When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts
I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.
Image by Herbert Aust from Pixabay
God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.
He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.
In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.
Image by József Kincse from Pixabay
Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.
I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.
“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.
But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””
Image by Vojtěch Kučera from Pixabay
There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.
“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”
The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.
The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.
“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.
I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”
Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.
“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”
Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.
Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.
