Peace in the Chaos: Part 2b - If I am Following Christ, Why Don't I have Peace? - The Emotions

Last week we started looking at three areas that might keep us from experiencing the peace of God, even though we walk with Him and read His word. Going through the motion of being a Christian does not always mean we will have His true peace. We must know the Prince of Peace on a personal level to really experience the peace that passes all understanding.

Last week we looked at the mind and examined two areas: alignment and focus. This week we are going to delve into the universe of our emotions and discuss how they can either help or hinder our ability to have God’s peace in troubled times. I have discussed emotions on the blog before, so some of this might be review, but it is good to keep these ideas in mind in these turbulent times.

Image by Alexa from Pixabay

God Given. We have looked at Genesis 1 before, but let’s dive in again.

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
29 Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you;
30 and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so.
31 God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
— Genesis 1:26-31 (NASB 1995)

God created man in His image. It wasn’t an image like Nebuchadnezzar built in Daniel 3, an image made of gold and built to bow down to. The image of God is not the physical manifestation, but the mind and spirit. We are not made in God’s image as a baby bears the image of his or her parents, but as in we are spiritual beings with characteristics shared with God such as creativity, purpose, and emotion.

Image by burrough from Pixabay

The above verses go on to confirm the idea of purpose, as we see God gave man the purpose of being fruitful and having rule over the earth. Purpose is definitely tied in to our emotions. If we have purpose we can keep going. If we have purpose we can tame our anger, manage our discouragement and keep striving for our hope. And no, the purpose of our lives is not to be happy, but to glorify God.

16 but if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.
— I Peter 4:16 (NASB 1995)

Recognizing that our emotions are from God, how is it that they can keep us from having His peace?

Immature emotions. Emotional maturity is something that happens as we learn how to, not only embrace and feel our emotions, but also learn to manage them. Unfortunately, in the church community as I was growing up in the 60’s and 70’s we didn’t talk about our emotions, at least not to the extent people do today. Now, we have all manner of psychological tests, books and information on emotion, with terms we never heard of when I was young like ADHD, Autism, Emotional Regulation, Emotional Intelligence and so on. However, long before we had this knowledge, God already had it figured out. He knew there was a process to maturing emotionally.

Image by Bob Dmyt from Pixabay

14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming;
15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,
16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
— Ephesians 4:14-16 (NASB 1995)

I think it is important to note that having the information we do now can be very helpful, especially in trying to understand ourselves or our children, but that information is not a substitute for the truth of God’s word and the input of His Holy Spirit in our lives. For instance when a young child is acting out it is good to know what might be behind those emotions: hunger, fatigue, frustrations, want, etc. This can also be helpful for ourselves, but we still need to let the child know why it is not good to hit others, or to not destroy things that belong to others, etc. In the same way emotional maturity in my own self shows up as I learn to put off immediate gratification, or lean in to grief after a job loss or death of someone special.

Unresolved emotions. One of the ways emotions keep us from His peace is when they are unresolved. Anger, jealously, lust, selfishness when left to feed become problematic. Let’s look at a few scriptures.

Image by Tobikoz from Pixabay

14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.
15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
— Hebrews 12:14-15 (NASB 1995)

Notice how the author says, “that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.” What happens when bitterness takes control? I know from my own experience it can lead to gossip, slander and other misuses of our tongues. That in turn, leads to others being defiled, because we have swayed their thinking, and their emotions with our words and feelings.

13 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.
14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth.
15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic.
16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.
17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
— James 3:16-18 (NASB 1995)

This passage makes several points that I want to dwell on.

1 - Wisdom and understanding come in the form of good behavior, and gentleness. I am becoming more aware of the word gentle and its forms in Scripture and it is always used with regards to our relationship with others. I will look more at our actions next week, but today remember the emotion of gentleness.

2 - Jealousy and selfish ambition are earthly, natural and demonic. Yikes! That is strong language, but the author goes on to say why. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist there is disorder, and every evil thing. What is the title of this series? Peace in the Chaos…hmmm, do you think there might be a connection between what we see going on in our country and the world and these emotions that are earthly, natural and demonic?

3 - Wisdom from God is the emotional pot of gold. Look at the list: pure, peaceful, gentle, reasonable, merciful, fruitful, steadfast and true. I include all of these in the emotion category. Though each one may not be an emotion per say, they are the seeds that generate how our emotions will be used.

4 - Righteousness blooms from seeds sewn in peace by those who make peace. When we move through life from one volatile emotion to another we do not create peace, in our own lives or in the lives of others.

Image by MasterTux from Pixabay

Emotional overload. This has to do with making our emotions the focal point of our lives. I have had to learn to embrace the reality that I am an emotional person. I cry when I watch certain movies. I carry great sadness for those I love who are not following Christ. I dealt with anger for decades from the time I was very young and through much of my adult life. I was like a tea pot that simmered until I finally blew up. My girls and my spouse have not only seen, but occasionally felt my wrath. My life was consumed by how I felt, and believe me, I never felt at peace…until I finally matured and realized who I truly was in God’s eyes, and that my emotions were a gift from Him; a gift that now moves me to pray, to laugh, to cry, to feel deeply for what others are going through.

When we allow emotions to rule in our lives we cannot have God’s peace. We will not be able to find His peace because we will be so focused in on having our emotions soothed, our needs/wants met, and maintaining control over everything, that all we end up doing is making ourselves miserable. I know. I have been there.

22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart
— 2 Timothy 2:22 (NASB 1995)
1 Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed,
2 to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
3 For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.
4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,
5 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,
6 whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,
7 so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
— Titus 3:1-7 (NASB 1995)

The above verses both mention the capacity for emotions such as lust, envy, and hate to lead to enslavement and foolishness on our parts. 2 Timothy says to “flee youthful lusts.” Run away from them as fast as you can. This gives a nod, not only to overload, but to emotional maturity. The Titus passage reminds us that we were enslaved to “lusts, pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.”

It is one thing to feel anger, lust, and even hatred in a burst of emotion, but those feelings have to be tempered by the Holy Spirit in our lives. He is the one who renews and regenerates us. Just as I need to take the things I hear and see back to His Word, I need to take the emotions I am feeling back to Him and ask for a course correction. The best way to do this is by keeping short accounts with God. Don’t go days and days without checking in. Don’t go weeks and weeks without looking into His Word. His Word is truth and it will never, ever lead us astray.

Next week we will look at how our actions lead us away from His peace. Be sure to keep and eye out for new content soon.

Just Stop It!

The past two weeks I started looking at how our thoughts have an affect on what we do or don’t do. I wanted to specifically examine this connection since the beginning of a new year is typically when we are trying to get back into shape, form new habits and reset ourselves to do and be better people. I have always felt that it is easy to start something new, but to keep at it is where the difficulty lies. To me it seems that our minds need rebooting as well as our bodies, so that we think differently about the habits and changes we are trying to adapt to.

Last week I looked specifically at three mentalities that most often prevent us from continuing a good thing. I call them Train Wreck Mentalities due to the fact that these mindsets often derail us from embracing a total life change. Being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring go a long way in causing us to crash and burn, rather than continue and thrive.

This week I want to give you two little words, but before I do, please watch the following video.

You heard the man. Stop it!

I hope that brought a smile to your face. Let me just say, this is not meant as an insult to people who struggle with mental illness. We know those things are a reality. Anxiety, multiple personality disorder, bipolar disorder, are all very real and most often have to be managed with counseling and medication. There are many of us however, who simply don’t think right and that is where our problems lie.

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.
— Proverbs 23:7 (NASB)

This verse actually has to do with a ruler having you to dinner, but then begrudging every bite of food and every drink you take. He is a selfish person, only thinking about the cost of the soiree he is throwing and completely unable to enjoy it. The ruler says to eat and drink, but he doesn’t really mean it.

We are often the same way. We make grand proclamations.

“I’m going to lose 50 pounds.”

“I’m going to exercise 5 days a week.”

“I’m going to work on cleaning out clutter every day.”

“I’m going to become a millionaire by the time I’m 30.”

“i’m going to floss my teeth every night before bed.”

“I’m going to eat healthier.”

Pixabay

Pixabay

We make these proclamations, never really considering how much work and effort it will take to succeed. In reality, we can not succeed if our hearts, like that ruler’s, is not really into it. Here in lies the problem. Our minds can create all sorts of ways to succeed. We can make lists and draw up diagrams of how we are going to get it done, but if our hearts do not agree with our minds, success is going to be long in coming. In fact, if you are anything like me, you will just give up on certain things all together.

So, how exactly do we get our hearts to agree with our heads? The first step is to combat the train wreck mentality. In other words, just stop it!

Let’s first look at train wreck #1 - being self absorbed.

Stop it!

Wow. Wasn’t that simple?

Train wreck #2 - demanding our rights.

Stop it!

Whoo, hoo! See how easy it is.

Train wreck #3 - don’t care.

Stop it! Start caring.

Obviously, if things were really that easy we would all be doing much better and I wouldn’t be writing this post. The struggle is real folks and I am in there with you.

Next week I am going to delve into ways to stop the train wreck mentality, but for now, I want you to burn those two words on your brain…STOP IT.

When you want to give up the good habit your are trying to start; when you want to eat that second bowl of ice cream; when you want to yell at your kids or husband; when you want to bring home another hand bag, pair of shoes or sweater that you don’t need or you don’t really love, then think about those two little words.

Stop it.

Run them over and over in your mind and see if it helps you to make a better choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave me your experiences and wisdom in the comments. I appreciate it.






The Drudgery of Disappointment

Events over the last week have left many people feeling disappointed. We all know disappointment. We have all been introduced to that feeling of being let down, overwhelmed and done in. Disappointment is part of our lives. Who hasn't felt the frustration of difficult relationships or the strain of hardships at work or in the home? Who hasn't found themselves looking with anticipation to an exciting event only to be let down that it wasn't what we had hoped?

Pixabay

Pixabay

There are present disappointments, the kind that we face daily. There are also presumed disappointments. These are the ones that we believe will happen just by the mere fact that life continues to move forward. Disappointment can lead down a path of greater difficulty.

I'd like to devote this post to looking at two ideas. The first is that disappointment breeds disappointment. The second is to think about things we can do to combat disappointment.

Disappointment breeds Disappointment:

1. Dwelling on the disappointment. Putting too much thought into anything isn't necessarily healthy. Even good things can become distractions in our thought life, causing us to become less productive and even depressed. When bad things happen, we must go through a process of digesting them and learning to cope with them. That is healthy. However, continuing to focus on our sadness, our struggle or our worry over the future, is not healthy. 

2. Laying blame. We all want to ascribe blame. It is my husband's fault that I did this. It's my kid's fault that happened. It's my boss's fault that I lost my job. Think through your day. Who did you blame today? That bad driver who cut you off? That slow cashier at the grocery store? The lazy waiter at the restaurant? Notice how I added an adjective before each of those people, bad, slow, lazy. It had to be someone's fault that I had a crummy day! Or could it have been, I didn't get up early enough to get to work on time without racing? I could have made a list when I went to the grocery store earlier in the week when I had time, so I didn't forget that one item I needed to cook dinner....and why doesn't my spouse ever take me out to dinner? Maybe the waiter at the restaurant had one too many customers like me, disappointed and grumpy!

3. Letting disappointment turn into something more fierce and controlling, such as anxiety or anger. Disappointment, as I said before is a natural part of life. While being occasionally anxious or angry is also normal, these feelings should not continue unchecked. Anxiety is basically a fight or flight response that will not turn off. If you have ever had a panic attack you know what I mean. Anger and the subsequent damage it can do to our own health or the health of others is also an emotion that is not meant to be the norm. 

Pixabay

Pixabay

By allowing the three above mentioned processes take root in our lives we enter into a vicious cycle of disappointment breeding, not only disappointment, but other emotions such as anxiety and anger, which in turn can affect our health and the health of those around us.

Now let me turn to the idea of how to handle disappointment. 

For the one feeing the disappointment:

1. Don't dwell there

We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,
— 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NASB)

You have heard me harp on this before, but I only keep bringing it up, because I know it to be true. We are the only ones who have control over our minds. We can let disappointment rule us, or we can take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. Even if you are not a Christ follower, you have control over your mind. If you dwell on all that is hard, sad, or bad, you will feel overwhelmed, discouraged and worn out! There are so many beautiful things to dwell on, from the beauty of creation to the lovely feel of climbing into a nice warm bed or eating a delicious meal. 

pixabay

pixabay

2. Don't blame. Blame is not going to make the problem go away or get better. Be proactive. Find a way to make a difference in your home, in your job, in your community and yes even in your nation. My mother-in-law is a a big proponent of calling her elected officials, asking questions and stating her concerns. If enough people were actually doing that sort of thing, you can bet it would make a difference. Even if you don't see results immediately, you can know that you are doing what you can to make a difference. Being proactive takes away the feeling that you have been hurt or disappointed and gives you power.

3. Don't let deeper emotions take root. While anxiety and anger are just as normal as feeling disappointed, these emotions when left unchecked can result in much deeper trauma, not only to you personally, but to those you act out on. If you feel that you are heading down a road of being overly anxious or angry about a situation, find a good counselor, pastor or friend to talk to. Even making small  adjustments in your lifestyle can make a difference in your attitude. When I am anxious I quote scripture, listen to music or go for a walk. When I am overly angry, I do deep breathing, letting the anger go as I breath out. 

For those dealing with disappointed people:

Even if you are not the one dealing with disappointment you probably know others who are. You can be a light in their life and help them through the difficulty they are going through.

1. Acknowledge their disappointment. Don't say, "Get over it!" or "I don't understand why you feel that way." You may not understand, but the point is to be understanding. Let them talk, and try to understand where they are coming from. 

2. Use your own experiences with disappointment to have empathy

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
— Matthew 5:7 (NASB)

You'd be surprised how extending mercy can build bridges and break down walls! Your willingness to have compassion and mercy on someone who is struggling with disappointment could be the very image of Christ that person needs to see.

helping people - pixabay

3. Give of your time. Sometimes people just need a friend to help them over the disappointment. Invite them out for lunch. Ask them to go for a walk with you. Get some fun movies to watch together, preferably something not controversial. If they are willing, pray with them. Let them see you are a real friend, one who has also experienced disappointments. Be open and honest. 

I hope if you are reading this and you are experiencing disappointment that you will find some encouragement here. I also hope those of you who are not struggling right now, will extend your hand in kindness and compassion towards one who is.