Christmas blues — Faith — Stylin' Granny Mama

If you are following along this December, I am doing a short series on the emotion of sadness during the holidays. Holidays for many are not the bright, merry celebrations we tend to hear about. Instead, they are filled with pain, hurt, anger, sadness and despair. The reasons are many, from the death of a spouse or child, to divorce, to the loss of a job or health, to the state of our country. Many people are struggling with feeling depressed and overwhelmed.

The reason I decided to broach this topic was in part to share what I have learned about carrying sadness on a regular basis, but still being able to function and live a full and productive life. Sadness isn’t something that we necessarily need to be free of, but rather something we need to embrace and learn how to accept and manage.

Last week we looked at what embracing sadness looks like and explored a few thoughts on how we can manage our own sadness, or how we can help others who are feeling more down than usual at this time of year. Tips included: having a grieving blanket, physical activity, artistic pursuits, and allowing others to help carry the burden. Another suggestion was to remember the faithfulness of God, and that is what we are going to look at this week.

The Old and New Testaments of the Bible are full of examples of God’s faithfulness. If we are in a particular dark state of mind we might read some of the Biblical accounts and only see God’s wrath, judgment and impatience, but as with all things if we look only for the darkness, we will only encounter darkness. True freedom lies in following and embracing the light of Christ.

“1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
2 He was in the beginning with God.
3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.
4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.
7 He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him.
8 He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.
9 The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.
10 He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.
11 He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him.
12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,
13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
15 (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”)
16 For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.
17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
18 No one has ever seen God; God the only Son, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known.”

— John 1:1-18 (ESV)

God provides everything that we need to live life in this dark world, but the most important thing He provided was the Light, the life of His Son Jesus Christ. Try to imagine living in a world with no light. How would you be able to live life? There is the rather comedic aspect of running into walls, crashing into cars, and stepping on Legos in the living room, but it goes much deeper than that. Light is essential for plants to grow, which in turn produce oxygen, which gives us the ability to breath. Light is essential for our mental health. Take it from a sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder, sunlight is absolutely necessary for me to feel human. Light is also an important element in the deterrence of crime, otherwise, why would so many business owners leave lights on around their property?

Probably the most important aspect to light is that it lets us see. There is the physical aspect of sight which keeps us from running into things and helps us to recognize things and people. It also allows us to learn and study. Similarly, spiritual sight, given to us through the Holy Spirit, allows us to know God and His Word better. Abiding in the light enables to turn from the darkness and recognize God’s constant faithfulness.

““The Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and upright is He.”

— Deuteronomy 32:4 (NASB 1995)

“Your lovingkindness, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.”

— Psalm 36:5 (NASB 1995)

“He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.”

— Psalm 91:4 (NASB 1995)

I find this last verse interesting. “His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.” We all know what a shield is, but what is a bulwark? Websters online dictionary defines bulwark as: a solid wall-like structure raised for defense; a seawall; a strong support or protection. If God’s faithfulness is a shield and bulwark, then that means His faithfulness is supporting and protecting us. Might it also mean, that when we choose to remember His faithfulness, it helps protect our minds from spending too much time in the darkness? Perhaps recalling God’s faithfulness is the best way to protect ourselves from the unbridled pain and despair we can feel when we are grieving.

In other versions of the Bible instead of the word, bulwark, or rampart the word is buckler. A buckler is a small shield and to my understanding it was a shield that was used during hand to hand combat. It was a shield that was held close to the body, and could also be maneuvered to block the enemy’s strikes. Whether you like the idea of a strong wall of defense or a small shield used in daily battle with the enemy, the reality is both are true. God is our defense, and His faithfulness allows us to extinguish the flaming arrows of despair, bitterness and hatred that Satan sends our way.

As I said in my first post, sadness is an emotion God gave us and by embracing it we allow ourselves to process those strong feelings in a healthy way, but if we allow ourselves to only see the sadness, and not remember the joy, or the laughter, we risk becoming shrouded in a darkness that might lead to a place of no return.

So, how do we remember God’s faithfulness when we are feeling overwhelmed by the sad? Let’s look at a few ideas.

1 - Pray. Ask God to help you to remember His faithfulness. Perhaps you prayed for something specific and that prayer was answered. Maybe you needed direction regarding a decision and He gave it to you. Remember God is not just faithful in the big things, He’s also faithful in the tiny details. Ask Him to help you remember those times and write those things down.

I did this recently, and God brought to my mind His faithfulness to me as a child. Growing up in a Bible believing church, I was fortunate to be surrounded by Biblical teaching, but hearing God’s word, does not necessarily mean we will follow Him. When I was very young, perhaps in kindergarten or 1st grade I had a Sunday School teacher named Miss Draper. An older, single woman, she was all vim and vinegar, but she genuinely cared about her students. I remember she took a trip to Europe. When she came back she had gifts for each of the children in her class. When I opened mine it was a little chalet of sorts. The roof opened and from within came the most beautiful music. Her gesture of kindness set me on a road of wanting to know Jesus. Oh what the love of a person living in obedience to Christ can do to change the world.

2 - Read Scripture. I know these suggestions are not anything new, but how much more we need to be seeking our precious Lord, when we are in the throes of sadness and heartbreak. Scripture is full of examples of God’s faithfulness. Think of His provision for Adam and Eve’s nakedness after the fall (Genesis 3:21); or what about His faithfulness to Noah and His family during a catastrophic, world wide flood (Genesis 7:23); and don’t forget the restoration He gave to Job after allowing Satan to take everything away (Job 42:10-17); and one of my favorite accounts of His lovingkindness was to Ruth, a woman not even a Jew, given a place in the lineage of Jesus our King of Kings (Ruth 4). Start to finish, the Bible is a ribbon of God’s faithfulness, provision, love and intervention on the behalf of humanity, the greatest of these being Christ’s entry into our world as a baby.

3 - Look for God’s faithfulness and provision in the day to day. All may seem bleak until we start exercising the eyes of our hearts. Our physical eyes might only see the darkness; the pain, the despair, the unknown, but our spiritual eyes can see things beyond this physical world.

“15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints,
16 do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers;
17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him.
18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,
19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might
20 which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,
21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.
22 And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church,
23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”

— Ephesians 1:15-23 (NASB 1995)

Paul’s prayer pertains to us when we are grieving. He prays that we would see with the eyes of our hearts so that: we would know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. Look and see.

4 - Treasure thanksgiving. Having just celebrated Thanksgiving a few weeks ago here in the U.S. it is good to take this idea into the Christmas holidays, especially when we are sad. Giving thanks is not only a mood lifter, but it forces us to refocus our mind from the darkness to the light. Start small if that is all you can manage. Thank God for a warm bed, a hot shower, food, clean water, and a place to live. Even if all of these were striped away from us, we could still be thankful for Him; for His presence; for His character; for the fact that He does not change. Is it always easy to give thanks? No. But it is desired by our Creator.

“in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

— 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NASB 1995)

I hope this week you will find many moments to remember God’s faithfulness.

The Holy Spirit inspired me one morning while I was doing my devotions to put together a short series for the month of December. The holidays can be a wonderful time of year, filled with activity, family and friends. However, for many, they can also be a time of great sadness and depression. People who have experienced loss can feel the holidays to be more of a prison, than a time of levity and light. Christmas, while exciting and full of anticipation, can become dark and foreboding for people who are struggling.

In this post, I want to look at a few important points to remember when we are maneuvering the holidays, whether we are experiencing sadness ourselves, or we are walking with others through their feelings of grief and anxiety.

1 - Sadness is an emotion God gave us.

Being created in the image of God we were made, not to be robots programed from the great beyond with no ability to show emotion, but to have a broad range of feelings from happiness and joy, to fear and worry, to anger and frustration. Emotions were given to us, not to make us weak, but to give us greater strength to survive, live and to have a relationship with others and with our Creator.

“26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.”

— Genesis 1:26-27 (ESV)

How would we have relationships without emotion? How would we know the emotion of peace, if we did not experience fear? How would we know the feeling of joy if we did not experience sorrow? How would we know love if we did not experience loss?

Emotions are a part of who we were created to be, and when given over to God, can be an integral part in making us whole as a person, and more suited to serve God and others. Here is a good article from Focus on the Family - What Does the Bible Say About Emotions?

2 - Sadness needs to be acknowledged and felt.

In one of my therapy sessions a few months ago, I told my counselor that my husband and I often feel we are experiencing “existential fatigue in the land of eternal sadness.” She thought that was a very interesting way to describe our lives at that point in time. She went on to explain that sadness was not a bad thing. In fact feeling sad was how our minds acknowledged that something was or is very important to us.

Grief is a very real emotion and is felt by more than just someone who has lost a loved one. Grief is felt by partners who are in the midst of divorce; by children who now have to split their time between parents; by the man who just lost his job of 30 years; by the woman who lost a breast to cancer; and even by the employee who now has to learn yet another new computer program to do their work. The difficulty comes when we push the sadness down and try to get past it without truly processing it.

When my father passed away back in 2006, I had never really experienced grief before other than the loss of a pet. I had never known my maternal grandparents, and we did not see my paternal grandparents all that often. When my grandfather died, I was pretty young, and when my grandmother passed I was in college and didn’t even get home for her funeral. However, my dad passing away was different. I remember quite distinctly wondering if he was cold as he lay in that grave that first cold January night after he was buried.

Image by H A R M O N I A P I C T U R A from Pixabay

I began a grief journal which allowed me to process, and I began to think of grief as a blanket. When I needed to feel that sadness, I would wrap up in that imaginary blanket and feel the pain. I would remember good things and even some of the bad about my dad and growing up as the youngest of three. When I felt I processed enough for a while, I would mentally fold the blanket back up and put it in an imaginary trunk where it would be ready for the next time I needed it.

We see the psalmist in the Old Testament grieving out loud in many of the psalms. Let’s look at a few.

“1 I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
3 When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
4 You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
6 I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
7 “Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah”

— Psalm 77:1-9 (ESV)

In this psalm the writer is so grieved he feels that God has forgotten him. God is not offended by these feelings. He knows our hearts and He wants us to acknowledge these feelings and bring them to Him.

“1 Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.
3 I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God.”

— Psalm 69:1-3 (ESV)

I think most of us have felt this way at some point in time….up to our neck in the mire of trouble, fear and sadness. Acknowledging these emotions God gave us is important for our mental health and for our relationships.

3. Embracing the sad without losing our minds.

How then, do we embrace sadness without being overcome with the many other emotions that surround grief like anger, frustration, or fear? In addition, how do I walk through grief without heading down the road of depression, or anxiety? Seeing as I am not a psychiatrist, or a certified counselor, the tips I am going to list here are suggestions, and in no way should replace the sound advice of a professional. If you feel too overwhelmed to navigate sadness on your own, please seek help.

A - Take out the blanket. I think having an actual, physical blanket that you use specifically for grieving is a great way to not only have a physical connection to sadness, but also a way to be kind to yourself by cuddling up in a cozy, soft blanket. In addition it allows a set time for you to purposefully feel sadness.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

B - Turn to physical activity. I am not just talking about exercise, although that is at the top of the list, but even activity done with your hands like dishes, laundry, mending, ironing, or baking. Not only are you getting your mind off the grief for a little while, but you may be getting a few things done. Let’s face it, in times of sadness a lot of things go undone, because we are just trying to survive.

Walking, especially outdoors is another great physical activity that allows us to turn from sadness to feeling the chill in the air, or smelling the wonderful smells of the changing seasons. If you can stand being in a crowd, go to the mall and people watch, or take yourself out for lunch. Being kind to ourselves during times of sadness is very important.

C - Allow the tears. Crying is a great way to release pent up cortisol, and too much cortisol can result in feelings of anxiety, panic and shutting down. God knows every one of our tears, so like the psalmist, don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry out to Him.

D - Incorporate artistic snippets into your daily routine. Look for music, art, small craft projects, or even coloring to do in your down time. Music is always a mood booster, or even a mood embracer. Listening to sad music, or watching a sad movie, might also help with that cortisol release. There are hundreds of adult coloring books that provide mindless activity, but also enable you to keep busy creating a colorful picture without the pressure to perform.

E - Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. When a person is in the throes of heart wrenching grief, even those first steps each day of getting up, taking a shower and getting dressed are steps towards the future; of moving on without that loved one; of acknowledging I am important too and need to keep going.

F - Remember. This is two-fold. There may be times when you don’t have the time to take out the blanket and properly grieve, but it is okay to remember. Memories are part of the process to acknowledge grief, and also move on at the same time.

In addition, if you are a Christ follower, remember God’s faithfulness. The psalmist did just that.

“10 Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
14 You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
15 You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
16 When the waters saw you, O God,
when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water;
the skies gave forth thunder;
your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
your lightnings lighted up the world;
the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea,
your path through the great waters;
yet your footprints were unseen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.”

— Psalm 77:10-20 (ESV)

G - Don’t try to carry sad on your own. God meant for us to depend, not only on Him, but on others. Whether you make an appointment to speak with a counselor, or you have a lunch date with a family member, or you take a walk with a friend, allow people to know what you are carrying and ask them to help.

H - Help others. Helping others, especially during the holiday season is another way to help us through a time of sadness and grief. It reminds us that others are struggling too, and I can still help out, even though I am experiencing sadness.

This brings me to my final point. How do I help others who are going through the sadness, especially at the holidays?

1 - Check in on people. Don’t let people maneuver their grief alone. Learn how to help by asking questions. Maybe they don’t need your advice, but a home cooked meal and your presence to eat it with them can make all the difference.

2 - Pray, and share God’s words of encouragement. We all know the holidays can be extra hard, especially for people who are grieving the loss of a loved one, or the loss of their own health. They need you to check in, but they also need you to pray for them. I know for me personally someone who takes the time to pray with me over the phone or in person reminds me I am seen and cared for.

3 - Don’t assume. It is easy to assume that people are doing just fine because they are past whatever initially made them sad in the first place, but often that is not the case. People can grieve for months over things like job loss and health problems, or years over the loss of a spouse or child. Don’t assume they have moved on. The best way to know is to talk to people and be curious without being pushy.

4 - Be there. I know life is crazy busy, but when you can, make the choice to be present in the other person’s life. Call, text, send them a note, invite them to share a meal, take them to a movie or an event. Be a true friend by showing them you care with your time.

Next week we will be looking more closely at remembering God’s faithfulness when we are in a season of sad. Until then, I wish you moments of utmost joy as you head towards this Christmas!

Embracing Sadness and Finding Joy: A Study of our Life in Jesus during the Holidays - Part 2: Remembering God's Faithfulness

Embracing Sadness and Finding Joy: A Study of our Life in Jesus During the Holidays - Part 1: Embracing the Sad