Leaning In - Getting Back to Basics when Life is in Upheaval - Part 1: A Personal Journal Entry

The following account is taken from one of my own personal prayer journal entries. It is in the fires of upheaval that God does His refining work. For me to rant and rave against that work does not benefit, but when I come to Him with sincerity and a searching heart He uses that refiners fire to bring me into an ever deeper and more joyful relationship with Him. A good friend used to say, “God knows what He’s about.” How true that is. “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.” I Corinthians 13:12.

Image by Franz P. Sauerteig from Pixabay

(Pieces used in this journal entry came from a short video by Alistair Begg which you can view here, and from an article by A.B. Simpson, founder of the Christian and Missionary Alliance, titled Himself. You can read that by clicking on the link.)

May 6, 2026

Lord, my God, my Savior, my King; You are an amazing God. You are the only, One True God. You are above all. You are the One True King; the One True Lord. You are the Creator of all that lives and of all that keeps us living. You are the Creator of the universe. How amazing You are. How good Your works are. How beautiful is Your Word. How holy is the Triune God; the Ternion in Sole - Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

You have continually provided. Thank you for the provision of all things needed for life and godliness…through the true knowledge of You, who called us by Your glory and excellence; for by these You have granted to me Your precious and magnificent promises, so that by them I might become a partaker of Your divine nature. ( 2 Peter 1:1-4) Wow!

Lord, I certainly do not feel that I have been living as a partaker of Your divine nature. I have been struggling for months: physically, mentally, emotionally. If I partake in Your divine nature should this be so?

Image by Tern70 from Pixabay

You gave me two things to look at this morning: Himself by A.B. Simpson, and the short take by Alistair Begg on Proverbs 24:10. Both seem to be redirecting me back to You. It is You who work and move in the world and in our lives. (Philippians 2:13)

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

— Galatians 2:20 (NASB 1995)

It is no longer I who live…but You live in me. I believe this to be true, but lately grief, loss, illness, and sadness have left me feeling empty. I know, you are still there, still in me; You will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5-6). Why then, do I feel this nothingness?

“Never mind, my child, you have nothing. But I am perfect power; I am perfect love; I am faith; I am your life. I am the preparation for the blessing, and then I am the blessing too. I am all within and without and all forever.””

— Himself - A.B. Simpson

Lord, what does this mean? How am I to live? How am I to move forward? I feel so tired…exhausted…

“Come to me!” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I am trying to do that now. I come to You and lay my burdens at Your feet.

Image by Edward Lich from Pixabay

“I will make known to you the path of life; in My presence is fullness of joy; in my right hand are pleasures forever.” (Psalm 16:11)

“For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.”

— John 16:1 (NASB 1995)

Lord, these words, Your words, are reminding me, once again that all of life is in You; all I need and want is in You; that fullness of both God the Father, and the Holy Spirit combined with the fully Man; all of that fullness is mine to partake of, to learn from, to be comforted by, to be led by, to be loved by; to lean into, to know deeper and deeper.

Lord, don’t let me go. Don’t let my mind, heart, soul or body ever forget that in You is all the fullness of the God-head bodily, and You are all and everything I need for life and godliness.

Lord, you see my shortcomings, my sins, my coping mechanisms, which all pale in comparison to You. Help me out of the hole I am in. Raise me from the dead!

In Jesus’ precious name, and by His shed blood, Amen.

A Year of Waiting - Respite

The word respite is a waiting word, but one that usually gives the idea of a welcome break. A respite is defined by Webster’s Online Dictionary as (noun) a period of temporary delay, an internal rest or relief; as (verb) to grant a temporary period of relief to, or to grant a respite to, or to put off or delay. A respite is a term also applied to giving a caregiver a break from caring for an ill loved one.

As I type this my husband and I are on, what I would call, a respite. We got away for the purpose of rest and relief. Although, I think a true respite would be to completely unplug, with no phone or internet, something that is rarely attained, even when we purpose to do it. However, just getting a change of scenery and getting outside can provide a similar benefit to a true respite.

Image by Julia from Pixabay

Doesn’t that picture make you want to get away? Ha, ha. Getting away is something both my spouse and I find cathartic to the chaos filled, fast paced and anxiety inducing lives we are often living. Even though we no longer have children at home, we live close to our girls, and in turn our grandsons. This is a wonderful thing and I count myself very blessed to have both of our grandsons in our lives and to be a part of helping our daughters and their significant others take care of and have input in their lives.

In addition to family my spouse’s job keeps him busy, and I have my blog and all the other responsibilities of maintaining a home, grocery shopping, making meals, laundry, the list goes on. As with most people we are also constantly bombarded by images, noise, and input in the form of news, social media, and everything else we have access to on the internet.

As I have in all the past posts on A Year of Waiting, I find a definite connection to our waiting on the Lord. So often, God brings circumstances into our lives to bring us into a waiting position. We are to wait for Him, whether it is for deliverance, justice, healing, rescue, hope, glory or perfection. Waiting is much less about what we are waiting for and more about who brought us to a place of waiting.

Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

The Old and New Testaments are full of examples of men and women who had to wait. Noah had to wait while building the ark for the actual flood, over 100 years of waiting. Abraham waited a lifetime for a son. Hannah waited for a child. The people of Israel waited 400 years before they were lead out of slavery from the Egyptians. Simeon waited his whole life for the One who would save Israel. Jesus waited approximately 30 years before starting his public ministry. Life is filled with waiting.

When we look closely at the word respite we see it is a waiting that is meant for good. Indeed, I believe that all waiting brought about by God’s orchestration is meant for our good. As I mentioned in my original post at the beginning of this year, Word for 2024: Wait, waiting can be to keep us safe, give us rest, or give us time to think through a decision or recover from a difficult circumstance or tragedy.

Unfortunately, finding a respite in these busy, chaos filled, and tragic times can be difficult. It really takes a choice and often a predetermined plan. Whether you need to find time to spend with God or time to regroup and reenergize, or time to grieve and heal, the best way to get a respite is to schedule it in just like you would a doctor’s appointment, a trip to the gym, or a visit with a friend.

Image by SerenityArt from Pixabay

Don’t think of it so much in terms of quantity as in quality. An individual who is providing long term care for a sick or aging family member finds they are much better able to cope when they can just walk a way, even for a short time period. Whether it be 15 or 30 minutes for a walk outside, a two hour walk around the mall, or an entire weekend in a different location you can find respite in the smallest of changes and moments.

Also, recognize what might work for me, might not work for you. Not everyone likes the outdoors. I can actually sit out on our patio on a sunny day and feel like I am getting away from whatever struggle I am dealing with. Both my spouse and I love to take walks and hike, but not everyone does. The point is to find what works for you.

Respite is a type of waiting that is important for all of us to do. God made the Sabbath for our benefit, and for His glory, but it seems in this day and age, we have forgotten how to rest and be still, whether you believe the Sabbath is on Saturday or Sunday. God knew how restless a people we would be and also how fatigued we would become from our nonstop lifestyle.

“10 “Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.””

— Psalm 46:10 (NASB 1995)

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB 1995)

I hope you will find time for a respite, and find time to go to the Creator of your soul who truly knows how to give you rest.

Wonderful Words of Life: Come!

Fatigue, it is like an old friend; you know the kind, the one who lingers in your house when you really wish they would head home and give you your space. I don’t know about you, but my husband coined the phrase “existential fatigue”, and it often seems appropriate. Existential fatigue is fatigue to the very cellular level. In other words, the fatigue of existence.

Before you start to worry, being existentially fatigued does not mean we are looking for a way to end our lives. My spouse and I struggle, but not to the point where we are ready to throw away what the God of the Universe has given us. We are just very tired. Tired of things being hard. Tired of always having to struggle. Tired of family issues, church issues, national issues, and issues on a global scale.

Existence is akin to a caterpillar firmly encased in its self bound cocoon coming in to the knowledge of its imminent change and beginning to feel the need to stretch, and reach, and grow, and fly. Perhaps the caterpillar turning into a butterfly at some point begins to panic, recognizing the tiny, dark, cave which lovingly embraces it is now holding it too tightly. It must move on. It must move to its glorified state. It must become exactly what it was meant to be.

Image by sparkielyle from Pixabay

When we become Christ followers we become attuned to the disconnect that the world has from its creator. This is due to sin. A once perfect world, became imperfect when Adam and Eve believed the lies of the serpent, and not the truths of the Creator. Immediately, the created began to place itself above the One who created. The result was not just evil in the world we live, but the ripple effect of that evil: hatred, lies, selfishness, perversion, murder, adultery, manipulation and toxic behavior. The list is long, and all of this lends to that existential fatigue that we feel.

Paul understood this dichotomy we feel; this pull to stay and live life here, and the pull to go and be with Jesus, to get out of our tiny cocoon and soar.

Image by Steve Crowhurst from Pixabay

“21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
22 But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose.
23 But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better;
24 yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. ”

— Philippians 1:21-24 (NASB)

As a Christian is it wrong for us to feel existentially fatigued? I don’t think so. In fact, I think Jesus knew we would all get to those points where we just felt we couldn’t go on. That brings us to our Wonderful Words of Life.

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB 1995)

I believe I have talked about this on my faith page before (see Our Need for Rest - Part 1), but Scripture is living and active. It never grows old or tiresome. A passage we have looked at for years may suddenly leap off the page, grab us around the neck and shake us furiously. When this happens we must ask ourselves, why this, why now? Let’s take a closer look.

Come to Me - Jesus isn’t telling us to go to a sleep therapist, a personal trainer, or a counselor, He is calling us to come to Him. Why is this important? Because, not only does Christ know us better than any other living soul on the planet, He is the One who has the power and ability to do something about what we are going through.

…all who are weary and heavy-laden - That pretty much sums up where most of the world is. We are existentially fatigued and overwhelmed by all the burdens living in this fleshly world places upon us.

,,,and I will give you rest. - Jesus tells us straight He will give us rest. He is the One who can make all the difference in our lives.

Image by 2211438 from Pixabay

Take my yoke upon you… - What does Christ mean here. We aren’t oxen are we, that we should have an actual physical yoke placed upon us? No, however, Christ is making an important point. It is easier for a pair of oxen to plow a field in tandem, than for one ox to plow alone. The yoke is a necessary connector between the pair of beasts. Without it, one or both oxen would simple walk away, or just stand still, stubbornly refusing to do the work.

…learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, - When farmers train a new or younger ox to plow a field they will put in in a yoke with an older or more experienced team member. The young, inexperienced ox learns how to work with the older ox making their burden much easier, and their job much more efficient.

Jesus wants us to learn from Him. He is a gentle and kind master. He is not a know it all (though he does know it all). He never makes us feel less than by berating us and whipping us because we stupidly keep trying to go a different direction. He gently shows us the ropes. He speaks to us and reminds us of our value and worth.

…and you will find rest for your souls… - By working with Christ, leaning into His sufferings, learning to hear His voice and believing what He says, we will find rest for our souls. What wonderful words are these, that my existentially tired being will find rest, right down to the molecular and spiritual level,

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

For My yoke is easy and My burden light. I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling that Christ is actually bearing more of the load than we are. He brings us into sync with Him, not so we can go out into the world to walk alone, but so we can go out with Him at our side. This burden of being a Christ follower becomes much easier when we are yoked with our Savior.

If you are feeling existentially tired, realize you are not alone. All your fellow Christ followers get it, but even more important, our Savior knows exactly what we need. When Jesus says, “Come,” go!