A Series of (Un)Fortunate Events - Part 2: The Necessity of Misfortune

Last week I introduced you to A Series of Unfortunate Events, a book series by Lemony Snicket (Daniel Handler) that has also been made into a movie with Jim Carey, and a Netflix series with Neil Patrick Harris. The series follows three orphans, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, who are trying to find out why their parents died in a fire, while at the same time trying to find a guardian who will love and care for them. The inheritance of their future fortune marks them easy prey for villains wanting their money, specifically Count Olaf.

I made the comparison that often we are like the orphaned Baudelaire’s experiencing one tragedy after another. Misfortune is, as the word’s meaning defines, unfortunate. The word fortunate is defined as - “bringing some good thing, not foreseen as certain; receiving some unexpected good.” Misfortune is defined simply as, “an unhappy situation.” When we call someone unfortunate we are saying they are “marked or accompanied by misfortune.” (Definitions from Webster’s Online Dictionary.)

All of us experience misfortune, but we don’t necessarily see everyone as unfortunate, where every day seems to be a struggle and hope is as elusive as an early morning mist. In fact, when a tragedy happens we will often say, “You were very fortunate. It could have been so much worse.” While this is true, it isn’t always the best thing to say.

If you have been following me for a while, you have probably heard me say that struggles and difficulty are not always all bad. We’ve all heard stories or watched a Hallmark movie, where something beautiful has come out of a terrible situation. In my own life I have seen the hand of God extend mercy in situations where the outcome of people’s choices could have been total tragedy.

Last week I discussed the necessity of Jesus’ departure from earth, so the Holy Spirit could come. Without the Helper’s constant guidance and revelation of God’s word we would be lost. Thus the need to recognize, not all tragedies and difficulties are truly unfortunate. With the Holy Spirit’s help we can recognize four key things about our difficulties.

1 - Allowed by God.

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If you believe what the Bible says about God’s characteristics then you must acknowledge His sovereignty. If God is sovereign, all things that come into our lives are sifted through His fingers. We have the book of Job as one for instance of God allowing great difficulty into one man’s life. But, even after all the tragedy, Job knew God was good and sovereign.

“He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.””

— Job 1:22 (NASB 1995)

“9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!”
10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”

— Job 2:9-10 (NASB 1995)

I can still remember a sermon I heard a few years ago when we were going through an especially hard time. The preacher made two points:

1 - God is sovereign and God loves you.

2 - When you are going through something hard refer back to point number 1.

It sounds pretty simple, but in reality it is. Our Almighty God is not trying to trick us, or manipulate us. He is completely straight forward. His holiness is pure. His goodness is everlasting. His mercies are new every morning. Most importantly, He loves us. Plain and simple.

2 - For our benefit.

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Most of us want things that are beneficial for us whether healthy food and exercise, a place to get away and rest, peace of mind and loving, nurturing relationships. God wants things that are beneficial for us as well. The difference is that as the author of all creation He has a far better grasp of what we truly need.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28 (NASB 1995)

Notice in the verse it says that God causes ALL things to work together for good. It isn’t only the happy, joyful, peaceful things that work for our good, it includes the mind numbing, tragic and ugly parts of life. How can this be the case? Because it is God who is doing the working for the good. We are hardly capable of getting ourselves out of bed in the morning, how is it we are going to know the deep needs of our own selves? We think we do…happiness, peace, no longing, no fear, no confrontation…but we are unwilling to go to the One who knows us inside out.

3 - Meant for God reliance.

A trapeze artist knows the importance of being in excellent shape physically, and mentally. They know their muscles must be strong and their minds must not be distracted by the difficulties of life. In addition, they are completely reliant on their equipment. A broken wire, or rusty chain must be repaired or replaced. How do they know these things? By being taught by others who went before.

When we encounter unfortunate events it is the perfect opportunity to check our relationship with God. Are we maintaining our connection with Him. Are we keeping short accounts on our sin? Are we spending time in His word? Are we searching for scripture and advice on how to get through our difficulties by His strength and with His grace?

I don’t care what the commercials are telling you…be all you can be. I don’t care what the social media influencers are preaching…you are strong, you got this, you are woman hear you roar…most messages that come from a source outside of God Himself, while encouraging are not going to keep you sane when the bottom falls out of your world.

“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.”

— Proverbs 3:5-8 (NASB 1995)

“6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,
7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

— 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NASB 1995)

“63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.”

— John 6:63 (NASB 1995)

“8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
Than to trust in man.”

— Psalm 118:8 (NASB 1995)

“10 ‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”

— Isaiah 41:10 (NASB 1995)

We are meant to be God dependent, not independent.

4 - Renewal: God’s best outcome.

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Coming through a series of unfortunate events is the perfect time for God to build something new in you. As you practice abiding in Him and relying on Him He will begin to weed that garden that He is cultivating in you. It may be that the misfortunes are actually His way of pulling the weeds of pride, self-centeredness and bitterness from your soul. Let Him be about His work for this will have the best outcome. You will come through your difficulties with a deeper, new found faith and knowledge, not only of who you are, but more importantly of who God is.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

— Romans 12:2 (NASB 1995)

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.”

— 2 Corinthians 4:16 (NASB 1995)

“He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,”

— Titus 3:5 (NASB 1995)

I want to encourage you to remember, you are not alone in your difficulty. There is a loving, omnipotent God working through your series of (un)fortunate events.

His Rock, My Foundation

I get the feeling, the Lord would have me spend a few Wednesdays redirecting us towards Him. Yes, when we are studying His Scriptures we are directed towards Him, but in my experience nothing is quite remembered as well as a song. I grew up in a Bible church. We sang all the old hymns from Great is Thy Faithfulness and Amazing Grace to When Peace Like a River and The Old Rugged Cross. These old hymns became part of my foundation and reinforced everything I was learning in Sunday School, church services, Pioneer Girls and youth group.

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Last week, the Lord brought to my mind, that old hymn, May the Mind of Christ My Savior, as a way to convey truth and encouragement during these difficult days we are walking in. This week, it seems that He has led me to another older hymn and I want to share that with you this week.

During this time it can be especially difficult to have hope. When we look at the long term ramifications of the virus and its ripple effects, things can be pretty daunting. When I went with my daughter to the grocery store today, I think we both felt tired and didn’t really want to put on a mask, but we did. It was weird, awkward and uncomfortable, but we kept them on, even though the majority of employees weren’t wearing them and many customers as well. When I got home I had to drag the groceries onto the back porch, where I then proceeded to spray and wipe down every item with a bleach solution before bringing it in the house. By the time I was done, I was emotionally and physically spent.

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You know, we can all throw our little platitudes out there about how we are strong and we will get through this and so on, but this is real folks. People are dying. People are very, very sick and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder, is someone in my family going to get this; is someone I know and love going to die from this? I don’t know about you, but I am struggling to just do the tasks that need to be done, let alone, start a cleaning project or start prepping my flower beds. I try, but this is hard. I have loved ones and extended family who do not know Jesus and my heart aches for their salvation, so that, not only are they assured of eternity with Him, but of strength to get through hard times like these. Perhaps that is why Jesus brought this song to my mind yesterday.

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

Lyrics by Edward Mote, Music by William Batchelder Bradbury

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name. 

Refrain:

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
  All other ground is sinking sand.

2

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

Refrain

3

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

Refrain

4

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
In Him, my righteousness, alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain

I would like to look at each of these verses quickly and really think about what the author of these lyrics was saying.

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Verse 1 - I wonder if the author was struggling with a difficult situation, because he starts this song off with this exclamation, “My hope is build on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” What our world is going through right now is the perfect example that we can put our hope in our money, in our strength, in our loved ones, in our jobs or in our futures, but in a matter of a few weeks, it can all be taken away. Why do we build hope on things that are so easily destroyed? We need to build our hope on the rock that is higher than I. We need to place our hope on Jesus Christ, His birth, life, death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. That is the only foundation that cannot be taken from us.

The author includes in this first verse the idea of trust. Again, what or who are we placing our trust in? Our good health? Gone. Our investments? Shaky. Our relatives and friends? Unavailable. The stark truth of this virus is, if you get it you go into quarantine. If you get worse, you go to the hospital. If you continue to go downhill, you are in ICU. In the end, if you die, the only people with you will be nurses, if even that. Not that they wouldn’t if they could, but we know our health care workers are barely keeping their heads above water when it comes to this disease. The only One we can trust to be there when we die is Jesus.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

— John 3:16 (NASB)

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Verse 2- There are times in our lives that all seems hopeless. Even we as Christ followers are struggling to have hope during this dark time. It seems that darkness is hiding our Lord’s face and we are wondering where He is. This is why it is so important to know Him. I don’t mean knowing Him as a historical figure who went around saying a few good things. I am talking about really knowing Him, as in having a personal, intimate relationship with Him.

In the original Hebrew language the action of having sex with a person was described as “knowing” or “to know” them. The intimacy of the sexual act is the same intimacy with which we are to know our Savior. If you think that is weird or gross, then you have a little ways to go, to truly understand and put your trust in this one whom we call Lord.

The author of the song, knew during dark times he could “rest on His unchanging grace.” He also knew during the storms of life, and yes there will be plenty of storms, his anchor would hold. You see, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit do not change. They remain the same from the beginning of our time to the end of it. As we come to know Him more deeply, we realize life on this little jewel is only a piece of a much more amazing life we are meant to live: the life we are meant to live with Him.

“If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

— John 14:3 (NASB)

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Verse 3 - “His oath, His covenant, His blood…” Note, it is not our oath, our covenant nor our blood. The faith that we have is not placed in ourselves, but in Jesus. Sure we can do many things in our own strength and I know there are many people who are getting through this storm maneuvering their own life boat, but it only takes one wave to turn our little boats upside down into shark infested, storm ridden seas. It is this inevitable possibility that makes placing our faith in Him so important.

The author goes on to say, “When all around my soul gives way…” Have you felt that way? Like the very ground underneath your feet is moving and rolling. I have never experienced an earthquake, but I imagine it is an indescribable experience. That is how I would describe my feelings a few years ago, when going through a particularly hard time. Life suddenly looked very different from what I thought it was going to. My being hurt to the very core of my soul, so when the song writer talks about the world around his soul giving way and Jesus being His hope and stay, I get it.

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace”

— Ephesians 1:7 (NASB)

Image by David Mark from Pixabay

Verse 4 - This culminating verse gives us hope and victory in our Lord Jesus Christ. When that trumpet sounds, if we are found to be in Him, if we have believed in who Jesus said He was and in what He did, then in His righteous we will be able to stand before the throne of God.

With the uncertainty of life ahead, don’t you want to be sure of life in Him?

Here is a great version of the hymn. Enjoy!

Lessons from Loss

I’ve decided to take another week off, before getting back to my series on Godly traits. On Monday my daughter texted me that a woman from our former church had died unexpectedly. I was in shock. Mary was only a few years older than me. She had five grown children, a devoted husband and her first grandchild, a girl, whom she adored. She was dearly loved, not only by her immediate family, but by siblings and church family and friends. What really floored me, and many others, was the fact that last summer Mary had gone into the hospital with a lung infection. After months in the hospital and rehab, she seemed to get better. She got to go home and resume a somewhat normal life. Not long after life started having some semblance of normalcy, Mary lost her sister to cancer, this was just last month. Last week, Mary ended up, back in the hospital and Monday morning she died.

Sweeny family. Mary is in the middle with her husband Paul. My daughter took these pictures this past spring. Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull.

I felt myself questioning God. Why, Lord? Why? This was a beautiful woman; one of your sheep, who loved and gave and was gracious. She was a beautiful soul, inside and out. She loved her family and took others in as if they were part of the family. She exuded the peace that passes all understanding and I would often see her posting quotes from Ann VosKamp’s One Thousand Gifts on being thankful. The funny thing was, I didn’t really know Mary that well. We moved in different circles as our kids were growing up and while we went to the same church, we weren’t able to spend vast amounts of time together. However, I still feel this loss. It is as if in a galaxy full of stars, Mary’s shown so brightly, that the burning out of that star affected the whole universe.

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I am not sharing this with you to look for sympathy. This was a tragic and unexpected loss, but what I wanted to do was use these musings as a branch from which to tie a rope, take a leap, swing out and fall into the river of God’s grace.

How do we deal with these things? How do we get past the shaking of the fist towards the sky, to the questioning why, to the acceptance, to the choice to believe that He is good, no matter what, to the final step of lifting our hands in praise, adoration and thanksgiving? Two words come to mind which I have used on the blog before, baby steps.

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A baby does not learn to walk immediately. It is a process. They reach, they scoot, they rock, they roll, they crawl, they grab, they pull themselves up, they move around the furniture and eventually they let go and take those first steps. Those first steps aren’t perfect, but they are full of enthusiasm. When we are new in our relationship with Christ we are full of enthusiasm. We want to tell the world what He has done, not only for us as individuals, but for the whole world. We want to share the good news that Jesus loves the unlovely, rescues the drowning, lifts up the cripple and fully redeems that which was completely lost.

Then life happens. We experience disappointment, pain, heartbreak and loss. If we are being honest with ourselves we do not like these things and many of us probably thought when we came to Christ that it was going to be smooth sailing. How very wrong we were. If anything, it seems, at least for some, that we are being shot at by the biggest guns available on a US battleship. Worse yet, we might be getting hammered by friendly fire, while well intended, completely misses the mark and wounds us instead of helping us out.

So how do we approach loss without losing our faith? How do we endure pain without giving up hope? How do we continue to walk when we are clearly wounded and would rather lay down and die?

One baby step at a time.

Baby Step 1 - Shaking fists and questions.

Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay

God is much bigger than we are. He created us and He knows our frame is but dust. As the Creator he manipulated that dust, breathing life into it. Don’t ever think, He doesn’t get it. He most certainly knows our weaknesses, our pit falls and our innermost feelings. You might not be literally shaking your fist at Him, but He knows what you are thinking on the inside. Sometimes it is okay to get mad, to raise our hands, not in praise, but in frustration, anger and pain. The key is to not stay there. It is okay to say:

I don’t get it.

It’s not fair.

Why? Why? Why?

I don’t like you right now?

It hurts and you let it happen.

That is exactly how I felt about Mary’s death. She was a vibrant woman and God let her die. I couldn’t help thinking, there are thousands of others, suffering with debilitating illnesses, pain and complete loss of ability to remember their own families or even how to use the bathroom. Why not take one of them? Why not relieve someone else of their burden? But He didn’t. He took Mary.

It felt wrong to have those thoughts and feelings, but they are real, visceral, but real and doesn’t God know that? He gave His own Son to suffer and die. He knows loss. He knows pain. Jesus knows loneliness and abandonment.

This is an absolutely acceptable part of grief. Whether your loss is the death of a loved one, an unfaithful partner, a divorce, a rebellious child, a parent going through Alzheimers, or the loss of a long time job, it is okay to feel anger, and it is okay to question why.

Baby Step 2 - Wear the blanket.

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When my father died back in 2006, I distinctly remember walking in a fog. Life just seemed rather cloudy and my brain felt full of cotton. Often when we grieve we think that the best thing for us is to throw ourselves back into life, subduing the overwhelming sense of loss to a dull ache. In most cultures the process of grief is much more elaborate and loud.

In 1985 I spent a summer in Africa. During that time, I got to experience a true death wail. It was unnerving as a group, of mostly women, wept and wailed and cried over a baby who had tragically passed away. This was no reserved whispered ceremony. This was a loud progression of frenzied sobs and tears. They let their expression of the sadness they felt erupt into the still, dark night, like a mass of molten lava pouring out of a volcano.

While I do not expect that, here in our US of A, we are going to start doing a death wail, it is good to allow ourselves to feel grief. I truly believe wrapping yourself up in the blanket of grief every once in a while, helps you to heal faster. If putting on a real blanket helps with the symbolism, go ahead. However, you do it, take some time to feel the sadness and the pain. Cry, sob, moan and even wail. It’s okay. Then when you feel a bit of relief, put the blanket away and go live life. Eventually, you will find, you don’t need that blanket quite so often. Eventually, you will be able to put it away, all together.

Baby Step 3 - Choices.

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The best way to handle making choices during a time of grief is to choose slowly and thoughtfully. Don’t rashly give up your faith. Don’t decide to sell everything you have, join a commune and move to Tibet. Don’t start drinking. Don’t obsess on your loss. The greatest mistake we make when we are in the throes of grief is to think we are okay and we can handle this on our own. It is important to choose to take care of ourselves and to allow people to take care of us. We were not meant to be islands. We are supposed to live in community with others. In fact you might find there are others who have already been through the grief process before you. They can help, if you let them .

In addition, choose truth. Often we question whether God really loves us when someone or something has been taken away from us, but if we keep our eyes on scripture we will remember verses like:

“The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”

— Jeremiah 31:3 (NASB)

“nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

— Romans 8:39 (NASB)

“Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

— 2 Corinthians 13:11 (NASB)

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,”

— Ephesians 2:4 (NASB)

God does love us and He always will. He will always be there for us, even in the midst of trial and grief.

Baby Step 4 - Take Action

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Once we have worked through the emotions of anger, pain and sadness we can begin to, once again, take action. Action might start out with something simple like getting out of bed, taking a shower and getting dressed. Eventually, you might be able to go out and take a walk or meet a friend for coffee. Down the road, you may make it to church and then out to do something fun again. Your loved ones would not want you to stop living life. Besides it is in the choice to start living again, that God reveals His most precious and magnificent promises.

After I found out Mary was gone, I knew my sadness and shock was not as sharp as the edge on the sword her family was and is feeling right now, but I also felt that God had let me down. I prayed for Mary’s healing and He didn’t come through. That evening, my husband and I took a walk. I looked up at the expanse of night sky and heard His voice saying, “I’m still right here.”

Wow! That was just what I needed to hear. He is still right there and He always will be. He is there for us to lean on, pound on and depend on no matter what and knowing that is sometimes all we need. When I realize He is really all I need to get through, I am able to raise my hands in praise to Him and I can start remembering what I am thankful for.

My friend Mary was a Christian. She is with Jesus now. She is also with her mom and her sister who went before her. She left behind a legacy of love, and friendship for her family and her friends. The world is a more beautiful place because of her and I can be thankful that I knew her.