Faith Topics: Quarrels or Kindness

We are living in a time where information is readily available at the push of a button. Whether we want to look up our symptoms on WebMD, watch a YouTube video on how to clean a headlight, or scroll through Instagram to see who’s wearing what, we can access anything at any time of day or night.

Image by Pixelkult from Pixabay

Not only is information instantaneous, but responses and opinions about the information are immediate as well. You can disagree with someone promptly without really thinking through if the things they said, or you said are going to be beneficial or helpful. From what I have seen, it is more often the case that the original information is not the issue, but how people respond to the information given.

Just what is our responsibility as Christ followers when it comes to the management of information, and our responses to that information? Are we suppose to stand up for God, and defend Him? Are we suppose to preach truth, no matter who it might hurt, or what toes we might step on? Are we being irresponsible if we don’t respond, or if we decide we no longer want to deal with the the messiness of disagreements and name calling?

While I am not a pastor, or a psychologist, I do believe God gave us clear instructions in His word for how to maneuver life in this chaotic world. As always, when we are unsure about something we should explore His word first and see what He says.

We are going to look at several passages that I think speak to this issue, and then I want to offer a few guidelines to keep in mind when you are wondering if you should “speak up”.

The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy two times. In those letters he tried to encourage the young pastor with regards to handling his congregation. Paul knew it wouldn’t be easy for a young man taking on a group of people who were not only stubborn, but easily pulled along by the current trend of teaching and information.

“20 O Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you, avoiding worldly and empty chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called “knowledge”—
21 which some have professed and thus gone astray from the faith.”

— 1 Timothy 6:20-21 (NASB 1995)

Obviously, the letters to Timothy are included for our benefit as well, so we might take the same advice to avoid worldly, empty chatter and the opposing of arguments of what is falsely called “knowledge”. So much of what we see on social media and hear from what are often thought of as reputable news sources is falsely called “knowledge.” That will be a post for a different day, because today I want to focus on our response to “information” whether it is true or false.

Let’s look at another passage also in a letter written by Paul to Timothy.

“23 But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels.
24 The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,
25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,
26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

— 2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NASB 1995)

What I like about the Apostle Paul is that he was very straight forward. Verse 24 is really all we need to remember when we ask the question, should we as Christ followers quarrel? No, we should not. Does that mean we shouldn’t discuss, try to make a point, give evidence to support what we believe and so on? Of course not, however, we must do it as the above passage states: with kindness, able to teach, patiently, with gentleness.

When I read many of the comments to volatile posts on social media I do not see a whole lot of kindness, patience, or gentleness. Most of the time it is not about teaching, it is about wanting to be right. Our job is not to be right. Our job is to lead others to the Lamb of God. We are here to lift up the name of Jesus, not prove how intelligent or special we are.

Image by Elsemargriet from Pixabay

Believe me, I get it. There are times I want to bring down all the hell fire and damnation I can find in the Bible to make a point. There have been many times I have thought about taking the blog in a different direction and trying to be more issue oriented, but that is not what God has called me to. He has called me to encourage, pray, love, and when there is opportunity lead back to Him. People don’t need my point of view, they need Jesus!

We are called to kindness, gentleness and patience for a purpose, that God might grant those in opposition repentance leading to knowledge of the truth…His truth, not that which is “falsely called knowledge”, so that they might come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, because he has taken them captive to do his will.

I don’t know about you, but this changes my perspective in such a huge way that I can’t even talk about it without getting emotional. We are here for the glory of God. We are here to be lights in the darkness. We are the front line warriors called to fight in the unseen realm to help those lost lambs come back to their senses and escape the snare of the evil one.

What does this mean? How do we respond in these powder keg times? Here are a few ideas.

1 - Pray.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

If we are praying as Paul told us:

“18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,”

— Ephesians 6:18 (NASB 1995)

…then our attitudes will already be in check. Not only that, but praying in the Spirit enables Him to do the work before, during and after. We can’t soften people’s hard hearts, that is the Spirit’s job. We can’t draw people to Christ, that is the Spirit’s job. We can’t force a brother or sister in Christ to see things our way, that is a Holy Spirit work.

Prayer has always been the work we must do first and foremost, yet it is almost always an afterthought. What does God’s word say?

“17 pray without ceasing;”

— I Thessalonians 5:17 (NASB 1995)

This quote says it all.

“It is possible to move men, through God, by prayer alone.”

— Hudson Taylor

2 - Question your motives.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

If you are like most of us, meaning flawed, sinful humanity, then always ask yourself, why do I need to respond to this? Will my response be met with openness or with hostility? Am I doing this because it is a Holy Spirit leading, or my own leading? Am I looking to encourage and give hope, or am I wanting to put down and destroy?

“1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
But the Lord weighs the motives.
3 Commit your works to the Lord
And your plans will be established.”

— Proverbs 16:1-3 (NASB 1995)

3 - Question the source.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Often times social media posts are about numbers and reactions. The more people give a thumbs up or a thumbs down, the more times the post is shared, and the more comments on a post are all part of the social media formula. If the source isn’t someone you know, or a source you identify as reputable it is better to let it go and not respond.

The other thought to keep in mind is many people who post in anger are often in pain. Think about what might be driving that person to say what they are saying, or to respond to a situation with deep bitterness or hatred. Often, that person is suffering, have experienced loss, or is in real physical pain or torment.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Proverbs 15:1 (NASB 1995)

4 - If you still feel the urge to respond, do it in private.

Image by alda2 from Pixabay

There is a way, on most social media apps, to message someone in private. You do not have to continue down the proverbial public rabbit trail, whether you are responding to the original post or a comment on the original post. Send a message expressing your concern and/or your thoughts so that person can think about your input without the opinion of the masses.

When you are able to have a private conversation with someone, and I believe this is better in person rather than via email, text, or in a public social media thread, you can both ask questions to clarify statements being said, and you can read each other’s body language and facial expressions. You can see if something you are saying is causing the other person to erect a wall, or throw up roadblocks and you can back off, or change the subject. Why is this important?

“20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him..”

— 2 Corinthians 5:20-22 (NASB 1995)

As His ambassadors we are His representatives. It used to be important to behave with propriety in public whether you were a politician, a religious leader, a teacher, or a clerk at a fast food restaurant. This is still true for those of us who call ourselves Christ followers. We are to represent God and His heavenly kingdom on this earth, not in a the manner of a bar room brawl, but with love, respect, dignity and honor.

“26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
27 and do not give the devil an opportunity. ”

— Ephesians 4:26-27 (NASB 1995)

I hope you enjoyed this post and that it gave you some things to think about. Thank you for stopping by the blog. Have a great week!

Word for 2024: Wait

I didn’t do a word for the year last year, but this year I felt as though I needed to take on that task again. I played around with a number of words including trust, and joy, but the word wait seemed to stand out as the place I am in right now.

Image by Fang_Y_M from Pixabay

Wait is not a word we like to hear. We usually associate waiting with something bad, like rush hour traffic and test results on an exam, or from your doctor’s office. We typically look at waiting as something that is forced upon us, that we really, really don’t want to do. Like a child on Christmas morning who wants to open his presents, but mom and dad tell him he has to wait until after breakfast, waiting is a torment.

Think about the first time you went to an amusement park and you were finally tall enough to ride that really big roller coaster. You stand in line with your friends laughing and joking about how exciting it is going to be, but inside you are feeling slightly nauseous. The waiting is like an affliction. “Just get me to the front of the line and strap me in so I can get this over with!” You want to prove how brave you are to your buddies, while at the same time you are trying to keep your knobby knees from shaking. Waiting can be very hard.

Image by jing shi from Pixabay

The word wait, according to Webster’s online dictionary means: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation; to look forward expectantly; to hold back expectantly; to be ready and available; pause or stop. When I looked at the thesaurus wait had many other related words and I will be looking at some of these over this next year, because I think it is important to fully understand why waiting is so important in our Christian walk.

This week I would like to look at several benefits waiting has for us.

Image by Roy from Pixabay

Safety - We all learn from a very young age to look both ways before we cross the street. Streets can be dangerous with cars darting back and forth. If we did not wait to cross we might get run over. The same is true in our Christian lives. We may not always see the dangers ahead, whether they be real physical dangers or dangers from our enemy in the spiritual realm. God sees and knows everything about our lives, and He knows when we are facing the dangers from poorly thought out decisions, toxic relationships, or even self destructive tendencies. Often, the best thing to do when we are not sure what to do is wait.

Image by Tikovka1355 from Pixabay

Rest - A child often finds it hard to rest when they are waiting for Christmas morning, but as adults it seems God will often put us on our backsides when He knows we need to rest, but we are too stubborn to do it. This is very hard for women. We are doers, and we are constantly helping our families, our friends and people in our circles, like church family. These are not bad things. It is obvious a lot of work would go undone if women weren’t around to do it. However, I do think as Christian women we often find our worth, not in the God who made us, but in what we do. We love to check off all the boxes on our to do lists, and if something goes unchecked we are upset with ourselves.

I have news for you. You don’t have to do everything. I have been learning this the hard way over the last few years with illness, and continuous symptoms that make it difficult to do all the things I used to do. More of my time is spent managing symptoms and going to doctor’s appointments than I used to, and I struggle more with fatigue. Through it all I have been learning what it means to come to Jesus and find rest for my soul.

Image by info254 from Pixabay

Time - Most of us would agree, the one thing we wish we had more of is time. I often find myself at the end of the day wondering where the day went, and feeling like I didn’t get anything done. We wish our days could be longer, or the weekends could always be three days instead of two, or other time centered thoughts. It is true, since Covid brought the new normal of working from home, some people have more flex in their schedules, but I am pretty sure, even they long for more time.

It might sound strange, but waiting is basically getting back time. Obviously, there are certain situations where waiting involves keeping your focus, such as in a traffic jam, or standing in a slow moving line, but many times waiting affords us the opportunity of time. You might be between jobs, waiting for test results from a biopsy, looking for a long term relationship, or waiting to hear from your son or daughter who moved out. No matter what brought you to the waiting period, it is the perfect place to find God.

The author of the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament understood this time element of life.

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—”

— Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NASB 1995)

This leads me to believe that even the waiting times are appointed by God. He has a purpose for the busy times and the waiting times. He alone knows why life is the way it is for you, for me, for all of us. Perhaps He knows you need to rest, or that you are facing a situation where you need to be safe and secure, or that you just need time to regroup or decompress.

I am hoping over this next year to learn how to wait better. Perhaps you are in a waiting time in your life as well, maybe we can wait together.

Let me know in the comments if God is calling you to wait.

Relentless - Part 4: The Pursuer - The Prince

He paced the floor, as he often did when things weighed heavily on him. He could feel the cool night air filtering in from the open doors that led to the balcony. He could smell the fire as it flickered brightly, seemingly without a care in the world. There were moments he wished he could be that free, but he cared too deeply.

Image by Jazella from Pixabay

He could not get her off his mind. She was his sister. She had become thus when she gave her heart to his father in the oath; an oath that could not be undone. Why did she not want to return to them? Why did she run away in the first place? Why did she not see how much they cared for her and wanted her to come home? Didn’t she know how her actions tore at his father’s heart? Didn’t she know the shadowed ones were always looking for an opportunity to destroy her?

The more he meditated on it, the faster he paced.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Come!”

His father entered. His face, always alight with passion and energy, was shadowed with care.

“Father! Do you have news? Has Laney returned?”

His father moved to the plush, oversized chair near the fireplace and fell into it with a sigh.

He quickly took the other chair next to his father and waited. It was never wise to push the King for information. He knew him like he knew himself. The King would speak when he was ready. The fire grew dim before the King finally spoke.

“These next few weeks are critical. While she cannot see it, she has crossed into their territory. They will take advantage of every single bad choice she makes. It will be dangerous for her. I need you to post a small company of the Guard around her. They are to watch and keep the darkness at bay, but not interfere.”

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

“Father! Why can’t we just pull her out? Why must we let this go on, leaving her to her own will; watching her dive deeper and deeper into destruction?”

“You know why, my son. Her will is strong. Almost as strong as yours.” The king smiled gently. “But you used your will to accomplish my purposes. She is not there yet. It must be her choice. To take her back by force will only cause her to rebel more earnestly. Believe me, I know her inside and out.”

The king rose from the chair and he followed suit.

His father grasped his shoulders. “I know how hard this is for you. You have been there living among them as one of their own. You are intimate with their limitations and struggles, but you know I am trustworthy. You placed yourself at my behest, even though it involved great sacrifice.”

Image by KTDesign_studio from Pixabay

He looked intently into his father’s golden eyes. He saw what he always did. Mercy, patience, forgiveness, and a love so deep it was unfathomable.

He nodded. “I know, father. You are right. I know that she is there by her own choice, but it pains me to see her suffer.”

“You are not alone in that, my son.” He turned to go. “When you are done gathering the Guard, go to Arabella. Together you can pray.”

Traits of a Godly Person: Patience

Have you ever said a prayer, in a whispered rush, because you didn’t know what else to do; you had reached the end of your string and thought you would lose your mind or at least your cool?

“Lord! Please give me patience!”

What were you thinking?

I used to pray that prayer too, but then I realized something. Every single time I prayed for patience, things got oppressively worse. Why was that? I finally stopped praying for patience because I realized life, by its very chaotic nature, requires a camel’s hump worth of patience.

Image by Wolfgang Inderwies from Pixabay

Since we looked at diligence last week, it seemed fitting to peer at patience as the two of them go hand in hand. Practice is an extension of diligence. If we want to learn a musical instrument or a language, we must diligently practice. In the same way, patience is required when we are trying to be diligent. We must be patient with ourselves. To think I will be able to play Beethoven after only a few hours of practice would be an error. Indeed, it might take a month, a year or a lifetime, to really master something, and that takes patience.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”

— Galatians 5:22 (NASB)

The Bible tells us that patience is a fruit of the Spirit. In order to fully grasp this idea we must look at what patience is not.

Patience is not getting my own way.

We might like to think that if everyone would just fall into line, my line, that all would be well and I would never have an impatient moment. How likely is that?

Image by Dhamma Medicine from Pixabay

As moms we know how hard it is to get the miniature people in our lives to fall into line, let alone the full sized ones. We are born with a desire to be individuals, and God is okay with that. He made us all uniquely different. God also created us with a desire to know Him. It is only in following Him, and getting into His line, that we will truly understand what patience is, and become partakers of it.

Patience is not being perfect.

How many of you have had thoughts like this, “If I was just more…..”? You can fill in the blank with words like pretty, skinny, smart, rich, sexy, outgoing, bold, and so on. Wouldn’t it be easy to be patient with ourselves and others if we were all perfect? Honestly, I think that would get a tad bit boring. Perhaps that is why God made us so differently; different colors, different languages, different approaches to life, different likes and dislikes. Perfect? No. Different? Yes.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Patience is not practiced.

This might seem counterintuitive, but think it through for a minute. You can practice the piano. A child can practice riding a bike or tying his shoes. A teenager can practice driving a car. The only way to really practice patience is by placing yourself in a situation that would require it and who it their right mind would want to do that?

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

“Hey, I think I’ll go to my doctor’s appointment an extra two hours early, just so I can practice waiting.”

“I think I’ll get on the highway at rush hour, so I can practice not getting angry.”

“I need an extra dose of patience, so I’m going to have the dentist put crowns on all my teeth!”

I mean really. Who thinks that way?

What do we do about patience? We all know we need more of it, especially in our chaotic world. Politics, racial issues, religion, family life; everywhere we turn we need patience. How do we obtain more of it?

Since patience is a fruit of the Spirt it makes sense that in order to have it, we need to be in close contact with the One producing the fruit. As I have said other times in this Godly traits series, being in close contact with the Almighty is the only way to truly obtain all of these traits. These are Godly traits, or characteristics that He has. In order for us to have them, we need to be walking in fellowship with Him. Prayer, Bible study, fellowship with other believers, are all part of the formula for becoming a more Godly person.

In addition to that, here are a few real world things you can do, to help raise your patience level. I have found these most helpful when faced with those situations that make you want to scream, stomp and pull your hair out, or at least use a few very naughty words.

Take a deep breath.

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Swimmers know that it is important to breathe. In addition to knowing the precise strokes, having strength, and practicing, knowing when and how to breathe is also important. When you are swimming through life and the waters get turbulent, remember how to breathe. Sometimes when I start to feel anxious I will take a deep breath in and then slowly blow it out. A simple practice could be the next time you are stuck in traffic, take a deep breath in and think about Jesus, a verse or a prayer. When you exhale, imagine you are blowing away the bad feelings, including those naughty words you were thinking in your head. Ha, ha.

Distract yourself.

Having appointments, where you have to sit and wait are pretty common, especially as we age and have to spend more time at doctor’s offices. It is so much easier these days with our smart phones to play a game, get on Facebook or even listen to music, while we are waiting. It makes time go so much faster. The plus to this is, you can even listen to or read the Bible. There is really no reason to be impatient while you are waiting in our tech savvy society. However, do not use your phone to distract you while in a traffic jam! The results could be disastrous.

Think about others.

This attitude has often helped me in the retail business. When a customer gets cranky, I always try to remember they might be going through something difficult. They might be having their patience tried in ways that we can’t even begin to imagine.

Image by WikimediaImages from Pixabay

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Walk a mile in his moccasins.” I didn’t know until I looked it up that this actually originated with a poem written by Mary T. Lathrap (1838-1895), who was an American poet, Methodist Episcopal preacher, prohibitionist and suffragist. You can see more on her and the poem in full on the blog, James Wilson - Writing & Things. Here are the first three stanzas from the poem.

““Pray, don’t find fault with the man that limps,
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,
Or stumbled beneath the same load.

There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too.

Don’t sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.”

— Mary T. Lathrap from Judge Softly

Trust Him.

If you read my faith post regularly, you will see a pattern. I always want to direct you back to our Creator. We know what it is like to be impatient, but there are times when life becomes so overwhelming we no longer feel the ability to wait for the Rescuer to come. These are the times I must choose to trust.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The Bible, God’s inspired word says,

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 1:6 (NASB)

This is a promise and when life gets to much to bear we must claim it. Paul said he was confident about this. He knew that God was working to perfect us in Christ Jesus. All the waiting, the hair pulling and the struggles are for one purpose, to make us like Jesus. If we do not believe that, then it all seems for naught.

“I know that You can do all things, And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”

— Job 42:2 (NASB)

“Are there any among the idols of the nations who give rain? Or can the heavens grant showers? Is it not You, O Lord our God? Therefore we hope in You, For You are the one who has done all these things.”

— Jeremiah 14:22 (NASB)

If God can do all things and has done all things, won’t He most certainly give us the patience we need when life becomes a waiting game?

Putting on Patience (or Keep Calm and Carry On)

The funny thing about patience, is how we obtain it. Patience might come naturally for some, but for most of us, being patient is a trait long in coming. It's easy to have patience when nothing is going wrong; when you don't ever have to stand in line or wait for the doctor's diagnosis. Patience comes easy when life is moving along pleasantly with no bumps in the road. But who has a life like that? Not me and I don't expect you do either.

When I was a young adult, especially a young wife and mother I used to pray for patience. Now where in the world, I got that silly idea, I don't know. What I do know now, as the mother of adult children and a grandmother is, never pray for patience. Patience has a way of becoming a part of your life without ever having to pray for it. In fact the only way we develop patience is by practicing it.

Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull. Make up Rachel Christensen.

Webster's dictionary defines patience as follows:

“: the quality of being patient: such as
a : the ability to wait for a long time without becoming annoyed or upset
b: the ability to remain calm and not become annoyed when dealing with problems or with difficult people
c: the ability to give attention to something for a long time without becoming bored or losing interest”

Another word that could be used to describe patience is long suffering. I have become much more acquainted with this word as I have lived my life as a mother and grandmother. I was a very impatient mother. Though I loved my girls, I was often harsh and angry towards them. Believe me, if there was a do-over button I would have used it many times as a mom. When my daughters became teen agers and then adults and my ability to control their circumstances or their choices disappeared, I became intimate friends with the companion called long suffering. 

Patience requires a purposeful choice to let go. Let go of the traffic. Let go of the lines. Let go of that behavior you expect your husband or child to adhere to. Let go of those things that you cannot do. Let go of all those expectations placed upon you and be patient with yourself. Blaring the horn in your car does not make you move faster. Muttering in line at the supermarket will not make the cashier check people out faster. Yelling at your spouse or children will not make them move faster or change into the people you want them to be. Keeping a list in your head of all the ways you have screwed up will not make you a better person. Patience says take a deep breath in.....now blow it out. In and out. One breath, one step, one choice at a time.

“I, therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

— Ephesians 4:1-3 (NET)

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.”

— Colossians 3:12-13 (NET)

 Maybe it's because I am a fashion blogger, but I like that image of clothing ourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Patience should be like putting on an article of clothing. Every day you get dressed. Every day we should put on patience. I like to think of it like putting on our rain gear. A rain coat and rain boots are a great idea on a day of thunderstorms. Isn't that analogous to putting on patience? Aren't all those things that drive us crazy - like road construction, traffic, slow moving lines, whining children, changes at work, etc. like so many raindrops falling on us day in and day out.  

Pixabay

At the beginning of World War II the British came up with a poster to raise the morale of their people during upcoming air raids and attacks. Though the poster was little used back then, today you can see the saying on all manner of nick knacks, posters, mugs and so on.

Photo credit Rebecca Trumbull.

In a manner of speaking, keeping calm is having patience. Remaining calm when life get's chaotic or stressful will enable you to practice patience. Patience enables us to show our love and care, not only for others, but for ourselves.