Cats and Dogs

I want to apologize that I have not been as consistent as normal with these faith posts. Writing a faith post is much more time consuming and in need of focus, than when I am writing a post about an outfit I put together. When I am writing a faith post, I want the information I share with you to be as accurate to the truth of God’s word as possible. I wish I could say that all I have to do is pray and I am infused with God’s spirit speaking through me, much like the original writers of the Bible were inspired to write the words, but it doesn’t always happen that way.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Once in a while I get a shot of inspiration, that is like an injection of caffeine straight into the blood stream. It is as though I am suddenly awake and all that has been foggy becomes sharp and in focus. It is amazing when that happens. I feel more alive than normal, and my pen or keyboard moves at new speeds. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

My husband and I joke, that in the animal realm, he would be a cat and I would be a dog. His cat-like tendency is to pounce or attack whatever the task is to do and then take a nap. My dog-like tendency is to keep plodding along, trying to do everything that has to be done and keep trying to smile and wag my tail while I do. Ha, ha.

Image by Rohit Tripathi from Pixabay

Have you ever thought about how many tasks in life take dog-like perseverance? Women, especially, keep going, until they collapse at the end of the day. We get up, usually earlier than anyone else. We get ready for the day, get everyone else ready for their days, go to work, or start our tasks at home, like dishes, laundry, cleaning, decluttering, organizing, meal planning and prep. In addition to all of those activities, women are most often responsible for the smooth running of their homes, their families’ lives and their work environments. It can get a little overwhelming at times.

If you take a look at those two cuties in the above picture, you will see a pretty similar picture in my husband and I. My husband has ADD. He was never clinically diagnosed, but when our younger daughter was tested as an adult, we saw amazing similarities between her and my spouse. My daughter regularly takes Ritalin to be able to work and study for her college courses. My spouse does not, but he has had students with ADD in his classes and they have asked if he had it, as his teaching style is so well suited for people with this learning disability. That cat in the picture looks ready to chase something. My husband’s mind is often working at a million thoughts a minute, taking him down all sorts of rabbit trails and squirrel holes.

I, on the other hand, just keep plodding along. The look on that little pup’s face, is often how I feel. I never feel that I am doing a good enough job. I always worry that I could be better, prettier, thinner or smarter. I often wonder what I might have done that made my masters upset. I would, in a confrontational situation, run away and hide. However, dogs also have many wonderful traits. They are loyal, trustworthy, hard working, loving and hopeful. Most dogs are also fiercely protective of their flocks.

Image by coffy from Pixabay

In Colossians 3 Pauls discusses things we are to put off and things we are to put on. He reminds us that we are to focus our minds on things above, not on things on this earth. He ends the chapter with a call to work on our relationships with one another. One verse stands out to me.

“23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

— Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)

Whether you feel like a cat, a dog, a human or something in between, we need to remember that what we do is to be done for Him, not for our spouses, children or even our boss. I often find myself feeling let down and unappreciated, because no one say’s thank you, when I do all the things I do, but I need to remember that I do it for Him, not to be thanked. The verse says that from Him I will receive the inheritance as my reward. Having an inheritance with an almighty God is a pretty big deal.

I’ll continue to plod along, in dog-like fashion, but I will have hope, because I do everything for Him.

Have a great day.

Just Stop It!

The past two weeks I started looking at how our thoughts have an affect on what we do or don’t do. I wanted to specifically examine this connection since the beginning of a new year is typically when we are trying to get back into shape, form new habits and reset ourselves to do and be better people. I have always felt that it is easy to start something new, but to keep at it is where the difficulty lies. To me it seems that our minds need rebooting as well as our bodies, so that we think differently about the habits and changes we are trying to adapt to.

Last week I looked specifically at three mentalities that most often prevent us from continuing a good thing. I call them Train Wreck Mentalities due to the fact that these mindsets often derail us from embracing a total life change. Being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring go a long way in causing us to crash and burn, rather than continue and thrive.

This week I want to give you two little words, but before I do, please watch the following video.

You heard the man. Stop it!

I hope that brought a smile to your face. Let me just say, this is not meant as an insult to people who struggle with mental illness. We know those things are a reality. Anxiety, multiple personality disorder, bipolar disorder, are all very real and most often have to be managed with counseling and medication. There are many of us however, who simply don’t think right and that is where our problems lie.

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.”

— Proverbs 23:7 (NASB)

This verse actually has to do with a ruler having you to dinner, but then begrudging every bite of food and every drink you take. He is a selfish person, only thinking about the cost of the soiree he is throwing and completely unable to enjoy it. The ruler says to eat and drink, but he doesn’t really mean it.

We are often the same way. We make grand proclamations.

“I’m going to lose 50 pounds.”

“I’m going to exercise 5 days a week.”

“I’m going to work on cleaning out clutter every day.”

“I’m going to become a millionaire by the time I’m 30.”

“i’m going to floss my teeth every night before bed.”

“I’m going to eat healthier.”

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We make these proclamations, never really considering how much work and effort it will take to succeed. In reality, we can not succeed if our hearts, like that ruler’s, is not really into it. Here in lies the problem. Our minds can create all sorts of ways to succeed. We can make lists and draw up diagrams of how we are going to get it done, but if our hearts do not agree with our minds, success is going to be long in coming. In fact, if you are anything like me, you will just give up on certain things all together.

So, how exactly do we get our hearts to agree with our heads? The first step is to combat the train wreck mentality. In other words, just stop it!

Let’s first look at train wreck #1 - being self absorbed.

Stop it!

Wow. Wasn’t that simple?

Train wreck #2 - demanding our rights.

Stop it!

Whoo, hoo! See how easy it is.

Train wreck #3 - don’t care.

Stop it! Start caring.

Obviously, if things were really that easy we would all be doing much better and I wouldn’t be writing this post. The struggle is real folks and I am in there with you.

Next week I am going to delve into ways to stop the train wreck mentality, but for now, I want you to burn those two words on your brain…STOP IT.

When you want to give up the good habit your are trying to start; when you want to eat that second bowl of ice cream; when you want to yell at your kids or husband; when you want to bring home another hand bag, pair of shoes or sweater that you don’t need or you don’t really love, then think about those two little words.

Stop it.

Run them over and over in your mind and see if it helps you to make a better choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me your experiences and wisdom in the comments. I appreciate it.

When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck

Have you given any thought to your thoughts this past week? In last week’s introductory post, New Year, New Mind, I asked you to spend this past week thinking about what you think about. Most often it is our thoughts that sabotage our efforts to make our lives better, whether it be eating better, exercising more, getting rid of clutter, making new habits or just being more thankful or joyful.

I don’t know about you, but my thoughts often look just like this train wreck.

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Just how that train got where it got, from where it was coming from, is a mystery, but something definitely went wrong! That is just how our thoughts work. One minute we are fine. We are motivated, energized and raring to go conquer the world. The next moment we are a sobbing, angry, anxious train wreck. This week I would like to look at several areas of train wreck mentality.

Train Wreck #1 - Being Self Absorbed

We are all guilty of being self absorbed. Who hasn’t felt selfish, possessive, jealous or needy? Unfortunately, the train wreck of self absorption is reaching epidemic proportions. Let me break it down:

I’m too - These two little words lead to all sorts of inner focused thinking. I’m too fat. I’m too thin. i’m too tall. I’m too short. I’m too ugly. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too dumb. I’m too tired.

In addition to the I’m too problem, there is the parallel Not Enough dilemma.

Not Enough - Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not loving enough. Not slim enough. Not organized enough. Not talkative enough. Not brave enough. Not motivated enough….you get the picture. I’m sure, if you are reading this post, you have heard these words in your own head. I certainly have. I have gone over and over the same tracks as the train of self absorption chugs along.

Not a good enough wife.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough grandma.

Not a good enough daughter.

Not a good enough Christian.

Not a good enough employee.

Not a good enough friend.

On and on it chugs along until suddenly it derails and there I am a self absorbed mess.

Have you really thought about how being self absorbed affects you? Not only does it cause physical issues, such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure and auto immune problems, it also causes a plethora of psychological and emotional problems, from anxiety disorder to narcissistic tendencies. Take a look at this interesting article from Psychology Today. While not the definitive authority on psychological disorders and treatments, I think the article makes a pertinent point.

“But what’s most fascinating to me here is that I haven’t seen discussed by writers on the subject just how many psychological dysfunctions can be accurately understood as “maladies” of self-absorption. From a variety of phobic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive impairments, to many depressive disturbances (including bipolar disorder), to various addictions, to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and to most of the personality disorders, self-absorption can be seen as playing a major (if not dominant) role. So any effective treatment of these dysfunctions needs to include significantly reducing these obsessively self-centered—and self-defeating—tendencies.”

— Leon Seltzer, PhD., Psychology Today (online) - Posted August 24, 2016

You can see the whole article here.

Our self absorption tendencies may just lead us to a bitter end.

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Train Wreck #2 - Demanding Our Rights

This one is a direct outcome of the first train wreck of being self absorbed. Let me say that people should have rights. Our country came into being and was founded on the idea that people should have a right to worship as they want. The men who authored The Declaration of Independence, felt that certain rights were so important, they were willing to go to war to ensure their solidity.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ”

— Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

However, the rights that Jefferson, Adams and others were referring too had to do with basic tenants of self-government, including freedom of religion, and the freedom to govern ourselves. When they were talking about government over themselves they weren’t talking about the rights that so many today are yelling about. They were talking about the right to work a job, own a home and yes, to even own a gun. The governing process had to do with community and country as a whole.

Today the rights battle continues as women seek equal pay for equal work, as well as equality on pricing of necessary products such as deodorant and razors. Did you realize that women usually pay more for these products? These desires are good. What becomes a problem is when the demand for rights is born out of a self absorbed mentality.

I want it and I want it now!! Watch this short video.

Isn’t this a perfect analogy of how thoroughly self indulgent we can be. Truly, aren’t we just a bunch of spoiled, rotten, children at times? Demanding our rights, and not taking into consideration the desires, needs and feelings of other people, is not what our forefathers meant when they brought the Declaration of Independence into fruition. A rights based mentality, must be balanced by an equally serious mentality of individual responsibility. An attitude of responsibility means that we cannot be self-absorbed.

Train Wreck #3 - Not Caring

This is probably the mentality that causes the most problems. When we are self absorbed at least we care enough about ourselves that we might still be willing to try to take care of ourselves. We might even be caring enough to care for other people. Demanding our rights means we still want something. We want something that is important enough to us to be willing to yell and fight for it. Unfortunately, when we get to the point where we no longer care, that is when trains derail and we crash.

Think about a time when you gave up, or you wanted to. How did you feel? How did that feeling change the way you were doing things? I have done the, counting calorie thing, many times over the course of my adult life. I have kept track, written things down, measured and tallied. No matter how many times I restarted, I always got to a certain point where I just didn’t care any more. I would lose a few pounds, feel better, fit into my clothes better and so on, but still, somehow or other, I would end back up at the same place.

I don’t care.

I can’t tell you for certain, why we often get to a point of not caring any more, but it does happen. I believe there are many reasons we get to this point in our lives. Fatigue, illness, relationship struggles, work problems, family crisis, national unrest, the list goes on. With our computers, televisions, smart phones and other instantaneous technology, we are constantly plugged in and on the spot. We see what is going on with everyone else and everyone else knows all our struggles as well.

We are finite, limited human beings and eventually all the input does its job of desensitizing us and bring us to that creaky bridge where our train begins to clackety clack across. Finally, the bridge drops out from beneath us and we plunge into the canyon of hopelessness and despair.

Who cares!

Why bother!

I give up!

When we get to this point, it is time to reevaluate how we got here.

Next week I’ll be sharing a video that I hope will make you laugh, but that makes a pertinent point that we can’t ignore and will hopefully give us hope to care again and start living a mentally healthy life.

Until then, have a great week and be careful, not to have a train wreck!

Writer's Block and Another Piece of Pizza

I'm sitting here having major writing block. I know there are many things I could write about for a faith post, but my brain doesn't seem to be able to think of something at the moment. Sometimes the writing process just happens, like water running downhill. There is hardly any effort involved and obstacles are easily gone around or just flowed over. Other times, writing feels like walking up a steep staircase that goes on forever, after having run a marathon. Words don't always come, which is very frustrating for the one who desires to make writing their profession. 

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Fiction comes much more easily to me. Give me a word, an idea or a picture and I can usually throw myself into the middle of a scenario complete with characters, dialogue and action. The biggest problem between me and getting something published is a lack of discipline. As bad as I feel that I want it and as much as I know God gave me an ability to create and imagine interesting stories, I struggle with actually having the self-control to sit down and complete things. 

I have this issue in other areas of life. Eating, exercise, keeping a clean house, spending time in prayer and in God's word have all seen the ramifications of my wishy washy self-discipline. I will often begin a course of action, at least in my head saying,

"This time I am going to finish that story and submit it."

"Today, I'm going to eat better."

"Monday, I'll start my diet and exercise regimen."

"After I get through this week at work, I'll start doing my Bible reading again."

I have a feeling, many of you can relate to this ongoing dialogue in your head. Maybe you even say these things out loud to a person you've asked to be your accountability partner. Perhaps that person does a good job texting you, calling and making sure you are sticking to your plan...at least for a while, until their own lives fall into disarray and they, like you, jump the track. So how do we get off this hamster wheel of on again, off again self-control or self-discipline? 

1. Perhaps the first thing we need to do is admit we have a problem.

"Hi! My name is Amy and I am lazy, tired and addicted to chocolate and binge watching shows on Netflix."

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It would seem that most counselors agree that until we can admit we have a problem we can’t expect change to happen.

2. The second thing that might be important is to want change.

I do not believe this comes easily. Many of us are paralyzed by the prospect of change. We can say we want it, but do we really? Change is hard and there are not very many of us who like things that are hard. Let me just take my soft blanket and pillow and go hide in a warm, comfortable hole somewhere and I’ll be good.

I really believe we have to ask God for the desire to change. Only He can give that to us. Left up to my own devices, I will repeatedly return to my bad habits, or in many cases my sins.

3. Thirdly, we need to recognize temptation.

Here is a piece from a devotion by Oswald Chambers:

“The word temptation has come to mean something bad to us today, but we tend to use the word in the wrong way. Temptation itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human. Not to be tempted would mean that we were already so shameful that we would be beneath contempt. Yet many of us suffer from temptations we should never have to suffer, simply because we have refused to allow God to lift us to a higher level where we would face temptations of another kind.”

— My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chamber - September 17

Temptation is part of life. What I find myself doing is looking at certain things as temptations and others as just normal desires. What I need to do is start recognizing the temptations for what they are. Look at this scenario:

I love pizza.

We have pizza for dinner.

I’m on my third piece and thinking about the fourth.

It’s just a piece of pizza, right? No worries.

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Is it really just a matter of I should be able to eat whatever I want and how much I want or has it become a matter of gluttony? Once I have identified the temptation, in this case the temptation to be gluttonous, I have a better chance of turning away from that particular temptation. It might be hard at first, but the journey begins with that first step.

4. No matter how many times I fall off the wagon, I need to keep trying.

It is very easy to give up. Even if it is only for a weekend, but a weekend turns into a week, turns into a month and so on. The whole idea behind self-control or self-discipline, is that we have to make a choice and we have to care. If we give up caring about trying to do better, be better, live better, we will end up on a one way street towards difficulty. That difficulty may manifest itself in poor health and weight gain, or in never writing that book that God really wanted you to write.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

— Galatians 2:20 (NASB)

How Do We Bloom, When Life is Tough?

I think as women we spend much of our time over thinking things. Have you ever asked yourself these questions: Is what I'm doing making a difference? How does my life count? What sort of legacy am I going to leave behind? Am I worthwhile? Am I enough? 

For this particular post I am not going to address all those other questions we ask ourselves: What am I going to make for dinner? Does my spouse really love me? Are my kids listening to me? Am I too fat? Am I pretty? You get the idea and I am sure you could add your own list of questions.

You have probably heard the phrase, "Bloom where you are planted." It has been around for a while. I found an interesting article on Huffington Post written in 2014. You can see that article here. The author, Smita Malhotra, MD has a basic premise; that we can live a full life no matter what situation we find ourselves in if we just practice four things:

1. (Remember) Every step in life prepares you for the next one.

2. Stop complaining.

3. Be a blessing.

4. Bloom through concrete.

To thoroughly understand where she is coming from it would be good to read her article. What I would like to do is use that as a spring board for us, specifically as wives, mothers, and grandmothers. You all know it is true, motherhood and sometimes being a wife is a thankless job.  I'm sure there are those who would say, If you teach your children properly, they will be thankful. While this is true, the hard bits of motherhood are not easily understood until experienced. 

I think there are several scriptural ideas that we need to be reminded of to enable us to better bloom where we are planted. 

1. God is in control. I know we all say it. It rolls off our tongues as easily as water, but how many of us actually believe it? It's okay to be honest. I have a hard time with it myself. Didn't the disciples struggle with believing He was in control those dark hours after Jesus was crucified then laid in the tomb? Read through the Psalms. David questioned God on more than one occasion.

“Why do You stand afar off, O Lord?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?”

— Psalm 10:1 (NASB)

But he always came back to the fact that God was in control.

“The Lord is King forever and ever;
Nations have perished from His land.
O Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble;
You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear”

— Psalm 10:16-17

Perhaps that is part of the problem. We let ourselves go through hours, days and even weeks of wandering, worrying and hand-wringing, when really all we need to do is exactly what David did. Bring it back to God. 

2. God is trustworthy. There is an element to trust that must be akin to jumping out of the airplane. Let go! When it comes to our kids and our grandkids, we want to be able to keep them from all evil, but frankly evil happens. Our wishing it away, or ignoring it, is not going to keep bad things from happening. However, we can choose to place our trust in the One who is higher than I. 

“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?”

— Psalm 13:1-2 (NASB)

The Psalmist again, questions God's goodness at the beginning of the Psalm. This is showing us, it is okay to feel these difficult emotions. The worry, stress, fear, anger, are all part of being human in a fallen world. 

“But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

— Psalm 13:5-6 (NASB)

By the end of the Psalm, which isn't very long, the psalmist remembers who God is, and that He is faithful. He makes a choice to not allow his thoughts to stay on the despair and agony page. He is confident that God is trustworthy.

3. Thankfulness makes a difference. I can't say this enough. Ann Voskamp wrote an entire book on the subject, called One Thousand Gifts. Go to Amazon and type in books on gratitude to see the list that pops up. Nancy Leigh DeMoss wrote Choosing Gratitude. For perspectives that are not strictly Christian there is also, The Gratitude Diaries by Janice Kaplan and Daily Gratitude by National Geographic. Thankfulness can transform our minds and our lives. It is, after all, commanded in God's word.

“in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

— I Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB)

4. Get positive. I wanted to differentiate this from being thankful because I think there is more to bringing our thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ, than just thankfulness. Thankfulness is a huge part of it, but we can forget to be thankful, or we can express gratitude and then quickly move on to something else that is wearing away at our peace. God's word expresses this idea of positivity in the book of Philippians.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

— Philippians 4:8 (NASB)

This verse comes after verses 4-7 which talk about rejoicing, not being anxious and the peace of God. This verse brings the whole idea of positive thinking into fine focus. We are to be thinking about things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, reputable, excellent and worthy of praise. Start measuring your thought life up against that list. Would you say your thoughts are mostly positive or are you seeing some work that needs to be done? 

Positivity can come from music, good books, uplifting movies, non-toxic friendships, exercise, getting out in nature, owning a pet and of course things like going to church and reading God's word. 

There are times when I look at my reflection in the mirror and I talk out loud to myself. I tell myself I am valuable, loved with an everlasting love and beautiful. I also tell myself that most of the worries I have are never going to happen, so just chill. Sometimes, I pray out loud, doing battle with the enemy and hearing myself say it makes me realize I have the power of God available to me at all times. I love to go for walks and when I do, I try to thank God for the beauty of the world around me, even on a gray day. 

Blooming where we are planted is basically the ability to be the person God wants you to be no matter where you are at any point in your life. You might not think you are blooming, let alone thriving, but try to remember whose you are and that He's got it all figured out. Then just lean into Him. He will help you to grow through the toughest concrete out there. 

Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull