A Series of (Un)Fortunate Events - Part 2: The Necessity of Misfortune

Last week I introduced you to A Series of Unfortunate Events, a book series by Lemony Snicket (Daniel Handler) that has also been made into a movie with Jim Carey, and a Netflix series with Neil Patrick Harris. The series follows three orphans, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, who are trying to find out why their parents died in a fire, while at the same time trying to find a guardian who will love and care for them. The inheritance of their future fortune marks them easy prey for villains wanting their money, specifically Count Olaf.

I made the comparison that often we are like the orphaned Baudelaire’s experiencing one tragedy after another. Misfortune is, as the word’s meaning defines, unfortunate. The word fortunate is defined as - “bringing some good thing, not foreseen as certain; receiving some unexpected good.” Misfortune is defined simply as, “an unhappy situation.” When we call someone unfortunate we are saying they are “marked or accompanied by misfortune.” (Definitions from Webster’s Online Dictionary.)

All of us experience misfortune, but we don’t necessarily see everyone as unfortunate, where every day seems to be a struggle and hope is as elusive as an early morning mist. In fact, when a tragedy happens we will often say, “You were very fortunate. It could have been so much worse.” While this is true, it isn’t always the best thing to say.

If you have been following me for a while, you have probably heard me say that struggles and difficulty are not always all bad. We’ve all heard stories or watched a Hallmark movie, where something beautiful has come out of a terrible situation. In my own life I have seen the hand of God extend mercy in situations where the outcome of people’s choices could have been total tragedy.

Last week I discussed the necessity of Jesus’ departure from earth, so the Holy Spirit could come. Without the Helper’s constant guidance and revelation of God’s word we would be lost. Thus the need to recognize, not all tragedies and difficulties are truly unfortunate. With the Holy Spirit’s help we can recognize four key things about our difficulties.

1 - Allowed by God.

If you believe what the Bible says about God’s characteristics then you must acknowledge His sovereignty. If God is sovereign, all things that come into our lives are sifted through His fingers. We have the book of Job as one for instance of God allowing great difficulty into one man’s life. But, even after all the tragedy, Job knew God was good and sovereign.

He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
— Job 1:22 (NASB 1995)
9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!”
10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
— Job 2:9-10 (NASB 1995)

I can still remember a sermon I heard a few years ago when we were going through an especially hard time. The preacher made two points:

1 - God is sovereign and God loves you.

2 - When you are going through something hard refer back to point number 1.

It sounds pretty simple, but in reality it is. Our Almighty God is not trying to trick us, or manipulate us. He is completely straight forward. His holiness is pure. His goodness is everlasting. His mercies are new every morning. Most importantly, He loves us. Plain and simple.

2 - For our benefit.

Image by Melk Hagelslag from Pixabay

Most of us want things that are beneficial for us whether healthy food and exercise, a place to get away and rest, peace of mind and loving, nurturing relationships. God wants things that are beneficial for us as well. The difference is that as the author of all creation He has a far better grasp of what we truly need.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
— Romans 8:28 (NASB 1995)

Notice in the verse it says that God causes ALL things to work together for good. It isn’t only the happy, joyful, peaceful things that work for our good, it includes the mind numbing, tragic and ugly parts of life. How can this be the case? Because it is God who is doing the working for the good. We are hardly capable of getting ourselves out of bed in the morning, how is it we are going to know the deep needs of our own selves? We think we do…happiness, peace, no longing, no fear, no confrontation…but we are unwilling to go to the One who knows us inside out.

3 - Meant for God reliance.

A trapeze artist knows the importance of being in excellent shape physically, and mentally. They know their muscles must be strong and their minds must not be distracted by the difficulties of life. In addition, they are completely reliant on their equipment. A broken wire, or rusty chain must be repaired or replaced. How do they know these things? By being taught by others who went before.

When we encounter unfortunate events it is the perfect opportunity to check our relationship with God. Are we maintaining our connection with Him. Are we keeping short accounts on our sin? Are we spending time in His word? Are we searching for scripture and advice on how to get through our difficulties by His strength and with His grace?

I don’t care what the commercials are telling you…be all you can be. I don’t care what the social media influencers are preaching…you are strong, you got this, you are woman hear you roar…most messages that come from a source outside of God Himself, while encouraging are not going to keep you sane when the bottom falls out of your world.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.
— Proverbs 3:5-8 (NASB 1995)
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,
7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
— 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NASB 1995)
63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.
— John 6:63 (NASB 1995)
8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
Than to trust in man.
— Psalm 118:8 (NASB 1995)
10 ‘Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
— Isaiah 41:10 (NASB 1995)

We are meant to be God dependent, not independent.

4 - Renewal: God’s best outcome.

Coming through a series of unfortunate events is the perfect time for God to build something new in you. As you practice abiding in Him and relying on Him He will begin to weed that garden that He is cultivating in you. It may be that the misfortunes are actually His way of pulling the weeds of pride, self-centeredness and bitterness from your soul. Let Him be about His work for this will have the best outcome. You will come through your difficulties with a deeper, new found faith and knowledge, not only of who you are, but more importantly of who God is.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
— Romans 12:2 (NASB 1995)
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.
— 2 Corinthians 4:16 (NASB 1995)
He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,
— Titus 3:5 (NASB 1995)

I want to encourage you to remember, you are not alone in your difficulty. There is a loving, omnipotent God working through your series of (un)fortunate events.

A Walkabout with God

The term walkabout was first heard of in 1897 and was used to describe the Aboriginal period of wandering bush life. A young man between the ages of 10 and 16 would go on his walkabout to make the journey to manhood, spending anywhere from a few weeks to six months out in the Australian bush country fending for himself. In more recent times the term walkabout is used in Britain to describe a casual outing among other people, mingling and socializing.

Image by falco from Pixabay

Image by falco from Pixabay

The other day I was struggling. I am human and real life often weighs heavily on me, causing me to lose clarity about who I am and who I belong to. I was sitting at the small, bar height, table that is strategically placed in the corner of what used to be a dining room, right next to a window. I love to sit there, (see below) especially in the winter, as that is where the sun light streams in for a good portion of the morning and afternoon. I was trying to pray, pleading with God to clear the fog out of my brain and help me to get back to His center, because that is always where I am most content.

Picture from Pantone Spring 2018 photo shoot by Rebecca Trumbull.

Picture from Pantone Spring 2018 photo shoot by Rebecca Trumbull.

As I am often inclined to do when I am alone in the house, I got up and started to pace around the kitchen table and pray out loud. At times, I will stray from my elliptical orbit around the table, and walk a lap or two around the living room. I told God how I was feeling. I confessed my struggles: those of the flesh and those of the spirit. Like a young Aboriginal boy on his quest for manhood in the open country of the Australian outback, I walked, searching for a way to survive. I needed to find my place, my purpose and His peace.

The journey to spiritual maturity, or what we as Christ followers often refer to as holiness, or Christ-likeness is not an easy one.

10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.
— Hebrews 12:10 (NASB)

Life is often harsh and unrelenting, much like the heat of an Australian day or the deep, bone chilling cold of that same country’s nights. Survival depends on a variety of factors, including food, water, and a way to keep cool during the day and warm at night. In the same way, the process of maturing in our life with Christ is dependent on several factors. Let’s look at these more closely.

1 - The Need for Food

Image by cattalin from Pixabay

Image by cattalin from Pixabay

Obviously, we are talking about spiritual food, but the analogies I am going to draw apply to both our physical and spiritual beings. What we put into our bodies directly affects how we feel, what we are able to do and our quality of life. Believe me, this is an area I struggle with, and I know for a fact when I am eating better, eating less and getting enough water and exercise, I feel like a new person.

The need for the right kind of food for our spiritual lives is just as important. If we are feeding our minds a steady diet of news, social media, music without a positive message, movies, books or other forms of entertainment that do not glorify God, we are going to feel it. I am sure most of you, like me, were caught up in watching the news nonstop when the pandemic began. I am also sure many of you followed the media storm leading up to the election and its ensuing aftermath. It is very easy to become discouraged and hopeless when things are out of control, thus the need to feed on the good food of God’s word.

We are living in different times, but our God has not changed. He has provided all the nutrients we need to endure in this harsh reality we now find ourselves living in.

For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven and gives life to the world.”
— John 6:33 (NASB)
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; the one who comes to Me will not be hungry, and the one who believes in Me will never be thirsty.
— John 6:35 (NASB)

Jesus said He is the bread. He also says that if we come to Him we will not be hungry. Are you feeling a bit peckish in your spiritual life? Come to Jesus. Is your heart longing for fulfillment and satisfaction? Come to Jesus. What spiritual food are you longing for? No matter what your heart is aching for, Jesus can fill it up and make it feel whole again.

2. The Need for Water

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

The human body is made up of approximately 60% water. Our cells, tissues and organs cannot operate effectively if we do not have enough water. I am constantly telling my family to drink more water. This life giving substance is even more important if you are in a survival situation like the Australian outback. The area is arid and there are very few trees. Having water with you, or finding a clean water source is essential to survival.

Once again, we see this need for water extends to our spiritual lives. Without true water, we will always be returning to the well to try to quench our thirst. That well may be food, alcohol, drugs or sex. It could also be buying more things, or immersing ourselves into romance novels and pornography. It seems to satisfy for a time, just like drinking a soda or a cup of coffee can give you a little hydration. The problem is, it does not last.

Jesus told us in John 6:35 that if we come to Him we will never be hungry. He also says we will never be thirsty. Many of you know the familiar Biblical event of the woman at the well, found in John 4. You can see two posts I did on that passage last fall: May the Source Be with You: A Woman, a Well and Some Water and May the Source Be with You: An Exclamation, an Explanation and an Effect. What did Jesus tell her?

13 Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again;
14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never be thirsty; but the water that I will give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up to eternal life.”
— John 4:13-14 (NASB)

Imagine you are walking in that dry, arid bush country, or perhaps you are crossing a vast desert. How would you feel after days and days without so much as a drop of water, to come upon an oasis; a place of palm trees and a cool, bubbling, trickling spring of precious water? Wouldn’t your heart swell with relief and your throat constrict with tears of gratitude? My dear friends, Jesus is our oasis. He is the water we need when our lives have become a long journey through the arid regions of living. He is that cool, sweet, bubbling brook, when we no longer have the strength or the will to go on. He is the God who fills our hungry stomachs and soothes our parched throats. All this He does for us, and more!

3 - The Need for Comfort

Image by Katrina_S from Pixabay

Image by Katrina_S from Pixabay

We all want to feel comfortable. In the cold of winter we never give a thought to turning up the heat. In the heat of summer some of you switch from heat to air conditioning. Others of us, throw open the windows and get out the fans. When we have a headache we take medicine and when we are anxious or upset we find a friend to talk to who will listen and give us comfort. Is our God, not so much more than heaters, fans and pain medication? He is the God who comforts.

When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comfort delights my soul.
— Psalm 94:19 (NASB)
Shout for joy, you heavens! And rejoice, you earth! Break forth into joyful shouting, mountains! For the Lord has comforted His people And will have compassion on His afflicted.
— Isaiah 49:13 (NASB)
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
— 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NASB)

These are just a few of the verses in the Bible that mention the word comfort, but there are so many more. In addition, if you look up the attributes of God and the characteristics of those attributes you begin to realize, God loves to comfort His people. Yes, He is a righteous, holy and just God and He cannot tolerate sin, but He has provided the way, through His son Jesus Christ, the Lord of all comfort.

When we are faced with difficulties, it is easy to run to things that are convenient and well, comfortable. I have gone shopping when I am stressed. I eat junk when I am discouraged. I veg out on Netflix shows when I want to escape, but none of those things are going to give me the comfort I really need. God, and God alone, truly knows how to comfort the deep layers of my soul.

4 - The Need to Change our Mindset

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I have to believe that a young man who walks off into the Australian bush country alone, to survive for who knows how long, has to be going into it with a certain mindset. He knows what is expected of him, because it has always been expected of young men by his people. His mother may feel anxious about this step for her son, but she knows it is what he must do to become a man. She knows he will draw upon all he has learned up until this point to survive, including how to find food and water, and how to get through the harsh conditions.

I think that we have done a disservice to our children. We have coddled them. We have protected them. We have neglected to put the expectation on them, that one day they have to grow up and be men and women. We have also not taught them the truth, that life is harsh and hard; that people will hurt them and that they will need to understand forgiveness and love are choices, not feelings.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
— Romans 12:2 (NASB)

One of the most important things I have learned over the last decade as a Christ follower, is growing in Christ is a choice. I cannot just sit around thinking I’ve got the ticket to heaven so all is good. I want to know God. I want to enter in to His inner most layers, because that is where I will truly find His peace, His joy and His contentment. That only happens as we walk, run and fly with Him. That only happens in the dark places, when the clouds are relentless and the pain is an hourly companion.

If you are struggling, take a walkabout with God. He will bend you, stretch you and sharpen you. He will also encourage you, comfort you and remind you of His great, undying love!

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
— Romans 8:37-39 (NASB)



Stopping the Train Wreck

Over the course of the last few weeks I have been looking at how are thoughts can easily sabotage our efforts to form new habits, and be better people. Many of us, when we enter a new year want to reboot. We want to try again to tackle those extra pounds that we have cumulatively put on each holiday season. We want to go at those piles that pervasively appear in each and every room of our house. We want to be better people; more giving, kind and loving. Many of us begin a new regimen of exercise and dieting, clutter control and clearing out, and even invest in pod casts, books and other things to help us think and act differently. Why then, is it so hard to stick to it? Why after a few days, a few weeks, or if your are really good, a few months, do we typically fall off the wagon?

In my post of two weeks ago, When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck, I examined three mentalities, I believe, contribute to our inability to stick to our new habits. These three thought patterns include being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring. I’d like to reexamine these patterns and discuss ways to change our thoughts.

Being self-absorbed

As I mentioned in the original post, taking care of ourselves is not a bad thing. We need to exercise, eat right, get enough sleep and stimulate our minds to give ourselves the best life. Being self-absorbed revolves around a preoccupation with certain ideas about ourselves. These can include thoughts that we do not measure up to some invisible standard that we think other people have set for us, and self-degrading messages like, “I’m too fat,” “I’m not good enough,” which can lead to self-destructive behaviors like cutting, addictions and even suicidal thoughts.

We all have self-absorbed thoughts from time to time. It is easy to get into that mind-set when life is hard and things are not going well. It is also easy to dress in this mind set when your past holds tragedy and pain. However, life cannot be lived to the fullest if we allow those things to imprison us.

I am not a professional counselor, but I’d like to suggest a few things that can help us to get out of the self-absorbed mind-set.

1 - Get Moving

This is partly about exercise and partly about behavior modification. Often when we get into an anxious or self-absorbed circuit, we are unable to get out of the loop. Much like a hamster running on his little wheel, our thoughts keep coming back around to the same loop. We revisit the destructive thought, the let down feeling, the disappointment in ourselves or others and round and round it goes.

Pixabay

Pixabay

It is a well known fact that exercise has good effects on our brains. From increased oxygen flow and release of hormones to antidepressant effects that reduce stress hormones, exercise really is beneficial for the brain. Movement helps to get us out of the loop. It doesn’t have to be rigorous exercise. If you are sitting down, stand up. If you are standing still, move. If you are going north, turn around and go south. Every time those thoughts come creeping back in, move.

Pixabay

Pixabay

I find walking very cathartic, when I am stressed. As I walk I do deep breathing and I purposefully force myself to look at the world around me, the neighborhood, the people, the trees, the snow, the icicles hanging from the roof tops. These simple things get me out of my self-absorbed loop and help me to think about other things. It also reminds me that the world is not coming to an end, even if it may seem like it today. As Scarlet O’Hara said in Gone With the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.”

Pixabay

Pixabay

2 - Get help

You don’t necessarily need professional help, but if you do, or if others who care about you are recommending it, then do it. Otherwise, find a group of people to keep you accountable. Get an exercise and dieting buddy. Find someone who is going to accept you, but also encourage you to do better. Find an older person, who’s got life experience and ask them to mentor you and help you get out of your self-absorbed box. Or if you are an older person, who doesn’t have much human contact and your are still able to get around, volunteer at a dog shelter, a newborn unit at the hospital or a school. All of these things get us outside our own boxes.

3 - Seek and Speak Truth

You know all those side effects you think you have because you got on the internet and looked up the medication the doctor gave you?

“Stop it!”

In reality, the side effects that are put on medications are put there to keep pharmaceutical companies from getting sued. The reality is the statistics on people who die or have severe reactions to medication are rare. It is an exception, not the norm. The same is true for so many aspects of life. As the saying goes, “Sh-t happens.” This is true, but most of the bad things that we think are going to happen, don’t. In addition, many of the bad things that happen to us we bring upon ourselves. Start researching what is true.

In addition start speaking truth:

“I am not perfect, but I am beautiful.”

“I don’t have a college degree, but I am smart.”

“I haven’t published a book yet, but I am not a failure.”

“I got mad at my husband, but I am a good wife who has bad days.”

“I yelled at my kids, but I am a good mom, even when I my hormones have me off kilter.”

Keep it real.

Demanding Our Rights

Once again, having rights is not a bad thing and an ideal that our founding fathers believed was very important for communities and nations to survive and thrive. However, the thought that the world owes us something is not truthful or beneficial. The mentality of, get it all and get it now, is also not an accurate way to approach life. How do we cope with these entitlement feelings we all have struggled with and still act like a caring, giving individuals?

1 - Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes

There is no greater preventative to a rights demanding mentality, than to put yourself in someone else’s place. Being in the service industry I have seen people at their best and at their worst. I don’t even think people realize how rude and obnoxious they are at times. I have had helicopter parents demand that their child’s book be given to them free because it wasn’t on the shelf when they came in to purchase it. I have had people accuse me of racism because when I explained the parameters of their rental book I told them they couldn’t spill their lunch on it. I tell this to every individual I rent a book to. At the end of the day, I am just another person trying to make my way in the world, just like everyone else.

When I feel like my rights are being infringed upon, or that I am being taken advantage of, I try to look at things with new glasses; someone else’s glasses. Thinking about where another person is coming from, not only enables us to view the world differently, but it may even move us to have compassion on another person. You never know what another person is dealing with in their life. They might be dealing with deep hurt or disappointment, or they may be experiencing grief, illness or pain. Having compassion and empathy gets us out of our rights loop and enables us to be better, more understanding individuals.

Pixabay

Pixabay

2 - Recognize Rights Mean Responsibility

Having a right, does not give us a free pass to do whatever we want. In fact, having rights, means having responsibility. People who are for the right to bear arms, understand that owning guns means they are responsible to handle those guns safely and teach others that gun ownership requires safe handling and being responsible to use them wisely.

Many people think that demanding rights is a way to guarantee their freedom to choose to do whatever they want. The opposite is, in fact, true. Having rights means we are enslaved to the responsibility of using those rights for good, not merely personal gain.

Pixabay - bread

So what does this have to do with our thought patterns and becoming better people. My daughter and I have both struggled with our weight. We both love food, especially things that are full of carbs. Bread, sweets, chips are all on our radar of things we love. At one point my daughter said she wanted to be able to eat whatever she wanted. You might think that being able to eat whatever you want is true freedom. However, true freedom lies in the ability to make the better choice. Even if we were able to eat whatever we wanted and never gain weight, does that make it right?

True freedom is the ability to not be bound by our appetites, whether it be food, sex, money, popularity, alcohol, Netflix or any other thing that can become an obsession.

To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
— Virginia Wolf

Not Caring

It is easy to get into the mindset of not caring. When life gets busy, or overwhelming, sometimes it is easier to just give up. Who cares if I eat that whole bag of Twizzlers? I don’t care if my coworkers like me? I’m failing that class, so what?

Pixabay

Pixabay

Take a look at a few of these quotes:

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.
— Margaret Mead
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.
— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.
— Anthony J. D'Angelo

It is important to care. Often, we just need to revisit the why behind the what. In other words, ask yourself why you should care.

Why should you care about your health? Because you are a valuable person who probably has others depending on you and who care about you.

Why should you care what your coworkers think? Because you are part of a team. You can have a positive impact on the people you work with if you care.

Why should you care about your grades at school? Because every choice you make now, will affect the choices you make in the future.

Start thinking about why you should care and maybe that will reignite your ability to care.

Next week will be the final installment in this series on New Year, New Mind. I’ll be looking at setting goals and how to realistically keep them. I will also have some spiritual insights as well. I hope you like this look at renewing our minds. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.

Have a fantastic weekend and to all my northern and midwest friends, stay warm!