A Year of Waiting - Tarry

The word tarry as defined in Webster’s Online Dictionary means: to delay or be tardy in action or doing; to linger in expectation; wait; to abide or stay in or at a place; stay, or sojourn. Tarry is an older word used in the first few senses in the 14th century. Ask yourself, how often do I use the word tarry today? We don’t usually say, “I tarried at the train station.” “I’m going to tarry at the seashore.” “I’m sure to tarry in line at the concert.” It sounds rather archaic.

Image by Thomas from Pixabay

When it comes to this word journey I have been on for the year 2024, I like the way tarry opens up other doors and windows to this idea of waiting. As I have noted previously, waiting can be a complete drag, and most of us would not sign up for an adventure in waiting, but our lives are full of lines, traffic jams, delays, and prospects of a future that require we wait.

When I hear the word tarry, I do not think of a long term situation. However, if we look at the King James Version of scripture, which uses a synonym, sojourn we see that the span of time could be quite lengthy.

“Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.”

— Exodus 12:40 (KJV)

Still we get the sense that it was not intended to be forever. When God speaks of a long term living situation He often uses the word dwell, or abide. We took a closer look at the word abide in February. You can see that post here.

“1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
2 It is like the precious oil upon the head,
Coming down upon the beard,
Even Aaron’s beard,
Coming down upon the edge of his robes.
3 It is like the dew of Hermon
Coming down upon the mountains of Zion;
For there the Lord commanded the blessing—life forever.”

— Psalm 133 (NASB 1995)

Psalm 133 has a tone I would associate with a long term living situation. God intended that we dwell together in unity in a place where we experience the blessing of life forever. In this psalm it is a reference to Zion, which we can also look at as eternity with God. With the state many of our current churches are in it can be hard to imagine being able to dwell with those same brothers or sisters together forever in unity. Ha, ha. However, God said it will be true. We won’t just be tarrying, but putting down roots and dwelling.

Image by Filip Loczek from Pixabay

Since we already looked at the idea of abide, I wanted to spend some time thinking about what it means to tarry with God. I have learned, it is essential that we tarry with God as much as we can, especially when our lives are pulling us in so many directions. You might feel on any given day, “I don’t have time to abide. I am too busy.” However, if we don’t find the time, God will give us the time, and that is not always preferable as it usually comes with some sort of difficulty. God is not mean hearted, He loves you purely with everlasting love, and He knows exactly what you need, and that is directly linked to the time you spend with Him.

Let me give you a personal example. I was really struggling for several weeks this past month. I was exhausted, discouraged and my heart felt so heavy. Grief was a blanket I was regularly wrapping up in. Grief over my mom being in a nursing home and not being able to be there to help with her care. Grief over my children who have walked away from the truth of the scripture and the love of Jesus. Grief over the state of our country and the fear of the looming downward spiral. Grief over relationships. Grief over loved ones with cancer and other illnesses. Grief over other people’s kids who were struggling with addictions and various other issues. Grief over my own health. The list goes on.

Image by Tern70 from Pixabay

I am learning the importance of acknowledging these feelings and allowing myself to feel them. They are real, after all, and are felt on the deepest levels. However, we all know we can’t live in those dark places. We always need to return to the light, otherwise the darkness will become an all too comfortable place to abide and dwell.

I felt God pulling me. Whispering to me, “Amy, come to Me. Spend time with Me. Only I can meet every need and help you bear every burden.” I know this to be true, but as you know our flesh wars against us every chance it gets. Finally, one sunny afternoon, I took my Bible and my prayer journal out on the patio and began a search through the scriptures. I was looking for Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18 (NASB 1995)

I knew it was in the psalms, but I couldn’t remember where, so I just started leafing through. God brought me two different passages.

“8 Depart from me, all you who do iniquity,
For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my supplication,
The Lord receives my prayer.”

— Psalm 6:8-9 (NASB 1995)

Image by wal_172619 from Pixabay

“1 “I love You, O Lord, my strength.”
2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.”

— Psalm 18:1-3 (NASB 1995)

Image by Enrique from Pixabay

When we tarry with God we can find peace and joy, even in the midst of our grief and pain. When we tarry we spend time, even just a small amount of time, doing the following:

1 - Remembering God’s character - He hears our weeping, our supplication and He receives our prayers. Don’t you love that? God isn’t ashamed of our emotions. He wants us to come and ask. He is our Abba, Father and He loves us. He wants to hear our prayers. He doesn’t just hear them, He receives them. He takes them on as His own. Remember The Bee Keeper? If you don’t, buzz on over to that post for a refresher.

2 - Acknowledging His abilities - He is our strength. He is our rock, our fortress, and our deliverer. He is our shield. He is our salvation. He is our stronghold. He is our refuge. All of these things are His abilities, and He gives them to us without reserve. He can protect, give strength, and get us through anything that comes our way.

“7 Then the earth shook and quaked;
And the foundations of the mountains were trembling
And were shaken, because He was angry.
8 Smoke went up out of His nostrils,
And fire from His mouth devoured;
Coals were kindled by it.
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With thick darkness under His feet.
10 He rode upon a cherub and flew;
And He sped upon the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him,
Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.
12 From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
13 The Lord also thundered in the heavens,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
14 He sent out His arrows, and scattered them,
And lightning flashes in abundance, and routed them.
15 Then the channels of water appeared,
And the foundations of the world were laid bare
At Your rebuke, O Lord,
At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.”

— Psalm 18:7-15 (NASB 1995)

Image by Jean Louis Tosque from Pixabay

3 - Renewing our understanding of Him - I have read Psalm 18 numerous times, but the Scripture, being that it is living and active, spoke to me anew. The above verses floored me. He is not just a gentle and loving God; He is a powerful, mighty force able to move mountains with a thought. He has, can and will display holy anger when the time is right for His wrath and will to be accomplished. It sets my heart to quaking, but also fills me with hope. He will have the final word, and all that is dark, and ugly, and painful will be burned away in His purest, most holy light.

“16 He sent from on high, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy,
And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the Lord was my stay.
19 He brought me forth also into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me.”

— Psalm 18:16-19 (NASB 1995)

Image by Dimitris Vetsikas from Pixabay

“49 Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O Lord,
And I will sing praises to Your name.”

— Psalm 18:49 (NASB 1995)

4 - Thanking Him for all He has done - If you can only tarry for a few minutes, I think this is the best bench to sit on. Gratitude is known to change hearts, minds, health, and perspective. When we sit for a few minutes on God’s goodness and provision to us it gives us the ability to keep going because we come away with hope. With God there is always hope.

Take it from me, if you are struggling with grief, pain, bitterness or other unresolved feelings and situations it certainly is helpful to talk it out with a trusted friend or counselor, but also don’t forget to tarry for a little while with Jesus. He makes all the difference.

Book Review - The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips

I was given the opportunity by Frontgate Media to review another book. In exchange for the review I am provided with a free copy of the book. I like to be choosy about which things I review and recommend to you, the readers and subscribers of my blog. I try to choose things that speak to where we are as women, and more specifically, women of faith.

The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips is another book I found compelling and useful. Dr. Phillips is a minister, therapist, and life coach.

“Widely recognized as a thought leader at the intersection of mental health, faith and culture, Dr. Anita holds degrees from the University of Maryland and Regent University and completed a postdoctoral fellowship at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.”

— The Garden Within - Book Jacket

In this book Dr. Phillips discusses why embracing our emotions is key to living a truly powerful life. She combines ideas from neurobiology, faith and her own research in showing how strengthening our emotional well being will also help to strengthen our physical bodies, renew our minds and reawaken our spiritual joy.

She believes God created us with the heart as the center of the human experience, rather than the mind. She also believes Jesus, who was completely in touch with His emotions, understood this to be true, and offers examples from the scripture from weeping in front of Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:35), to anger in the temple over the money changers (Matt. 21:12), to wrestling in the garden with the anguish of what awaited him on the cross (Luke 22:42).

“You don’t need to overthrow your emotions to experience a revolution in your life. You just need to overthrow the lies you have believed about your emotions. The Creator designed your heart to be a garden, not a war zone. A truly powerful life isn’t won. It’s cultivated.”

— The Garden Within - p. xxv

The Garden Within is divided into three sections: Part 1 - Soil Power, Part 2 - Deeply Rooted, and Part 3 - The Embodied Garden. Each of these sections takes a look at our emotional tapestry through the analogy of a garden.

When Anita was a child in 5th grade science class she was fascinated by her teacher’s assignment of growing a pea plant in wet paper towels rather than dirt. Her teacher wanted the students to understand how much growth went on before the plant was ever above the soil. Her fascination with plants continued all throughout her education, but when she was a mother of two, a licensed therapist and working on her PhD she found herself again in a science class.

At the same time Anita was delving into a study of the book of Romans. Only a few verses into the first chapter she was stunned by Romans 1:20.

“20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,”

— Romans 1:20 (NKJV)

The next day her assigned reading was an introduction to neurons. Upon, seeing a picture of a neuron she was flabbergasted to see it looked almost exactly like her pea plant. God had made both the pea plant and the neuron. Anita realized there were to many passages in scripture that had to do with plants, trees and gardens. These passages were used to teach spiritual lessons and guidelines for living. She felt God was revealing to her a deep connection between the world as He created it and the world He created inside of us in the form of our emotions, thoughts and actions.

Illustration from The Garden Within - p. 7

Dr. Phillips found herself searching for answers to a number of questions and this is what she discovered:

1 - How does Scripture define well-being? As a garden. (Isaiah 58:11)

2 - What is mean to grow in the garden? Relationships, purpose and legacy - things that give our life meaning.

3 - Where is the garden planted? In the soil of our hearts.

4 - What makes that soil fertile? Faith, hope and love.

5 - What is emotional well-being? Our capacity - and willingness - to be aware of, acknowledge, and experience all our emotions.

6 - What happens when we cultivate emotional well-being? We unleash, sustain and nourish the full power of the word-seeds that we choose to plant in our garden within.

7 - Is this what it means to live a powerful life? Yes.

(Points taken from The Garden Within - pp. 43-44)

Anita uses the events of Creation, and the Parable of the Sower and the Seed to further expand on these points and show us how to begin cultivating our own garden within by first determining what we want to grow in the three zones of relationships, purpose and legacy. We then prepare our soil, or our hearts by pulling weeds and cleaning and checking the soil by being aware of how we are doing emotionally. Next we set up a watering system. Just as gardens have to be intentionally watered, so too our emotional well being needs to be taken care of. Finally, we determine to plant good seeds.

“Our spiritual well being hinges on the quality of the word-seeds sown because they determine what we believe is true about God and ourselves. Each seed is a potential blessing or potential curse.””

— The Garden Within - p. 71

Anita points out that these word-seeds come to us from all directions including things we tell ourselves. What we choose to plant, or listen to, will determine what grows in the garden of our hearts.

There is a lot of information in this book and I personally feel it will require several readings to fully grasp all the concepts and wisdom within its pages. However, Dr. Phillips does address a number of prominent emotions: sadness (including loneliness and grief), anger, and fear. She gives examples and outlines a therapeutic processes for each emotion to help dig in and cultivate the soil in our hearts.

I would recommend this book for anyone who has gone through emotional trauma, or who has just been part of the “don’t express it, or talk about it” culture. I am going to be reading through this again and taking notes to glean even more. If yo would like to buy your own copy of The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips, just click on the link.

His Design in Our Desires

I was recently going through a struggle brought on, in part by two problems, the long dreary wearies of winter with no sunshine, and a post New Year bout with Covid. Seasonal Affective Disorder always leaves me feeling more blue during the short gray days and longer dark nights of this season. I really need to invest in a light to help with that. Getting sick on top of SAD and it being after the holidays left me in a pretty low place. Being in a low place usually makes me more susceptible to the enemy’s tactics of blame and self pity.

Image by Mimzy from Pixabay

It came to my attention that a friend of mine was in a similar place, but for her the struggle was from a difficult marriage. She had texted me asking for the name of the counselor I was going to. I could tell by the tone of her text that she was not in a good place. We ended up having a video chat that ended with us both in prayer for one another. The interesting thing about our struggles, was that even though they stemmed from different sources we were still looking for the same things: love, affirmation, and companionship.

Over the next 24 hours, both my friend and I were on our own journeys seeking the Lord, knowing that we wanted to be spiritually right, but also not quite sure what to do with these desires that we had. Were these desires wrong? Were we just supposed to not think about them? Were we supposed to sacrifice them on the altar of, “Well, that’s just what Christians are supposed to do without?”

The Lord in His kindness took me to a passage in Isaiah, which I felt not only applied to myself, but applied to my friend, so I texted her a few of those verses. (My friend was also being led by the Lord to a different passage in the Psalms, which she also shared with me.)

Image by Monika from Pixabay

“10 They will not hunger or thirst,
Nor will the scorching heat or sun strike them down;
For He who has compassion on them will lead them
And will guide them to springs of water.
11 “I will make all My mountains a road,
And My highways will be raised up....

13 ...Shout for joy, O heavens! And rejoice, O earth!
Break forth into joyful shouting, O mountains!
For the Lord has comforted His people
And will have compassion on His afflicted.”

— Isaiah 49:10-11,13 (NASB 1995)

The Lord was telling us that our desires were not only real, but good. The desire for food and water is not a wrong desire. In fact, just like food and water is a desire that must be met, our desire for love, companionship and affirmation are just as necessary.

My husband and I like to watch survival shows like Dual Survivor, Dude Your Screwed, and most recently Alone. The thing I have found fascinating is that not everyone leaves due to starvation or injury. In fact, often times it is the aloneness of their situation that finally drives them to pushing the button to tap out. We are made to be in relationship, and in community.

Image by Joe from Pixabay

Over my years as a church going Christian I have seen problems arise when we forget that the church is the body of Christ, and we are meant to look out and care for each other. That means taking the time to listen, to pray, and to help. We also have to be willing to be vulnerable. When a person is struggling whether in a hard marriage, a tenuous work environment, or a changing family dynamic the enemy will always take advantage, and He will always blame.

“Well if he only would….”

“Well, if I don’t get that promotion then I’m out…”

“If she would just listen when I tell her something…”

We suddenly become all about our rights and desires. Is that what God called us to? Or did He call us to trust in Him?

The above verses tell us we will not hunger or thirst. We will not be struck down by the sun by day nor the moon by night (Psalm 121:6). This isn’t just a reference to physical hunger, thirst and discomfort. It applies to every aspect of our being. God cares for every desire and care we have.

We are created in His image. We are able to reason, love, care, act justly, and have compassion. God doesn’t just say He’s going to meet our needs, He does meet our needs and our desires, every single one. When we look back at Isaiah 49:10 it says God has compassion on His people and He will guide them to springs of water.

As we continue to read the passage we hear the Lord say, “I will make all my mountains a road, and my highways will be raised up…” That tells me that God is going to provide a way for those desires to be met. The thing we need to understand is that we are limited where God is not. We see things in a physical dimension, but He works in both the physical and the spiritual.

Image by Lisa Caroselli from Pixabay

“4 Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.”

— Psalm 37:4 (NASB 1995)

Could anything be more simple or sure than the meaning of this verse? If we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. Every desire we have for love, companionship and affirmation will be lavishly and fully met by our Lord and Savior.

Don’t think this is going to be easy. Verse 13 shows us that we are going to have affliction. There may be seasons where we don’t feel the love. There might be weeks where the blame game seems to work better at every bend and turn. However, what does it say about God? He comforts His people and has compassion on the afflicted. He’s got you. He’s got your desires, every, single one. Our job is to:

Be still and know He is God - Psalm 46:10

Remember we are not condemned - Romans 8:1

Give it all to Him, because He cares for us - 1 Peter 5:7

As we journey into this new year, I hope you will recognize every opportunity to know Him more deeply and that every desire you have will be filled in Him.

Rejoice Always: A Case Study - Part 4

Today I am going to finish up this particular case study of Hannah in the Old Testament. Hannah, who was Samuel’s mother, was a woman a great strength, deep desire and phenomenal trust in her God. A portion of the scripture we are going to look at is Hannah’s song of thanksgiving. This is what we are going to focus on and I want to do it just a few verses at a time, so we can slowly savor the thoughts and ideas.

Pixabay

“Then Hannah prayed and said,

“My heart exults in the Lord;
My horn is exalted in the Lord,
My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies,
Because I rejoice in Your salvation.”

— I Samuel 2:1 (NASB)

Keep in mind, Hannah is singing this song of thanksgiving after she has given her only son, Samuel, to Eli the priest to serve in the House of the Lord.

Hannah exults in the Lord. The word horn as it is used in this passage refers to strength, so Hannah is saying her strength is exalted in the Lord. The word exalt is a verb that means to lift high, to elevate by praise, to raise in rank or to enhance the activity of. In other words we could say, “My heart lifts high because of the Lord.” “My strength is elevated in the Lord.”

I do not know if Hannah was thinking of Penninah, her husband’s other wife, when she sang these words, or if she was thinking of her status as an Israelite, but either way she speaks boldly, because she rejoices in God’s salvation.

“There is no one holy like the Lord,
Indeed, there is no one besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God.”

— 1 Samuel 2:2 (NASB)

PIxabay

Hannah states the truth she knows. As an Israelite she has been taught the scriptures, the laws and the commands. Her husband was a committed Jew, making sure he and his family got to the House of the Lord. But now, Hannah also has personal experience. She took her heart’s desire to have a child to God, and He remembered her and provided.

“Do not go on boasting so very proudly,
Do not let arrogance come out of your mouth;
For the Lord is a God of knowledge,
And with Him actions are weighed”

— 1 Samuel 2:3 (NASB)

Pixabay

I have a feeling Hannah was a pretty observant woman. She knew her scriptures, which probably also meant she knew the history of her people. This verse could have been a reference to Penninah, but for some reason I think Hannah was above that. I think this had more to do with the enemies of Israel.

The following verses are both declarative and somewhat prophetic for the state of Israel and the future of the nation as well.

“4 The bows of the mighty are broken to pieces,
But those who have stumbled strap on strength.
5 Those who were full hire themselves out for bread,
But those who were hungry cease to be hungry.
Even the infertile woman gives birth to seven,
But she who has many children languishes.
6 The Lord puts to death and makes alive;
He brings down to Sheol and brings up.
7 The Lord makes poor and rich;
He humbles, He also exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust,
He lifts the needy from the garbage heap
To seat them with nobles,
And He gives them a seat of honor as an inheritance;
For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s,
And He set the world on them.
9 He watches over the feet of His godly ones,
But the wicked ones are silenced in darkness;
For not by might shall a person prevail.
10 Those who contend with the Lord will be terrified;
Against them He will thunder in the heavens,
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth;
And He will give strength to His king,
And will exalt the horn of His anointed.””

— 1 Samuel 2:4-10 (NASB)

This ends Hannah’s song, but it certainly does not signify the end of her adventure with God. If we read further in this chapter we see God’s continued blessing on her.

“18 Now Samuel was ministering before the Lord, as a boy wearing a linen ephod.
19 And his mother would make for him a little robe and bring it up to him from year to year when she would come up with her husband to offer the yearly sacrifice.
20 Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, and say, “May the Lord give you children from this woman in place of the one she requested of the Lord.” And they went to their own home.

21 The Lord indeed visited Hannah, and she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters. And the boy Samuel grew up before the Lord.”

— 1 Samuel 2:18-21 (NASB)

Pixabay

Hannah did not forget Samuel. She lovingly made him a robe and every year when they would go up to offer their yearly sacrifice they would bring the robe and she would give it to him. She kept her promise to the Lord and He gave her more children.

What can we learn from our study of Hannah on the word rejoice?

Our joy is not dependent on our circumstances.

Pixabay

We all like to think that if we only had this or that, or if our circumstances changed then we would have joy. Joy, unlike happiness is eternal. It is a state of being that comes from God and is not dependent on what is going on in our lives.

Remember the definition of rejoice: to give joy to; to feel great joy or delight. We learned from the book of Deuteronomy in the Old Testament that rejoice was a command given by God to the people of Israel and it always coincided with a feast or celebration of remembrance of God’s faithfulness and provision.

Our ability to rejoice is a choice to remember how God has provided and been faithful throughout our lives. Even in our current difficult circumstances.

Our joy is directly linked to our choice to focus on God.

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I know this can be hard, but this is what makes the difference between living large and languishing. When I choose to remember God’s faithfulness, I take my eyes off my current difficulties and place them on Him. Even if life has been difficult for a while, I can still focus on His character and His promises. He is good. He is faithful. He is just. He is holy. He is pure. He is righteous.

Back in Chapter 1 we saw when Hannah prayed she lifted up the name of God. She exalted Him. She said, “Lord of armies.” It was a simple statement, but think about all that it encompasses. The word Lord, would signify power and authority. Lord of armies, shows that He is in charge of all those who can bring about justice and peace. That three word statement was one of worship and direct focus on the powerful and amazing God.

Focusing on God and who He is and His great faithfulness will make rejoicing as important as drinking water. It is essential for life.

Like C.S. Lewis, we might be Surprised By Joy.

Pixabay

Hannah found joy even after she gave up her son. She gave him to God before he was even conceived. She had no regrets. She did not waver in her promise. When the boy was old enough, she took him to the House of the Lord and left him there. Yet, she had joy.

In the middle of our adversity, in the crushing weight of our darkness, we will be surprised by joy, because it is God who gives us the ability to rejoice. Just like hope, patience, goodness, kindness and all the other fruit we can bear, it comes from Him.

Rejoice always!

When Darkness Comes - Part 9: The Transformative Power of Thanksgiving

We all have heard the old saying that we are to have an attitude of gratitude. Most of us are aware of the difference a mindset of thankfulness can have on our thoughts, emotions and actions.

Image by Here and now, unfortunately, ends my journey on Pixabay from Pixabay

“Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.”

— Seneca

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings”

— William Arthur Ward

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

— Aesop

God’s Word is clear on the importance of giving thanks.

“in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”

— I Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB)

Just as the Bible commands us to, “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16), and “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17), we are also commanded to give thanks at all times in everything. That means we are to give thanks when the darkness is upon us. We are to give thanks for it, in it and after it has left us. Why is it so important that we thank God when we are in the darkness? Let’s look at a few different reasons.

1 - It places us under His authority.

Image by David Mark from Pixabay

The act of remembering who we are and who God is enables us to have perspective. Being thankful places us in our correct standing before Him. Pride, which places us above God, saying we can get through this ourselves and we don’t need anyone’s help, especially His, makes us the authority and not God.

“Every person is to be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.”

— Romans 13:1 (NASB)

Knowing there is authority and actually placing ourselves under it are two different things. When we give thanks we recognize God as the one true authority.

2 - It places us under His protection.

“1 One who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will lodge in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!”
3 For it is He who rescues you from the net of the trapper
And from the deadly plague.
4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may take refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and wall.

5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
6 Of the plague that [a]stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that devastates at noon.
7 A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
8 You will only look on with your eyes
And see the retaliation against the wicked.
9 For you have made the Lord, my refuge,
The Most High, your dwelling place.
10 No evil will happen to you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.

11 For He will give His angels orders concerning you,
To protect you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will lift you up,
So that you do not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will walk upon the lion and cobra,
You will trample the young lion and the [d]serpent.

14 “Because he has loved Me, I will save him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
15 He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 I will satisfy him with a long life,
And show him My salvation.””

— Psalm 91

Why does giving thanks place us under His protection? The choice to be thankful requires a shift in our mindset. We know our Unseen Enemy loves to play mind games. If we are teetering on the edge of anger, bitterness, malice, wrath and other bad emotions, we are going to be more susceptible to making choices that are not for our benefit. Dark emotions are part of our sin nature, and very normal, but God does not want us to stay in those murky places. Staying there will result in our undoing.

3 - It lets in the light.

Giving thanks is like turning on a flashlight or lighting a candle when you are in a very dark room. When darkness is present in our lives and we are grieving, depressed, struggling, or lost, the choice to thank God allows Him to open the tiniest window into our shadowed world. You might not see the light right away. Often we become accustomed to the darkness and we might even forget what it was like to walk in the light, but light will always pierce the darkness.

When I was going through the dark time I have been sharing with you, I spent three days praying and journaling, most of which I have been sharing with you through these posts. On the last day, the last thing I did was lay before God the reasons I felt the way I did. There is a difference between acknowledging the emotion and knowing why we feel what we are feeling.

“Lord, perhaps what would help my sagging spirits is to confess to you all that is making me sad. I am sad...”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

I went on to tell Jesus, exactly what I was grieving over: my marriage, my family, relationships, being alone, my imperfections…the list went on. I ended that section with this.

Image by Christine Engelhardt from Pixabay

“So, I bring it all to You. The desires, the sadness, the disappointment. I bring it to You, and I choose to wait on You. I don’t know what to look for - a miracle? A rescue? A ta da moment? Whatever it is I trust You to bring it about. In the mean time I lean into Your strength and Your courage.””

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

However, I did not stop there.

“Now I need to give thanks.

I thank You, that the darkness and the light are the same to You.

Thank You, that as You hovered over the darkness of the deep at the beginning of Creation - You are here in my darkness - hovering over, beneath, beside and through.

Thank You, that while I do not have a friend right now to talk to or hang out with, I do have You.

Thank You, that You have shown Yourself to me since I was very young.

Thank You, that no matter what others say, You call me beloved!

Thank You, that I am not condemned, because I am in Christ Jesus.

Thank You, that as I choose to wait on You, You give me strength and courage. ”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

There was more on that list, and when I finished thanking God, I felt Him say to me, “You done good, now rest.”

Did I feel better? Not really, but I felt as though I had wrestled and wrangled. I wouldn’t realize the sword of the Almighty had pierced me until the next day. I’ll share that next week.

Until then, be thankful. God truly uses all things for our good.

When Darkness Comes - Part 7: Revealing our True Hearts

I have been doing a series on the darkness as it pertains to times of struggle in our lives. The last two posts revolved around truth; the truth we know about God and the truth we know about ourselves as seen in the Word of God. We cannot, however, have truth and not acknowledge the feelings and emotions that God created us with. As we saw last time, we often put on False Faces, so that we can cope and pretend the truth has penetrated our hearts, but in reality it hasn’t. I have been sharing my own experience with you, because through my own walk in the dark, I have learned that truth must be wrestled with before it can become a part of our inner being.

Image by Herbert Aust from Pixabay

God knows our delicate frame and also knows He gave us a mind that can think, reason and question. However, we must remember our minds were meant to be in communion with Him. The longer we let our minds dwell on what is false, hopeless and destructive, the less we will be able to recognize His truth. When we are walking in the darkness, there is no doubt, the Unseen Enemy will try to manipulate that shadowed path to his advantage. That is precisely why it is so important to stand on the God’s truth, but not just stand, we have to wrestle with it and allow Him to pierce our souls with it.

He has done that with me. Even as I type this, tears come to my eyes, because I realize, as an Almighty being, He owes me nothing. He has no reason to gift me His time or attention. He does so, because He chooses to. The incredible, lavish fact is, He chooses to do this, even when I am at my lowest, ranting about how unfair life is or how hard things are, or questioning impatiently when will this darkness end.

In order to get to this point of allowing God to pierce us, we must acknowledge our feelings, as ugly as they can be. Feelings are often tied to experiences, both good and bad. In my heart I have a room. Inside, there are shelves full of experiences, mostly those with other people. Most of these are bad experiences. When I feel bad, I unlock that room and I go inside, closing the door behind me. It isn’t a comfortable room, filled with fairy lights and comfy, overstuffed furniture. It’s more like an old attic, full of cobwebs, dark corners and lots of junk. I find a place on the hard floor and I start reviewing all that junk…all those times I yelled at my kids; all the angry words between my husband and I; all those feelings of never measuring up…of not being enough…of being invisible.

Image by József Kincse from Pixabay

Most of us have something like my attic room, where we revisit things that happened or didn’t happen. These are part of emotional make up of who we are and God is patient with us. He allows us those moments, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, it would be nice if I could hand that key over to Him and walk away. I haven’t done that yet, but I am getting closer.

I am going to share an except from my journal, when I was revealing my true heart to God. I share these things, not to make you feel sorry for me or to make you think how hard I have had it, but I hope by being vulnerable with you, you will choose to be vulnerable with God.

“I guess what it comes down to, Lord, is I am sad that I am invisible. I know there are lots of people struggling with far worse things than feeling invisible. There are wives whose husbands are unfaithful; there are children whose caretakers are abusive; there are elderly men and women fading like an old photograph with no one to visit or care about their needs, or desires. There are people who have felt the pain of divorce, the death of a child or spouse...and here I am feeling sad...that I feel invisible.

But I would not be a healthy person if I did not acknowledge I am sad, and it hurts. It hurts to be forgotten; to have a face that is unmemorable; to have no voice except one that is deemed naggy, bitchy or emotional. I am only acknowledged when I mess up. I am only texted or called when someone wants something...””

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

Image by Vojtěch Kučera from Pixabay

There are several things I want you to notice. I am acknowledging my feelings. I am unloading. I have remembered God’s truth about Himself and about me, and now I am letting Him know how I feel. My intellect knows what is true…I am not invisible. I have a family who does love me. I have friends…but the acknowledgement of feelings is so important in healing and in allowing God to bring His word into the deep places of our hearts. I go on to make this very point in my journal.

“Lord, I am venting. I know what Your word says. I am not invisible. Your word says You knew me before I was born. You know my thoughts from afar. There is no place I can go to get away from You. I am not invisible to You. (Psalm 139)”

— Amy's journal from 5/23/21

The other thing I want you to notice is that I recognize I am not alone in suffering. There are many who are suffering; many who have it far worse than I do, but that does not diminish my feelings or my need to lay those feelings at His feet. This is a process.

The next step follows: I recognize that some of my struggle is a result of sin, and the work of the Unseen Enemy.

“Lord, I ask Your forgiveness that I struggle with these feelings over and over. I should be mature enough to be so over it, but right now I am not. I am weak.

I ask for Your protection. I know my enemy would like to devour me, my family, but he cannot. Renew my mind, because I cannot. I choose to lean in to You; in to your comfort, mercy and grace; into Your sufferings. I embrace it all and I call on Your name...the name of Jesus, knowing He is the Great Warrior Prince and He will rescue me.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/21

Finally, I acknowledge the power and supremacy of the Almighty One.

“Thank you for You hem me in behind and before; that You are my rear guard; that You hold my hand and walk with me through every single valley. You are the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. You alone are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

— Amy's Journal - 5/23/31

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Don’ be afraid to let God peer into the deepest places of your heart. Allowing Him access to those attic rooms will eventually bring about true renewal and cleansing. Wrestle with God’s truth. Tell Him how you really feel as you maneuver the darkness of your path. Let Him pierce you deep and He will bring you to new understanding and heights of His love.

Next time we will look at another piece of this refining process as we continue our journey in the darkness. I hope you are able to join me. Thank you for all your support and I pray God will become more real to you today than He ever has before.