His Rock, My Foundation

I get the feeling, the Lord would have me spend a few Wednesdays redirecting us towards Him. Yes, when we are studying His Scriptures we are directed towards Him, but in my experience nothing is quite remembered as well as a song. I grew up in a Bible church. We sang all the old hymns from Great is Thy Faithfulness and Amazing Grace to When Peace Like a River and The Old Rugged Cross. These old hymns became part of my foundation and reinforced everything I was learning in Sunday School, church services, Pioneer Girls and youth group.

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Last week, the Lord brought to my mind, that old hymn, May the Mind of Christ My Savior, as a way to convey truth and encouragement during these difficult days we are walking in. This week, it seems that He has led me to another older hymn and I want to share that with you this week.

During this time it can be especially difficult to have hope. When we look at the long term ramifications of the virus and its ripple effects, things can be pretty daunting. When I went with my daughter to the grocery store today, I think we both felt tired and didn’t really want to put on a mask, but we did. It was weird, awkward and uncomfortable, but we kept them on, even though the majority of employees weren’t wearing them and many customers as well. When I got home I had to drag the groceries onto the back porch, where I then proceeded to spray and wipe down every item with a bleach solution before bringing it in the house. By the time I was done, I was emotionally and physically spent.

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You know, we can all throw our little platitudes out there about how we are strong and we will get through this and so on, but this is real folks. People are dying. People are very, very sick and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder, is someone in my family going to get this; is someone I know and love going to die from this? I don’t know about you, but I am struggling to just do the tasks that need to be done, let alone, start a cleaning project or start prepping my flower beds. I try, but this is hard. I have loved ones and extended family who do not know Jesus and my heart aches for their salvation, so that, not only are they assured of eternity with Him, but of strength to get through hard times like these. Perhaps that is why Jesus brought this song to my mind yesterday.

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

Lyrics by Edward Mote, Music by William Batchelder Bradbury

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name. 

Refrain:

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
  All other ground is sinking sand.

2

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

3

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

Refrain

4

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
In Him, my righteousness, alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

I would like to look at each of these verses quickly and really think about what the author of these lyrics was saying.

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Verse 1 - I wonder if the author was struggling with a difficult situation, because he starts this song off with this exclamation, “My hope is build on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” What our world is going through right now is the perfect example that we can put our hope in our money, in our strength, in our loved ones, in our jobs or in our futures, but in a matter of a few weeks, it can all be taken away. Why do we build hope on things that are so easily destroyed? We need to build our hope on the rock that is higher than I. We need to place our hope on Jesus Christ, His birth, life, death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. That is the only foundation that cannot be taken from us.

The author includes in this first verse the idea of trust. Again, what or who are we placing our trust in? Our good health? Gone. Our investments? Shaky. Our relatives and friends? Unavailable. The stark truth of this virus is, if you get it you go into quarantine. If you get worse, you go to the hospital. If you continue to go downhill, you are in ICU. In the end, if you die, the only people with you will be nurses, if even that. Not that they wouldn’t if they could, but we know our health care workers are barely keeping their heads above water when it comes to this disease. The only One we can trust to be there when we die is Jesus.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

— John 3:16 (NASB)

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Verse 2- There are times in our lives that all seems hopeless. Even we as Christ followers are struggling to have hope during this dark time. It seems that darkness is hiding our Lord’s face and we are wondering where He is. This is why it is so important to know Him. I don’t mean knowing Him as a historical figure who went around saying a few good things. I am talking about really knowing Him, as in having a personal, intimate relationship with Him.

In the original Hebrew language the action of having sex with a person was described as “knowing” or “to know” them. The intimacy of the sexual act is the same intimacy with which we are to know our Savior. If you think that is weird or gross, then you have a little ways to go, to truly understand and put your trust in this one whom we call Lord.

The author of the song, knew during dark times he could “rest on His unchanging grace.” He also knew during the storms of life, and yes there will be plenty of storms, his anchor would hold. You see, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit do not change. They remain the same from the beginning of our time to the end of it. As we come to know Him more deeply, we realize life on this little jewel is only a piece of a much more amazing life we are meant to live: the life we are meant to live with Him.

“If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

— John 14:3 (NASB)

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Verse 3 - “His oath, His covenant, His blood…” Note, it is not our oath, our covenant nor our blood. The faith that we have is not placed in ourselves, but in Jesus. Sure we can do many things in our own strength and I know there are many people who are getting through this storm maneuvering their own life boat, but it only takes one wave to turn our little boats upside down into shark infested, storm ridden seas. It is this inevitable possibility that makes placing our faith in Him so important.

The author goes on to say, “When all around my soul gives way…” Have you felt that way? Like the very ground underneath your feet is moving and rolling. I have never experienced an earthquake, but I imagine it is an indescribable experience. That is how I would describe my feelings a few years ago, when going through a particularly hard time. Life suddenly looked very different from what I thought it was going to. My being hurt to the very core of my soul, so when the song writer talks about the world around his soul giving way and Jesus being His hope and stay, I get it.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace”

— Ephesians 1:7 (NASB)

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Verse 4 - This culminating verse gives us hope and victory in our Lord Jesus Christ. When that trumpet sounds, if we are found to be in Him, if we have believed in who Jesus said He was and in what He did, then in His righteous we will be able to stand before the throne of God.

With the uncertainty of life ahead, don’t you want to be sure of life in Him?

Here is a great version of the hymn. Enjoy!

My Mind, His Mind

I am taking a break this week from our study of Romans 8, to talk about fear. There is a lot of fear going around right now because of our current circumstances. Knowing there is a sneaky virus out there that could, in fact kill us, is just a bit unnerving. I know many of us are trying to be positive and continue on as if everything is normal, but let’s face it, this is way beyond normal. Not only are there fears over the possibility of contracting COVID19, or someone we know and love getting it, but the economic repercussions are astronomical and I think are going to affect our country for a while.

I know of many people, including our own family who have been affected by the virus economically. Small businesses, like the one my older daughter has are taking a big hit. My younger daughter, who had to make the transition from in class college to all online college, also lost her serving job, which was a big chunk of her income. We are not alone. I know of others, even in health care who have had their hours cut back or have been let go all together, because their specialties are not needed right now. Will everyone have jobs to return to once this is over? Who knows.

What about our country as a whole. We have had it easy for so long and as much as the government says they are going to help with unemployment, stimulus checks and so on, where exactly are they getting all that money from? So many, many questions and we aren’t even past the point yet where we can let our guard down with regards to the actual virus.

So how do we keep from getting overwhelmed? I’d like to share a few things that help me when I am going through tough times. I hope they will help you as well.

Image by Ebowalker from Pixabay 

1 - Feel the fear.

God gave us emotions and they are all good, since He is the one who created them. Fear, anger, joy, sadness, all have their place in our lives for us to be healthy individuals. When my father passed away fourteen years ago, I had to go through the grieving process. The best thing to do when encountering emotions we don’t like is allow yourself to feel them. I have used this analogy on the blog before, but think of emotions in terms of a blanket. When you start feeling an emotion like sadness or fear or anger, take that blanket and wrap yourself up in it. Allow yourself to feel afraid, sad or angry. Do this for a few minutes. If it helps, take an actual blanket and wrap yourself up in it. After a few minutes, take the blanket off, fold the blanket up, and move on to the next thing. Think of folding the blanket as if you are packing that fear or sadness away. You can always take it out again later, but allowing yourself to feel it, experience it and then pack it away, helps you to process more volatile emotions in small bits.

Image by Susanne Pälmer from Pixabay 

2 - Exercise.

I have noticed a lot more people out walking since the start of Ohio’s shelter in place order. Moms, dads and kids are all out walking trails at the park or just walking the neighborhood. This is so good for us. It not only serves the purpose of getting our heart rates up, it allows us to breath fresh air and get out of the house. I know for many of us, this time of year can be tricky because of the weather. We have rain, gray overcast skies and wind more often than sun and that can make getting out for a walk much more difficult. If that is the case try doing some indoor exercises as a family. Play a vigorous game of Simon Says or follow the leader all through the house.

Image by Kerstin Riemer from Pixabay

3 - Schedule alone time.

With social distancing in place, this might seem strange, but hello, we are now at home all the time with our kids or with our spouses. If that doesn’t drive you crazy, nothing will. It is especially important if you are an introvert or someone who needs a regular routine. My husband thinks that being home means I am available to talk to, look at something on YouTube or hang out with whenever he wants. That makes it a little difficult for this introvert and writer. I spent the last two days trying to get two writing pieces finished as I had a deadline. I got the job done, but it is definitely harder without a routine.

Mom’s you need that alone time, whether it is to take a long bath, read your Bible or watch a show on Netflix. If dad is home, ask him to hang with the kids so you can have some sanity time.

Image by Peggy Choucair from Pixabay 

4 - Make memories.

A friend of my daughter’s and mine has been using this time to schedule special events with her kids. She has been sharing her ideas on Facebook and it looks like they are having a blast. She even turned the house into a Cruise ship, complete with boarding passes, dining assignments, entertainment and of course fun foods. What you do with your family during this time has the potential for very good memories, even if it is something as simple as a game night.

Image by Uwe Jacobs from Pixabay 

5 - Fill your mind from the right fountain.

Reading article after article about the virus, our economic situation and so on is not good for you. There are plenty of other good things to fill your mind with. Music, books, fun shows, all can keep your spirits up and keep you centered on the positive. Being thankful is a must during this time as well.

I’d like to leave you with an old hymn. I remember singing this song in my classes when I was at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL. Most classes started with a song and a prayer. I had one particular teacher who loved this song and had us sing it quite often. When I came across it the other night, I realized just how perfect it is for our current situation. Enjoy!

May the Mind of Christ My Savior (Lyrics by Katie Barclay Wilkinson, Music A. Cyril Gould)

1

May the mind of Christ my Savior
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and pow’r controlling
  All I do and say.

2

May the Word of Christ dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
  Only through His pow’r.

3

May the peace of Christ my Savior
Rule my life in every thing,
That I may be calm to comfort
  Sick and sorrowing.

4

May the love of Jesus fill me,
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
  This is victory.

5

May I run the race before me,
Strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus
  As I onward go.

6

May His beauty rest upon me
As I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
  Seeing only Him.

When the Monsoon Winds of Change Blow

I spent the morning doing a little bit of cleaning, putting away Halloween decor and getting out Thanksgiving decor. While I was doing that I was thinking about what to do with this Faith post. My life has never been one of discipline or routine. My spouse is a college instructor, so every semester the schedule changes. We homeschooled our two girls all the way through high school so that schedule changed in accordance with my spouse’s. There were times when Mark had several evening classes, so we would have our main meal together at lunch time. Other times, the girls and I would fend for ourselves, knowing dad wouldn’t be home until 9 or 10 at night. In addition to that all of our family is out of state. Holidays, spring breaks and summers were often littered with trips to see Grandmas and Grandpas, uncles, cousins and friends.

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Change is not a bad thing. Often, change can be exciting and something we look forward to with anticipation. Unfortunately, change can also be something that fills us with dread and despair. In just a few short weeks, my position as assistant manager of a university bookstore will be over. It was a position I grew into, as I started working when my girls were just little. I went from sales clerk, to general merchandiser, to shipping and receiving clerk, to assistant manager. I made the transition working part time, so I could still homeschool our girls and more recently help out with our grandson.

I had hoped that I could take a few months off, get my thoughts together and get through the holidays without the added stress of learning a new job, having a new schedule, blending with new coworkers and on and on the change comes. However, that is not the case. I have to find another job, so I am applying for something seasonal.

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Part of the reason, I am writing this is to work through the situation myself. Losing a job is like losing someone close to you. You didn’t get to have a say in when it happened, it just happened. You didn’t get to determine, what that change or that end would look like, it just ended. So here I am. I’m 55 and not sure what the next step is, other than to keep stepping.

There is a passage of Scripture that seems especially pertinent to my situation today, and maybe will speak to you as well.

“26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 8:26-39 (ESV)

There are several key points that we can pull from this passage.

1 - Someone is praying for us.

Verses 26 and 27 plainly state that the Spirit intercedes for us. I love this. To know that someone is praying for me and not just praying but interceding with “groanings too deep for words.” Have you ever noticed when life is overwhelming it is also often confusing as well. In addition, knowing what God is trying to do through or in a situation is more often than not beyond our ability to understand. There are times I find myself saying, “Lord, I don’t even know how to pray.” That is how I have felt over the last few months as I have looked down the pike to losing my job. Sure, my heart would like to pray that everything would go smoothly and that I wouldn’t have to get another job right away. I want to be able to enjoy the holidays and not have them messed up with a new schedule and the stress of learning a new job. But, my mind is also praying for a new job as soon as possible. I have also entertained the idea, that maybe God would just like me to really trust Him. Ha, ha. It is exactly in this state of confusion that my prayers often hit the ceiling and go no further, so it is very reassuring to me that the Holy Spirit is praying for me and He is praying according to the will of God. Pure and simple.

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2 - Things will work out.

It would be nice to say, that things will work out, exactly as we had hoped and expected, but reality says that is rarely the case. However, according to verse 29, things will work for good to those who love God, and who are called according to His purpose. That may sound a little confusing, as though we have to figure out what God’s purpose is. The fact of the matter is, all we have to do is be present. Whatever the circumstance or difficulty, God will work it out and you can be sure it will be for your best and my best, because His will is always for our best. Our minds are limited in what we are able to see as being best, but from personal experience, I can say, it is only when I am completely submitting to Him and whatever path or direction He’s leading me that I have complete peace. That path may be wretchedly difficult, but He is walking it with us and the end result will be good.

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3 - We are known, called, justified and glorified.

Verses 29 and 30 pack a big punch. There is a lot going on in these two verses, and rather than delving into each word individually, just know that we are pretty darn important to our Creator. I am also not going to get into a discussion on predestination versus free will. My heart believes that both are possible and that God is the only one who needs to understand how it works. That is good enough for me. The fact that He knew us from the beginning, He called us to Himself, He justified us through His Son Jesus Christ, and He will glorify us at the resurrection with new bodies, reiterates the amazing love of this being we call Jehovah. The complexity of this relationship with an Almighty being becomes clearly simple when we believe that everything He does is done for our benefit.

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4 - God is for us.

This needs little explanation. The only thing you have to do is believe it!

5 - God will provide.

God, who did not spare His own Son, Jesus, for our benefit, will provide all that we need. Note, I did not say all that we want, but all that we need. What we are responsible to do is figure out, what is it, that we really need. Food, clothes, love, security. Think about people who have been persecuted, tortured or neglected, yet still survived and even thrived regardless of the adversity. What is it that we really need? Only to abide with Him.

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6 - We are secure.

Verses 33 through 35, and 38 through 39, reassure us of our firm foundation in Christ. No one can separate us from Him or His love. We can be persecuted, neglected, overwhelmed, or in despair, but still He is with us. We might be losing our jobs, our spouses, our families, our homes, our health, but still He is with us and we are secure in His hands.

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7 - We are conquerors in Him.

Verses 36 and 37, give us the kick in the pants we need, when we become self focused. When change is coming and the future is uncertain we can easily begin to look inward thinking things like, we’ll never get through this, we can’t do this one more day, we aren’t good enough or other such thoughts that take our focus off the one through whose hands every circumstance trickles. We can become anxious, self-absorbed and begin to invite friends to our pity party, but that is not what God wants for us. Verse 37 says, “…in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

Think about your favorite super hero movie. How did they get through the battles with bad guys, aliens and monsters? They conquered. They conquered their fear and they conquered the enemies. We have an Almighty, All Powerful God on our side. We can be conquerors too, in Him.

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The Trickle Down Effect

I am putting my Traits of a Godly Person on hold to address, once more, the need for constantly abiding in Christ. Living this life is no easy task. Maybe for some, the living of life bears no heavy burdens. Your life is free of insecurities and unknowns. You haven’t experienced the death of a loved one, or the loss of a dear friend. Maybe you’ve never watched an aging parent slowly fade as their mind gives in to the devastation of dementia. You might even be a parent, but have never had a child who rebelled against all you taught them because of a dark secret they carried. Maybe you’ve never gone without a job or had to scrimp and save, just to put food on the table. Most of us don’t have that privilege. Most of us struggle day after day and many of us lose hope.

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Why abide in Christ? What difference does it make? Will He relieve us of these burdens by removing memory of our loss, or by showering our houses with gold coins, or by healing the minds of our kin that are turning into literal mush? Probably not. Why then abide?

Andrew Murray says it best,

“Dear souls! How little they know that the abiding in Christ is just meant for the weak, and so beautifully suited to their feebleness. It is not the doing of some great thing, and does not demand that we first lead a very holy and devoted life. No, it is simply weakness entrusting itself to a Mighty One to be kept — the unfaithful one casting self on One who is altogether trust worthy and true. Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us and through us. It is a work He does for us — the fruit and the power of His redeeming love. Our part is simple, to yield, to trust and to wait for what He has engaged to perform. ”

— Andrew Murray - Abide In Me

When you are tired, abide.

When you are weak, abide.

When you feel lost, abide.

When you feel tempted, abide.

When you experience loss, abide.

When you experience joy, abide.

When the sun rises in the morning, abide.

When the afternoon grows long, abide.

When that same sun sets in the evening, abide.

Day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, abide.

Abiding is made much easier when we recognize two truths.

Truth 1 - God is Sovereign

“The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, And His sovereignty rules over all.”

— Psalm 103:19 (NASB)

“13 I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who testified the good confession before Pontius Pilate,
14 that you keep the commandment without stain or reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 which He will bring about at the proper time—He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords,
16 who alone possesses immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion! Amen.”

— 1 Timothy 6:13-16 (NASB)

No matter what we think or what we do, we cannot change the fact that God is and He is supreme. We cannot put Him into a box of our design, even though most people try. We cannot make Him do what we want, even though we pray with pleading and begging as if it will make a difference. We do not control Him, nor do we control the things that come into our lives, unless they are the result of our own choices. Even those, are sifted through the fingers of the Almighty. This idea is what I like to call the trickle down effect. Nothing comes into our lives that does not first go through the hands of God.

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You might be thinking at this point, “Well, if that’s the case then God is an overbearing, bad guy.” But that brings me to the point number 2.

Truth 2 - God Loves You

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It might be hard to see that, when you are going through a difficult struggle, but it still holds true. We can say, “I do not believe the sun will come up tomorrow.” However, tomorrow the sun will come up. Our saying I don’t believe something, does not make it the case. God is love and God loves us. He is the purest, most perfect form of love. No matter how sacrificially we love, our love is still imperfect compared to the love with which God loves us.

“The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”

— Jeremiah 31:3 (NASB)

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

— John 3:16 (NASB)

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

— John 13:34 (NASB)

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.”

— John 15:9 (NASB)

“and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

— Romans 5:5 (NASB)

That last verse speaks a truth we need to hear and remember. Hope does not disappoint. Why? Because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Dear ones, God loves you and the testimony of that love is the Holy Spirit that lives with in you. Should we not also do Him the service of living within Him. This is what it means to abide. To dwell within and with, not just when we are strong and things are good, but especially when the darkness has fallen.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

I love to go for walks with my spouse in the darkness of night and see all the houses with their lights on. I am not looking in like a voyeur, but in amazement and thanksgiving, that even in the darkness light still shines because someone is living there.

The light shines within us, even in the darkness, because He is living there and we abide with Him. Knowing that nothing comes into my life that He hasn’t already seen with His eyes, heard with His ears and felt with His heart gives me the strength to stay in that safe place, nestled in His arms.

Lessons from Loss

I’ve decided to take another week off, before getting back to my series on Godly traits. On Monday my daughter texted me that a woman from our former church had died unexpectedly. I was in shock. Mary was only a few years older than me. She had five grown children, a devoted husband and her first grandchild, a girl, whom she adored. She was dearly loved, not only by her immediate family, but by siblings and church family and friends. What really floored me, and many others, was the fact that last summer Mary had gone into the hospital with a lung infection. After months in the hospital and rehab, she seemed to get better. She got to go home and resume a somewhat normal life. Not long after life started having some semblance of normalcy, Mary lost her sister to cancer, this was just last month. Last week, Mary ended up, back in the hospital and Monday morning she died.

Sweeny family. Mary is in the middle with her husband Paul. My daughter took these pictures this past spring. Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull.

I felt myself questioning God. Why, Lord? Why? This was a beautiful woman; one of your sheep, who loved and gave and was gracious. She was a beautiful soul, inside and out. She loved her family and took others in as if they were part of the family. She exuded the peace that passes all understanding and I would often see her posting quotes from Ann VosKamp’s One Thousand Gifts on being thankful. The funny thing was, I didn’t really know Mary that well. We moved in different circles as our kids were growing up and while we went to the same church, we weren’t able to spend vast amounts of time together. However, I still feel this loss. It is as if in a galaxy full of stars, Mary’s shown so brightly, that the burning out of that star affected the whole universe.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I am not sharing this with you to look for sympathy. This was a tragic and unexpected loss, but what I wanted to do was use these musings as a branch from which to tie a rope, take a leap, swing out and fall into the river of God’s grace.

How do we deal with these things? How do we get past the shaking of the fist towards the sky, to the questioning why, to the acceptance, to the choice to believe that He is good, no matter what, to the final step of lifting our hands in praise, adoration and thanksgiving? Two words come to mind which I have used on the blog before, baby steps.

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A baby does not learn to walk immediately. It is a process. They reach, they scoot, they rock, they roll, they crawl, they grab, they pull themselves up, they move around the furniture and eventually they let go and take those first steps. Those first steps aren’t perfect, but they are full of enthusiasm. When we are new in our relationship with Christ we are full of enthusiasm. We want to tell the world what He has done, not only for us as individuals, but for the whole world. We want to share the good news that Jesus loves the unlovely, rescues the drowning, lifts up the cripple and fully redeems that which was completely lost.

Then life happens. We experience disappointment, pain, heartbreak and loss. If we are being honest with ourselves we do not like these things and many of us probably thought when we came to Christ that it was going to be smooth sailing. How very wrong we were. If anything, it seems, at least for some, that we are being shot at by the biggest guns available on a US battleship. Worse yet, we might be getting hammered by friendly fire, while well intended, completely misses the mark and wounds us instead of helping us out.

So how do we approach loss without losing our faith? How do we endure pain without giving up hope? How do we continue to walk when we are clearly wounded and would rather lay down and die?

One baby step at a time.

Baby Step 1 - Shaking fists and questions.

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God is much bigger than we are. He created us and He knows our frame is but dust. As the Creator he manipulated that dust, breathing life into it. Don’t ever think, He doesn’t get it. He most certainly knows our weaknesses, our pit falls and our innermost feelings. You might not be literally shaking your fist at Him, but He knows what you are thinking on the inside. Sometimes it is okay to get mad, to raise our hands, not in praise, but in frustration, anger and pain. The key is to not stay there. It is okay to say:

I don’t get it.

It’s not fair.

Why? Why? Why?

I don’t like you right now?

It hurts and you let it happen.

That is exactly how I felt about Mary’s death. She was a vibrant woman and God let her die. I couldn’t help thinking, there are thousands of others, suffering with debilitating illnesses, pain and complete loss of ability to remember their own families or even how to use the bathroom. Why not take one of them? Why not relieve someone else of their burden? But He didn’t. He took Mary.

It felt wrong to have those thoughts and feelings, but they are real, visceral, but real and doesn’t God know that? He gave His own Son to suffer and die. He knows loss. He knows pain. Jesus knows loneliness and abandonment.

This is an absolutely acceptable part of grief. Whether your loss is the death of a loved one, an unfaithful partner, a divorce, a rebellious child, a parent going through Alzheimers, or the loss of a long time job, it is okay to feel anger, and it is okay to question why.

Baby Step 2 - Wear the blanket.

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When my father died back in 2006, I distinctly remember walking in a fog. Life just seemed rather cloudy and my brain felt full of cotton. Often when we grieve we think that the best thing for us is to throw ourselves back into life, subduing the overwhelming sense of loss to a dull ache. In most cultures the process of grief is much more elaborate and loud.

In 1985 I spent a summer in Africa. During that time, I got to experience a true death wail. It was unnerving as a group, of mostly women, wept and wailed and cried over a baby who had tragically passed away. This was no reserved whispered ceremony. This was a loud progression of frenzied sobs and tears. They let their expression of the sadness they felt erupt into the still, dark night, like a mass of molten lava pouring out of a volcano.

While I do not expect that, here in our US of A, we are going to start doing a death wail, it is good to allow ourselves to feel grief. I truly believe wrapping yourself up in the blanket of grief every once in a while, helps you to heal faster. If putting on a real blanket helps with the symbolism, go ahead. However, you do it, take some time to feel the sadness and the pain. Cry, sob, moan and even wail. It’s okay. Then when you feel a bit of relief, put the blanket away and go live life. Eventually, you will find, you don’t need that blanket quite so often. Eventually, you will be able to put it away, all together.

Baby Step 3 - Choices.

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The best way to handle making choices during a time of grief is to choose slowly and thoughtfully. Don’t rashly give up your faith. Don’t decide to sell everything you have, join a commune and move to Tibet. Don’t start drinking. Don’t obsess on your loss. The greatest mistake we make when we are in the throes of grief is to think we are okay and we can handle this on our own. It is important to choose to take care of ourselves and to allow people to take care of us. We were not meant to be islands. We are supposed to live in community with others. In fact you might find there are others who have already been through the grief process before you. They can help, if you let them .

In addition, choose truth. Often we question whether God really loves us when someone or something has been taken away from us, but if we keep our eyes on scripture we will remember verses like:

“The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”

— Jeremiah 31:3 (NASB)

“nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 8:39 (NASB)

“Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

— 2 Corinthians 13:11 (NASB)

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,”

— Ephesians 2:4 (NASB)

God does love us and He always will. He will always be there for us, even in the midst of trial and grief.

Baby Step 4 - Take Action

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Once we have worked through the emotions of anger, pain and sadness we can begin to, once again, take action. Action might start out with something simple like getting out of bed, taking a shower and getting dressed. Eventually, you might be able to go out and take a walk or meet a friend for coffee. Down the road, you may make it to church and then out to do something fun again. Your loved ones would not want you to stop living life. Besides it is in the choice to start living again, that God reveals His most precious and magnificent promises.

After I found out Mary was gone, I knew my sadness and shock was not as sharp as the edge on the sword her family was and is feeling right now, but I also felt that God had let me down. I prayed for Mary’s healing and He didn’t come through. That evening, my husband and I took a walk. I looked up at the expanse of night sky and heard His voice saying, “I’m still right here.”

Wow! That was just what I needed to hear. He is still right there and He always will be. He is there for us to lean on, pound on and depend on no matter what and knowing that is sometimes all we need. When I realize He is really all I need to get through, I am able to raise my hands in praise to Him and I can start remembering what I am thankful for.

My friend Mary was a Christian. She is with Jesus now. She is also with her mom and her sister who went before her. She left behind a legacy of love, and friendship for her family and her friends. The world is a more beautiful place because of her and I can be thankful that I knew her.