Relentless - Part 5: Rock Bottom

“Laney! What are you doing?”

Laney heard her boyfriend’s voice, but she couldn’t remember where they were. Were they at home? Where were the dogs? She suddenly felt Steve shaking her.

“Laney, what did you do? You killed our baby…my baby…” Steve shook her harder. “Open your eyes, damn it! Look at me!”

Laney forced her eyes to open. She tried to smile, but her face didn't seem to want to respond to what her brain was telling it to do.

Image by 0fjd125gk87 from Pixabay

“…hey, babe…what…time is it?”

Steve shoved her back into the couch. She usually didn’t make it that far after a binge.

“I’m done, Laney. You are on your own. That’s really what you wanted anyway, wasn’t it. You aren’t selfish, you are lost.”

Steve left, slamming the door.

Laney tried to say something, but nothing would come out. She tried to sit up, but she was so hungover she knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.

What was his problem anyway?

“It was my choice…” The words rang out into the empty room sounding like a hollow bell. “Myles? Sophie?”

Image by Linda Crouse from Pixabay

“It was my choice…” she muttered as she fell back asleep.

When she woke some time later it was dark. Not merely the darkness of night, but an inky, thick blackness that seemed to suck the breath out of her. Laney felt paralyzed, but she knew it wasn’t the alcohol and drugs, this was the paralysis of fear.

“Was it your choice?” A smooth voice whispered out of the blackness.

Laney forced herself to sit up. She knew her eyes were open, but why couldn’t she see anything. She felt the fear, like a leggy spider crawling up the back of her neck.

“My body! My choice!” She barked out the words like an angry, caged beast.

“My, my, so adamant, so angry, so vulnerable.” The voice taunted her, like a calm, stoic bully.

“Go away! Leave me alone!”

“But where would the fun be in that? My friends and I have been watching you, following you, waiting for you. You may have the King’s seal, but we can still make your life miserable. That’s really what you want anyway, isn’t it? To be miserable?”

Laney thought the voice sounded strangely like Steve’s.

“You are pathetic. You sold those dumb, four legged beasts to support your growing addiction, and then, last week you sold your own fetus.”

The voice began to giggle. The giggle turned into maniacal, stark raving hysteria. That voice was joined by another, and another, and another, until Laney was sure the laughter was coming from inside her head.

Image by Rebecca Martell from Pixabay

She covered her ears and dropped to her knees on the floor her screams becoming the crazed harmony to the unhinged laughter.

“You aren’t real! You’re just some sort of delusion from the alcohol and drugs. Go away!”

The laughing slowed, but it was replaced by whispers that sounded, oddly, like the hissing of a snake. Laney thought she had finally taken too many hallucinogenics, that her brain would no longer be able to tell the difference between the trip and reality. But then the voice started speaking again.

“I’m just a delusion? A monster of your own making? Tell me, Laney, what would the perfect enemy look like? A man with a funny little mustache who commanded armies and almost took over the world? Or how about a man who took his lovers home, then killed and ate them for dinner? No, no, no, my dear girl. I am perfection. You see I have convinced the world that I don’t exist. I can go about my business of manipulating and destroying lives without anyone ever being the wiser. You have talked yourself into believing a lie, and you even have the King’s seal. All of humanity is pathetic…”

Laney heard what the voice was saying, but she couldn’t make sense of it. “Go away!”

“Come now, Laney. The party is just getting started. You know what, I am a rather busy Being, why don’t we just get this over with. Get that bottle of pills that you have hiding in the cereal box in the cupboard. If you take them all, it should be over in just a few hours.”

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Laney gasped. How did he know about the pills? She smirked. Well, of course he would. He was her made up delusion.

“Why not,” she said as she struggled to crawl across the floor towards the kitchen.

“That’s right, Laney. You have nothing left to live for. No dogs, no family. Even your boyfriend, who had bought a ring, left you.”

Laney stopped. “Steve, bought me a ring?”

She felt something begin to twist inside of her. She ignored it and kept moving in the direction of what she thought might be the kitchen. She had to get those pills.

The voice dug in again. “He wanted to marry you. Can you believe he loved you? You made the right choice, you know. You would have never been a good mother.”

“He loved me?”

Image by aleksandra85foto from Pixabay

“Oh, come on Laney! You know he was only marrying you because of the baby. But, even that you have thrown away…the pills are waiting my dear. They will make all of this go away.”

Laney was frozen in a prostrate position when suddenly a thought whispered through her mind…you are loved with an everlasting love…you are the daughter of the King…you matter.

Laney touched her forehead to the floor. “Forgive me, my King…my Lord…my Savior. Rescue me.”

“Do you really think He’s going to listen to your prayers now? After all the weeks, and months, and years of your rebellion?” The voice was becoming angry.

Laney felt the air begin to move. It started like a soft summer breeze and built into a gale force wind. Her hair was whipping around her face. She was sure she could hear thunder, and the hissing and whispering grew tumultuous. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she couldn’t breath.

I’m going to die, she thought.

“ENOUGH!”

Image by Design n Print from Pixabay

Immediately the darkness was overtaken by a beautiful light. A light so warm and comforting that it caused Laney to weep. She felt her heart, iced over from so many years of pride and rebellion crack. From within it, began to seep all the darkness that she had allowed to consume her life. She cried and cried. As she remembered all the choices, her choices, she felt something like steel wool begin to scrub away the grime of manipulation and deceit.

Time passed. Her tears ebbing and flowing from her place on the floor, then she heard a different voice. She looked up.

“Laney.”

All around her home stood warriors in shining armor of light. Each one nodded at her, their faces full of compassion and joy. In front of her stood the elderly man from the park and at his feet sat Myles and Sophie. He made the motion and the two pups bolted for Laney smothering her in doggie kisses.

Laney couldn’t speak she was so overwhelmed. Then she noticed the young woman standing next to the man. She was shining, like the warriors in their armor. She came to Laney and knelt down beside her. She touched Laney’s cheek where tears had moistened it.

“Mom, I love you, and you are going to be okay.”

Turning a Dry Land into Springs of Water

I have been mulling over how to address the issues that are going on in our country for the past week. I would be remiss if I did not post something acknowledging the struggle and difficulty felt by so many of our Black brothers and sisters. You might figure that it is not my responsibility to talk about these things on my blog, because I am a fashion blogger, but I am also a faith blogger and Black people are just as much a part of God’s creation as white, red or yellow people. Certainly, many of you who grew up in the church can remember singing this song when you were a child:

Image by Capri23auto from Pixabay

“Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children
Of the world

Jesus died for all the children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus died for all the children
Of the world.

Jesus rose for all the children
All the children of the world
Red, brown, yellow
Black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus rose for all the children
Of the world”

— Jesus Loves the Little Children written by Donna Krieger and George F. Root

In the New Testament the Gospels reveal various situations where Jesus was involved with children. He spoke to them, he shared their lunch, he healed them, raised them from the dead and blessed them.

“13 Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them.
14 But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
15 After laying His hands on them, He departed from there.”

— Matthew 19:13-15 (NASB)

It does not say what the color of their skin was, it just says that they were children.

In another passage we see the emphasis on our equality in Christ.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

— Galatians 3:28 (NASB)

I want to look at two areas of concern when it comes to race relations in our country. The first has to do with two foundational teachings that have come to be accepted as truth by mainstream society.

Teachings

Humanism -

Image by Comfreak from Pixabay

First let me take a few moments to define this word.

1 - Devotion to the humanities: literary culture.

2 - Devotion to human welfare.

3 - A doctrine, attitude, or way of life centered on human interests or values especially : a philosophy that usually rejects supernaturalism and stresses an individual's dignity and worth and capacity for self-realization through reason

For the intent of this post, I am referring to the third definition and more specifically secular humanism.

“Secular humanism is a philosophy or life stance that embraces human reason, secular ethics, and philosophical naturalism while specifically rejecting religious dogma, supernaturalism, and superstition as the basis of morality and decision making.”

— Wikipedia

Protagoras, a Greek philosopher who lived during the 5th century B.C., is famous for the saying, “Man is the measure of all things.” The obvious problem with that being the answer to the question, who is the man against which all else is measured?

While many believe that humanism elevates humanity, it actually does more to defeat and down grade humanity. Take for instance the issue of slavery, over which our country fought a civli war. Humanistically speaking Black slaves were considered to be less than human and were most often treated as nothing more than chattel. White men and women gave no regard to the fact that Black people could actually achieve self-realization, let alone would they help them attain that. Black slaves were not equal. They had no rights. They were looked down on, abused, misused and most often regarded as possessions to be thrown away if they were not performing up to standard.

Image by orythys from Pixabay

The theory of humanism, places man on the throne, but in order to do that, there must be something for him to rule over. How many of us are guilty of thinking we are better than someone else? I think we all have done this as some point in our lives. You can fill in your own thought bubbles, but here are some examples.

“I’m skinnier than her.”

“I have more money than him.”

“I’m prettier than those girls.”

“I live in a better neighborhood than that family.”

“It’s because they are black that they get into trouble.”

Do you see how easy it is to go down that road; a road Jesus never intended we go? Without God on the throne, we will be king ME. I will look out for number one, because that is the way humanism works.

Evolution -

This second foundational teaching is taught in our schools. If you watch children’s mainstream television shows, cartoons, and video games it is assumed that we evolved from some primordial soup over billions of years and somehow came to be the intelligent, peaceable creatures we are.

Image by My pictures are CC0. When doing composings: from Pixabay

If, indeed, we are so intelligent and evolved as the scientists say we are, then why can we not get along? Perhaps it is because we are buying into a theory (and it is just as much a theory as creation), that is flawed and not only flawed, but one that allows mindsets like racial superiority and entitlement.

If you need an example of someone in history who bought into both humanism and evolution, take a look at Adolph Hitler. Not only did he believe that only one race was superior, he led most of Europe in a wave of terror and killing that still stands today as one of the most horrifying acts against a race (the Jews) ever committed in history. And let’s not forget, Hitler wasn’t only prejudice against Jews, but also blacks and anyone with a handicap.

Image by Dimitris Vetsikas from Pixabay

Both secular humanism and evolution are missing one very important thing: God. Only God is able to give light where there is darkness. Only He can provide an eternal truth that is neither changed or affected by one man’s desire to put himself and his ideas on the throne. The essence of the words, “God created man in His image,” means that every single one of his human Creation has equal value and worth. The essence of an Almighty being enthroned on high means that we are all accountable to an unchanging standard, HIs standard, not one that someone else made up.

Personal Responsibility -

Now let me bring this down to our level. You and I have something called individual or personal responsibility. Each of us is responsible for how we treat our fellow human beings. If I truly believe that Black lives matter, then I am responsible to not only show that attitude in my own life, but also to encourage those around me to that same belief.

Before we can promote change in the society around us, we must promote change within ourselves. What does that look like and how will that help? Let’s go back to the book inspired by the One who sees us all as His crowning creation. Whereas above I looked at two influences on society as a whole, in this section I want to look at two attitudes that affect us as individuals.

Attitudes

Selfishness -

“1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

— Philippians 2:1-4 (NASB)

If you don’t think selfishness is a major player in the unrest in our country, let me go back to basics. Why do we sin? Why did Eve desire the fruit in the garden, when she was told to not eat of it? She wasn’t thinking about the long term ramifications of her choice. Eve saw and desired.

Image by Antonios Ntoumas from Pixabay

“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. ”

— Genesis 3:6 (NASB)

The evils of racism truly are about selfishness. We think we are better than someone else. We see something we want, so we figure out how we can get it no matter what the cost, not only to ourselves and those around us, but to society as a whole. Think about it, if our society was truly based on the verses in Philippians; if we truly did nothing from selfishness and truly thought others better than ourselves, there would be no disparity among black and white. This scripture is spot on for the situation we are in. We are supposed to care about Black people. We are supposed to regard them as more important than ourselves and look out for their interests and we are to do this just like we do for our own families.

Ignorance -

Ignorance is a lack of understanding, awareness or information. We can be ignorant by choice or by circumstance. Over the last three months there have been times I have chosen to be ignorant about what was going on with the Covid virus. I would get on my computer and not look at the zillions of articles about symptoms, death rates, essential workers and whether to wear or not wear a mask. I just didn’t want to think about it.

Now it is true confessions time. I have done the same thing about Black people. I never really felt that I had to investigate how they were being treated: we live in the United States after all. Wasn’t the Civil War a long time ago? Though I knew their journey was hard, weren’t they living just like me; struggling to keep their families and marriages together, working their jobs, getting their groceries and living a normal life. I am beginning to see that my thoughts were ignorant. Yes, Black people struggle in similar ways I do, but I am learning they also have a dimension I do not. They are black.

I am not going to tell you what you should do to overcome ignorance. I am only going to tell you what I am trying to do. I have worked with some lovely Black women. I have gone to church and raised my girls with some beautiful Black men and women. I have worked with inner city youth through the church we used to attend. Unfortunately, I never really got to know these people in a deep, personal way and that I regret. Perhaps I would have come to realize the paths they walk have an added layer, a complexity that as a white person I will probably never understand, but I need to try.

My goal is to learn and to listen. I need to hear their voices, just like I listen to my grandson when he has a desire or a frustration. I would never just write him off, so why would I simply dismiss the feelings and pain of my Black brothers and sisters? I shouldn’t, not if I really believe the things that Christ taught and said.

Image by Couleur from Pixabay

“28 One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the [q]foremost of all?”
29 Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord;
30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
31 The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.””

— Mark 12:28-31 (NASB)

Only God can bring about real, life long change and I hope that He will begin that work in my own heart today.

“He changes a wilderness into a pool of water And a dry land into springs of water;”

— Psalm 107:35 (NASB)

What Giants are you Fighting?

Last week I wrote a fictional piece that was based on a dream I had a number of years ago. At the time a girlfriend and I were doing a study by Mark and Patti Virkler titled, How to Hear God’s Voice. It was an eye opening study and I would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in delving deeper into their relationship with God. However, I will caution, this study is not for everyone. Some of Virkler’s practices and teachings might grate against those who are more conservative and traditional. It is my opinion that the concepts Virkler addresses are solidly backed by scripture and accountability, thus eliminating the possibility for misunderstanding or being led astray.

All that being said, at one point in the study, the author encourages the reader to ask God for dreams that are of Him and to journal and share those dreams with an accountability partner, which is imperative to the study. It was during this time, God gave me the dream about the giants. When I wrote the piece for last week’s post, which you can read here, I added a few details, but the essence and message of the dream is the same.

All of us are facing giants in our lives. Some of those giants may have us so entangled in their lies that we no longer realize they hold us captive. Many giants we face are brutal and ugly and others are merely just annoying, simply taking up large spaces in our homes and eating our food. In this post I would like to share with you a few of the giants I battle on a regular basis.

The Giant Called SELF

Pixabay

This one is a doozy. He is huge and like an oversized octopus has his tentacles digging into everything. I find him lounging around my home, like he owns the place and am often at a loss as to what to do with him. However, the Bible is clear on the likes of this one.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,”

— Philippians 2:3a (NASB)

It says do nothing, from a selfish standpoint. That is pretty specific. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to do at least a few things from a selfish point of view?

I hear a giant growing.

I mean, isn’t my time, my time? Shouldn’t I be allowed to do what I want, at least once in a while? Don’t I get to wallow in the bad stuff that has happened to me? Don’t I get to voice my opinion? Don’t I have rights?

No wonder that giant has gotten so big.

Please don’t misunderstand there is a difference between taking care of ourselves and something called selfish ambition.

“ For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”

— James 3:16 (NASB)

Selfish ambition is a seed of self centeredness that is allowed to grow…well, into a giant. What ensues is disorder and every evil thing.

Let me give you an example that many of you might understand. In marriage there is little room for selfishness, yet so often it is self centeredness that leads to arguments, misunderstandings and eventual break downs of relationships. I know! I am married and I still battle with this giant almost every day in my marriage. I believe that is true for two reasons.

1. Satan hates marriage and has no problem creating havoc in a marriage.

2. Marriage and family is, perhaps, the toughest proving ground for living selflessly. After all, any time other people are involved that closely the giant of SELF is bound to interfere.

The Giant Called FEAR

Pixabay

This giant may be a home dweller for some of you, but for me he just sort of comes and goes. He’ll pop up when I have to do something different from the usual, like go to the dentist or meet someone new. Sometimes, he comes around when it gets dark or just when I am going to lay down for the night. All too often he torments me when I am alone.

Once again, the Bible is clear on this as well.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I quoted this verse in the New King James Version of the Bible, because that is how I learned it. I love the focus that this verse has. God is not the one who makes us afraid. Fear is from Satan. God gives us power, love and a sound mind.

Start listening to the news and you can tell people are afraid. People are fighting for power, dying for love and taking meds and drugs to create a semblance of a sound mind. Satan created fear and he bases fear on lies. Lies that say if you don’t have money or power or this or that you won’t ever have security. Lies that say, if you don’t dress this way or do this or that you’ll never have love. Lies that also say if you don’t have it immediately you aren’t going to be happy or that get you to focus on details that don’t even matter to such an extent that you can’t sleep or eat or think straight.

This giant is persistent and without divine intervention will be a constant companion.

The Giant Called DESPAIR

Pixabay

This is probably one of the hardest giants to fight. He usually doesn’t make an appearance until I am so worn down I have nothing left to fight with. He often takes over where the other two giants leave off. When I have become focused on myself and am obsessing over my fears, then he steps in and I become hopeless. He often brings up things from the past and leaves me feeling useless and used up.

The Bible is full of stories of people who were sad and despairing. Job, Esther, Ruth, Naomi, David and many others felt the weight of having their souls in despair.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.”

— Psalm 42:5 (NASB)

Often when this giant is looming over us, we don’t even know for sure why he is there, but one thing is often the case, we begin to doubt. We doubt God and all the promises He has made in His word. This doubt is like candy for Giant DESPAIR. He feeds off of our doubt. That is why the psalmist placed his hope in the Lord. Only the Lord is a steady rock in a very shaky world.

Next week I’ll be giving a few pointers for battles the giants we face in our lives. Until then, don’t give up the fight!

It's All About Me - Not!

I took my mother back to Buffalo this weekend and today when I was making my way home several things happened that inspired the idea for this post. One of the first rest areas I stopped at in Ohio was filled with summer travelers. Some of these were families trying to get their vacations in before school starts again. Others were moms and dads taking their students off to their first semester at college. Still others were families in flux, moving themselves and their belongings from one location to another. I haven't seen so many trucks and trailers filled with furniture and mattresses as I did today.

As I was walking back to my car I noticed a young lady walking into the building with a sunny yellow tank top on. Emblazoned on the front in white and silver letters her shirt read, "It's all about ME!" The first thought that ran through my head was the typical mom thought, "You might think it is honey, but good luck with that." Ha, ha. After scolding myself, I thought, there is a sad reality to the statement that graphic tee was making.

Our world, our society, our town, our family and yes even myself are all about ME! We want, we need and when we get, we want and we need more. We take pride in temporary fixes. I did this, I did that...We thrive on being at the center of life; my car, my clothes, my house, my job, my kids, my husband. We even own God....my God...whether said in vain, or said as a form of worship. Where exactly does it say in God's word that we are the center of the universe? God created us, we did not create Him.

When I got back into my car to continue my journey I mused over this idea. When I was in college at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, I joined a drama team. One of the dramas we performed was titled King Me. This short little skit showed a variety of characters all absorbed in themselves. Each individual would point to themselves looking quite pleased and say, "Me!" A couple was fighting, each pointing to themselves angrily, shouting, "Me!" A little girl with pig tails and a large lolly pop twirled her hair, licked her pop and said, "Me!" After the group had reached a sufficient decibel level, all self consumed in their me-isms, a light flashed and they all froze in place, stunned to silence. In walked God. He touches one of the frozen individuals and they awake seeing Him for the first time. "You!" Suddenly, the one begins running to all of the others shaking them out of their self induced comas and pointing to Him, "You! You!" 

Pixabay

When I got on the Ohio Turnpike just past Cleveland, traffic became a clogged, slow moving mess. After about an hour of barely moving I passed a multi car accident. Tears came to eyes as I saw the extensive damage; a semi truck, a small car, a mini van were just a few of the vehicles damaged, crushed and even on the cement partition that divided the highway. The idea that it really is not all about me hit home. There were people in those cars. Maybe even families on vacation. Someone may have died. Someone, who was waiting for their loved ones to arrive would be getting a phone call. I felt sick.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

— Philippians 2:3-4 (NASB)

In a world that is saturated with self we need to look at what we are all about. Are you all about you? Are you impatient, demanding, and consumed with getting your own way? It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or where you are from. We all struggle with selfishness. Even as a parent, when our children do something wrong, are we upset because we want what is best for them, or are we upset because we look bad? 

Paul said to do nothing from selfishness. Nothing! Wow. I don't know about you, but I need to look at my life, my thoughts, my actions and so on and ask God to show me where I need to stop being selfish. This quote from George Bernard Shaw sums it up. 

“This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

— George Bernard Shaw

(An update that I saw later in the evening said that 10 cars were involved in that accident and a young girl was announced dead at the scene, while others were injured and taken to hospitals. Some were life-flighted. If you think of it, pray for those involved: the family of the girl who died, the truck driver that started the chain reaction and those others who were injured. It really isn't about us, is it?)