Wonderful Words of Life: Come!

Fatigue, it is like an old friend; you know the kind, the one who lingers in your house when you really wish they would head home and give you your space. I don’t know about you, but my husband coined the phrase “existential fatigue”, and it often seems appropriate. Existential fatigue is fatigue to the very cellular level. In other words, the fatigue of existence.

Before you start to worry, being existentially fatigued does not mean we are looking for a way to end our lives. My spouse and I struggle, but not to the point where we are ready to throw away what the God of the Universe has given us. We are just very tired. Tired of things being hard. Tired of always having to struggle. Tired of family issues, church issues, national issues, and issues on a global scale.

Existence is akin to a caterpillar firmly encased in its self bound cocoon coming in to the knowledge of its imminent change and beginning to feel the need to stretch, and reach, and grow, and fly. Perhaps the caterpillar turning into a butterfly at some point begins to panic, recognizing the tiny, dark, cave which lovingly embraces it is now holding it too tightly. It must move on. It must move to its glorified state. It must become exactly what it was meant to be.

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When we become Christ followers we become attuned to the disconnect that the world has from its creator. This is due to sin. A once perfect world, became imperfect when Adam and Eve believed the lies of the serpent, and not the truths of the Creator. Immediately, the created began to place itself above the One who created. The result was not just evil in the world we live, but the ripple effect of that evil: hatred, lies, selfishness, perversion, murder, adultery, manipulation and toxic behavior. The list is long, and all of this lends to that existential fatigue that we feel.

Paul understood this dichotomy we feel; this pull to stay and live life here, and the pull to go and be with Jesus, to get out of our tiny cocoon and soar.

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“21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
22 But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose.
23 But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better;
24 yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. ”

— Philippians 1:21-24 (NASB)

As a Christian is it wrong for us to feel existentially fatigued? I don’t think so. In fact, I think Jesus knew we would all get to those points where we just felt we couldn’t go on. That brings us to our Wonderful Words of Life.

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB 1995)

I believe I have talked about this on my faith page before (see Our Need for Rest - Part 1), but Scripture is living and active. It never grows old or tiresome. A passage we have looked at for years may suddenly leap off the page, grab us around the neck and shake us furiously. When this happens we must ask ourselves, why this, why now? Let’s take a closer look.

Come to Me - Jesus isn’t telling us to go to a sleep therapist, a personal trainer, or a counselor, He is calling us to come to Him. Why is this important? Because, not only does Christ know us better than any other living soul on the planet, He is the One who has the power and ability to do something about what we are going through.

…all who are weary and heavy-laden - That pretty much sums up where most of the world is. We are existentially fatigued and overwhelmed by all the burdens living in this fleshly world places upon us.

,,,and I will give you rest. - Jesus tells us straight He will give us rest. He is the One who can make all the difference in our lives.

Image by 2211438 from Pixabay

Take my yoke upon you… - What does Christ mean here. We aren’t oxen are we, that we should have an actual physical yoke placed upon us? No, however, Christ is making an important point. It is easier for a pair of oxen to plow a field in tandem, than for one ox to plow alone. The yoke is a necessary connector between the pair of beasts. Without it, one or both oxen would simple walk away, or just stand still, stubbornly refusing to do the work.

…learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, - When farmers train a new or younger ox to plow a field they will put in in a yoke with an older or more experienced team member. The young, inexperienced ox learns how to work with the older ox making their burden much easier, and their job much more efficient.

Jesus wants us to learn from Him. He is a gentle and kind master. He is not a know it all (though he does know it all). He never makes us feel less than by berating us and whipping us because we stupidly keep trying to go a different direction. He gently shows us the ropes. He speaks to us and reminds us of our value and worth.

…and you will find rest for your souls… - By working with Christ, leaning into His sufferings, learning to hear His voice and believing what He says, we will find rest for our souls. What wonderful words are these, that my existentially tired being will find rest, right down to the molecular and spiritual level,

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

For My yoke is easy and My burden light. I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling that Christ is actually bearing more of the load than we are. He brings us into sync with Him, not so we can go out into the world to walk alone, but so we can go out with Him at our side. This burden of being a Christ follower becomes much easier when we are yoked with our Savior.

If you are feeling existentially tired, realize you are not alone. All your fellow Christ followers get it, but even more important, our Savior knows exactly what we need. When Jesus says, “Come,” go!

Wonderful Words of Life: The Perfect Work of Struggle

For the last five months I have been getting mental health counseling from a licensed therapist. After everything I went through in 2021 with my health, and subsequent bouts with Covid, sinus infections and other aches and pains, in addition to past hurts and traumas in our family I felt it was time to start a journey towards better mental health.

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Even though we have made great strides to lessen the stigma surrounding mental health struggles, there are still many people who will not seek help even though their lives could be greatly improved by it. A person does not have to be on the verge of suicide or struggling with addictions, or PTSD to need counseling. In fact, it is better if we seek help before we get to the breaking point, or before we begin seeking other, more self destructive habits to compensate for the pain or numbness we are feeling.

In addition, I believe as Christ followers we are doing a great disservice to our brothers and sisters if we do not recommend licensed therapeutic counsel when so many people in our churches and congregations are struggling with their identity, their marriages, their children, and with the constant input of information that is often not beneficial, but detrimental to their well being.

As a Faith Blogger, I want to give you good, and accurate information and most of what I share with you is Scriptural teaching which I have learned in my years of walking with Christ. I don’t have a psychology degree, nor do I have a certificate in counseling. However, I do have the Holy Spirit, and His guidance in my life as I have maneuvered the bumpy waters of this journey called life.

“27 As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him.”

— I John 2:27 (NASB 1995)

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We all can have the wisdom of God because as believers in Christ we are directly linked to the triune God head: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The above verse reminds us that we received an anointing from Him who abides in us. In other words, Jesus anointed us with the Holy Spirit. We see this outpouring of the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. The Holy Spirit is one with the Father and the Son, so they all know and operate in one mind. The Holy Spirit makes plain to us the things of God. Problems arise when I try to take that which is straight forward and simple and make it into a convoluted mess. The above verse reminds us that the Holy Spirit teaches us about all things, and that teaching is true, not a lie.

All of this is a preface to the wonderful words of life found in the book of James.

“2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ”

— James 1:2-4 (NIV)

You might be wondering how can I think these are wonderful words when it tells us we are going to face trials of many kinds, and that our faith is going to be tested. Let’s take a closer look.

Consider it pure joy…

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What sort of joy is this pure joy? If we look at the definition of pure we see that it means without any other particles or pollutants, as in pure water, or pure white snow. Pure joy is free from that which doesn’t belong such as all the fleshly characteristics that we so often exhibit when going through difficulty.

…whenever you face trials of many kinds…

What in blazes does having this pure joy have to do with facing various trials? How is that even possible? We’ll get to that in a moment.

…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

This also seems a bit of a stretch doesn’t it? I mean how do struggles and trials produce perseverance?

Let perseverance finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Image by J Garget from Pixabay

It looks as though this scripture is telling us that perseverance works to make us mature and complete to the point that we are not lacking anything.

Let’s back away from these segments and look at this as a whole picture. We, as Christ followers, have learned that we will have trouble in this life. Didn’t Jesus tell this to his disciples?

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.””

— John 16:33 (NASB 1995)

Christ knew we would have trouble in this world. He walked as a man for approximately 33 years. He knew what is was to be hungry, thirsty and tired. He knew the frustration of not being understood and of being falsely accused. He was separated from His true family and lived his life here knowing what was to come. He did it for us.

Our ability to have joy when undergoing difficulty is completely dependent on our relationship with Christ. Are we independent, living by our own means and resources, or our we Christ dependent, living and depending on the resources available to us through the King of Kings who has adopted us? We can face any trial or trauma and persevere because He gives us the ability. It is not something we dredge up ourselves; an inner strength of our own making, it is in Him because He is able.

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As we lean back in our Savior’s arms, waiting on Him, seeking Him, praying in Him, abiding in Him, we persevere. As we persevere, we grow and mature. Not only do we mature, but we become complete, not lacking anything. That to me is amazing. It gives me the hope I need when I am faced with insurmountable hardship. Difficulty is part of this life, but it always has a purpose, and that purpose is making us complete.

I am sure some of you are asking the question, Why doesn’t God just by pass the difficulties and make us mature and complete without all the frustration and pain of struggle and heartbreak? He could, couldn’t He? Of course, but easier does not always mean better. God knows what is best, and by faith that is what I believe.

Don’t give up! Life is hard, but in hardship you are becoming exactly what God wants you to be.

Capturing Wild Horses

Have you ever had one of those nights where you lay in bed tossing and turning because you just can’t turn your mind off? Everything suddenly comes front and center as soon as you lay your head on that pillow. My husband has more of a regular problem with insomnia than I do, but every once in a while I struggle with it as well.

Image by Emily Hopper from Pixabay

For many they can’t get to sleep at all; for others they wake up at about 3AM and can’t go back to sleep; still others sleep in fits and spurts interrupted by dreams, worries and night time trips to use the bathroom. What kind of a sleeper are you?

What about during the day time? Do you have trouble with your mind wandering when you try to sit down to have a quiet time with God? How about when you are out driving around? Have you ever suddenly had to ask yourself, where am I, because your thoughts were a million miles away, or your brain was trying to remember all the things on your to do list?

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These types of mind games are pretty ordinary for most people. Our lives are full of activity, responsibility, lists, and a long line of worries. God knows how important our minds are. He is the Creator. He designed the brain to be a complex web of cells and tissue that all work together to send messages 24/7 to the rest of our body. Our brains keep our lungs breathing, our hearts beating and every other organ working properly. If there is a misfire in our brain, the rest of the body will know.

God also created us in His image. We are meant to purpose, ruminate and understand. We are meant to create, love and explore. Unfortunately, just like our brains can run amok, our minds can also get off track and suddenly become like a herd of wild mustangs running from watering hole to watering hole trying to satiate an incredible thirst.

Image by B Snuffleupagus from Pixabay

Last night I was struggling with those wild mustangs. My mind flitted from one worry to another; one thing I needed to do to another task that waited to be done. The image of those wild horses running along the ocean on a sandy beach came to my mind: think Misty of Chincoteague. I read this book as a girl who grew up loving horses and my oldest daughter read this book as a girl who grew up loving horses.

I started to pray for each of the things my mind focused on and as I prayed God brought the vision to my mind of capturing the wild horses. Each thought was like a prancing filly or a rearing colt. In my imagination I saw myself lasso each of those thoughts with the tools God gave me and bring it in to the corral.

“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,”

— 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NASB 1995)

It becomes problematic when we do not take those wild horses into captivity. When they are left to run free, the dust they leave in their wake becomes a wall; a wall that rises to heaven choking out our light and our ability to hear the master.

Before we look more closely at the above verse we need to see it in context.

“3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh,
4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.
5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,
6 and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.”

— 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (NASB 1995)

Verses 3 and 4 remind us of several things:

1 - We walk in the flesh.

2 - We don’t fight according to the flesh.

3 - Our weapons are not of the flesh.

4 - Our weapons are divinely powerful.

5 - Our weapons are for the purpose of destroying fortresses.

Lest today’s post get too long, we will only look at the beginning of verse 5, then pick up the rest next time.

We are destroying speculations -

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

In order to understand, why Paul is embedding this verse in a group of verses that talks about spiritual warfare, we must understand what the word speculate means. Webster’s Online Dictionary has multiple definitions for this word and I think they all apply.

Intransitive verb:

1 - a. To Meditate or ponder on a subject. b. to review something idly, or casually and often inconclusively.

2 - To assume a business risk in hope of gain. (Often in something risky like stocks that fluctuate hoping to make a large short term profit.)

Transitive verb:

1 - to take to be true on insufficient evidence.

2 - to be curious or doubtful about.

Image by Szilárd Szabó from Pixabay

Speculation is not just thinking about something the way we might think about whether we should order a pizza for dinner or make a pot roast. Speculating has the idea of sitting on a topic for a while. In addition, it seems to allow for doubt, misunderstanding, and risk. When we think about the things that worry us we need to ask ourselves, are these things causing me to doubt God? Are my worries the result of not understanding who God truly is and the truth He brings us in His Word? Are my anxious thoughts driving me to take risks, make decisions and participate in things that God would have never wanted for us?

Other synonyms for the word speculate include: assume, conjecture, guess, imagine, suppose, surmise and suspect. Do these terms bring you peace and comfort? Do they help calm your fears and bring your worries to rest? No!

Next time we will will look further at why it is so important to capture those wild horses and destroy those speculations.

Have a great week.

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

Image by Herbert Aust from Pixabay

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Image by József Kincse from Pixabay

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

Image by Vojtěch Kučera from Pixabay

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

Realistically Setting Goals

This is the final installment in my series on New Year, New Mind. I’ve been discussing how our thoughts can easily derail our efforts to form habits that will make us healthier people, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. Last week I looked at a few ways to stop our train wreck mentalities and this week, I wanted to close with a look at realistically setting goals.

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Baby Steps

The best way to start when setting goals is by starting with small steps. Rather than starting large and working your way back, start small and work your way up.

For example, if you want to get organized, but don’t know where to start, decide what your first priority is. If you need to work on meal planning, start by having a plan for at least three meals a week. Rather than being overwhelmed with a whole week, just plan a few and write them down. If you and your spouse both work and can afford the service, there are a number of food services now available that deliver all the ingredients and directions for meal prep to your door for as many meals a week as you want. My daughter and her husband use Blue Apron and have three meals a week delivered. All they have to do is open the box, take out the ingredients and follow the directions. There are lots of options available.

Perhaps you want to improve your health by exercising, and eating better. Instead of going cold turkey off all your favorite treats, start with a few small changes. Drinking more water, adding a veggie at lunch or a fruit at breakfast, eating one less meal out a week, or measuring out the potato chips so you only get one serving are all good baby steps to a healthier lifestyle. If you don’t want to invest the time or money in a gym membership there are plenty of videos on youtube.com . You can find pretty much anything to suit your lifestyle from short 20 minute walking videos to longer cardio to yoga and stretching.

Starting small allows you to see success quickly and will keep you from getting discouraged that you aren’t seeing results right away. Each step you take towards achieving a goal, is a step in the right direction, even if it is only a baby step.

Get Organized

This could be a problem, if one of your goals is to get organized. Ha, ha. I personally struggle with organization, not because I am incapable of being organized, but because I allow life to overwhelm me. Busyness, and fatigue have put a dent in my organizational capabilities. However, I know that being more organized will help with the busyness and chaos of life. Over the course of time I have come to see the following habits help life run more smoothly.

Meal plan. Planning out a weeks worth of meals help when you are grocery shopping, and when you are trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I used to do this more frequently when my girls were young and keep trying to get back to it. It saves money, time and your sanity when life gets busy. Meal planning is also helpful, when you are trying to lose weight.

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Get up earlier. I know this is very hard for some people. I am a morning person and have the most energy before lunch. My hubby on the other hand could well be diagnosed with morning sickness. He abhors morning. Getting up earlier, gives you more time to get exercise, read your Bible, meditate and just get ready for the day ahead. This is especially important when you work and you have to get lunches made and help others get their days started as well. Start small, taking a baby step in that direction by getting up 15 minutes earlier. Gradually you might be able to work up to a half hour or more.

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Invest in a good planner. I am a geek, so I love being able to get a new planner every year. If you get one with lots of spaces, you can use it for many purposes. You can put your meal planning in there, your appointments, work schedule and so on. A planner is a great way to keep you organized, the trick is to actually write things down in it. Ha, ha. I speak from experience!

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“Getting organized in the normal routines of life and finishing little projects you’ve started is an important first step toward realizing larger goals. If you can’t get a handle on the small things, how will you ever get it together to focus on the big things? ”

— Joyce Meyer

Have a Plan

I have found the thing that helps me most in achieving my goals is to have some sort of a plan. It doesn’t have to be written in stone and signed in blood, because, let’s face it, real life often interferes with our plans. A plan that has some amount of flex to it is probably the best way to approach goal setting that will succeed.

For instance, when I want to lose weight, I come up with a plan. I decide on a way to keep track of my calories, because i have found calorie counting the best thing for me. It holds me accountable and lets me see my progress. I download a fitness app on my phone. I use a combination of Fitbit and MyFitnessPal. I also try to do more meal planning. As I said earlier, meal planning makes it easier to keep to a daily calorie goal.

Having a plan for any area of goal setting will help you succeed. Whether you make a daily plan, like keeping a list of things to do, or a weekly plan such as exercising three times or a monthly plan like getting rid of 10 items I no longer use, planning will produce results much more readily than no plan at all.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself as you develop a plan:

What do I want to accomplish?

When do I want to accomplish this by?

How am I going to accomplish this?

What sort of resources do I need to invest in to accomplish this goal?

How will I handle failure?

That question leads me to my last point.

Handle Failure Positively

Failing at anything is hard. We live in a society that condemns failure and honors success. Obviously, success is the goal. We want to be successful at whatever goals we have, but the truth is that failure is inevitable. If your goal is to lose weight, you will fall off the wagon. You’ll have a bad day and give in to those cravings for ice cream. When your goal is to declutter because you have been binge watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, you will end up at the mall scouring the sale racks at your favorite store, because things are marked down to less than five dollars. Maybe your goal is to be more patient with your family. Be assured they will push all your buttons before the day is over. This is real life.

One of my faithful subscribers said it best:

“...instead of letting a day, or even a couple weeks, of a blown resolution or new effort derail us or cause us to give up completely, why not get up and get started again. Keep moving forward.”

— Karen - SGM subscriber

We all need to hear things like this and this leads me to several thoughts about failure.

Failure thrives on Fear

Fear is perhaps one of the biggest factors in keeping us from getting back up and starting over when we have failed.

“I can’t do it. If I try, I’ll only fail again.”

Sound familiar? Stop being afraid. Failure is not your master! Many who have gone before us recognized this fact.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

— Henry Ford

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

— Winston Chruchill

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

— Thomas A. Edison

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. ”

— Johnny Cash

I could go on with amazing quotes from amazing people who went toe to toe with failure. Reading these encouraged my heart and I hope they do for you to. Failure is but a stepping stone to achieving the goals we have set. Start believing that.

Failure abhors Friendship

Have you ever noticed when we fail, we want to be alone in our misery and throw ourselves a little pity party? Surrounding ourselves with good friends can turn failure into fuel. As I stated early, I have several subscribers that often comment on my posts, sharing their enthusiasm for fashion or their struggles as they walk the road of life and faith. This means so much to me and gives me fuel to keep going, to keep trying, even when I fail.

You don’t have to have a boat load of friends to be fueled by your failure. One good friend, or your spouse can be the one to reach down when you have fallen to help you back up. If your support system is limited go to Jesus. I have certain scriptures I return to again and again, like old friends, when I need encouragement or help getting back up.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

— Romans 8:1 (NASB)

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 1:6 (NASB)

“But He knows the way I take; When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”

— Job 23:10 (NASB)

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.””

— Joshua 1:9 (NASB)

I hope this series on changing our thoughts has been helpful to you. The things I have written about in this series are just my opinions. I am not a licensed counselor, just a woman who has dealt with the failure mind set in my own life. I write as much to myself as to you, so I hope this was helpful.

Have a wonderful weekend and let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Stopping the Train Wreck

Over the course of the last few weeks I have been looking at how are thoughts can easily sabotage our efforts to form new habits, and be better people. Many of us, when we enter a new year want to reboot. We want to try again to tackle those extra pounds that we have cumulatively put on each holiday season. We want to go at those piles that pervasively appear in each and every room of our house. We want to be better people; more giving, kind and loving. Many of us begin a new regimen of exercise and dieting, clutter control and clearing out, and even invest in pod casts, books and other things to help us think and act differently. Why then, is it so hard to stick to it? Why after a few days, a few weeks, or if your are really good, a few months, do we typically fall off the wagon?

In my post of two weeks ago, When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck, I examined three mentalities, I believe, contribute to our inability to stick to our new habits. These three thought patterns include being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring. I’d like to reexamine these patterns and discuss ways to change our thoughts.

Being self-absorbed

As I mentioned in the original post, taking care of ourselves is not a bad thing. We need to exercise, eat right, get enough sleep and stimulate our minds to give ourselves the best life. Being self-absorbed revolves around a preoccupation with certain ideas about ourselves. These can include thoughts that we do not measure up to some invisible standard that we think other people have set for us, and self-degrading messages like, “I’m too fat,” “I’m not good enough,” which can lead to self-destructive behaviors like cutting, addictions and even suicidal thoughts.

We all have self-absorbed thoughts from time to time. It is easy to get into that mind-set when life is hard and things are not going well. It is also easy to dress in this mind set when your past holds tragedy and pain. However, life cannot be lived to the fullest if we allow those things to imprison us.

I am not a professional counselor, but I’d like to suggest a few things that can help us to get out of the self-absorbed mind-set.

1 - Get Moving

This is partly about exercise and partly about behavior modification. Often when we get into an anxious or self-absorbed circuit, we are unable to get out of the loop. Much like a hamster running on his little wheel, our thoughts keep coming back around to the same loop. We revisit the destructive thought, the let down feeling, the disappointment in ourselves or others and round and round it goes.

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It is a well known fact that exercise has good effects on our brains. From increased oxygen flow and release of hormones to antidepressant effects that reduce stress hormones, exercise really is beneficial for the brain. Movement helps to get us out of the loop. It doesn’t have to be rigorous exercise. If you are sitting down, stand up. If you are standing still, move. If you are going north, turn around and go south. Every time those thoughts come creeping back in, move.

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I find walking very cathartic, when I am stressed. As I walk I do deep breathing and I purposefully force myself to look at the world around me, the neighborhood, the people, the trees, the snow, the icicles hanging from the roof tops. These simple things get me out of my self-absorbed loop and help me to think about other things. It also reminds me that the world is not coming to an end, even if it may seem like it today. As Scarlet O’Hara said in Gone With the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.”

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2 - Get help

You don’t necessarily need professional help, but if you do, or if others who care about you are recommending it, then do it. Otherwise, find a group of people to keep you accountable. Get an exercise and dieting buddy. Find someone who is going to accept you, but also encourage you to do better. Find an older person, who’s got life experience and ask them to mentor you and help you get out of your self-absorbed box. Or if you are an older person, who doesn’t have much human contact and your are still able to get around, volunteer at a dog shelter, a newborn unit at the hospital or a school. All of these things get us outside our own boxes.

3 - Seek and Speak Truth

You know all those side effects you think you have because you got on the internet and looked up the medication the doctor gave you?

“Stop it!”

In reality, the side effects that are put on medications are put there to keep pharmaceutical companies from getting sued. The reality is the statistics on people who die or have severe reactions to medication are rare. It is an exception, not the norm. The same is true for so many aspects of life. As the saying goes, “Sh-t happens.” This is true, but most of the bad things that we think are going to happen, don’t. In addition, many of the bad things that happen to us we bring upon ourselves. Start researching what is true.

In addition start speaking truth:

“I am not perfect, but I am beautiful.”

“I don’t have a college degree, but I am smart.”

“I haven’t published a book yet, but I am not a failure.”

“I got mad at my husband, but I am a good wife who has bad days.”

“I yelled at my kids, but I am a good mom, even when I my hormones have me off kilter.”

Keep it real.

Demanding Our Rights

Once again, having rights is not a bad thing and an ideal that our founding fathers believed was very important for communities and nations to survive and thrive. However, the thought that the world owes us something is not truthful or beneficial. The mentality of, get it all and get it now, is also not an accurate way to approach life. How do we cope with these entitlement feelings we all have struggled with and still act like a caring, giving individuals?

1 - Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes

There is no greater preventative to a rights demanding mentality, than to put yourself in someone else’s place. Being in the service industry I have seen people at their best and at their worst. I don’t even think people realize how rude and obnoxious they are at times. I have had helicopter parents demand that their child’s book be given to them free because it wasn’t on the shelf when they came in to purchase it. I have had people accuse me of racism because when I explained the parameters of their rental book I told them they couldn’t spill their lunch on it. I tell this to every individual I rent a book to. At the end of the day, I am just another person trying to make my way in the world, just like everyone else.

When I feel like my rights are being infringed upon, or that I am being taken advantage of, I try to look at things with new glasses; someone else’s glasses. Thinking about where another person is coming from, not only enables us to view the world differently, but it may even move us to have compassion on another person. You never know what another person is dealing with in their life. They might be dealing with deep hurt or disappointment, or they may be experiencing grief, illness or pain. Having compassion and empathy gets us out of our rights loop and enables us to be better, more understanding individuals.

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2 - Recognize Rights Mean Responsibility

Having a right, does not give us a free pass to do whatever we want. In fact, having rights, means having responsibility. People who are for the right to bear arms, understand that owning guns means they are responsible to handle those guns safely and teach others that gun ownership requires safe handling and being responsible to use them wisely.

Many people think that demanding rights is a way to guarantee their freedom to choose to do whatever they want. The opposite is, in fact, true. Having rights means we are enslaved to the responsibility of using those rights for good, not merely personal gain.

So what does this have to do with our thought patterns and becoming better people. My daughter and I have both struggled with our weight. We both love food, especially things that are full of carbs. Bread, sweets, chips are all on our radar of things we love. At one point my daughter said she wanted to be able to eat whatever she wanted. You might think that being able to eat whatever you want is true freedom. However, true freedom lies in the ability to make the better choice. Even if we were able to eat whatever we wanted and never gain weight, does that make it right?

True freedom is the ability to not be bound by our appetites, whether it be food, sex, money, popularity, alcohol, Netflix or any other thing that can become an obsession.

“To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.”

— Virginia Wolf

Not Caring

It is easy to get into the mindset of not caring. When life gets busy, or overwhelming, sometimes it is easier to just give up. Who cares if I eat that whole bag of Twizzlers? I don’t care if my coworkers like me? I’m failing that class, so what?

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Take a look at a few of these quotes:

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.”

— Margaret Mead

“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.”

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community. ”

— Anthony J. D'Angelo

It is important to care. Often, we just need to revisit the why behind the what. In other words, ask yourself why you should care.

Why should you care about your health? Because you are a valuable person who probably has others depending on you and who care about you.

Why should you care what your coworkers think? Because you are part of a team. You can have a positive impact on the people you work with if you care.

Why should you care about your grades at school? Because every choice you make now, will affect the choices you make in the future.

Start thinking about why you should care and maybe that will reignite your ability to care.

Next week will be the final installment in this series on New Year, New Mind. I’ll be looking at setting goals and how to realistically keep them. I will also have some spiritual insights as well. I hope you like this look at renewing our minds. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.

Have a fantastic weekend and to all my northern and midwest friends, stay warm!

Just Stop It!

The past two weeks I started looking at how our thoughts have an affect on what we do or don’t do. I wanted to specifically examine this connection since the beginning of a new year is typically when we are trying to get back into shape, form new habits and reset ourselves to do and be better people. I have always felt that it is easy to start something new, but to keep at it is where the difficulty lies. To me it seems that our minds need rebooting as well as our bodies, so that we think differently about the habits and changes we are trying to adapt to.

Last week I looked specifically at three mentalities that most often prevent us from continuing a good thing. I call them Train Wreck Mentalities due to the fact that these mindsets often derail us from embracing a total life change. Being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring go a long way in causing us to crash and burn, rather than continue and thrive.

This week I want to give you two little words, but before I do, please watch the following video.

You heard the man. Stop it!

I hope that brought a smile to your face. Let me just say, this is not meant as an insult to people who struggle with mental illness. We know those things are a reality. Anxiety, multiple personality disorder, bipolar disorder, are all very real and most often have to be managed with counseling and medication. There are many of us however, who simply don’t think right and that is where our problems lie.

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.”

— Proverbs 23:7 (NASB)

This verse actually has to do with a ruler having you to dinner, but then begrudging every bite of food and every drink you take. He is a selfish person, only thinking about the cost of the soiree he is throwing and completely unable to enjoy it. The ruler says to eat and drink, but he doesn’t really mean it.

We are often the same way. We make grand proclamations.

“I’m going to lose 50 pounds.”

“I’m going to exercise 5 days a week.”

“I’m going to work on cleaning out clutter every day.”

“I’m going to become a millionaire by the time I’m 30.”

“i’m going to floss my teeth every night before bed.”

“I’m going to eat healthier.”

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We make these proclamations, never really considering how much work and effort it will take to succeed. In reality, we can not succeed if our hearts, like that ruler’s, is not really into it. Here in lies the problem. Our minds can create all sorts of ways to succeed. We can make lists and draw up diagrams of how we are going to get it done, but if our hearts do not agree with our minds, success is going to be long in coming. In fact, if you are anything like me, you will just give up on certain things all together.

So, how exactly do we get our hearts to agree with our heads? The first step is to combat the train wreck mentality. In other words, just stop it!

Let’s first look at train wreck #1 - being self absorbed.

Stop it!

Wow. Wasn’t that simple?

Train wreck #2 - demanding our rights.

Stop it!

Whoo, hoo! See how easy it is.

Train wreck #3 - don’t care.

Stop it! Start caring.

Obviously, if things were really that easy we would all be doing much better and I wouldn’t be writing this post. The struggle is real folks and I am in there with you.

Next week I am going to delve into ways to stop the train wreck mentality, but for now, I want you to burn those two words on your brain…STOP IT.

When you want to give up the good habit your are trying to start; when you want to eat that second bowl of ice cream; when you want to yell at your kids or husband; when you want to bring home another hand bag, pair of shoes or sweater that you don’t need or you don’t really love, then think about those two little words.

Stop it.

Run them over and over in your mind and see if it helps you to make a better choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me your experiences and wisdom in the comments. I appreciate it.

When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck

Have you given any thought to your thoughts this past week? In last week’s introductory post, New Year, New Mind, I asked you to spend this past week thinking about what you think about. Most often it is our thoughts that sabotage our efforts to make our lives better, whether it be eating better, exercising more, getting rid of clutter, making new habits or just being more thankful or joyful.

I don’t know about you, but my thoughts often look just like this train wreck.

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Just how that train got where it got, from where it was coming from, is a mystery, but something definitely went wrong! That is just how our thoughts work. One minute we are fine. We are motivated, energized and raring to go conquer the world. The next moment we are a sobbing, angry, anxious train wreck. This week I would like to look at several areas of train wreck mentality.

Train Wreck #1 - Being Self Absorbed

We are all guilty of being self absorbed. Who hasn’t felt selfish, possessive, jealous or needy? Unfortunately, the train wreck of self absorption is reaching epidemic proportions. Let me break it down:

I’m too - These two little words lead to all sorts of inner focused thinking. I’m too fat. I’m too thin. i’m too tall. I’m too short. I’m too ugly. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too dumb. I’m too tired.

In addition to the I’m too problem, there is the parallel Not Enough dilemma.

Not Enough - Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not loving enough. Not slim enough. Not organized enough. Not talkative enough. Not brave enough. Not motivated enough….you get the picture. I’m sure, if you are reading this post, you have heard these words in your own head. I certainly have. I have gone over and over the same tracks as the train of self absorption chugs along.

Not a good enough wife.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough grandma.

Not a good enough daughter.

Not a good enough Christian.

Not a good enough employee.

Not a good enough friend.

On and on it chugs along until suddenly it derails and there I am a self absorbed mess.

Have you really thought about how being self absorbed affects you? Not only does it cause physical issues, such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure and auto immune problems, it also causes a plethora of psychological and emotional problems, from anxiety disorder to narcissistic tendencies. Take a look at this interesting article from Psychology Today. While not the definitive authority on psychological disorders and treatments, I think the article makes a pertinent point.

“But what’s most fascinating to me here is that I haven’t seen discussed by writers on the subject just how many psychological dysfunctions can be accurately understood as “maladies” of self-absorption. From a variety of phobic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive impairments, to many depressive disturbances (including bipolar disorder), to various addictions, to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and to most of the personality disorders, self-absorption can be seen as playing a major (if not dominant) role. So any effective treatment of these dysfunctions needs to include significantly reducing these obsessively self-centered—and self-defeating—tendencies.”

— Leon Seltzer, PhD., Psychology Today (online) - Posted August 24, 2016

You can see the whole article here.

Our self absorption tendencies may just lead us to a bitter end.

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Train Wreck #2 - Demanding Our Rights

This one is a direct outcome of the first train wreck of being self absorbed. Let me say that people should have rights. Our country came into being and was founded on the idea that people should have a right to worship as they want. The men who authored The Declaration of Independence, felt that certain rights were so important, they were willing to go to war to ensure their solidity.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ”

— Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

However, the rights that Jefferson, Adams and others were referring too had to do with basic tenants of self-government, including freedom of religion, and the freedom to govern ourselves. When they were talking about government over themselves they weren’t talking about the rights that so many today are yelling about. They were talking about the right to work a job, own a home and yes, to even own a gun. The governing process had to do with community and country as a whole.

Today the rights battle continues as women seek equal pay for equal work, as well as equality on pricing of necessary products such as deodorant and razors. Did you realize that women usually pay more for these products? These desires are good. What becomes a problem is when the demand for rights is born out of a self absorbed mentality.

I want it and I want it now!! Watch this short video.

Isn’t this a perfect analogy of how thoroughly self indulgent we can be. Truly, aren’t we just a bunch of spoiled, rotten, children at times? Demanding our rights, and not taking into consideration the desires, needs and feelings of other people, is not what our forefathers meant when they brought the Declaration of Independence into fruition. A rights based mentality, must be balanced by an equally serious mentality of individual responsibility. An attitude of responsibility means that we cannot be self-absorbed.

Train Wreck #3 - Not Caring

This is probably the mentality that causes the most problems. When we are self absorbed at least we care enough about ourselves that we might still be willing to try to take care of ourselves. We might even be caring enough to care for other people. Demanding our rights means we still want something. We want something that is important enough to us to be willing to yell and fight for it. Unfortunately, when we get to the point where we no longer care, that is when trains derail and we crash.

Think about a time when you gave up, or you wanted to. How did you feel? How did that feeling change the way you were doing things? I have done the, counting calorie thing, many times over the course of my adult life. I have kept track, written things down, measured and tallied. No matter how many times I restarted, I always got to a certain point where I just didn’t care any more. I would lose a few pounds, feel better, fit into my clothes better and so on, but still, somehow or other, I would end back up at the same place.

I don’t care.

I can’t tell you for certain, why we often get to a point of not caring any more, but it does happen. I believe there are many reasons we get to this point in our lives. Fatigue, illness, relationship struggles, work problems, family crisis, national unrest, the list goes on. With our computers, televisions, smart phones and other instantaneous technology, we are constantly plugged in and on the spot. We see what is going on with everyone else and everyone else knows all our struggles as well.

We are finite, limited human beings and eventually all the input does its job of desensitizing us and bring us to that creaky bridge where our train begins to clackety clack across. Finally, the bridge drops out from beneath us and we plunge into the canyon of hopelessness and despair.

Who cares!

Why bother!

I give up!

When we get to this point, it is time to reevaluate how we got here.

Next week I’ll be sharing a video that I hope will make you laugh, but that makes a pertinent point that we can’t ignore and will hopefully give us hope to care again and start living a mentally healthy life.

Until then, have a great week and be careful, not to have a train wreck!