A Year of Waiting - Pause

March 17, 2024 by Amy Christensen in A Year of Waiting, Pause, Time Out, Waiting for God, Waiting times, Waiting, Wait, Waiting on Jesus, When life makes us pause, Life pauses, Time outs in life, Selah, Think about it, Time to consider, Hesitation, Reconsider, To stop temporarily, To linger for a time, Belief, Belief in God's Word, Belief in Jesus, Belief in the Bible, Believe, Bible, Bible study, Blogging, Blogging about God, Blogging about Jesus, Blogging on Christianity, Blogging on faith, Blogging on life, Blogging on the Bible, Change, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian Faith blog, Christian life, Discipline, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Faith in God, Faith in Jesus, Faith in the bible, Faith in the Holy Spirit, Matthew 26:36, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, Psalm 24:10, Psalm 32:5, Psalm 46:7, Habakkuk 3:3, Changing our thoughts, Changing our actions

If you have been following me since the beginning of this year, I chose the word, wait as my word of the year. After I chose the word, I thought it would be a good idea to devote one Faith post a month to this idea of waiting. In mulling the idea over, I thought it would be interesting to look at different definitions and nuances of the word wait, after all, waiting isn’t just about standing in line to get tickets to see your favorite band, or board your flight. Waiting is a time consuming part of our lives, and I feel it deserves a weightier look. Ha, ha. See what I did there?

Let’s look at the definitions for the word pause as given in Webster’s Online Dictionary.

As a noun:

1 - a temporary stop

2 - a - a break in a verse

b - a brief suspension of the voice to indicate the limits and relations of sentences and their parts.

3 - temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty: Hesitation

4 - a - the sign denoting a fermata (music related)

b - a mark (such as a period or comma) used in writing or printing to indicate or correspond to a pause of voice

5 - a reason or cause for pausing (as to reconsider)

6 - a function of an electronic device that pauses a recording

As a verb:

Intransitive -

1 - to stop temporarily

2 - to linger for a time

Transitive -

to cause to pause: stop

Let’s pause at the word pause. Ha, ha. I think it would be good to temporarily stop, and hesitate when it comes to considering the word pause; a word we really don’t think much about. We often view a pause as an interruption, but a pause is often necessary to be able to think, take a new direction, or find peace and restoration.

When my first grandson came along, I became familiar with Time Out’s, a discipline method that is still used by many parents today. The purpose of a Time Out is to allow the child to not only think about what they have done wrong, but give them time to cool down if a situation has become volatile. I think this is a well intended method, and preferable in many ways to a spanking or some other form of physical punishment. I know for my grandson it was fairly effective in curbing misbehavior, though I don’t know for sure what he was thinking about during the Time Out. Ha, ha.

A Time Out is a good way to think of the word pause. It is a time to pull away and think about things. We see that Jesus gave us the same type of example when He would get away by Himself to pray. He paused His busy activities of healing people, teaching his disciples, and making new followers to get away and think, breath and pray.

“36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to His disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.””

— Matthew 26:36 (NASB 1995)

“In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there.”

— Mark 1:35 (NASB 1995)

“But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.”

— Luke 5:16 (NASB 1995)

While the Bible does not specifically use the word pause as we know and use it, there is the use of a Hebrew term in the book of Psalms and Habakkuk that literally means, think about it. This is the word, Selah.

“Who is this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, He is the King of glory. Selah.”

— Psalm 24:10 (NASB 1995)

“I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”; And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.”

— Psalm 32:5 (NASB 1995)

“The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.”

— Psalm 46:7 (NASB 1995)

“God comes from Teman, And the Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah. His splendor covers the heavens, And the earth is full of His praise.”

— Habakkuk 3:3 (NASB 1995)

The word, Selah is used 71 times in the Psalms and 3 times in the book of Habakkuk. Obviously, the Psalmist thought it was important to use this phrase often. He wanted us to think about all that God had done, both the rescuing and the judging because both are very important to remember.

If you find yourself in a time of waiting think about how you can see this as a time to pause. A good idea might be to keep a journal where you can think about why God might have you in a waiting period. You could use journalling as a time to pause from the busyness of life to pray, think, and consider. There are so many reasons God might want you to take a Time Out. These are just a few:

1 - Rest.

I mentioned this in my initial post in January, Word for 2024: Wait. As women, and Christ followers it is not uncommon to burn ourselves out. We are constantly doing, giving, helping, working; often with little time to catch our breath, let alone do something for ourselves. Let’s face it, we barely even pray for ourselves. We fail to process our emotions, because we are always helping others to carry or process their emotional loads. Even when we lay down at night we run through our to do lists, and before we get up in the still hours of the morning we are praying for all our wandering lambs.

I just turned 60, and I am only beginning to understand this is not really what God wants for us. We are God’s creation. God is the heavy lifter, I am but dust. Perhaps if I became more acquainted with this mighty, omnipotent being I would spend more time relishing the practice of His presence in worship and adoration, rather than trying to solve every problem for everyone we love and care for. God will work it out. He alone is able.

This being said, I know how hard this is. Letting go and actually resting is probably the hardest thing we can do, especially as mothers. It took a major illness to change my way of thinking, and even now I still struggle against this trending current; this current that says you only have value if you are doing and being. However, it was during the time I was down and out that I heard and saw the love and provision of the Lord in a new and deeper way. And, He’s not done yet. I am still learning how to rest, how to take time for myself, how to spend more time with Him, and how to let go of all of the preconceived notions of what gives me value.

2 - To change our thought patterns.

As used in the book of Psalms, and Habakkuk, taking a moment to think about what the scripture was saying was important enough to include the term, Selah. Perhaps our waiting time is not just about rest, but about changing the way we think, or taking us back to thinking about what is really important.

A time of illness, recovery, or job loss can certainly give you ample opportunity to think. The important thing is that we think about the right things. Am I thinking about my struggles, or am I thinking about God’s goodness? Am I dwelling on my anger, or thinking about God’s provision? Am I tempted to continue in a behavior or a wrong way of thinking, or am I ready for God to bring about change?

The best way to change our thought lives is through regular reading and study of God’s Word, and through the mindset of choosing gratitude and joy.

3 - To change our actions.

Just like a child being sent into a time out, God will often use times of waiting or times of pause to gently turn us away from bad or unproductive behaviors towards truth in Him which will also cause changes in our actions. As Christ followers we should always be growing and changing to become more like Christ, and that may involve changing many of our fleshly behaviors.

Since I lost my job in 2019, and went through a health crisis in 2021, I have had a lot more time to spend reading, and studying God’s word. I am not a very disciplined person, so I don’t regularly get up in the wee hours of the morning to have my quiet time, but lately, the Lord seems to be waking me up earlier, even when I feel dog tired (and these days that is a regular occurrence) so I can have that time with him. I believe God knows our hearts and our circumstances. If we are open to His work in our lives, He will bring it about.

If you are in a situation right now where you are waiting, consider it a pause. Linger over your Heavenly Father and get to know Him better. This will always help you feel more content while you are waiting.

Have a great day.

Creative Christianity - The Widow's Quest: Part 1

February 24, 2024 by Amy Christensen in Allegorical story, Allegory of Christianity, Analogy of Christian life, Biblical allegory, Being a woman, Being faithful, Being in the dark, Being let down, Belief, Believe, Bible, Blogging, Blogging on Christianity, Blogging on faith, Change, Christian, Christian allegory, Christian author, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian fiction, Christian life, Creative fiction, Creative Christianity, Darkness, Death, Despair, Discouragement, Drudgery of life, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Faith inspiration, Feelings of grief, Fiction, Fictional short story, Fictional story, Getting away, God is over the darkness, God is within the darknes, God provides, Learning from the Bible, Long Suffering, Luke 18:1-8, Our relationship to God, Perseverance, Planners vs. pansters, Scars, Waiting, Writing, Writing a story, Widow, Judge

The following piece begins a series based on the passage found in Luke 18:1-8. It presents a fictional account with allegorical aspects which coincide with the parable told by Jesus in those Scriptures. This is a fictional story with a world, and characters built by me. I hope you enjoy it.

Constance made her way through the narrow, muddy streets, thankful it was raining. A constant downpour washed away some of the surface filth making her feel there was a modicum of cleanliness here in the Rift. She kept her head down, the hood of her coat concealing her face. She didn’t want anyone to know where she was going. If they found out she was on her way to the Manor of Minward they would beat her until she was no longer recognizable. The Black Needles didn’t appreciate the people of their ward asking for help. They didn’t need help. They could make it on their own.

Image by Lucent_Designs_dinoson20 from Pixabay

Constance smirked beneath her hood. Neoplo “The Builder” De Caro wasn’t just known for building the run down, decaying ruins the people of the Rift had to live in, but for raising up the crime syndicate that preyed on the very people it was supposed to protect. She had seen enough; enough suffering; enough struggle; enough darkness. If the Lord of Minward was truly just, as she had often heard through her fourty-three years, why didn’t anything change? She was going to find out.

She was going to have to get past a few of De Caro’s check points. He wasn’t fond of people leaving his barony. He had an intricate web of knowledge woven together by his army of groveling lackeys. Constance learned from the time she was very young to blend in. She didn’t want to stand out. Being noticed by Neopolo, meant you became one of his, either that, or you conveniently disappeared. She felt bad for the younger people. De Caro’s appetite wasn’t just reserved for food and drink.

Constance felt bile rise in her throat, but she swallowed it, and clenched her fists. She wasn’t going to become just another of De Caro’s appetizers. She had to have hope; hope that the Lord of Minward would be able to make a change. Maybe he just wasn’t aware of how bad it was in the Rift. As the Lord of an entire city, he must be very busy, and maybe information wasn’t getting through due to De Caro’s influence.

The first check point loomed ahead. Her training in boiler maintenance should be able to get her through this one. She felt the tool bag by her side, then slid her hand into her coat pocket where the forged work papers printed on union stationary, and folded neatly, stayed dry from the down pour.

Constance wasn’t alone in this quest. There were a few others who wanted a better life, and knew De Caro’s empire building wasn’t going to benefit them. She and Amos had formed a small group of other “believers”, which now was up to twenty members. They rarely all met together, but stayed in touch using messages sent via trusted couriers. Since the steam movement, and its subsequent advancements in communications, things like sending handwritten messages on foot had become obsolete. Now things were moved along through vast tubular networks both above and below ground pushed along by the compressed power of steam.

Amos had been like a little boy, completely enamored with the advent of the new Steam Era. He loved the machines, the gears, the noise and the power behind something so simple as heated water. She missed him terribly. It was coming up on five years since his death, but grief was relentless where darkness bred, and the Rift was a breeding ground for all that was dank, and miserable.

Constance took a deep breath and moved confidently to the first check point. Each check point held a small booth barely big enough for one person, but often occupied by several of Neoplo’s goons. There were three of them in this one. They were chatting and laughing. There were several other people in line.

When her turn came, Constance pulled the papers out of her pocket and quickly shoved them through the small opening in the window.

The man looked down on her, from where he sat in the dry, heated booth.

“You in a hurry there, lass?”

Constance wanted to quip back she was old enough to be his mother, but didn’t reply, just shrugged. She found the best thing to do was not engage. Once you started talking, they became interested. She waited, turning to look at the line that was forming behind her. That was a good thing. The more people waiting, the less time they would take to push you through.

The man stamped her papers and passed them back through the window. As she reached to take them, he wouldn’t let go. She looked up at his scruffy face.

“Smile, Sunshine. Life ain’t so bad. Doesn’t old De Caro take good care of his people?”

Constance swallowed the retort brewing in her gut, gave a shy smile and nodded her head.

“There we go! You have a good night now, lass!”

Constance placed the papers back in her coat pocket. As she walked away she let out a deep breath. One more check point to go.

Rebooting My Faith, and My Faith Page

January 19, 2023 by Amy Christensen in Blogging, Blogging on faith, Blogging on the Bible, Blogging about God, Blogging about Jesus, Blogging on Christianity, Blogging on life, Being God's child, Being in Christ, Belief, Belief in God's Word, Belief in Jesus, Belief in the Bible, Believe, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Change, Children of God, Christ-like, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Coming back to God, Commitment, Confidence in Christ, Enduring, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Faith in God, Faith in Jesus, Faith in the bible, Faithfulness, Father, God, God allows change, God the Father, God the Holy Spirit, God the Son, God's word, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Growth, Growth in God, Happy New Year, Honoring God, Hope in God, Jesus, Journey, Knowing God, Knowledge of God, Learning from the Bible, Lessons learned, Listening to God, Listening to others, Meditating on scripture, New Life, New mind, New Year, Our foundation, Our hope in christ, Our purpose, Our relationship to God, Precious promises, Relationship with God, Scripture, Setting goals, Struggling, Suffering, Teaching, Thankful, the Christian life, The word of God

Have you ever felt like you needed a reboot. For those of you who are Harry Potter fans, I have always thought it would be nice to have a magical pensieve like the one Professor Dumbledore had in his office. The pensieve was a magical basin of sorts where the Master of Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry could siphon off some of his memories to be viewed at a later date. There are times my brain feels so cluttered up with day to day life, dealing with illness, and taking care of my family, that I don’t think about other things. As I have aged, I have also taken to making lists to remember all the things I need to do.

The last two years have been difficult. I have had unexplained health issues since the spring of 2021. I am on my second antibiotic for the sinus infection I got in December. I had a CT scan on December 30th and when my ENT doctor contacted me, he said that there was still infection simmering. The amazing thing was for a whole month after finishing the first antibiotic I was feeling good. My taste and smell were back in full working order and I was not having anything more than my typical sinus drainage. When we got home after my father-in-law’s funeral I got a call from the doctor and he said, I want you on another antibiotic. I told him I was feeling good and would rather not do the antibiotic. He agreed since I have a follow up appointment with him this month. By the next day, my sinuses were all inflamed, my throat was scratchy and I was very fatigued; the exact symptoms of my first go round. I sent the office a message and I was on this new medicine by that afternoon.

Image by Miguel Á. Padriñán from Pixabay

There are times we need to just process. With the death of my father-in-law, I could see that 2023 was not starting off any further ahead than the last two years. However, I feel as though I have a new purpose and drive. Over the last two years, I have felt the pull of God to dig into His word and to have fellowship with other women who are also desiring to move deeper into the layers that are God. He provided my Saturday morning Zoom Bible Study and I also meet once a week via Zoom with a young lady in California who teaches Bible in her spare time. These women have, and continue to inspire me to move closer to the Almighty. My desire is to do the same thing for you.

This year I would like to organize my blog a little better and have given a bit of an outline of what that will look like for Fashion on that page. I would like to do a similar thing on my Faith page. I want to bring you, not just my own thoughts on Faith, but the wisdom and insights of others as well. More than anything I want you to grow a drive to know and love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). A relationship with Christ, His Father and the Holy Spirit makes all the difference in maneuvering this mess we call life.

To mimic my Fashion page, I want to have a plan for more organized content for my Faith posts. The following are tentative. The reason I say that, is because I still want to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit for what each week holds. There may be times where I need to spend a whole month on a certain passage of Scripture, or on a topic. However, this is what I was thinking:

1st. Thursday - Mulling It Over - a look at a portion of Scripture, a brief background and then ruminating on what it says to us.

2nd. Thursday - Faith Inspiration - drawing inspiration from other sources from teachers or preachers, to books and even music.

3rd. Thursday - Words of Life - looking specifically at passages or verses in the Bible that give encouragement. This would include many of the promises of God, His character, and who we are in His eyes.

4th. Thursday - Creative Christianity - this will be a place for my own creative writing, whether it be from journals, allegories, prose or poetry.

5th. Thursday (once every few months) - Topics - this will be a space for discussing some of the hard bits of walking the Christian life with a look at loving when it is hard, agreeing to disagree, religion or relationship and other things that come to mind. (Please let me know if there is anything you would like to see discussed under these topics.)

If you have been following me for a while, you know my faith in Jesus is real and important. Part of my sharing this blog with you is to let you know you are not alone. Just because I speak a good message, or have on a cute outfit doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. Just as the sufferings of Christ are ours to partake of, I want my struggles and difficulties to be out there for you to partake of as well. Suffering in unity is very important to growing and to living a life without bitterness.

I am excited about where this year is going to take this little blog, so I want your prayers more than ever. The enemy is real and he doesn’t want us to share life with each other. He thrives on isolation, manipulation and deceit. Please know, you are important to me, so if you ever have a prayer request shoot me an email and I will pray for you.

I hope you have a fantastic rest of your week and weekend. Be sure to check back next week for new content.

Rejoice Always: A Case Study - Part 1

February 17, 2022 by Amy Christensen in Being faithful, Belief, Belief in God's Word, Belief in Jesus, Belief in the Bible, Believe, Bending to God's will, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Blogging, Blogging on faith, Change, Child-like faith, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Commitment, Confidence in Christ, Convinced of Christ, Daughters of God, Despair, Difficulty, Disappointment, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Faith in God, Faith in Jesus, Faith in the bible, Feelings of grief, God is all powerful, God is for us, God is good, God loves us, God the Creator, Growing in Our faith, Hope, Hope in God, Lift up your eyes, Long Suffering, Looking at scripture, Prayer, Prayer for hope, Humility, Rejoice, Samuel, 1 Samuel 1, Struggling, Studying God's word, turth, Hannah, Hannah's prayer

Today, I want to talk about a woman who knew how to rejoice. Remember a few weeks ago I talked about my word for the year, which was believe. I talked about how the action of belief encompasses two other actions: abide and trust. The woman we are going to look at, knew how to abide, and trust, and she believed God.

Case Study: Hannah

“1 Now there was a man from Ramathaim-zophim from the hill country of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite.
2 And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah and the name of the other Peninnah; and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.”

— 1 Samuel 1:1-2 (NASB)

What can we learn about Hannah from the first two verses of the first book of Samuel? Without consulting a Bible commentary we learn that Hannah was married. She was married to a man named Elkanah. We also learn that Elkanah had two wives: Hannah and Penniah. We don’t know why he had two wives, but we might guess that he was first married to Hannah, but Hannah had no children. He then married Penniah to bear him offspring.

Does this story sound familiar? Didn’t Abraham do the same thing? He was married to Sarah, but Sarah had no children. At her suggestion, Abraham lay with Sarah’s handmaid, Hagar, by which he had his first son Ishmael. If you are familiar with this story, you know that God gave Sarah a son, Isaac. The animosity and difficulty between Sarah and Hagar became a sticking point for Abraham for the rest of his life.

In Hannah’s story there is a similar problem between the two women.

“3 Now this man would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of armies in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests to the Lord there.
4 When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters;
5 but to Hannah he would give a double portion, because he loved Hannah, but the Lord had closed her womb.
6 Her rival, moreover, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb.
7 And it happened year after year, as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, that she would provoke her; so she wept and would not eat.
8 Then Elkanah her husband would say to her, “Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you not eat, and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?””

— 1 Samuel 1:3-8 (NASB)

Is it any wonder that there was a problem here? I don’t want to be the one to male bash, but come on Elkanah, do you really think showing favoritism between your two wives is going to help? He also has the audacity to say to his grieving bride, “Am I not better to you than ten sons?” What??? That was my first response, but it does show something on Elkanah’s part that he noticed his wife’s grief and he was trying to cheer her up.

Hannah was devastated. She hadn’t had any children, and it didn’t look like she ever would. In a society and time period that only saw the value of a woman in her ability to bear children, Hannah had to have felt regularly challenged that she had no worth. In addition, Penniah would provoke and mock her. I can just hear her, “You can’t have any kids, nah, nah! I’m better than you, nah, nah!” Okay, so maybe I am embellishing the Scriptures, but you get the idea. I can only imagine how Hannah felt. I can only imagine how a woman feels who really wants to have children, but is unable. It can be truly devastating.

When my youngest was two, I began to want more children. I really wanted to have four. My spouse, however, believed that we were done. One child per parent was his motto and he wasn’t budging. I had people suggest to me, just forget to take your pill, once you’re pregnant what is he going to do about it? That was not who I was. I would never deceive my spouse in such a way, and I knew that I had to let the Lord work this out in my own heart. I wasn’t going to pressure my spouse. I still wish we had four, and those months and years that I still wanted more children were very hard. I suffered in silence, but gradually God replaced that desire for a child with a deeper desire for Him.

Let’s look further at Hannah’s story:

“9 Then Hannah got up after eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the temple of the Lord.
10 She, greatly distressed, prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.
11 And she made a vow and said, “Lord of armies, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your bond-servant and remember me, and not forget Your bond-servant, but will give Your bond-servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head.””

— 1 Samuel 1:9-11 (NASB)

In these verses we see that Hannah did finally pull herself together have something to eat and drink. It is obvious she and Elkanah had a special relationship and she wanted to please him. After doing his bidding by eating and drinking she went, and stood somewhere near the Tabernacle of the Lord. Her distress revved back up and it says, she “prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.”

The interesting part comes next. She made a vow to God. We can learn more about Hannah by dissecting her prayer.

“Lord of armies,”

I wonder why Hannah called God the Lord of armies. I looked up the same passage in several other translations. The ESV and KJV both say, “Lord of hosts…” The NIV says, “Lord Almighty…” Hannah knew to whom she was speaking. There was no misunderstanding on Hannah’s part about who God was. She addressed Him, knowing Him to be the One who commanded heavenly hosts.

“if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your bond-servant, and remember me, and not forget Your bond-servant,”

Hannah spoke from a place of humility. She brought her heartbreak and deep desire to God most high, asking that He would look at her affliction and that He would remember her. She didn’t try to petition from the height of pride, saying, Look how I have borne this affliction from my husband’s other wife. Look at how I have tried to be a good woman. No! She spoke from the low point of prostration.

“but will give your bond-servant a son,”

She gave God her heart’s desire. Once again, she does so from a place of humility.

“then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head.”

Hannah’s desire for a child was so great, that she was willing to give him back to the Lord for His use. Hannah could have asked for a daughter, but she asked for a son. My opinion is she did this because a son would be able to serve in the temple. She also deemed him a Nazarite, which was an added commitment. A Nazarite was a Jew who made a vow to not drink wine, cut his hair or be defiled by the presence of a corpse.

What can we learn from Hannah’s prayer? We can follow her example in praying from a position of humility, recognizing God as the Most High, bringing Him our innermost desires, and praying that the outcome will be to His glory and honor.

We have already learned so much from this woman named Hannah. Next time we’ll see criticism coming from a prominent source and how Hannah responds to it.

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

August 14, 2021 by Amy Christensen in Abide in Christ, Acknowledging pain, Analogy of Christian life, Anxiety, Being a woman, Being afraid, Being God's child, Being in Christ, Belief, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Blogging, Change, Child-like faith, Children of God, Christ-like, Christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Cleaning up, Coming back to God, Commitment, confession, Darkness, Darkness vs. Light, Despair, Difficulty, Disappointment, Emotional stress, Enduring, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Fear, Feel emotions, Feeling invisible, Feeling overwhelmed, Feeling worthless, Feelings of grief, Feelings of guilt, Filling our Minds, God controls the darkness, God is all knowing, God is all powerful, God is all present, God is for us, God is good, God is light, God is over the darkness, God is sovereign, God is with us, God is within the darknes, God loves us, God's faithfulness, God's word, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Growth in God, Healthy emotions, Healthy thoughts, Hurts, Jesus, Jesus is our hope, Jesus is the life, Jesus is the light, Jesus is the way, Jesus is the truth, Knowing God, Know God Better, Life's storms, Looking at scripture, Praising God, Prince of Peace, Reading the Bible, Renewal, Renewing our minds, Revealing our hearts, Acknowledging feelings, Wonderful Counselor, When storms come, When darkness comes, What if We were Real

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

Dare to be Disciplined? Doubt it!

January 11, 2020 by Amy Christensen in Change, Change is difficult, Christ-like, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian life, Commitment, Diligence, Discipline, Blogging, Christian faith blog, donuts, Ebenezer Scrooge, encouragement, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Fear, God's word, Growing in Our faith, Happy New Year, Learning from the Bible, Making choices, Perseverance, Relationship with God, Resolutions, Restart, Seasonal Affective Disode, Self - control, Self discipline, Struggling, Taking care of yourself, the Christian life, Accountabilitiy, Laziness

Wow! I just looked at the last time I posted on this faith page. It was November 20th. Yikes! That is way too long. I apologize for the absence and hope to get back to a more regular posting schedule as soon as possible. I have realized over the years that I am not a very disciplined person. I mean, sure, I can get up and go to work when I have to. I make sure there is clean underwear and clean dishes to eat off of on a regular basis, but when it comes to creating new habits, or being self-motivated….that’s a different story.

Taking a look at Webster’s online dictionary we see that discipline falls into two categories. The first uses the word as a noun and includes the ideas of self-control, orderly or prescribed conduct, punishment, instruction or a field of study. The other use is as a verb and is the action of imposing punishment, order or training.

If I scrutinize my own life, I can see areas where I do have the noun discipline. The regular habits of brushing my teeth, taking a shower, getting out of bed at a similar time every day, etc. are all done out of discipline. However, there seem to be an inordinate amount of areas where I don’t exercise (verb) discipline. These would include eating healthy, exercise, blogging, writing and spending (or not spending).

Obviously, I wouldn’t have survived to the age of 56 if I wasn’t doing something to take care of myself. I honestly don’t get sick very often, unless it is from being around my Grandson and we all know children are walking petri dishes full of all manner of bacteria and viruses. I wouldn’t have survived working seasonal at Kohl’s if I wasn’t used to walking and working hard. I also wouldn’t still be blogging if I wasn’t exercising some amount of discipline with regard to regularly posting and giving you new content.

So why all the fuss over this idea of discipline?

It seems every New Year our minds are full of ideas of what we want to accomplish in the coming year. We are thrilled to start with a blank slate. We make lists of things we are going to do, which often include: lose weight, join a gym, exercise, eat more veggies, spend less money, treat our spouses and families better and more. These are not bad. It is a good thing to want to do better, to change, to grow, to get rid of old bad habits and start doing good ones.

I read a post from jillsamter on Instagram, that by January 3rd 75% of people who made New Year’s resolutions give up on them. Wow! That is crazy. That is only three days. Not very hopeful, is it? So why do we desire to change so much, but seem so incredibly inept at actually making those changes happen and stick for good?

Try these ideas on for size:

1 - Laziness - I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t like to think of myself as lazy, but I am. Webster’s defines lazy as, a disinterest to activity or exertion. That describes me on more than one occasion. Ha, ha. How many of us hit the snooze button on our alarms? How many times do we choose to binge watch a show rather than going out for a walk, or doing the dishes? How often do we go out to eat, rather than going through the work of planning, cooking and cleaning up after a meal? Isn’t it just easier to not get a good habit started at all, than to put in the effort of trying, only to give up after a few days?

2 - No accountability - If no one is watching what will we do? Probably nothing, or maybe everything. We will eat that extra piece of cake; spend the afternoon watching Netflix and turn ourselves into an ingrown toenail of discouragement and unchanged habits. Even God’s Word tells us victory is obtained with help from others.

“Where there is no guidance the people fall,
But in abundance of counselors there is victory”

— Proverbs 11:21 (NASB)

There is something good about having others hold you accountable. There is also something humbling about it. That leads me to the next point.

3 - Pride - “I don’t have a problem that needs fixing. I am just fine, doing what I am doing.” “There is no way I’m going to the gym. I don’t want everyone staring at my booty!” “Discipline is overrated. I read my Bible once in a while and I even pray before most of my meals.” “I don’t want people holding me accountable. My time is my own and what I do with it is my business.”

Have you ever found yourself thinking these thoughts. I have. Discipline is hard work and we don’t like to think that we haven’t got everything figured out.

4 - Fear - This is probably one of the biggest factors that keep us from being a more disciplined people, but the fear is real, folks. Whether we fear what others will think of us, how much effort it is going to take, or what we are going to have to give up, we are afraid that in gaining control over ourselves and our lives, we will lose control over all of the things we really don’t have any control over.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Honestly, think about it. I’m afraid, if I really start eating healthy, I’ll never be able to have another piece of pizza or chocolate cake again. I am afraid, if I go to the gym, I am going to look like an absolute fat fool surrounded by all those skinny people in their cute little leggings and pony tails. I’m afraid, that if I try to be a better person it will kill me! Ha, ha. That last one might be a little extreme, but we often think in dramatic, extreme terms.

So how do we deal with this idea of discipline?

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

— Hebrews 12:11 (NASB)

God knew this idea of discipline would not be easy. Our desire for things to be easy, compounded by our desire to satisfy our flesh means discipline is going to be a full time, life long job.

Recognize reality. Discipline is work. We’ve all heard the saying that work is a four letter word; this being from a time period when four letter cuss words were taboo. Discipline is your job. When I became an employee, first at the bookstore and then at a retail business, I committed to a contract. I committed to working for the allotted time I was scheduled. I committed to coming in on the days I was scheduled at the time I was scheduled. I committed to not stealing from the company. I committed to doing my job to the best of my ability. The only difference between the job and the gym (or other areas of discipline) is my level of commitment.

Image by StartupStockPhotos from Pixabay

Now that I am currently not employed I thought, why not make writing my job? Writing is my dream career, so why not treat it like it is? Why not get up at the same time every day, get my cup of tea and start working on finding freelance jobs, writing a short story to submit and working on that novel that has been simmering in my mind for a long time? My plan is to commit to a time period every day similar to a job, so maybe four to eight hours (with breaks of course). Discipline is work!

Examine expectations. Expect the unexpected. I think what often derails our plans to be more disciplined are real life distractions. I’m calling them distractions, but sometimes it is just life: your child gets sick and is home from school, your mother fell and broke her ankle, you had to work extra hours this week. All of these things sap our energy and take away time that we committed to being better disciplined.

Are you placing expectations on yourself that just aren’t realistic? My spouse and I have family out of state. We know that traveling to visit family is a priority. That means things like having a garden, and keeping a perfectly clean house are not going to be realistic at this time in our lives. I’d like to go to the gym three days a week, but right now I’d be happy with one. I’d like to walk three miles every day, but a more realistic goal is once a week (especially since it has been raining for two days now).

I am not saying we shouldn’t push and reach. Of course that is part of the work idea of discipline, but expecting to much to start and then failing may thwart our efforts permanently.

Start small. Baby steps. I got out of bed this morning by eight. I had more mornings this week, where I had to be out of bed by six, because I was helping my daughter get my Grandson to school. Seasonal Affective Disorder makes everything more difficult in the winter. Especially all of the things that take discipline. This is how I really feel…I want to stay in my pajamas, turn on Netflix, have a cup of tea and a bag of cream filled donuts, a few chocolate chip muffins (even better if they are chocolate chocolate chip), and maybe a piece of fruit for breakfast. For lunch, I’d still be in my pajamas watching Netflix, but now I would have a Diet Coke, a couple slices of pizza and a bag of something salty. I might just munch on some chocolate after that. For dinner, I would finally shower so we could go out to eat. I’d feel numb and depressed from watching Netflix all day, so I would order something so loaded with sodium and carbs my kidneys and pancreas would scream in horror.

Do I ever do that? No. But seriously, that is how I feel. That is what I want to do. When you start throwing ideas at me like, go to the gym, start writing that book, go through that closet, well, it is just plain overwhelming. Does that mean I don’t want to be disciplined? No. It just means, I have a mountain to climb while dragging a ball and chain the size comparable to what Ebenezer Scrooge was forging before Marley sent him on his redemptive journey.

I honestly don’t think there are easy answers to the discipline conundrum, other than en media res - in the midst of things. When I was taking a writing class a number of years ago at the college where my spouse works, the instructor brought up this Latin phrase with regards to writing. If you don’t know where to start, just start in the middle of it all. For me, that simply means, just pick something and get started. This morning, I chose to get up and finish this blog post. Writing for today….check! A little later, I’m going to finish putting away the Christmas stuff. Cleaning for today…check! For breakfast I had a multigrain english muffin and a grapefruit. Good eating choices for today…check!

In time, perhaps, one baby step will lead to another and another and another. Disciplined life….Check!

When the Monsoon Winds of Change Blow

November 08, 2019 by Amy Christensen in Belief, Bible, Bible study, Bible teaching, Blogging, Christ-like, christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Fear, Change, Change is difficult, Feeling overwhelmed, Feeling worthless, Feelings of grief, God allows change, God is all knowing, God is all powerful, God is all present, God is good, God is with us, God loves us, Growing in Our faith, Jesus, Jesus is our hope, Our hope in christ, Our relationship to God, Storms of life, Struggling, Romans 8:26-39

I spent the morning doing a little bit of cleaning, putting away Halloween decor and getting out Thanksgiving decor. While I was doing that I was thinking about what to do with this Faith post. My life has never been one of discipline or routine. My spouse is a college instructor, so every semester the schedule changes. We homeschooled our two girls all the way through high school so that schedule changed in accordance with my spouse’s. There were times when Mark had several evening classes, so we would have our main meal together at lunch time. Other times, the girls and I would fend for ourselves, knowing dad wouldn’t be home until 9 or 10 at night. In addition to that all of our family is out of state. Holidays, spring breaks and summers were often littered with trips to see Grandmas and Grandpas, uncles, cousins and friends.

Change is not a bad thing. Often, change can be exciting and something we look forward to with anticipation. Unfortunately, change can also be something that fills us with dread and despair. In just a few short weeks, my position as assistant manager of a university bookstore will be over. It was a position I grew into, as I started working when my girls were just little. I went from sales clerk, to general merchandiser, to shipping and receiving clerk, to assistant manager. I made the transition working part time, so I could still homeschool our girls and more recently help out with our grandson.

I had hoped that I could take a few months off, get my thoughts together and get through the holidays without the added stress of learning a new job, having a new schedule, blending with new coworkers and on and on the change comes. However, that is not the case. I have to find another job, so I am applying for something seasonal.

Part of the reason, I am writing this is to work through the situation myself. Losing a job is like losing someone close to you. You didn’t get to have a say in when it happened, it just happened. You didn’t get to determine, what that change or that end would look like, it just ended. So here I am. I’m 55 and not sure what the next step is, other than to keep stepping.

There is a passage of Scripture that seems especially pertinent to my situation today, and maybe will speak to you as well.

“26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 8:26-39 (ESV)

There are several key points that we can pull from this passage.

1 - Someone is praying for us.

Verses 26 and 27 plainly state that the Spirit intercedes for us. I love this. To know that someone is praying for me and not just praying but interceding with “groanings too deep for words.” Have you ever noticed when life is overwhelming it is also often confusing as well. In addition, knowing what God is trying to do through or in a situation is more often than not beyond our ability to understand. There are times I find myself saying, “Lord, I don’t even know how to pray.” That is how I have felt over the last few months as I have looked down the pike to losing my job. Sure, my heart would like to pray that everything would go smoothly and that I wouldn’t have to get another job right away. I want to be able to enjoy the holidays and not have them messed up with a new schedule and the stress of learning a new job. But, my mind is also praying for a new job as soon as possible. I have also entertained the idea, that maybe God would just like me to really trust Him. Ha, ha. It is exactly in this state of confusion that my prayers often hit the ceiling and go no further, so it is very reassuring to me that the Holy Spirit is praying for me and He is praying according to the will of God. Pure and simple.

2 - Things will work out.

It would be nice to say, that things will work out, exactly as we had hoped and expected, but reality says that is rarely the case. However, according to verse 29, things will work for good to those who love God, and who are called according to His purpose. That may sound a little confusing, as though we have to figure out what God’s purpose is. The fact of the matter is, all we have to do is be present. Whatever the circumstance or difficulty, God will work it out and you can be sure it will be for your best and my best, because His will is always for our best. Our minds are limited in what we are able to see as being best, but from personal experience, I can say, it is only when I am completely submitting to Him and whatever path or direction He’s leading me that I have complete peace. That path may be wretchedly difficult, but He is walking it with us and the end result will be good.

3 - We are known, called, justified and glorified.

Verses 29 and 30 pack a big punch. There is a lot going on in these two verses, and rather than delving into each word individually, just know that we are pretty darn important to our Creator. I am also not going to get into a discussion on predestination versus free will. My heart believes that both are possible and that God is the only one who needs to understand how it works. That is good enough for me. The fact that He knew us from the beginning, He called us to Himself, He justified us through His Son Jesus Christ, and He will glorify us at the resurrection with new bodies, reiterates the amazing love of this being we call Jehovah. The complexity of this relationship with an Almighty being becomes clearly simple when we believe that everything He does is done for our benefit.

4 - God is for us.

This needs little explanation. The only thing you have to do is believe it!

5 - God will provide.

God, who did not spare His own Son, Jesus, for our benefit, will provide all that we need. Note, I did not say all that we want, but all that we need. What we are responsible to do is figure out, what is it, that we really need. Food, clothes, love, security. Think about people who have been persecuted, tortured or neglected, yet still survived and even thrived regardless of the adversity. What is it that we really need? Only to abide with Him.

6 - We are secure.

Verses 33 through 35, and 38 through 39, reassure us of our firm foundation in Christ. No one can separate us from Him or His love. We can be persecuted, neglected, overwhelmed, or in despair, but still He is with us. We might be losing our jobs, our spouses, our families, our homes, our health, but still He is with us and we are secure in His hands.

7 - We are conquerors in Him.

Verses 36 and 37, give us the kick in the pants we need, when we become self focused. When change is coming and the future is uncertain we can easily begin to look inward thinking things like, we’ll never get through this, we can’t do this one more day, we aren’t good enough or other such thoughts that take our focus off the one through whose hands every circumstance trickles. We can become anxious, self-absorbed and begin to invite friends to our pity party, but that is not what God wants for us. Verse 37 says, “…in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

Think about your favorite super hero movie. How did they get through the battles with bad guys, aliens and monsters? They conquered. They conquered their fear and they conquered the enemies. We have an Almighty, All Powerful God on our side. We can be conquerors too, in Him.

When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck

January 09, 2019 by Amy Christensen in Analogy of Christian life, Anxiety, Battle Fatigue, Being a woman, Being God's child, Being in Christ, Being the best you can, Belief, Change is difficult, Change, Christ-like, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Dealing with change, Faith, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, Feeling overwhelmed, Healthy emotions, Healthy thoughts, Unhealthy thoughts, Emotional stress

Have you given any thought to your thoughts this past week? In last week’s introductory post, New Year, New Mind, I asked you to spend this past week thinking about what you think about. Most often it is our thoughts that sabotage our efforts to make our lives better, whether it be eating better, exercising more, getting rid of clutter, making new habits or just being more thankful or joyful.

I don’t know about you, but my thoughts often look just like this train wreck.

Just how that train got where it got, from where it was coming from, is a mystery, but something definitely went wrong! That is just how our thoughts work. One minute we are fine. We are motivated, energized and raring to go conquer the world. The next moment we are a sobbing, angry, anxious train wreck. This week I would like to look at several areas of train wreck mentality.

Train Wreck #1 - Being Self Absorbed

We are all guilty of being self absorbed. Who hasn’t felt selfish, possessive, jealous or needy? Unfortunately, the train wreck of self absorption is reaching epidemic proportions. Let me break it down:

I’m too - These two little words lead to all sorts of inner focused thinking. I’m too fat. I’m too thin. i’m too tall. I’m too short. I’m too ugly. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too dumb. I’m too tired.

In addition to the I’m too problem, there is the parallel Not Enough dilemma.

Not Enough - Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not loving enough. Not slim enough. Not organized enough. Not talkative enough. Not brave enough. Not motivated enough….you get the picture. I’m sure, if you are reading this post, you have heard these words in your own head. I certainly have. I have gone over and over the same tracks as the train of self absorption chugs along.

Not a good enough wife.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough grandma.

Not a good enough daughter.

Not a good enough Christian.

Not a good enough employee.

Not a good enough friend.

On and on it chugs along until suddenly it derails and there I am a self absorbed mess.

Have you really thought about how being self absorbed affects you? Not only does it cause physical issues, such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure and auto immune problems, it also causes a plethora of psychological and emotional problems, from anxiety disorder to narcissistic tendencies. Take a look at this interesting article from Psychology Today. While not the definitive authority on psychological disorders and treatments, I think the article makes a pertinent point.

“But what’s most fascinating to me here is that I haven’t seen discussed by writers on the subject just how many psychological dysfunctions can be accurately understood as “maladies” of self-absorption. From a variety of phobic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive impairments, to many depressive disturbances (including bipolar disorder), to various addictions, to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and to most of the personality disorders, self-absorption can be seen as playing a major (if not dominant) role. So any effective treatment of these dysfunctions needs to include significantly reducing these obsessively self-centered—and self-defeating—tendencies.”

— Leon Seltzer, PhD., Psychology Today (online) - Posted August 24, 2016

You can see the whole article here.

Our self absorption tendencies may just lead us to a bitter end.

Train Wreck #2 - Demanding Our Rights

This one is a direct outcome of the first train wreck of being self absorbed. Let me say that people should have rights. Our country came into being and was founded on the idea that people should have a right to worship as they want. The men who authored The Declaration of Independence, felt that certain rights were so important, they were willing to go to war to ensure their solidity.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ”

— Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

However, the rights that Jefferson, Adams and others were referring too had to do with basic tenants of self-government, including freedom of religion, and the freedom to govern ourselves. When they were talking about government over themselves they weren’t talking about the rights that so many today are yelling about. They were talking about the right to work a job, own a home and yes, to even own a gun. The governing process had to do with community and country as a whole.

Today the rights battle continues as women seek equal pay for equal work, as well as equality on pricing of necessary products such as deodorant and razors. Did you realize that women usually pay more for these products? These desires are good. What becomes a problem is when the demand for rights is born out of a self absorbed mentality.

I want it and I want it now!! Watch this short video.

Isn’t this a perfect analogy of how thoroughly self indulgent we can be. Truly, aren’t we just a bunch of spoiled, rotten, children at times? Demanding our rights, and not taking into consideration the desires, needs and feelings of other people, is not what our forefathers meant when they brought the Declaration of Independence into fruition. A rights based mentality, must be balanced by an equally serious mentality of individual responsibility. An attitude of responsibility means that we cannot be self-absorbed.

Train Wreck #3 - Not Caring

This is probably the mentality that causes the most problems. When we are self absorbed at least we care enough about ourselves that we might still be willing to try to take care of ourselves. We might even be caring enough to care for other people. Demanding our rights means we still want something. We want something that is important enough to us to be willing to yell and fight for it. Unfortunately, when we get to the point where we no longer care, that is when trains derail and we crash.

Think about a time when you gave up, or you wanted to. How did you feel? How did that feeling change the way you were doing things? I have done the, counting calorie thing, many times over the course of my adult life. I have kept track, written things down, measured and tallied. No matter how many times I restarted, I always got to a certain point where I just didn’t care any more. I would lose a few pounds, feel better, fit into my clothes better and so on, but still, somehow or other, I would end back up at the same place.

I don’t care.

I can’t tell you for certain, why we often get to a point of not caring any more, but it does happen. I believe there are many reasons we get to this point in our lives. Fatigue, illness, relationship struggles, work problems, family crisis, national unrest, the list goes on. With our computers, televisions, smart phones and other instantaneous technology, we are constantly plugged in and on the spot. We see what is going on with everyone else and everyone else knows all our struggles as well.

We are finite, limited human beings and eventually all the input does its job of desensitizing us and bring us to that creaky bridge where our train begins to clackety clack across. Finally, the bridge drops out from beneath us and we plunge into the canyon of hopelessness and despair.

Who cares!

Why bother!

I give up!

When we get to this point, it is time to reevaluate how we got here.

Next week I’ll be sharing a video that I hope will make you laugh, but that makes a pertinent point that we can’t ignore and will hopefully give us hope to care again and start living a mentally healthy life.

Until then, have a great week and be careful, not to have a train wreck!

Writer's Block and Another Piece of Pizza

September 19, 2018 by Amy Christensen in Admit, Being God's child, Being in Christ, Being the best you can, Belief, Bending to God's will, Bible study, Blogging, Change is difficult, Change, Christ-like, christian, Christian belief, Christian blog, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian life, Doing your best, Faith Blog, Faith blogger, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Self control, Temptation, Writers block, Self discipline

I'm sitting here having major writing block. I know there are many things I could write about for a faith post, but my brain doesn't seem to be able to think of something at the moment. Sometimes the writing process just happens, like water running downhill. There is hardly any effort involved and obstacles are easily gone around or just flowed over. Other times, writing feels like walking up a steep staircase that goes on forever, after having run a marathon. Words don't always come, which is very frustrating for the one who desires to make writing their profession.

Fiction comes much more easily to me. Give me a word, an idea or a picture and I can usually throw myself into the middle of a scenario complete with characters, dialogue and action. The biggest problem between me and getting something published is a lack of discipline. As bad as I feel that I want it and as much as I know God gave me an ability to create and imagine interesting stories, I struggle with actually having the self-control to sit down and complete things.

I have this issue in other areas of life. Eating, exercise, keeping a clean house, spending time in prayer and in God's word have all seen the ramifications of my wishy washy self-discipline. I will often begin a course of action, at least in my head saying,

"This time I am going to finish that story and submit it."

"Today, I'm going to eat better."

"Monday, I'll start my diet and exercise regimen."

"After I get through this week at work, I'll start doing my Bible reading again."

I have a feeling, many of you can relate to this ongoing dialogue in your head. Maybe you even say these things out loud to a person you've asked to be your accountability partner. Perhaps that person does a good job texting you, calling and making sure you are sticking to your plan...at least for a while, until their own lives fall into disarray and they, like you, jump the track. So how do we get off this hamster wheel of on again, off again self-control or self-discipline?

1. Perhaps the first thing we need to do is admit we have a problem.

"Hi! My name is Amy and I am lazy, tired and addicted to chocolate and binge watching shows on Netflix."

It would seem that most counselors agree that until we can admit we have a problem we can’t expect change to happen.

2. The second thing that might be important is to want change.

I do not believe this comes easily. Many of us are paralyzed by the prospect of change. We can say we want it, but do we really? Change is hard and there are not very many of us who like things that are hard. Let me just take my soft blanket and pillow and go hide in a warm, comfortable hole somewhere and I’ll be good.

I really believe we have to ask God for the desire to change. Only He can give that to us. Left up to my own devices, I will repeatedly return to my bad habits, or in many cases my sins.

3. Thirdly, we need to recognize temptation.

Here is a piece from a devotion by Oswald Chambers:

“The word temptation has come to mean something bad to us today, but we tend to use the word in the wrong way. Temptation itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human. Not to be tempted would mean that we were already so shameful that we would be beneath contempt. Yet many of us suffer from temptations we should never have to suffer, simply because we have refused to allow God to lift us to a higher level where we would face temptations of another kind.”

— My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chamber - September 17

Temptation is part of life. What I find myself doing is looking at certain things as temptations and others as just normal desires. What I need to do is start recognizing the temptations for what they are. Look at this scenario:

I love pizza.

We have pizza for dinner.

I’m on my third piece and thinking about the fourth.

It’s just a piece of pizza, right? No worries.

Is it really just a matter of I should be able to eat whatever I want and how much I want or has it become a matter of gluttony? Once I have identified the temptation, in this case the temptation to be gluttonous, I have a better chance of turning away from that particular temptation. It might be hard at first, but the journey begins with that first step.

4. No matter how many times I fall off the wagon, I need to keep trying.

It is very easy to give up. Even if it is only for a weekend, but a weekend turns into a week, turns into a month and so on. The whole idea behind self-control or self-discipline, is that we have to make a choice and we have to care. If we give up caring about trying to do better, be better, live better, we will end up on a one way street towards difficulty. That difficulty may manifest itself in poor health and weight gain, or in never writing that book that God really wanted you to write.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

— Galatians 2:20 (NASB)

Beauty from Ash

January 24, 2018 by Amy Christensen in Abide in Christ, Acknowledging pain, Analogy of Christian life, Ashes, Beauty for ashes, Being in the light, Belief, Blogging, Change, Christian blogger, Christian faith, Christian faith blog, Christian fiction, Christian life, Come into the light, Faith, Faith blogger, Go to the light, God's protection, God's strength, God's work in my life, Growing in Our faith, Growth in God, Imagery, Light in the darkness, Making deep roots, New life

There it was. A single, dark green leaf, beginning to unfurl. It had been conceived in darkness. A tiny seed that lay dormant, not dead, merely asleep in the cozy warmth of the dark earth. While it was sleeping the dragon had done his damage. He had ravaged the landscape, burning every tree and every living thing until all was nothing but ash. He thought he had destroyed life, but what he had meant for death, the One had meant for life.

The ash lay heavy on the earth. It became, not a grave blanket of death, but a rich, comforting layer of warmth and nutrients. Gradually, over time, the rains came and the ash cooled and lingering life seeped into the black earth below.

The seed drank the death life and began to swell. Swollen and full, it opened, releasing a shoot into the fertile soil above. Pushing, struggling, reaching, it climbed upward. It knew, above the darkness there was light and the light was what it wanted. The light was what it needed. The shoot didn't know how it knew, but it knew it had to reach for the light. It knew the light would help it grow. It knew the light would give it life.

Soon the pushing, struggling and reaching paid off. At the very tip of it's furthest point the shoot felt an odd sensation, warmth. It had only ever known the coolness of the earth in which it lay. It had only ever known the darkness, but now...now it reached. With one last ambitious push it poked through the earth and ash and found the light.

* * * * *

Are we not like the seed? Were we not conceived in darkness? Did we not, when we were full with the nutrients of our mother's womb, the womb that would die after our life, death life, did we not move toward the light? We knew when it was time, as our mother's womb knew when it was time to help us, push, and reach and struggle, that we must find the light. We needed the light.

Why then, when we know the light is good, do we stop seeking it? Why, when we know the light gives us life and helps us grow, do we we hide from it? Why do we prefer to cover ourselves back up with the dragon's ash, trying to hide rather than growing to the potential that the One had meant for us?

It is because we are afraid.

Do not fear the light, or the One from which the light has its source. Rather, push, struggle, reach for Him. He will tend you like a tender shoot and raise you up into a mighty tree.

He alone can bring beauty from ash.

(Written by Amy D. Christensen)

Three Little Commands

October 17, 2016 by Amy Christensen in Change, christian, faith, Prayer, Thankfulness, Rejoice

As a Christian I am often about, what to do. How do I serve? How do I minister? I often become fixated on one or two commands in the Bible and forget about all of the other ones. In recent years my life has gone down a path I never thought it would take and suddenly everything looks so different.

You know how it is. You decide to take a drive in the country. It's a beautiful fall day, the colors are at peak and you are enjoying the scenery. After a while you decide you need to head home. You have things to do. Instead of turning around and going back exactly the same way you came, you decide to take a different route. All of a sudden, you have no idea where you are. Everything looks the same, and nothing looks familiar.

That is how life can be. You are traveling along and all of a sudden you don't know where you are, nor how you got there. At those times the things we know can be helpful, but they can also be to our detriment. Knowing directions such as North, South, East and West are helpful, but if you insist you are going North, when you are actually going South, well that could be a problem.

For many years as a college student at a Bible school and into adult life, my focus was on how do I spread the Good News; how do I tell others about Jesus? When I became a wife and mother my focus became how do I serve God in my family and train up girls who would want to follow Him? I have never lost my direction as far as wanting to do what God would want me to do. I have however, gone down a path of suffering that I was unprepared for and would often find myself looking up at Heaven and asking, "Are you sure I can do this?"

His answer was always the same, "With me, you can!"

While my direction was still the same, the tasks that I once thought were all important took second place to the all encompassing work of knowing Him better. Believe me, when you walk a trail that goes through some deep valley's the only way to get through them is to keep coming back to the purpose of life: to glorify Him. It was along this path that He lead me to these three little commands.

“ Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ”

— I Thessalonians 5:16 - 18 (NASB)

I often find myself back at God's feet asking Him, "What do you want me to do?"

In recent years His answer is always the same, "Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all things."

"But Lord, is that really enough? Shouldn't I be doing more? Leading a Bible study? Helping at the soup kitchen? Going back to school?"

I always picture HIm smiling at me and saying, "Are you doing those three things yet?"

If you are like me, you know that rejoicing always is like backing your car all the way from Cleveland to Buffalo. It isn't something that comes naturally for most of us. Remember my post from a few weeks ago, Giving Up Grumbling? Yeah, well rejoicing always is a similar dilemma.

Let's talk about praying without ceasing? Does that just happen? Probably not. Prayer is work, just like exercise. It really must be intentional. There is a time and place for going into our prayer closets and having earnest prayer before the Lord, but how does that fit into our busy, chaotic lives? How do we actually pray without stopping?

Finally, in everything give thanks. It's easy to be thankful when things are going well, but when the poop hits the fan, being thankful sometimes goes right out the same window.

We are all at different points in life. You may be a young Christian who is very zealous about telling others about Jesus. You might be a new wife, determined to love your spouse with the earnestness of the Song of Solomon lover. You might be a mother trying to fulfill the reality of a Proverbs 31 woman. There are so many ideals in the Bible, many of which we cannot fulfill, at least not without Him. None of these are bad. And God has each of us right where He wants us.

So, for a little while this is the path I am walking. A path of rejoicing, praying and giving thanks, even when life is difficult. Maybe you are on this same path. Maybe life doesn't look exactly like you thought it would at this point and you are feeling a little lost. Don't worry. You are in good company.

Over the next three weeks I want to look at each of those little commands in a much bigger way. I hope you'll walk with me.

The Imperishable Prize

August 08, 2016 by Amy Christensen in faith, Growing in Our faith, Jesus, Change, Running the race to win, Apostle Paul, Self control

There may be no other simple six letter word that invokes so much stress and fear as change. Have you ever considered how much change you go through in a day, a week, a month or a year, let alone your life time? I was thinking about the changes that I have encountered in the last month. My daughter found a new job which changed her schedule, so that changed my grandson's schedule, which in turn, changed my schedule. Certain procedures at my place of employment changed, which changed how I did the schedule and changed the amount of time I had to spend working on the schedule. Changes are not always good. Sometimes, they are just excruciatingly frustrating.

In the last few months my daughter and son-in-law have had both cars in the shop, my nephew who was supposed to get married, didn't, another nephew had a daughter which no one was aware of until the mother went into labor and my hairdresser decided to give up being a hairdresser for a different full time job. All of these changes in some way affected my world. Wouldn't it be nice to just go a few hours, days, weeks or even months without changes?

And let's not forget the change, that wonderful time period that all women get to look forward to. Weight gain, hot flashes, abnormal periods, oh the joy!

Don't get me wrong, many changes are good. Giving up smoking or excessive sugar is good for your health. Ending a toxic relationship is good for your well being. Starting to exercise can, not only help your heart, but improve your mood. Reading can open your mind and imagination to new worlds and learning something new can help delay memory loss. Much of change is good and necessary.

God does not want us to be static. Webster defines static as showing little or no change, action or progress. Our lives are supposed to change and grow as we come to know Jesus more and as we learn to trust and obey Him.

“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

— I Corinthians 9:19-27 (NASB)

The Apostle Paul was not only uniquely aware of change, he was an agent of change. Once a top shelf Pharisee, persecutor of Christ followers, he met the Lord Jesus Himself on the road to Damascus. You can see his conversion in Acts 9:1-19. This intellectual Jew, raised in the strict order of the Pharisees, became a Christian. He changed. He went from killing Christians to believing in Christ and becoming one of the greatest leaders in the early Christian church.

Paul knew that change did not end the moment he became born again. He was aware that his faith was going to be an ever evolving and changing thing. His desire became, to become all things to all men, so that Christ might be preached. He wanted to do his best and he knew that meant working at his faith and his relationship with Jesus.

I am thoroughly convicted by the above passage.

1. Do you not know that those who run in a race all run - Really? Do I remember I am even in the race, let alone that I am supposed to be running. I am not a runner, but I am smart enough to understand that being in a marathon takes hard work, discipline and practice. What do marathon runners practice? Piano? Chess? Painting? No! They practice running. They run to build their endurance and then they run to increase their speed. So the first question I need to ask myself is,

Am I running in the race or am I sitting on the sidelines being a spectator? I believe there are times we are on the sidelines. Runners get injuries, after which they have to take time to heal. As Christ followers and as human beings we get injured. We feel pain. And often that means we have to sit out for a spell. However, the analogy goes deeper. Let's say I am one of those marathon runners. My goal may be to win or just to make it to the finish line. If I fall and get injured do I stop or do I keep going? That all depends on the extent of the injury. We live in a world of hurt and pain. Our churches are filled with hurting people. Once in a while we get hurt by one of those hurting people. Does that mean I'm out of the race? Not if God is on your side.

2. Run in such a way that you may win - Winning? Hmmm. I don't feel like I am winning when I keep getting knocked down over and over. But think about it. A soldier who goes into combat keeps getting up and firing back until he can't get up any more. He knows the prize - to win the war, to keep people safe and protect human dignity and freedom. He fights for that to his very death because he is focused on the prize. So my second question is,

Am I running to win? - I have been. I am answering that question honestly. There are times in the last few years where I feel like I have hunkered down in a trench to hide and hope I don't have to ever show my head in the race again. But, my heart says, I want to run and run to win. Jesus' Spirit in me, is not going to let me give up, not if I really believe in the prize.

3. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things - Excuse me? What did you say? Self-control? What is that? You mean you want me to not eat that other donut? You mean you want me to take a walk when I would rather sit in front of the TV? You mean you want me to hold my tongue when that customer was extremely rude to me? You mean you want me to love, give and care even when there is nothing in return? So my third question (no, I don't know how to count) is,

Do all things, really mean all things? - Uh, yeah! So true, but so hard to do! But what is the motivation? For the Olympians past and present it is to receive a perishable wreath, or gold medal. For a Christ follower it is to receive an imperishable wreath. To hear Jesus say, "Well, done." To me, that seems worth the effort.

4. Therefore I run in such a way as not without aim. I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. - It seems to me we need to have a purpose for what we do...not without aim, not beating the air. Disciplining ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My fourth question then is,

For what purpose? - Paul says it is so that he might not be disqualified. Paul didn't want to mess up, not for his own pride and reputation, but for his Lord. Our goal as a follower of Christ should be to lift Him up; to glorify Him; to turn people toward Him.

What does that all have to do with change? Everything. Every day we experience change we can either take it in stride and glorify Jesus, or we can whine and complain. I know I am not always going to run with the aim in mind and at times I may even be beating the air, but I want to keep running. I want to remember why I run...for the imperishable prize.