my original question: How do you deal with disappointment? In all honesty I only know of one way. 

Thankfulness! 

Yes! You heard me! Thankfulness.

Here is my list:

1. My husband was with me through all of it. He did not waver. He did not get upset. He was just genuinely glad that I just had a kidney stone (he's had one of his own) and not having surgery for a colostomy or finding out I had cancer. 

2. The hospital staff was great. Every nurse was kind, informative and professional. They answered our questions, let us know what they were going to do with clarity and a smile and always asked if we needed anything. Even the aides who had to empty out my little pee pot to check for stones were friendly and helpful. 

3. We were right near a hospital. I didn't have to drive for several hours to get to a competent place of care. In fact the hospital is in the same city where my brother works. He even stopped by to check on me while I was in the ER.

4. I only had to spend one night! Hooray.

5. By this morning, I was no longer in any pain, and no longer felt like I wanted to hurl every time I thought of food. 

6. Our drive home has been relaxing and enjoyable. 

These are only a few of the thing that I can thank God for during this disappointing time. Disappointments, as I have talked about before, can push us away from God, or draw us closer. I would definitely choose to draw closer every time. 

“in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

— I Thessalonians 5:18

Just a Clay Pot

When I read this quote this morning, I thought it would be the perfect spring board for some thoughts on difficulty. It is hard in this day and age to not hear about, read about or personally experience difficulty. We have televisions, radios, computers, i-pads and phones keeping us aware, 24/7, of the pain and suffering going on in the world. Every time I get into my Yahoo email account I go through the home news page. The headlines are often sad, disturbing and even a little shocking. 

I don't know where you are at, but I don't need to read the headlines to understand pain and suffering. Each of us has a load to bear, a burden that seems to be permanently attached to our backs, much like the one Pilgrim had when he started his journey towards the celestial city.  When I read Oswald's words in the above quote, I think, "What? Seriously?" 

I have never thought of suffering as something to delight in! Grin and bear, struggle through, rant and cry, fall on my face....maybe, but delight? I don't think so. We might think that Oswald didn't get it, but he did. He served with the YMCA as a chaplain after the start of WWI in Cairo Egypt. He saw devastation, pain and suffering all around him. Oswald knew life was tragic. Yet, he was able to say that we should delight in difficulty. 

Pixabay

Is it scriptural? Read what Paul says.

“7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
8 we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
10 always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
11 For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
12 So death works in us, but life in you.”

— 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 (NASB)

I am sure these verses came to mind when Oswald preached on suffering. There are several things in this passage I would like to point out.

1. We are but dust. The treasure of the Gospel was entrusted to us. Salvation is given to us. From the beginning when God breathed life into dust, He knew that His most precious possession would one day be kept in clay pots. Clay pots can be busted, broken and ground back into dust. We are just that fragile. 

2. He is but God. It is His surpassing power and His greatness that formed the clay pot in the first place. It is His strength and might that enables the pot to hold the precious treasure of the Gospel. We would not have life, if it were not for Him. 

3. For every negative there is a positive. Look at the next few lines of this passage.

     Afflicted.....BUT NOT crushed.

     Perplexed...BUT NOT despairing.

     Persecuted...BUT NOT forsaken.

     Struck down...BUT NOT destroyed.

There is no doubt that affliction can cause us to feel crushed. Perplexity can create despair. Persecution can cause us to feel forsaken. Being struck down can make us feel as though we will never get up again. But God!

4. We are dying. This is not just the physical process that we are all destined to go through, the shutting down of our bodily systems. This is a spiritual dying to ourselves and our flesh. This is what Jesus died for, our death, so that we might live through Him. Our recognition of this death and subsequent life is the first step in being able to delight in suffering. When we know who we are and who Christ is, life can make sense even when it doesn't! 

5. Death to life. Jesus died on the cross and rose again. We will die one day, but we will also rise again. During our time on this planet we can make the choice to accept the fact that suffering is real, albeit painful, and that it is a sign of Christ's death being worked out in us, so that we can have life, His life, always and forever. Making this choice is often a hard one, but it gets easier the more times you do it. We do not have to be crushed, despairing, forsaken or destroyed. We can turn our thoughts and our eyes towards Him and we will be victorious. 

I believe this is what we can delight in.

Mulling it Over - Part 3

Right now I am devoting the second Monday of each month to mull over a particular piece of scripture. I have been working through Ephesians 6:10-18. In Part 1 I looked at verses 10 and 11. Part 2 covered verse 12. I know I am going slowly, but I feel it is imperative that we examine each verse carefully. This week I want to look at verse 13, but as a refresher, let's look at the first three verses again. 

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. ”

— Ephesians 6:10-12 (NASB)

Now let's move on to verse 13.

“Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.”

— Ephesian 6:13 (NASB)

When I was a young person taking English in high school one of my teachers would say, "If you see a therefore, you need to ask, what is it there for."

1. "Therefore..." When we stop and ask what is this therefore there for, I would say that it is referring back to what was previously stated. The apostle Paul begins this section of scripture admonishing us to put on the armor of God. What follows is a statement of just what sort of warfare we are up against. So important is this fact, that he says, "...take up the full armor of God..." This is the second time in just four verses that Paul tells us to "put on" or "take up" the full armor of God. Therefore refers back to the struggle against other worldly forces we are facing in battle.

2. "...take up..." This is an action. Passivity is not an option when dealing with spiritual warfare and being prepared for it. We have to be proactive. Think about the sort of training a soldier goes through when he enlists. He goes to bootcamp. Why do they put these men through such a rigorous training routine? They know that a prepared soldier is a soldier that will be able to fight. Bootcamp requires not just physical training, but mental and emotional training as well. If we were faced with a war we would want soldiers who know what they are doing and are not afraid to put their lives on the line. The same is true in the spiritual realm. We are God's enlisted men and women. Our job is to be prepared and then to fight. We can only do that by actively getting ready.

3. "...the full armor of God..." I love all the Marvel super hero movies, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, The Avengers are all fun to watch. If you think Iron Man has a cool suit, you haven't see what God has prepared for us. Tony Stark is a genius, but God created the mind of that genius! I know, those are just fictional characters, but you hopefully get the point. The God of the universe has armor and it is for us to put on. He created it, He knows it is our strongest defense and He knows we are capable of using it. 

StockSnap - Michael Kulesza

4. "...so that you will be able to resist in the evil day..." That sounds rather heavy doesn't it, but look around you. You don't have to look far to see evil. However, what I find interesting is that we must put on the armor so that we are able to resist. This means that evil will be appealing to us. We often think of evil as being the blatant things like Hitler terminating the lives of thousands of Jews or Jeffrey Dahmer raping and murdering men and boys then eating their remains. Yes! That is evil, but most of us would easily be able to resist doing those sorts of things. Why, then, does this verse say "...so that you will be able to resist..." I think it is because there is so much evil that comes disguised as something not so bad. Aren't pride, selfishness, hatred and gluttony also forms of evil? 

In addition to those forms of evil that walk among us like wolves in sheep's clothing, I also believe that evil has a way of waring us down, to the point where things become a bit fuzzy. Eventually we won't even know the difference between right and wrong

5. "...and having done everything, to stand firm." Once a soldier has prepared he knows that he will go into battle having done everything he can to be ready. Those of us who have signed up for this spiritual boot camp and the ensuing war need to be able to face the battle knowing we have done everything we can to be ready. This brings me to a question that I need to ask myself. Have I done everything to be ready? Will I be able to stand firm, or will I falter as soon as the bullets start flying? Maybe now would be a good time to get back into the Word. Maybe now would be the right time to start getting back to church. How about you? What are you doing to ensure that you have done everything to stand firm?

Next month, we'll start looking at the armor. Please leave me a comment below about what you are doing to make yourself ready for spiritual warfare. I love to have your input! 

Have a great day!

The Tower

I lived there once, the Tower. More accurately, I was held captive there. Maybe you are familiar with my story. I was young and curious and that curiosity would often lead me off the beaten path. One particularly beautiful day, when it wasn't quite spring yet, but the sky shone so blue and the sun so bright that I couldn't help but wander, I came upon the castle...his castle. It was beautiful in the sun light, covered with green ivy. The stone walls were built with some ingredient that sparkled, and I loved bling. Before I knew it, I was touching the warm walls with my fingertips. I wasn't afraid. I had no reason to be, or at least I didn't know of one.I walked along the wall until I came to a heavy wooden door and there he was.

Arundel Castel - Arundel, West Essex, England - Photo by Amy Christensen

He was tall and very handsome. His light brown hair fell in waves to his broad shoulders. He smiled at me and held out his hand. I took it.

I don't know why! What was I thinking? He was nice to me for a while, giving me presents and telling me I was special, but then he took me to the tower. It became my prison. It wasn't until after he had locked the door that I realized I had made a mistake. Fear grabbed my stomach like a claw then scrabbled its way up into my throat. What had I done? How could I have been so naive, so foolish? The tower became not only my prison, but my torture chamber. The first time he pulled me close I realized his flesh smelled like the breath of hell and rotting meat. He never took me, but would hold me close, until I nearly suffocated from the stench, then he would push me away, mocking me, telling me I was ugly and stupid. Then he would leave locking the door behind him, laughing as he walked down the hall. Over and over, day after day. I had no idea what he would do when he came in. I was terrified. It was always the same. He would hold me, his putrid scent filling my nostrils, until I no longer noticed it. Then he would push me away, railing me with insults. One day, he took the key to the door and threw it out the window. 

Tower steps - Raglan Castle - Raglan, Wales - Photo by Amy Christensen

Turning to me he grinned, "You will never be enough!" He walked out the door, laughing down the hall until I could no longer hear him.

I fell into a heap and cried. I didn't even care if I was rescued. I just wanted to die. I was worthless. No one would come for me. No one would ever love me, especially now that I reeked of his lair, his stench. Everyone would know that I was not enough. 

That was years ago now. The Prince saved me. He rescued me. He came and defeated the master of that castle who held me captive. On that day He stood in the door of my tower, I will never forget the eyes that shown like that bluest sky I remembered so well from when I was captured. I cowered at the other side of the small room with a ragged blanket wrapped around my shoulders. He came and knelt down in front of me. 

Holding out His hand he said gently, "Why are you here? You are free. Come, beloved!"

I winced. Shaking my head I tried to back even further into the stone of the walls that had imprisoned me. 

He smiled, "Come, beloved!"

"No!" My voice came out like a squawk. 

He moved to touch me, but I scooted back. He persisted. "You are my beloved. Come, take my hand."

This time, I stood up. "No! I....am...not. I...am...not...enough!"

The prince stood and in one step gathered me into his arms. The first thing I noticed was that he smelled of earth and pine, flowers and fields. He took my face into his hands and said, "Beloved, I am!"

There are still times, I hear that other voice, "You will never be enough!" It comes as a whisper at the end of the day when the sun is waning and the sky darkens.Those words that once held so much power over me were real and cut deep. But the Prince brought healing. His voice has become a balm to my injured soul. He is enough. And I am His. 

““...I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

— Jeremiah 31:3 (NASB)

“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me”

— Song of Songs 7:10 (NASB)

What Do You Believe?

The word faith as defined by Webster's dictionary means, a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. We often associate the word faith with religion. The Jews believe in Yahweh, the Muslims believe in Allah, the Christians believe in Jesus and the atheists believe in nothing. Even the lack of a deity is a belief, because there is no absolute proof. You can say there is no God, but how do you know for sure? Can you take a rocket ship into the furtherest reaches of space and discover that there is no being who calls himself God? Probably not and even if you had the resources to build a rocket and go into space, the vastness of that place would make it impossible for you to ever truly discover wether or not there is a supreme being known as God. 

Jeremy Thomas on StockSnap

Faith is just that. It is the ability to believe without proof. Every day we make faith based choices. I have faith that when I get out of bed the floor I step on will hold me. I have faith that the air I breathe or the water I drink will not kill me. I have faith that when I drive to work, everyone else will obey the traffic laws, driving the speed limit, stopping at red lights and driving on the correct side of the road. A parent exercises faith when they put their child on the school bus. A patient exercises faith when they go to the doctor. Even scientists exercise faith in many of the theories and scientific laws they put forth as fact. 

At some point in your life, you might want to ask yourself, what do I believe? Maybe you are wondering what I believe. Belief comes with an aspect of trust. Whatever I believe or put my faith in, I am choosing to trust. Trust seems to be a big issue in our world today. We live in a society filled with mistrust, whether it be in the President of the United States, in our educational system or in our own spouses. In many cases a child cannot even trust his own parent where abuse is involved. So who do you trust?

So what is the big deal? Why have faith? Why bother trusting anyone, but myself? Any of you who remember Simon and Garfunkel, probably remember the song, I Am A Rock, which included lyrics like, 

“I’ve built walls
A fortress, steep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
Friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island”

— Simon and Garfunkel - I Am A Rock

Mikkel Schmidt on StockSnap

Even though we probably have all felt like an island at some point in time, the reality is that we need people. Not only that, but we need to be able to put our trust in someone who won't let us down. 

When I was twelve, my family was faced with some difficult financial stresses. It put a strain on my parents relationship and I was old enough to know that it was creating hardship in our family. It was at that point in time that I decided I needed someone I could trust and gave my heart and life to Jesus Christ. In order to be able to fully trust, we have to be able to be fully vulnerable and know that we will not be hurt by doing so. 

Jesus has been, not only my Savior, but my closest friend. Maybe you are reading this and thinking, "I don't get it! How could you have a friendship with a being who is so far beyond what we know and understand?" That is the beauty of this faith! I believe, not in a religion. I believe in a relationship.

Jesus speaks in the Gospels of relationship. He speaks of dwelling together, like a family.

“In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.”

— John 14:2 (NASB)

“Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our abode with him.””

— John 14:23 (NASB)

“ “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.””

— John 17:20-21 (NASB)

These are not the words of a being who wants to keep his distance, nor one that makes demands we can never keep. These are the words of the God Man, both fully God and fully Man. His desire is that we be with Him and that we have oneness with Him and His Father. When I put my trust in someone, He was the one. 

Who are you trusting in today? The government, the law, the psychic or yourself? Why not put your trust in the one who has loved you with an everlasting love. 

King Solomon is considered to be the wisest King of all time and this is what he said, 

“My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good repute
In the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.”

— Proverbs 3:1-8 (NASB)