Relentless - Part 5: Rock Bottom

“Laney! What are you doing?”

Laney heard her boyfriend’s voice, but she couldn’t remember where they were. Were they at home? Where were the dogs? She suddenly felt Steve shaking her.

“Laney, what did you do? You killed our baby…my baby…” Steve shook her harder. “Open your eyes, damn it! Look at me!”

Laney forced her eyes to open. She tried to smile, but her face didn't seem to want to respond to what her brain was telling it to do.

Image by 0fjd125gk87 from Pixabay

“…hey, babe…what…time is it?”

Steve shoved her back into the couch. She usually didn’t make it that far after a binge.

“I’m done, Laney. You are on your own. That’s really what you wanted anyway, wasn’t it. You aren’t selfish, you are lost.”

Steve left, slamming the door.

Laney tried to say something, but nothing would come out. She tried to sit up, but she was so hungover she knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.

What was his problem anyway?

“It was my choice…” The words rang out into the empty room sounding like a hollow bell. “Myles? Sophie?”

Image by Linda Crouse from Pixabay

“It was my choice…” she muttered as she fell back asleep.

When she woke some time later it was dark. Not merely the darkness of night, but an inky, thick blackness that seemed to suck the breath out of her. Laney felt paralyzed, but she knew it wasn’t the alcohol and drugs, this was the paralysis of fear.

“Was it your choice?” A smooth voice whispered out of the blackness.

Laney forced herself to sit up. She knew her eyes were open, but why couldn’t she see anything. She felt the fear, like a leggy spider crawling up the back of her neck.

“My body! My choice!” She barked out the words like an angry, caged beast.

“My, my, so adamant, so angry, so vulnerable.” The voice taunted her, like a calm, stoic bully.

“Go away! Leave me alone!”

“But where would the fun be in that? My friends and I have been watching you, following you, waiting for you. You may have the King’s seal, but we can still make your life miserable. That’s really what you want anyway, isn’t it? To be miserable?”

Laney thought the voice sounded strangely like Steve’s.

“You are pathetic. You sold those dumb, four legged beasts to support your growing addiction, and then, last week you sold your own fetus.”

The voice began to giggle. The giggle turned into maniacal, stark raving hysteria. That voice was joined by another, and another, and another, until Laney was sure the laughter was coming from inside her head.

Image by Rebecca Martell from Pixabay

She covered her ears and dropped to her knees on the floor her screams becoming the crazed harmony to the unhinged laughter.

“You aren’t real! You’re just some sort of delusion from the alcohol and drugs. Go away!”

The laughing slowed, but it was replaced by whispers that sounded, oddly, like the hissing of a snake. Laney thought she had finally taken too many hallucinogenics, that her brain would no longer be able to tell the difference between the trip and reality. But then the voice started speaking again.

“I’m just a delusion? A monster of your own making? Tell me, Laney, what would the perfect enemy look like? A man with a funny little mustache who commanded armies and almost took over the world? Or how about a man who took his lovers home, then killed and ate them for dinner? No, no, no, my dear girl. I am perfection. You see I have convinced the world that I don’t exist. I can go about my business of manipulating and destroying lives without anyone ever being the wiser. You have talked yourself into believing a lie, and you even have the King’s seal. All of humanity is pathetic…”

Laney heard what the voice was saying, but she couldn’t make sense of it. “Go away!”

“Come now, Laney. The party is just getting started. You know what, I am a rather busy Being, why don’t we just get this over with. Get that bottle of pills that you have hiding in the cereal box in the cupboard. If you take them all, it should be over in just a few hours.”

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Laney gasped. How did he know about the pills? She smirked. Well, of course he would. He was her made up delusion.

“Why not,” she said as she struggled to crawl across the floor towards the kitchen.

“That’s right, Laney. You have nothing left to live for. No dogs, no family. Even your boyfriend, who had bought a ring, left you.”

Laney stopped. “Steve, bought me a ring?”

She felt something begin to twist inside of her. She ignored it and kept moving in the direction of what she thought might be the kitchen. She had to get those pills.

The voice dug in again. “He wanted to marry you. Can you believe he loved you? You made the right choice, you know. You would have never been a good mother.”

“He loved me?”

Image by aleksandra85foto from Pixabay

“Oh, come on Laney! You know he was only marrying you because of the baby. But, even that you have thrown away…the pills are waiting my dear. They will make all of this go away.”

Laney was frozen in a prostrate position when suddenly a thought whispered through her mind…you are loved with an everlasting love…you are the daughter of the King…you matter.

Laney touched her forehead to the floor. “Forgive me, my King…my Lord…my Savior. Rescue me.”

“Do you really think He’s going to listen to your prayers now? After all the weeks, and months, and years of your rebellion?” The voice was becoming angry.

Laney felt the air begin to move. It started like a soft summer breeze and built into a gale force wind. Her hair was whipping around her face. She was sure she could hear thunder, and the hissing and whispering grew tumultuous. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she couldn’t breath.

I’m going to die, she thought.

“ENOUGH!”

Image by Design n Print from Pixabay

Immediately the darkness was overtaken by a beautiful light. A light so warm and comforting that it caused Laney to weep. She felt her heart, iced over from so many years of pride and rebellion crack. From within it, began to seep all the darkness that she had allowed to consume her life. She cried and cried. As she remembered all the choices, her choices, she felt something like steel wool begin to scrub away the grime of manipulation and deceit.

Time passed. Her tears ebbing and flowing from her place on the floor, then she heard a different voice. She looked up.

“Laney.”

All around her home stood warriors in shining armor of light. Each one nodded at her, their faces full of compassion and joy. In front of her stood the elderly man from the park and at his feet sat Myles and Sophie. He made the motion and the two pups bolted for Laney smothering her in doggie kisses.

Laney couldn’t speak she was so overwhelmed. Then she noticed the young woman standing next to the man. She was shining, like the warriors in their armor. She came to Laney and knelt down beside her. She touched Laney’s cheek where tears had moistened it.

“Mom, I love you, and you are going to be okay.”

When Darkness Comes - Wrap Up

We have been doing a series on when darkness comes into our lives. Darkness can be anything that you encounter that causes you to struggle, doubt or grow weary. From the very beginning we learned that darkness is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact when we read the creation account at the beginning of Genesis we learn that God created the darkness for our benefit. However, there are times when it seems that darkness has moved in to our lives like some sort of dank, slimy giant who is determined to make his new home with us. It seems that life will never know the light again and that the only thing we will know is that musty smell of wormwood.

Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

For this final post, I just want to review some of the things we learned over the last few weeks. It is rather apropos that in the midst of doing this series, I was blasted with a health crisis. It has stretched me to my limits. I know there are so many people who have had much more difficult health problems, but it is the incessant illness and the ensuing steps of trying to get things diagnosed, going to doctors, urgent cares and even the emergency room, still to no avail. The waiting; the not knowing; the feeling of hopelessness that things will ever get any better wears a person down.

The very thing that kept me going through all of this, were the lessons I had been learning previously when I was going through more of a mental and emotional crisis. That is what I have shared with you in this series. The verse that has kept coming back to me during the non-stop coughing, long nights of wheezing and not being able to sleep, and the not having answers is this:

“Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.””

— Psalm 27:14 (NASB)

All to often waiting is exactly that, waiting. It has more of a passive feel to it. There are times, where that is exactly what we need to do. However, many of the verses in the Bible that use the word wait, have an active voice. Waiting, involves, anticipation, expectation and even an element of seeking. Waiting is not for wimps! Why do you think the psalmist went on to say, “Be strong and let your heart take courage…”? He knew that waiting requires strength. I will leave that for another lesson. Today, I just want to review what we can take away from the series, When Darkness Comes.

1 - God created the darkness - The very first lesson in this series explored the truth, God created the darkness. While dark and light are no different to Him, He knew that our world and the people He created would need the darkness and its benefits.

2 - Darkness became associated with being bad when Satan challenged God’s authority - Remember, not only did Satan challenge God’s authority, but he was angry. In his anger he attacked God’s creation by tempting Adam and Eve to sin. It was after this event that the darkness became a place to hide and cover sinful deeds.

3 - God is in the darkness - No matter what dark days we are going through, God is over, under, around and within our darkness. The darkness is as light to Him, so there are no worries that He won’t be able to find us. He is right here with us.

4 - Being in the dark does not mean we did something wrong - God is sovereign and it is in this Lordship over all that He determines when and where we walk, and whether that way will be in the light or in the dark.

5 - When we are walking in the dark we need to remind ourselves of who God is - This is the first step in being able to dwell in the dark place. We have to remember who God is. A good way to do this is to write in a journal, but that is not the only way. Writing, singing, reading all help us to get back to the core truths in scripture about who God says he is.

6 - When we are walking in the dark we need to remind ourselves of who we are - We tend to put on false faces when we are going through difficulties. We tend to not want others to see how we really feel, or what we are really thinking. In order to dwell in the dark place, and even flourish in that darkness, we need to be honest about our feelings, and who God’s word tells us we are.

7 - There is a time when we need to reveal our true hearts - In other words, there are times we need to be starkly honest with God. Yes, He already knows what we are thinking and feeling, but we need to acknowledge these things out loud. Being able to vent our true hearts before Him is an important part of being able to survive a dark time.

8 - Growth, in a dark place, is directly related to letting God’s truth meet the raw edges of our ragged emotions - The scriptures are full of people with real emotions. David, Abraham, Moses, Paul and others didn’t just bring us the inspired words of God, but His truth, seasoned with their very own emotions. So much of scripture is meant for helping us deal, temper and work through our intense emotions. Letting His truth touch our emotions allows His Spirit to bring light to all of our dark places.

9 - Thanksgiving is essential to the growth process - There is a reason God said to give thanks at all times and in everything give thanks. Gratitude is the next step in allowing the darkness to empower, rather than overpower us.

10 - Dark places cannot remain dark when God’s piercing happens within our hearts - The process of going through these steps as we walk in darkness has the ultimate outcome of light coming in to the dark place. Truth, while not always pleasant, will always reveal. Obedience to God’s movement in the dark place will always open small windows that will let the light in.

I hope you enjoyed this series on When Darkness Comes and that by sharing my own process of walking in a dark place you will be better able to get through your own times of darkness.

Thanks for following along, on the blog. Have a great weekend.

When Darkness Comes - Part 10: The Beauty of His Piercing

As I bring this series to a close, there is still so much to learn and so much to share, but first and foremost, I want you to remember, when you are walking in darkness God is near. We saw how He hovered over the darkness of the deep at the beginning of creation, and how He is not only within the darkness, but He is in control of it. I want you to remember that whatever comes into your life passes first through the hands of the Almighty, and with that thought the reminder that His is good.

Image by Peter H from Pixabay

I have also been sharing with you my own experience of walking in the dark by sharing heart felt words written in my journal. As a believer, writer and person of deep emotion, I have found journalling a great way to work through hard times and even harder feelings. I want you to understand how important it is to acknowledge our feelings and bring them before the Lord. I want you to be able to throw off those false faces we so often wear, so that you can live a life that is as real and raw as possible. Life is hard, but our God is powerful.

In the Old Testament, The book of Exodus gives many details of the Israelite’s captivity by Egypt and the freedom following when God worked through Moses. It also gives many of the laws and ordinances they people of Israel were expected to follow.

““Now these are the ordinances which you are to set before them:

2 “If you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall serve for six years; but on the seventh he shall leave as a free man without a payment to you.
3 If he comes alone, he shall leave alone; if he is the husband of a wife, then his wife shall leave with him.
4 If his master gives him a wife, and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall belong to her master, and he shall leave alone.
5 But if the slave plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not leave as a free man,’
6 then his master shall bring him to God, then he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost. And his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him permanently.”

— Exodus 21:1-6 (NASB)

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As you can see from the passage, over the years, if a slave was treated well, he might begin to see his master as part of his family. When the time of his slavery came to an end, he could decide to stay with his master permanently. We might wonder why a slave would do this, but it makes sense. If the slave had come to take a wife and have his own family over the course of his confinement, he would be choosing between his freedom and his family, because the female slave he married, is still the property of the master. Choosing to remain with his master allowed him to stay with his family. When he made this choice, his ear would be pierced with an awl to show that he was permanently bonded to the lord of the house.

I love how the things God ordained and revealed in the Old Testament become analogies for our spiritual walk. The piercing of the ear showed a choice on the part of the slave to be permanently part of the household and family of the lord of the estate. In the same way, when we choose to allow God to pierce our hearts with the truth of His word, we become more invested in the desire, and work of the Master. Suddenly, the things that didn’t seem to make sense, become understandable. The darkness that seemed as though it would swallow us whole, becomes filled with pin pricks of light, creating hope in our weary hearts.

Image by Yuri_B from Pixabay

When I went through that particularly dark time a few months ago, I shared with you the process I went through as I wrestled with my own feelings and God’s truth. I have long struggled with my self-worth and self-image. We live in a world where comparison is the norm and no matter how often people say, “Don’t compare yourself to others,” “Get over yourself,” “You are being selfish if you have those thoughts and feelings,” or “You are unique and beautiful,” the fact is we still compare, feel bad about ourselves, guilty about what we did wrong, or didn’t do right, and all the other messages we hear. Only God can lift us out of the mire we and others have placed us into.

The morning after I had journaled all of those pages, where I ranted, acknowledged, remembered and ruminated, the Lord took His sword and pierced my heart. I woke up that morning, not really feeling victorious, but remembering I was waiting on the Lord in the strength of His might. I knew He would bring me out of that darkness when He was ready. I leaned into what I knew. Yes, I would have loved to have gotten up that morning feeling like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but I didn’t. In addition to remembering what He had shown me over the last few days about His truth, I chose to focus on Him.

As I was putting on my make up, I decided to listen to a Beth Moore Podcast. The title of the podcast was Measureless Love, Part 1 (April 13, 2020). Why I picked that podcast on that day is a God thing. You see the thing I was struggling with the most was feeling loved. Yes I knew in my head my family loved me. I knew if I ever needed them, I could call on the friends that I have and they would be there for me, but still, the doubt that anyone truly loved me was like a disease in my mind. After all, I was not, nor ever would be, enough.

The fact that Beth Moore’s podcast was on God’s measureless love was no accident. What struck me was the idea, which Beth pointed out, that God is a God of measurements and preciseness. Think about the earth, sun, stars and other heavenly bodies. If our earth was just a smidge closer to the sun it would be too hot to support life. Just a smidge further away and it would be to cold to support life.

Look at these other examples in Scripture, of God’s precise measurements:

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“Then God said to Noah, “The end of humanity has come before Me; for the earth is filled with violence because of people; and behold, I am about to destroy them with the earth. 14 Make for yourself an ark of gopher wood; you shall make the ark with compartments, and [m]cover it inside and out with pitch. 15 This is how you shall make it: the length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. 16 You shall make a window for the ark, and finish it to a cubit from the top; and put the door of the ark on the side; you shall make it with lower, second, and third decks. 17 Now behold, I Myself am bringing the flood of water upon the earth, to destroy all flesh in which there is the breath of life, from under heaven; everything that is on the earth shall perish. 18 But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall enter the ark—you, your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you. 19 And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. 20 Of the birds according to their kind, and of the animals according to their kind, of every crawling thing of the ground according to its kind, two of every kind will come to you to keep them alive. 21 As for you, take for yourself some of every food that is edible, and gather it to yourself; and it shall be food for you and them.” 22 So Noah did these things; according to everything that God had commanded him, so he did.”

— Genesis 6:13-22 (NASB)

“10 “Now they shall construct an ark of acacia wood two and a half cubits long, one and a half cubits wide, and one and a half cubits high. ”

— Exodus 25:10 (NASB)

“And you shall make an atoning cover of pure gold, two and a half cubits long and one and a half cubits wide. ”

— Exodus 25:17 (NASB)

“Moreover, you shall make the tabernacle with ten curtains of fine twisted linen and violet, purple, and scarlet material; you shall make them with cherubim, the work of a skilled embroiderer. 2 The length of each curtain shall be twenty-eight cubits, and the width of each curtain four cubits; all the curtains shall have the same measurements. 3 Five curtains shall be joined to one another, and the other five curtains shall be joined to one another. 4 You shall make loops of violet on the edge of the outermost curtain in the first set, and likewise you shall make them on the edge of the curtain that is outermost in the second set. 5 You shall make fifty loops in the one curtain, and you shall make fifty loops on the edge of the curtain that is in the second set; the loops shall be opposite each other. 6 You shall also make fifty clasps of gold, and join the curtains to one another with the clasps so that the tabernacle will be a unit.”

— Exodus 26:1-6 (NASB)

“4 Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding,
5 Who set its measurements? Since you know.
Or who stretched the measuring line over it?
6 On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,”

— Job 38:4-6 (NASB)

I could go on, sharing passage after passage about God’s attention to detail, specifically to that of measurement. From laying the foundations of the earth, to the tabernacle to the temple, God is a God of preciseness…except in the area of His love. When it comes to God’s love, it is measureless.

“My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.”

— Ephesians 3:14-19 (The Message)

I typically don’t use too many different translations of the Bible. I prefer the New American Standard or the New International Version, but I wanted to give you a version of this passage that would drive the point home. In my opinion, this is beautifully written. Truly, the dimensions of Christ’s love are extravagant.

“11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him.
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.
13 Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
14 For He Himself knows our form;
He is mindful that we are nothing but dust.”

— Psalm 103:11-14 (NASB)

When God pierces our hearts, He drives home His truth to the extent that we cannot question its source or its author. God’s love for me is measureless. You know how I know this to the very core of my being? When I was in darkness, questioning the truth of love in my life, again, He took the time to orchestrate my circumstances to remind me, He loves me without measure, again. You see, he has done this for me before; not in the same way, but in a way that meant something to me. This time, it pierced me. When the piercing happens it cannot be undone.

Just like that slave, who chose to have his ear pierced with the awl, as a reminder to himself and everyone he chose to stay with his master, so too God’s piercing in our lives is a reminder, a place we can return to if we ever doubt.

Next week I will wrap this series up with a review. Until then, have a great weekend!

When Darkness Comes - Part 9: The Transformative Power of Thanksgiving

We all have heard the old saying that we are to have an attitude of gratitude. Most of us are aware of the difference a mindset of thankfulness can have on our thoughts, emotions and actions.

Image by Here and now, unfortunately, ends my journey on Pixabay from Pixabay

“Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.”

— Seneca

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings”

— William Arthur Ward

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

— Aesop

God’s Word is clear on the importance of giving thanks.

“in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”

— I Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB)

Just as the Bible commands us to, “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16), and “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17), we are also commanded to give thanks at all times in everything. That means we are to give thanks when the darkness is upon us. We are to give thanks for it, in it and after it has left us. Why is it so important that we thank God when we are in the darkness? Let’s look at a few different reasons.

1 - It places us under His authority.

Image by David Mark from Pixabay

The act of remembering who we are and who God is enables us to have perspective. Being thankful places us in our correct standing before Him. Pride, which places us above God, saying we can get through this ourselves and we don’t need anyone’s help, especially His, makes us the authority and not God.

“Every person is to be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.”

— Romans 13:1 (NASB)

Knowing there is authority and actually placing ourselves under it are two different things. When we give thanks we recognize God as the one true authority.

2 - It places us under His protection.

“1 One who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will lodge in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
3 For it is He who rescues you from the net of the trapper
And from the deadly plague.
4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may take refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and wall.

5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
6 Of the plague that [a]stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that devastates at noon.
7 A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
8 You will only look on with your eyes
And see the retaliation against the wicked.
9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
The Most High, your dwelling place.
10 No evil will happen to you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.

11 For He will give His angels orders concerning you,
To protect you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will lift you up,
So that you do not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will walk upon the lion and cobra,
You will trample the young lion and the [d]serpent.

14 “Because he has loved Me, I will save him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15 He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 I will satisfy him with a long life,
And show him My salvation.””

— Psalm 91

Why does giving thanks place us under His protection? The choice to be thankful requires a shift in our mindset. We know our Unseen Enemy loves to play mind games. If we are teetering on the edge of anger, bitterness, malice, wrath and other bad emotions, we are going to be more susceptible to making choices that are not for our benefit. Dark emotions are part of our sin nature, and very normal, but God does not want us to stay in those murky places. Staying there will result in our undoing.

3 - It lets in the light.

Giving thanks is like turning on a flashlight or lighting a candle when you are in a very dark room. When darkness is present in our lives and we are grieving, depressed, struggling, or lost, the choice to thank God allows Him to open the tiniest window into our shadowed world. You might not see the light right away. Often we become accustomed to the darkness and we might even forget what it was like to walk in the light, but light will always pierce the darkness.

When I was going through the dark time I have been sharing with you, I spent three days praying and journaling, most of which I have been sharing with you through these posts. On the last day, the last thing I did was lay before God the reasons I felt the way I did. There is a difference between acknowledging the emotion and knowing why we feel what we are feeling.

“Lord, perhaps what would help my sagging spirits is to confess to you all that is making me sad. I am sad...”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

I went on to tell Jesus, exactly what I was grieving over: my marriage, my family, relationships, being alone, my imperfections…the list went on. I ended that section with this.

Image by Christine Engelhardt from Pixabay

“So, I bring it all to You. The desires, the sadness, the disappointment. I bring it to You, and I choose to wait on You. I don’t know what to look for - a miracle? A rescue? A ta da moment? Whatever it is I trust You to bring it about. In the mean time I lean into Your strength and Your courage.””

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

However, I did not stop there.

“Now I need to give thanks.

I thank You, that the darkness and the light are the same to You.

Thank You, that as You hovered over the darkness of the deep at the beginning of Creation - You are here in my darkness - hovering over, beneath, beside and through.

Thank You, that while I do not have a friend right now to talk to or hang out with, I do have You.

Thank You, that You have shown Yourself to me since I was very young.

Thank You, that no matter what others say, You call me beloved!

Thank You, that I am not condemned, because I am in Christ Jesus.

Thank You, that as I choose to wait on You, You give me strength and courage. ”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

There was more on that list, and when I finished thanking God, I felt Him say to me, “You done good, now rest.”

Did I feel better? Not really, but I felt as though I had wrestled and wrangled. I wouldn’t realize the sword of the Almighty had pierced me until the next day. I’ll share that next week.

Until then, be thankful. God truly uses all things for our good.

When Darkness Comes - Part 8: When Feelings and Truth Meet

This series is long, but I don’t want to skim these ideas. God and His word are so incredibly complex and beautiful. We do ourselves an injustice when we do not truly understand, and believe, what He is trying to say to us. Remember at the very beginning of this series, I talked about how God created the darkness? Remember how I shared that the darkness was made for our benefit; for rest; for growth? The same is true of the darkness we are walking through. No matter what the darkness is, even those things that the devil meant for our destruction, God can and will use to make us into His perfect and beautiful children. There is one thing we must do…be willing to let Him pierce us. In the same way the nails pierced the gentle hands, and the sword pierced the side of our Messiah, we share in His sufferings when we let God pierce our hearts with His truth. It is by sharing in His sufferings that we receive our greatest comfort.

Image by jonnapeitso from Pixabay

“For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.”

— 2 Corinthians 1:5 (NASB)

Last week I focused on the need for expressing and acknowledging our emotions during these times of darkness. God is not a weakling. He can handle anything we throw at Him, whether it be sadness, horror, anger, jealously, despair, anxiety and more. It is obvious when reading through the scriptures, ever since our initial creation and subsequent fall to sin, God spoke His truth to the writers in order to bring us comfort, peace, joy, courage and the ability to express our innermost thoughts without fear of retribution.

David and the writers of the Psalms, as well as Job, Jeremiah, Solomon and others filled pages of scripture with emotional musings.

“Why are you in despair, my soul? And why are you restless within me? Wait for God, for I will again praise Him For the help of His presence, my God.”

— Psalm 43:5 (NASB)

“How long am I to feel anxious in my soul, With grief in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?”

— Psalm 13:2 (NASB)

“I am disgusted with my own life; I will express my complaint freely; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.”

— Job 10:1 (NASB)

“My sorrow is beyond healing, My heart is faint within me!”

— Jeremiah 8:18 (NASB)

“Why did I ever come out of the womb To look at trouble and sorrow, So that my days have been spent in shame?”

— Jeremiah 20:18 (NASB)

“Do not be eager in your spirit to be angry, For anger resides in the heart of fools.”

— Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NASB)

“Say to those with anxious heart, “Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The retribution of God will come, But He will save you.””

— Isaiah 35:4 (NASB)

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Truth growth in the Christian’s life most often happens when God’s truth meets the raw edges of our intense emotions. When we take His word and apply it to our feelings, and our circumstances His light permeates our darkest dark.

“For the word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, even penetrating as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

— Hebrews 4:12 (NASB)

When I am struggling in the dark, I am often unsure, confused and overwhelmed. With God there is no confusion. With His word, His truth, revealed by His Holy Spirit there is only surety and purity. This makes all the difference when we are struggling.

Once again, let me share my own journey. Once I acknowledged my despair and sadness to the Father, He brought me back to two particular scriptures: Psalm 16:11 and Psalm 27:14. For this particular post I will expand only on the second.

“Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.”

— Psalm 27:14 (NASB)

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

“Waiting has always been hard. Waiting for the salvation of our loved ones who are not walking with You; waiting for a diagnosis and treatment for our daughter; waiting for the birth of our second grandson...but perhaps I am missing the point. The verse doesn’t emphasize WHAT we are waiting for, but WHO...You!

While we are waiting we are to be doing two things -
1 - Be strong - perhaps this is where I am struggling the most. I have often thought of myself as fairly strong - all the crazy stuff Mark and I have gone through - but perhaps, I am not really very strong.

I obviously get upset and emotional when, if I had been leaning on You, I would have had the strength I needed. I have been guilty of wanting my strength to come from others, but there are other scriptures like Ephesians 6:10.

Before Paul launched into the armor of God He says, ‘Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.’
It doesn’t say, ‘Be strong in your spouse, be strong in your church, be strong in your own strength - it says be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/24/21

From this point, I looked at a cross reference from Ephesians 6:10 to Ephesians 1:19, but I looked at it within the context of Ephesians 1:18-23. To keep this from getting to long, feel free to click on the link, or grab your Bible and take a look at this passage. It is worth while, to truly understand what that phrase, “…in the strength of His might,” encompasses.

Image by Sabine Mondestin from Pixabay

“The strength of His might was brought about when He raised Jesus from the dead and placed Him on His right hand in the heavenly places, and gave Him (Jesus) power, rule, authority and dominion over all.

SO...when it says I am to be strong in the strength of His might it is telling me I do not have to be strong in my strength or power. NO! I am to be strong in the same might that raised Jesus from the dead; not only from the dead, but to His position over all.

2 - Take Courage - The second thing I am to do is take courage (mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty). When looking up the meaning of this word, it seems that courage, or taking it up refers to a cause. What is the reason I have to be courageous; or from whom do I get my courage. It is from the Lord Jesus Christ.

The end result is that as I am waiting on the Lord, He will be my strength and my courage. I am not alone in this.

Thank you Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/24/21

When God’s word pierces me it is as though I enter into a layer of God I never understood before. I have read through the Bible multiple times over my life as a believer, but I stand amazed at how His Spirit stabs straight to the heart, changing my perspective and my understanding when I am truly open to His teaching. More often than not, this happens when I am walking in the dark.

Don’t be afraid to wrestle with God. Don’t be afraid to search His word and pray the eyes of your heart will be open. Allow Him to pierce you through to the heart.

Next week we will look at the role of thanksgiving in the dark. Have a great weekend!

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

Image by Herbert Aust from Pixabay

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Image by József Kincse from Pixabay

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

Image by Vojtěch Kučera from Pixabay

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.

When Darkness Comes - Part 6: Remembering Who We are in the Darkness

Many times when we are walking in the darkness, especially if we are doing it for an extended time, we tend to forget who we are meant to be. We fall back into the pattern of listening to the manipulator’s voice, rather than the Creator’s voice. We focus in on our insecurities, rather than our place on His solid foundation. We begin to obsess over all that is wrong, rather than being thankful for all that is right. I know. I have been there.

Image by Darkmoon_Art from Pixabay

Being a low energy person, it is easy for me to get tired, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is a reason, Jesus said to come to Him when we are weary and need rest. He wasn’t just talking about our physical weariness. In fact, I think He was referring more to the weariness we feel when we are walking in the darkness. What did he say in those verses?

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)

I want to come back to these verses when I explore how to survive the darkness, but for today, I want you to notice verse 29. We are to take His yoke on ourselves, but not just that. We are to do it so that we can learn from Jesus. Why? Because He is gentle, humble and in Him we will find rest for our souls. We can see here, it is not just our physical bodies that can find rest in Him, although I believe we can find that as well. In Him we find rest for our souls.

Once again, I want to draw on my own experiences to help you understand how important it is to remember God’s eternal truth when you are going through dark times. If we forget who He says we are, then we open the door for Satan to influence us with his lies and manipulative whisperings. Let’s look at a few of the false faces we wear when we are maneuvering the dark places in life.

False Face - The Mime

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You all know this one. They don’t talk about their struggles. You might even identify with this one. Unfortunately, the Christian church has made the mime one of our most numerous congregants. We don’t talk about it. When life gets tough, we sink down into our character and keep silent. Are you struggling with mental illness? Don’t talk about it. Are you frustrated in your marriage? Don’t talk about it. Are you shell shocked after a great loss? Don’t talk about it. We are too busy, too tired, too wrapped up in our own selves to take the time to listen, even if we wanted you to talk. Then, like the mime, we occasionally act out. We blow up at inappropriate times. We cry for no reason. We are alone in our silent performance as the rest of the world wonders why we are acting so odd.

False Face - The Stoic

Image by Szilárd Szabó from Pixabay

Definition of a stoic:

“a member of a school of philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium about 300 b.c. holding that the wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law”

— Webster's Online Dictionary

A person who maneuvers the dark times with this philosophy will often exhibit no emotion at all. Their attitude might resemble that of a rock. While even those who identify with stoicism do have emotions, their desire is to not give in to extravagant or showy emotion, choosing rather, to maintain a steady, even keeled composure.

False Face - The Dancer

Image by Vladimir Yuminov from Pixabay

When difficulty comes, this person will often be flitting from one thing to another, like a bee buzzing from flower to flower. An individual who exhibits this behavior, is often afraid to slow down or sit still, knowing that when they do the full weight of their struggles will overwhelm them. They believe if they keep moving, they will not have to really deal with their pain and eventually it will become less difficult.

False Face - Pollyanna

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If you are not familiar with the term Pollyanna, it is defined as a person that is excessively positive or optimistic. Originally, Pollyanna was a novel written in 1913 by Eleanor H. Porter. It told the story of eleven year old orphan girl Pollyanna Whittier, who is sent to live with her stern, cold, spinster Aunt Polly. Pollyanna maneuvers life playing a game she learned from her father, called the Glad Game. The premise being that there is always something to be glad about, or an opportunity to always see the brighter side of any dark cloud.

While I do believe there is benefit in looking for the good in life and in finding things to be thankful for, it is equally important to not deceive ourselves into believing there is nothing wrong, when in fact we are still truly hurting and struggling.

I am sure if we looked deeper we could find more False Faces that we adopt and use when we are not willing to face the darkness we are going through. However, it is of great importance that we do recognize our struggles and difficulties.

What does God’s Word say about us? Let’s look at another page from my journal.

Image by CharuTyagi from Pixabay

I recognize my standing as a sinner.

“23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

— Romans 3:23 (NASB)

I called on Your name and You washed me whiter than snow.

“13 for “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.””

— Romans 10:13 (NASB)

““Come now, and let us debate your case,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They shall become as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be like wool.”

— Isaiah 1:18 (NASB)

I know, according to Your word, my name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

“27 and nothing unclean, and no one who practices abomination and lying, shall ever come into it, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life.”

— Revelation 21:27 (NASB)

I am sealed by His blood.

“30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

— Ephesians 4:30 (NASB)

“22 who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge.”

— 2 Corinthians 1:22 (NASB)

I know according to Your word, I am not condemned.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

— Romans 8:1 (NASB)

I know when I am weary and burdened, I can come to You and You will give me rest.

“28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

— Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

I know that Your yoke is easy and Your burden light. I can come to You and learn from You because you are gentle and humble.

“29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.””

— Matthew 11:29-30

I know You are always with me.

“5 No one will be able to oppose you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not desert you nor abandon you.”

— Joshua 1:5 (NASB)

“5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever abandon you,””

— Hebrews 13:5 (NASB)

I know You have given me, Your precious and magnificent promises.

“4 Through these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world on account of lust.”

— 2 Peter 1:4 (NASB)

I know that You work all things together for good.

“28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28 (NASB)

I know You love me.

“See how great a love the Father has given us, that we would be called children of God; and in fact we are. For this reason the world does not know us: because it did not know Him.”

— 1 John 3:1 (NASB)

In order for us to be able to walk in the darkness we must remember, not only who God is, but who we are. I hope you will find encouragement in these verses.

Next time I will delve into what our response should be when we are walking in the storms.

Have a good week.

When Darkness Comes - Part 4: Where is God in the Darkness?

I have been doing this series on darkness for the last few weeks. When I talk about darkness, I am referring to those times in our lives when it seems we are under thick cloud cover and cannot see or feel the presence of God in our troubling circumstances. I began the series with a look at the creation of darkness at the beginning. I relayed the idea that to God darkness and light are no different. I also covered the fact that God created darkness for our benefit. Last week I talked about how Satan, through his own pride and arrogance and the temptation of Adam and Eve, caused darkness to take on the characteristic of being bad; of being a covering for evil deeds and sinful people.

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

This week I want to look at where God is in the darkness. Once again, let’s start back at the beginning. You might wonder why I keep going back to Genesis. Genesis is the beginning of all that we know about God, and the history of humanity. I strongly believe if we do not understand the truth at the beginning of scripture, we will not fully understand the rest of it. I know there are Christians who do not believe in a literal six day creation. I do, and I also believe that the rest of our understanding of God, our standing before Him and our need for a Savior will not be complete if we do not trust in a literal creation. That is what I believe. How I study God’s word, and how I present it to you is based off of this foundational stepping stone.

God is Over the Darkness

“1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 And the earth was a formless and desolate emptiness, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.
3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.
4 God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.
5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness He called “night.” And there was evening and there was morning, one day.”

— Genesis 1:1-5 (NASB)

Image by Jakob Boman from Pixabay

As we saw in the first post from this series, God was hovering over the surface of the deep. The deep was a darkness; one that could only be plumbed by the Almighty Creator. Even now, with all of our technology, sonars, radars, remote controlled mini submarines, lights and so on, we still cannot plumb the deepest depths of the oceans.

“He also bowed the heavens down low, and came down With thick darkness under His feet.”

— 2 Samuel 22:10 (NASB)

Once again, we see that God is over the darkness. We might be tempted to think this darkness lies between God and us. We might even wonder if He can hear us through the thick darkness that keeps us from seeing Him, but let’s look further.

God is Within the Darkness

“18 And all the people were watching and hearing the thunder and the lightning flashes, and the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it all, they trembled and stood at a distance.
19 Then they said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen; but do not have God speak to us, or we will die!”
20 However, Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you will not sin.”
21 So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.”

— Exodus 20:18-21 (NASB)

Image by jplenio from Pixabay

“He made darkness canopies around Him,
A mass of waters, thick clouds of the sky.”

— 2 Samuel 22:12 (NASB)

These passages clearly state God was in the darkness. In fact, the 2 Samuel verses says the darkness is like a canopy around Him. Since there is no difference to God between dark and light, there is no reason God would not be in the darkness, just as easily as He is in the light. Remember it was Satan’s pride and arrogance and Adam and Eve’s choice to disobey God that turned the darkness into something bad.

I believe there are several reasons, the Almighty wraps Himself in a cloak of darkness.

1 - The glory of God is too much for our eyes to look on. There is one passage in particular that I want to reference, but for the sake of space, I will not put it all here. Exodus 33 gives us much insight into God’s relationship with the people of Israel, but more specifically, with Moses. In verses 7-11 we see Moses regularly going into the tent of meeting, on behalf of the people. There he met with God.

“11 So the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend.”

— Exodus 33:11 (NASB)

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

Adam, Noah, Moses and a few others were among those that actually met with God. Adam walked with Him in the garden. Noah did not have the same relationship with God that Adam and Moses had, but he was righteous and heard God’s voice. Moses met with God. Now, we do not know what this looked like, but it does say they spoke face to face, just as a man speaks to a friend. Perhaps this was the face of the Man Jesus. Perhaps it was another form that God took, but it was not God in His glory. If we read further, we can see this distinction.

“18 Then Moses said, “Please, show me Your glory!”
19 And He said, “I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the Lord before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion to whom I will show compassion.”
20 He further said, “You cannot see My face, for mankind shall not see Me and live!”
21 Then the Lord said, “Behold, there is a place by Me, and you shall stand there on the rock;
22 and it will come about, while My glory is passing by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with My hand until I have passed by.
23 Then I will take My hand away and you shall see My back, but My face shall not be seen.””

— Exodus 33:18-23 (NASB)

God wrapped Himself in darkness, because He is too powerful and brilliant for us to look on.

2 - Darkness represents mystery

Just as the ocean depths hold mysteries we have not yet discovered, the darkness surrounding God represents the depths of mystery we have yet to discover about Him. We might think, why does God keep Himself a mystery? Why doesn’t He just reveal everything to us, so that we know Him fully. Look what happened to Adam and Eve when they decided to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. With our limited ability and our sinful nature, are we really ready to plumb the depths of an almighty being?

“He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He set forth in Him,”

— Ephesians 1:9 (NASB)

God reveals the mysteries of His layers, according to His good pleasure. I will discuss this further in a future post.

3 - Darkness makes us vulnerable

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

This is the scenario: it is night. The darkness is like a veil hanging over the pathway on which you have to walk. Your flashlight only illuminates the path under your feet. A part of you refuses to shine the flashlight out into the surrounding woods, because you are afraid of what you might see. You walk as quickly as you can from your camp site to the bathroom just on the other side of the woody patch. As you walk your pace quickens turning into a jog. You can feel the darkness closing in around you, but you can see the lights of the bathroom just ahead. You break into a full on run and feel sweet relief when the bathroom door closes behind you. Little did you know, the evil was waiting in one of the stalls.

Obviously, I just made this up, but how many of you have felt this feeling, whether it was in a camp ground after dark in the middle of the night, or walking through your own house searching for the sound you swear you heard when you were laying in bed? Darkness makes us feel vulnerable. When we cannot see what the darkness holds, our minds begin to create all manner of serial killers, monsters and ghosts that might be waiting in those dark shadows.

Why would God then, hide himself within the darkness? Why would He ask for this type of vulnerability? If we study His word we see many of the men and women He used were drawn from positions of vulnerability. Think of Noah (Genesis 6-7): vulnerable to the taunts and ridicule of the evil society around him; Moses (Exodus 2): vulnerable to the threats of Pharaoh; David (1 Samuel 17): vulnerable to a giant named Goliath; Esther (Esther 4-7): vulnerable to her husband the king; Daniel (Daniel 1): vulnerable to the rulers of a foreign land…and of course Jesus, who chose to become a vulnerable human baby.

The darkness reminds us that we are not God. We are weak and lost without Him. Even when we have the light of His word and His spirit within us, we still fall prey to our fear of the darkness and the vulnerability it causes.

God Controls the Darkness

There is one last thing I want to cover in this post. As believers you are probably familiar with the characteristics of God of omnipotence and sovereignty. Omnipotence means all powerful and sovereignty means supreme power. In other words, God is not only all powerful, but all things come through His hands before they come to us.

Image by Darkmoon_Art from Pixabay

“19 Then the angel of God, who had been going before the camp of Israel, moved and went behind them; and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them.
20 So it came between the camp of Egypt and the camp of Israel; and there was the cloud along with the darkness, yet it gave light at night. Therefore the one did not approach the other all night.”

— Exodus 14:19-20 (NASB)

The people of Israel experienced the movement of God as He protected and led them with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The cloud also came along with the darkness. God was able to maneuver the darkness to be where He wanted it to be. He even showed the clouds and the darkness to be a protection for His people.

God is intimately acquainted with the darkness you are going through. He is above it. He is within it. He is in control of it. The problem with darkness is not God, it is us. How we respond to the darkness that comes into our lives will set a precedent for every dark and cloudy day that comes our way.

Next week I am going to begin looking at what our response should be when darkness comes. Be sure to stop by then.

Have a wonderful week.

When Darkness Comes - Part 3: Darkness Gone Bad

The last two weeks I have taken you through the first few verses of Genesis 1 and saw how God created the world, including darkness and light. We learned that darkness wasn’t evil. Darkness was the absence of light and to God there was no difference between darkness and light. When God separated the light from the darkness He did it with our benefit and the earth’s well being, in mind. He created the lights in the heavens including the sun, moon and stars, as ways to separate the seasons and to differentiate day from night. Day was made for work and night was made for rest.

When did darkness become bad? When did we start making the association that darkness wasn’t good and wasn’t for good people? When did darkness become associated with sin and evil? I want to show you a progression that took place. In order to understand this we need to go back to Genesis. If you regularly follow my Faith posts, you know I went over the passage in Genesis 3 when I did the series on Our Unseen Enemy. We need to look at this again. We can never look at God’s word too often.

“1 Now the serpent was more cunning than any animal of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God really said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat;
3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’”
4 The serpent said to the woman, “You certainly will not die!
5 For God knows that on the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will become like God, knowing good and evil.”
6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took some of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband with her, and he ate.
7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves waist coverings.”

— Genesis 3:1-7 (NASB)

In the series on Satan, we learned that he was enamored with his own beauty. He became prideful and wanted to usurp the throne of God in heaven and take over. The first step in the darkness becoming bad was the choice of a created being to look within, rather than looking to God.

Step 1 - Self-Reliance

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

It all started with Satan’s choice to look at his own beauty and his obsession with it. He forgot about who God was and that God had created him, not the other way around. The very same thing happened when Satan went to Eve. He got her to focus, not on all the beauty she had in the garden; not on the husband and companion God provided for her; and certainly not on the God who had made her. Satan tempted Eve to look within herself and see just what she was lacking.

Step 2 - Misery Loves Company

Image by karosieben from Pixabay

The next step in the progression towards darkness becoming bad was Satan’s desire to take others down with him. What fun would it be to rebel all by his onesie? He gladly found others among the angels willing to follow him. In the same way, Eve was not content to be the only one to bite into the forbidden fruit. She had to tempt her husband to make the same mistake. Once this choice was made, there was no going back, for either Satan or Adam and Eve.

Step 3 - Anger and Shame

Image by Thomas Wolter from Pixabay

Our study reveals two prominent emotions: anger and shame. Satan’s response to not getting his way in heaven was anger and hatred. Satan wasn’t just angry, he became violent.

“15 You were blameless in your ways
from the day you were created,
till unrighteousness was found in you.
16 In the abundance of your trade
you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned;
so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God,
and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub,
from the midst of the stones of fire.
17 Your heart was proud because of your beauty;
you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.
I cast you to the ground;””

— Ezekiel 28:15-17 (ESV)

Adam and Eve, on the other hand, felt shame. Look again at Genesis 3:7:

Image by Сергей Корчанов from Pixabay

“7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves waist coverings.”

— Genesis 3:7 (NASB)

This was the final step in the progression of darkness becoming associated with all that is bad. The eyes of Adam and Eve were open. Before this happened we can assume, to them, there was no difference between darkness and light, other than that it represented a time change. Darkness wasn’t bad, scary or evil, but the sin of rebelling against God through disobedience suddenly made them want to hide. Darkness became a covering for sin and sinful actions.

In addition to this, even though their eyes were opened, Adam and Eve’s minds became dark. They no longer had the light of God, or the fellowship of His presence. They were banished, just as Satan was banished from heaven.

“22 Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out with his hand, and take fruit also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—
23 therefore the Lord God sent him out of the Garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken.
24 So He drove the man out; and at the east of the Garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life.”

— Genesis 3:22-24 (NASB)

I want to leave you with this idea; darkness is still God’s. Satan does not own it. He did not create it. Yes, he dwells in it and makes the world believe it is his domain, but God is still hovering over the darkness and He can see everything, we can’t.

Next week we will look at where God is in the darkness. Thanks for following along. Have a great day!

When Darkness Comes - Part 2: The Dark

Last week I started a series on When Darkness Comes. I don’t know that I really need to define what I mean by that, but just in case, I will. When I talk about darkness, I am talking about those times in life when things are very difficult. I am not talking about simple inconveniences, although get enough of them all at once, and I certainly start wondering who is trying to beat me up. What I am referring to when I say darkness are those times when you feel alone, discouraged and overwhelmed. However, it is not just feelings, that make something dark. It is a blend of what is going on in life, either your own or in the lives of those you love, a weight that feels especially burdensome, and how much of it you are carrying alone.

Image by cocoparisienne from Pixabay

“Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that darkness spreads over Egypt—darkness that can be felt.’”

— Exodus 10:21 (NIV)

There are times darkness can be felt. This type of darkness is thick, dank, visceral, like a fog that rolls in over our souls from which we feel we will never be free. Grief is one of these dark times. When my father passed away 15 years ago, I felt as though a fog had rolled into my life and it seemed that it would always be there. Obviously, over time, the fog lifted and the darkness finally pulled away, but it is inevitable that these dark times will come. Let’s take a look at what God’s word says about darkness.

We already know that darkness was at the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth.

“ 1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 And the earth was a formless and desolate emptiness, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.”

— Genesis 1:1 (NASB)

Image by Ronile from Pixabay

I really like how this is phrased in the New American Standard Bible, “…and the earth was a formless and desolate emptiness.” I know when I am going through an especially dark struggle, I feel as though I am like that formless and desolate emptiness. I think many people can relate to this feeling. If we started to look at statistics on how many people are on psych medications, I would say that this feeling of emptiness is becoming more and more prominent.

As we look at darkness there are several things we must understand.

1 - To God Darkness and Light are no Different.

Image by jplenio from Pixabay

We looked at this verse last week, but let’s look at it again.

“Even darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.”

— Psalm 139:12 (NASB)

For our limited minds it is hard to think that light and darkness could possibly be the same thing, but to an Almighty Creator, they are. Obviously, God can see just as well in the darkness as He can in the light. The differentiation of light and darkness was for our benefit. Knowing that God doesn’t make this differentiation can help us to understand how we can be walking through darkness or at least things that appear dark to you and I, and still have the solid assurance that God is with us.

Many times when we are encountering difficulty we tend to think God has left us, or at the least, that He is not listening to us. This is where we need to go back to the truth of God’s word. Hasn’t His word told us He is with us, always?

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or in dread of them, for the Lord your God is the One who is going with you. He will not desert you or abandon you.”

— Deuteronomy 31:6 (NASB)

2 - Darkness was for our benefit.

Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

God knew exactly what His creation would need, from the plants that grew, to the creatures that walked, flew and swam, to the people He made, God knew that darkness would be a time to refresh, rest and relax from the busyness of work. Just like so many things that God made that were good, it is our enemy that has taken them and twisted them for his benefit alone.

“14 Then God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night, and they shall serve as signs and for seasons, and for days and years;
15 and they shall serve as lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth”; and it was so.
16 God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also.
17 God placed them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth,
18 and to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness; and God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day.”

— Genesis 1:14-19 (NASB)

When we look at this passage from Genesis 1, we see that God made the differentiation between day and night, and the lights that were to govern these time frames. There was even a reason given as to why He made the sun, moon, stars and planets; it was so we could use them as signs for days, seasons and years. If you know anything about how the earth is positioned on its axis, how far it is away from the sun and the way it rotates, and revolves around the sun, you understand the complexity of this Creator and that even in the darkness, He provided the light of the moon and stars. This was all done for our good!

3 - Darkness is not bad.

Image by Tim Hill from Pixabay

It is easy to be afraid of the dark. Darkness can be a scary thing, especially if you have watched a creepy movie, or read a horror story. When I was growing up I loved to watch scary movies. I am also a fan of books like Dracula by Bram Stoker, The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux, and Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. However, in this world of incredible evil, spending too much time immersing ourselves in scary things can easily cause us to forget that darkness was created for our good.

Darkness is the absence of light, however, as we saw in the first chapter of Genesis, darkness wasn’t meant to be something evil, oppressive or gloomy. Darkness was created by a loving God who cared for His creation. Next week, we will take a closer look at how our enemy, Satan, turned what was meant for our wellbeing into a tool for our destruction.

I hope you will continue to follow along. If you ever have any questions or concerns about things you see on my blog, feel free to shoot me a message via Facebook, Instagram, or if you are a subscriber, you may email me directly. Thanks for all your support.

When Darkness Comes - Part 1: The Light

I think most of us would prefer to travel through life in the light. In this case, light is a metaphor for good things. Most of us would prefer to have an easy road rather than a rough one. Most of us would prefer to not get car jacked by bad things like illness, job loss, broken relationships or the death of a loved one. Those of us who are church goers, would prefer to go to worship, singing and rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord who has led us in the way of prosperity, and perpetual good times, but that is most likely not your reality, nor is it mine.

Image by Darkmoon_Art from Pixabay

Over the last year we have heard about many who have suffered due to the Covid virus. People have lost time at work, some have lost jobs, others have developed debilitating “long haul” symptoms from the virus, still others have lost loved ones, both young and old. But, before Covid, there were plenty of other things that caused destruction in our world. There have been mass shootings, tsunamis and earthquakes. We are still dealing with diseases like cancer, heart disease and diabetes. In addition things like divorce, rape, child abuse and drug addictions still rise up and destroy individuals and families.

Why? In a world where we have knowledge, medicine, money and plenty of other resources, why do we still struggle with the dark things? Darkness and suffering are part of the fallen world we live in. In the first paragraph I talked about how we all would like to live in the light, but so much of our life is spent in the darkness of shadow. The reasons for this have to do with not only our sin, but His suffering. To understand this idea better, I want to spend this post talking about the light.

“1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.”

— Genesis 1:1-5 (NASB)

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

When we look at these verses we see there is a progression. First, God made the heavens and the earth. It goes on to say, “the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep…” Darkness was there at the beginning. Did God create darkness? When we talk about darkness I think we need to look at it from the perspective of what it is not. Darkness is the absence of light.

I want you to notice another detail, “…and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” God was there, in, around, above and below the darkness. God, most certainly could have created a world without being personally involved in it, but He was there. He was, just as the darkness was over the surface of the deep, hovering over that same deep.

Beloved, when you are in darkness, make no mistake, He is there with you. He is personally involved in the depths you are suffering and He will “…never leave you, nor forsake you.” (Joshua 1:5 NASB)

Image by kytalpa from Pixabay

“Let there be light.”

Our God did not end creation there, as much as proponents of the Big Bang Theory would like us to believe. God didn’t just bang the world into existence then walk away and let it “evolve”. He orchestrated its creation, like a conductor leading a complex symphony. You have heard the phrase, the devil is in the details, but not the details of this creation.

It is hard to represent light without showing the darkness around it, or the way the light plays against an object, or reflects off water. Of course, “God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5 NASB) It is telling to me that God created light first. The interesting thing here is the light was not from the sun, because the sun had not yet been created. In fact, the sun, moon and stars were not created until the fourth day.

Image by ChadoNihi from Pixabay

We could question why He created light, but not the things we know give us light at the same time. We might also question, what was this light He created? What was it made out of? What did it look like? Did it have heat, like the sun? I believe everything God does has a purpose. I personally believe that this light was purely His light. The reason this makes sense to me is that it sets up the foundation of our Christian faith, that He is the light and it is only the light of His truth that gives us the ability to see clearly and rightly spiritual things. Just as He knew we, His creation, would need light to live, He also knew, we as bearers of His image would need the light of His revelation to understand our need for Him.

“God saw that the light was good.”

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

We could spend a while just talking about the physical benefits of light. Light helps plants to grown, which in turn creates our oxygen. Light lifts our moods in the dreary winter. Light is essential for good vision; try doing a puzzle in the dark. The very first thing God made, He examined and saw that it was good. Our world would die a slow, agonizing death if we gradually lost the light of the sun.

The fact that God determined the light to be good, also sets a precedent. Aren’t all the things that God makes good? Light is symbolic of our ability to understand Spiritual things. The revelation of God is considered light to our minds and hearts, giving us the ability to discern His truth, His will and His ways.

“He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe.”

— John 1:7 (NASB)

“Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.””

— John 12:36 (NASB)

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

— Psalm 119:105 (NASB)

“…and He separated the light from the darkness. God called the light ‘day’ and the darkness He called ‘night’”

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

It was for our benefit God separated the light from the darkness. My imagination wonders what was it like before He made that separation? Were there darkness particles and light particles all mixed up together? Instead of black darkness was it more a gray fog? I am thrilled that one day, I might actually know what it was like at the beginning of our time.

The reality is that darkness and light are all the same to God.

“Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.”

— Psalm 139:12 (NASB)

I am intrigued by this idea, and it makes perfect sense when we think about it. God sees all and knows all, so why would darkness be a hindrance to Him. We might not like the dark and many of us try to sleep when it is dark, but to God, our darkness is light. As the Psalmist said, “…the night is as bright as the day.”

I want you to hang on to that thought. If you are going through something dark right now, let me reassure you, you are not alone. Many of us are struggling, facing day after day of difficulty, but God is with us. That darkness is not so dark that He can not see us.

Next time we will take a closer look at the darkness and see what God’s word says about what to do when the darkness comes.