Stopping the Train Wreck

Over the course of the last few weeks I have been looking at how are thoughts can easily sabotage our efforts to form new habits, and be better people. Many of us, when we enter a new year want to reboot. We want to try again to tackle those extra pounds that we have cumulatively put on each holiday season. We want to go at those piles that pervasively appear in each and every room of our house. We want to be better people; more giving, kind and loving. Many of us begin a new regimen of exercise and dieting, clutter control and clearing out, and even invest in pod casts, books and other things to help us think and act differently. Why then, is it so hard to stick to it? Why after a few days, a few weeks, or if your are really good, a few months, do we typically fall off the wagon?

In my post of two weeks ago, When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck, I examined three mentalities, I believe, contribute to our inability to stick to our new habits. These three thought patterns include being self absorbed, demanding our rights and not caring. I’d like to reexamine these patterns and discuss ways to change our thoughts.

Being self-absorbed

As I mentioned in the original post, taking care of ourselves is not a bad thing. We need to exercise, eat right, get enough sleep and stimulate our minds to give ourselves the best life. Being self-absorbed revolves around a preoccupation with certain ideas about ourselves. These can include thoughts that we do not measure up to some invisible standard that we think other people have set for us, and self-degrading messages like, “I’m too fat,” “I’m not good enough,” which can lead to self-destructive behaviors like cutting, addictions and even suicidal thoughts.

We all have self-absorbed thoughts from time to time. It is easy to get into that mind-set when life is hard and things are not going well. It is also easy to dress in this mind set when your past holds tragedy and pain. However, life cannot be lived to the fullest if we allow those things to imprison us.

I am not a professional counselor, but I’d like to suggest a few things that can help us to get out of the self-absorbed mind-set.

1 - Get Moving

This is partly about exercise and partly about behavior modification. Often when we get into an anxious or self-absorbed circuit, we are unable to get out of the loop. Much like a hamster running on his little wheel, our thoughts keep coming back around to the same loop. We revisit the destructive thought, the let down feeling, the disappointment in ourselves or others and round and round it goes.

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It is a well known fact that exercise has good effects on our brains. From increased oxygen flow and release of hormones to antidepressant effects that reduce stress hormones, exercise really is beneficial for the brain. Movement helps to get us out of the loop. It doesn’t have to be rigorous exercise. If you are sitting down, stand up. If you are standing still, move. If you are going north, turn around and go south. Every time those thoughts come creeping back in, move.

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I find walking very cathartic, when I am stressed. As I walk I do deep breathing and I purposefully force myself to look at the world around me, the neighborhood, the people, the trees, the snow, the icicles hanging from the roof tops. These simple things get me out of my self-absorbed loop and help me to think about other things. It also reminds me that the world is not coming to an end, even if it may seem like it today. As Scarlet O’Hara said in Gone With the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.”

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2 - Get help

You don’t necessarily need professional help, but if you do, or if others who care about you are recommending it, then do it. Otherwise, find a group of people to keep you accountable. Get an exercise and dieting buddy. Find someone who is going to accept you, but also encourage you to do better. Find an older person, who’s got life experience and ask them to mentor you and help you get out of your self-absorbed box. Or if you are an older person, who doesn’t have much human contact and your are still able to get around, volunteer at a dog shelter, a newborn unit at the hospital or a school. All of these things get us outside our own boxes.

3 - Seek and Speak Truth

You know all those side effects you think you have because you got on the internet and looked up the medication the doctor gave you?

“Stop it!”

In reality, the side effects that are put on medications are put there to keep pharmaceutical companies from getting sued. The reality is the statistics on people who die or have severe reactions to medication are rare. It is an exception, not the norm. The same is true for so many aspects of life. As the saying goes, “Sh-t happens.” This is true, but most of the bad things that we think are going to happen, don’t. In addition, many of the bad things that happen to us we bring upon ourselves. Start researching what is true.

In addition start speaking truth:

“I am not perfect, but I am beautiful.”

“I don’t have a college degree, but I am smart.”

“I haven’t published a book yet, but I am not a failure.”

“I got mad at my husband, but I am a good wife who has bad days.”

“I yelled at my kids, but I am a good mom, even when I my hormones have me off kilter.”

Keep it real.

Demanding Our Rights

Once again, having rights is not a bad thing and an ideal that our founding fathers believed was very important for communities and nations to survive and thrive. However, the thought that the world owes us something is not truthful or beneficial. The mentality of, get it all and get it now, is also not an accurate way to approach life. How do we cope with these entitlement feelings we all have struggled with and still act like a caring, giving individuals?

1 - Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes

There is no greater preventative to a rights demanding mentality, than to put yourself in someone else’s place. Being in the service industry I have seen people at their best and at their worst. I don’t even think people realize how rude and obnoxious they are at times. I have had helicopter parents demand that their child’s book be given to them free because it wasn’t on the shelf when they came in to purchase it. I have had people accuse me of racism because when I explained the parameters of their rental book I told them they couldn’t spill their lunch on it. I tell this to every individual I rent a book to. At the end of the day, I am just another person trying to make my way in the world, just like everyone else.

When I feel like my rights are being infringed upon, or that I am being taken advantage of, I try to look at things with new glasses; someone else’s glasses. Thinking about where another person is coming from, not only enables us to view the world differently, but it may even move us to have compassion on another person. You never know what another person is dealing with in their life. They might be dealing with deep hurt or disappointment, or they may be experiencing grief, illness or pain. Having compassion and empathy gets us out of our rights loop and enables us to be better, more understanding individuals.

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2 - Recognize Rights Mean Responsibility

Having a right, does not give us a free pass to do whatever we want. In fact, having rights, means having responsibility. People who are for the right to bear arms, understand that owning guns means they are responsible to handle those guns safely and teach others that gun ownership requires safe handling and being responsible to use them wisely.

Many people think that demanding rights is a way to guarantee their freedom to choose to do whatever they want. The opposite is, in fact, true. Having rights means we are enslaved to the responsibility of using those rights for good, not merely personal gain.

So what does this have to do with our thought patterns and becoming better people. My daughter and I have both struggled with our weight. We both love food, especially things that are full of carbs. Bread, sweets, chips are all on our radar of things we love. At one point my daughter said she wanted to be able to eat whatever she wanted. You might think that being able to eat whatever you want is true freedom. However, true freedom lies in the ability to make the better choice. Even if we were able to eat whatever we wanted and never gain weight, does that make it right?

True freedom is the ability to not be bound by our appetites, whether it be food, sex, money, popularity, alcohol, Netflix or any other thing that can become an obsession.

“To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.”

— Virginia Wolf

Not Caring

It is easy to get into the mindset of not caring. When life gets busy, or overwhelming, sometimes it is easier to just give up. Who cares if I eat that whole bag of Twizzlers? I don’t care if my coworkers like me? I’m failing that class, so what?

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Take a look at a few of these quotes:

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.”

— Margaret Mead

“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.”

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community. ”

— Anthony J. D'Angelo

It is important to care. Often, we just need to revisit the why behind the what. In other words, ask yourself why you should care.

Why should you care about your health? Because you are a valuable person who probably has others depending on you and who care about you.

Why should you care what your coworkers think? Because you are part of a team. You can have a positive impact on the people you work with if you care.

Why should you care about your grades at school? Because every choice you make now, will affect the choices you make in the future.

Start thinking about why you should care and maybe that will reignite your ability to care.

Next week will be the final installment in this series on New Year, New Mind. I’ll be looking at setting goals and how to realistically keep them. I will also have some spiritual insights as well. I hope you like this look at renewing our minds. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.

Have a fantastic weekend and to all my northern and midwest friends, stay warm!

When Our Thoughts are a Train Wreck

Have you given any thought to your thoughts this past week? In last week’s introductory post, New Year, New Mind, I asked you to spend this past week thinking about what you think about. Most often it is our thoughts that sabotage our efforts to make our lives better, whether it be eating better, exercising more, getting rid of clutter, making new habits or just being more thankful or joyful.

I don’t know about you, but my thoughts often look just like this train wreck.

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Just how that train got where it got, from where it was coming from, is a mystery, but something definitely went wrong! That is just how our thoughts work. One minute we are fine. We are motivated, energized and raring to go conquer the world. The next moment we are a sobbing, angry, anxious train wreck. This week I would like to look at several areas of train wreck mentality.

Train Wreck #1 - Being Self Absorbed

We are all guilty of being self absorbed. Who hasn’t felt selfish, possessive, jealous or needy? Unfortunately, the train wreck of self absorption is reaching epidemic proportions. Let me break it down:

I’m too - These two little words lead to all sorts of inner focused thinking. I’m too fat. I’m too thin. i’m too tall. I’m too short. I’m too ugly. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m too dumb. I’m too tired.

In addition to the I’m too problem, there is the parallel Not Enough dilemma.

Not Enough - Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not loving enough. Not slim enough. Not organized enough. Not talkative enough. Not brave enough. Not motivated enough….you get the picture. I’m sure, if you are reading this post, you have heard these words in your own head. I certainly have. I have gone over and over the same tracks as the train of self absorption chugs along.

Not a good enough wife.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough grandma.

Not a good enough daughter.

Not a good enough Christian.

Not a good enough employee.

Not a good enough friend.

On and on it chugs along until suddenly it derails and there I am a self absorbed mess.

Have you really thought about how being self absorbed affects you? Not only does it cause physical issues, such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure and auto immune problems, it also causes a plethora of psychological and emotional problems, from anxiety disorder to narcissistic tendencies. Take a look at this interesting article from Psychology Today. While not the definitive authority on psychological disorders and treatments, I think the article makes a pertinent point.

“But what’s most fascinating to me here is that I haven’t seen discussed by writers on the subject just how many psychological dysfunctions can be accurately understood as “maladies” of self-absorption. From a variety of phobic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive impairments, to many depressive disturbances (including bipolar disorder), to various addictions, to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and to most of the personality disorders, self-absorption can be seen as playing a major (if not dominant) role. So any effective treatment of these dysfunctions needs to include significantly reducing these obsessively self-centered—and self-defeating—tendencies.”

— Leon Seltzer, PhD., Psychology Today (online) - Posted August 24, 2016

You can see the whole article here.

Our self absorption tendencies may just lead us to a bitter end.

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Train Wreck #2 - Demanding Our Rights

This one is a direct outcome of the first train wreck of being self absorbed. Let me say that people should have rights. Our country came into being and was founded on the idea that people should have a right to worship as they want. The men who authored The Declaration of Independence, felt that certain rights were so important, they were willing to go to war to ensure their solidity.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ”

— Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

However, the rights that Jefferson, Adams and others were referring too had to do with basic tenants of self-government, including freedom of religion, and the freedom to govern ourselves. When they were talking about government over themselves they weren’t talking about the rights that so many today are yelling about. They were talking about the right to work a job, own a home and yes, to even own a gun. The governing process had to do with community and country as a whole.

Today the rights battle continues as women seek equal pay for equal work, as well as equality on pricing of necessary products such as deodorant and razors. Did you realize that women usually pay more for these products? These desires are good. What becomes a problem is when the demand for rights is born out of a self absorbed mentality.

I want it and I want it now!! Watch this short video.

Isn’t this a perfect analogy of how thoroughly self indulgent we can be. Truly, aren’t we just a bunch of spoiled, rotten, children at times? Demanding our rights, and not taking into consideration the desires, needs and feelings of other people, is not what our forefathers meant when they brought the Declaration of Independence into fruition. A rights based mentality, must be balanced by an equally serious mentality of individual responsibility. An attitude of responsibility means that we cannot be self-absorbed.

Train Wreck #3 - Not Caring

This is probably the mentality that causes the most problems. When we are self absorbed at least we care enough about ourselves that we might still be willing to try to take care of ourselves. We might even be caring enough to care for other people. Demanding our rights means we still want something. We want something that is important enough to us to be willing to yell and fight for it. Unfortunately, when we get to the point where we no longer care, that is when trains derail and we crash.

Think about a time when you gave up, or you wanted to. How did you feel? How did that feeling change the way you were doing things? I have done the, counting calorie thing, many times over the course of my adult life. I have kept track, written things down, measured and tallied. No matter how many times I restarted, I always got to a certain point where I just didn’t care any more. I would lose a few pounds, feel better, fit into my clothes better and so on, but still, somehow or other, I would end back up at the same place.

I don’t care.

I can’t tell you for certain, why we often get to a point of not caring any more, but it does happen. I believe there are many reasons we get to this point in our lives. Fatigue, illness, relationship struggles, work problems, family crisis, national unrest, the list goes on. With our computers, televisions, smart phones and other instantaneous technology, we are constantly plugged in and on the spot. We see what is going on with everyone else and everyone else knows all our struggles as well.

We are finite, limited human beings and eventually all the input does its job of desensitizing us and bring us to that creaky bridge where our train begins to clackety clack across. Finally, the bridge drops out from beneath us and we plunge into the canyon of hopelessness and despair.

Who cares!

Why bother!

I give up!

When we get to this point, it is time to reevaluate how we got here.

Next week I’ll be sharing a video that I hope will make you laugh, but that makes a pertinent point that we can’t ignore and will hopefully give us hope to care again and start living a mentally healthy life.

Until then, have a great week and be careful, not to have a train wreck!

New Year, New Mind

I thought it would be beneficial to start 2019 with a series about our minds. Depending on how you feel right now, you might be thinking there won’t be much to talk about, because after the holidays there is not much going on in my tired brain. Ha, ha. However, as much as it feels that way, our minds are always busy, not only working around the clock to keep us going physically, but also working to keep us going mentally and emotionally.

When I was young, I used to think emotions were a part of us, but just sort of came out of nowhere. When I finally was taught that the brain actually has an emotional center, called the amygdala, I realized that God did, indeed, create our brains to process emotions. It is fascinating that the amygdala, which is a tiny, pea-sized, part of the brain, plays such a huge part in our lives. It is also interesting to me that the hippocampus, which is the main center for processing memories, is right next to the amygdala. If you think about it, most of our memories center around emotions.

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The start of a new year is the perfect time to think about our physical health. Most of us begin new routines, hoping to take off the pounds we put on at the holidays and get into a diet and exercise regimen that will lead to improved health. We also try to begin new habits, like a weekly cleaning routine for our homes or getting rid of clutter. This might also be a good time to think about our mental and emotional health. How often do you start a routine, with enthusiasm and motivation, only to have it stall out in just a few weeks? I know for me, this is more about my thought patterns than it is my ability to get up earlier to exercise.

“Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind.”

— Psalm 26:2 (ESV)

Have you ever had any of these thoughts cross your mind after a few weeks of trying to diet or take control of the clutter in your home:

I’ll just skip today. I’m too tired to exercise.

I’m stressed out, so I am going to eat this ice cream to feel better.

Life is too busy to go to the gym.

Why bother?

I can’t do this?

I won’t do this?

I have all of these thoughts, and more, on a fairly regular basis. The common factor in all of this is my mindset. If I am not sold out on doing something, I won’t do it. For that matter, even if I believe, and know, that it is something beneficial, I still won’t succeed, because my mind comes up with excuses or rationals for why I can’t or won’t. Our minds can sabotage our efforts before we even get started. My husband has a saying at this time of year, “My resolution is to not make any resolutions.” His reasoning is sound, he is a logic professor after all. Why make resolutions that are not going to be kept? Why set yourself up for failure and disappointment?

I believe that our minds are meant to know God and when they do, they delight in obeying His law. God’s law would include things that are beneficial for our well being, including physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Unfortunately, because we walk in the flesh we walk through life carrying a battlefield in our minds. We struggle to do what is right and good and best, but often fall short. Paul, the Apostle, fully understood this conundrum.

“ 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being,
23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.
24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

— Romans 7:22-24 (ESV)

Next week, I would like to delve into a few of the thought patterns that go on in our minds that easily thwart our efforts for self-improvement and can even be counter active and destructive. Until then, I’d like us to take this next week to think about what we think about. What are the regular thought patterns that go on in your head? What voices do you hear over and over? What sorts of thoughts set you up for failure? And finally, what do you think might be ways to turn those thoughts around?

I’d love to hear your feedback on the thought patterns you struggle with. Leave me your ideas in the comments.

Until then, have a great week!

The Light of Joy

One of the things about the Christmas season that I get very excited about is lights. I love the look of houses outlined in tiny specks of shimmering light, whether they are white, green, red or blue, I love them all. I enjoy driving home from somewhere and seeing how many houses are embellished with twinkling splendor. Now don’t judge me, but I also enjoy seeing Christmas trees inside people’s homes. It’s not that I am being nosy. After all, don’t we put our trees in windows for that purpose, so the outside world can see our beautiful displays of light?

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What is it about light that we so enjoy? I know that most of us would rather be out and about when it is day time. We enjoy when morning comes and feel loss at the slipping away of light as night time takes over. I personally have to convince myself that darkness is good and God allows the darkness so that we may rest. What I find fascinating about this God of ours is that He didn’t leave us in total darkness. He provided, even before sin became a reality, He provided the moon and the stars to rule the night, so even in darkness the light is still meant to preside.

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There is a lesson here for us, if we are willing to see it. Light is always present even in the darkness. Darkness is, for lack of a better definition, the absence of light. But even in the deepest and darkest dark, somewhere there is still light. If we lost all electricity, the sun would still rule the sky by day and the moon and stars by night. As long as God allows the planets, stars, moons and sun to hang in space, there will always be light. What if those things disappear, or burn out? What if there is nothing left, but darkness? That will never be the case, because God is light and in Him there is no darkness.

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When we think of Christmas we often have images of children playing, laughing and looking with awe and wonder at the lights and decorations. Can you even imagine a Christmas without the idea of child like joy being a part of it? I realize, not everyone grew up with wonder filled Christmases like many of us did. Some of you may not even celebrate Christmas or may think of it as merely an overly commercialized holiday meant to line the pockets of corporate America. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I think most of us can relate to the idea of joy.

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Joy is often misunderstood. It is regularly mistaken for happiness, but joy is eternal, whereas happiness is temporary. Let me see if I can explain this in a way that makes sense. Joy is light. Joy comes out in dazzling displays like fireworks and rocket launches, but it also twinkles like Christmas lights and candle flames. The difference is that when the fireworks and rockets are burned out and the Christmas lights break and the flame smokes, joy still shines. The reason for this came in the form of a bundled baby boy, born in a stable over two thousand years ago.

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No matter how deep the darkness is, joy still shines. There is no darkness or evil thorough enough to overcome joy. You might not feel like you have joy right now. Maybe you feel like you have never had joy, but you know those moments that bring tears to your eyes; those moments are shimmers of joy. You experience them when a movie has a happy ending or a musical movement runs together into a river of sound so beautiful it sweeps you along with it. You experience it when you come upon a breathtaking view or stand at the water’s edge when the sun begins its descent into a cloudless sea. This is joy.

Then when life tries to break you and you cannot hear the music or see the sunset, that is when you must reach back and in, deeper and deeper, to the event where joy first burst onto the scene of humanity. A virgin birth. Shepherds watching their flocks. Animals in the stable. A straw filled manger. This event was and is and evermore shall be the birth of joy. At that moment joy moved from happiness to an eternal possibility. Joy became the essence of bliss.

If you believe in that light, then even when all is dark, all you have to do is call his name. Jesus. And that light of joy will explode, once again in your soul and the darkness will scatter.

A Belief that Leads to Commitment

Commitment seems to be a thing of the past. How many people do you know that are going through divorces, or never made the marriage leap in the first place? How often do you run across people who have changed jobs more times than you can count or who have alienated their families due to disagreements or just different ways of looking at things? It seems that the concept of being committed, whether to a person, a job, the pursuit of a dream or a belief is becoming a way of thinking and living that is no longer looked upon as attainable.

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In relationships, people might struggle with commitment issues due to factors from their past, feelings from the present or fear of the future. It may be hard to make a commitment, when you grew up in a home that was affected by messy divorce. Anxiety over meeting new people, starting a new job or traveling to a new place might keep people from committing to a new significant other, applying for a job or moving to find a better economic situation. Often, it is easier to commit to what is already known, ie. a bad relationship, a lousy job or comfortable bad habits, than to change to something new.

I came across this quote from My Utmost for His Highest when I was reading today.

“To believe is to commit. In the area of intellectual learning I commit myself mentally, and reject anything not related to that belief. In the realm of personal belief I commit myself morally to my convictions and refuse to compromise. But in intimate personal belief I commit myself spiritually to Jesus Christ and make a determination to be dominated by Him alone.”

— My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers - November 6th

What I find fascinating and eye opening about these few sentences is that it seems to be easier to make a commitment in the first two areas, than in the third. When it comes to intellectual learning, I live with a philosophy professor. There are few who are as committed to intellectual learning as those who have studied the works of people long dead, like Aristotle, Plato, Nietzsche, and Kierkegaard. Learning is an activity that many commit themselves to, but we must ask the question are we more committed to intellectual pursuits than to people?

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Getting an education is important. Parents often push their children to do well in school and go on to college so they can have a career, get a good job and support themselves. However, I bet everyone of us knows a young adult who just can’t seem to make it in college, or who would rather start a band in their garage, than spend all that money to go to college where they end up with boat loads of debt and no guarantee of a job afterwards. I understand. More than a few young people have worked to get a degree and end up being a server at a restaurant because it pays better.

When we start talking about personal belief and committing ourselves to our convictions, I think that this too can be easier to actualize than making a commitment to a person. We hear get all sorts of input about people’s convictions. Many times convictions become a battle ground for differing opinions, which we have seen can lead to anger and even violence. Having personal convictions and beliefs are also important, but are they more important than having relationships?

When Oswald spoke about intimate personal belief, he suggests something more than an intellectual pursuit or a personal conviction. He is talking about a relationship. He says that when we have that intimate personal belief we are committing ourselves to Jesus Christ.

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Let’s take a closer look at some of the words used in this quote:

Intimate - Webster’s online dictionary defines this word in these ways:

- marked by a warm friendship developed through long association

- informal warmth or privacy

- engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations

- of a very personal or private nature

- marked by very close associate, contact or familiarity

These are not the actions of people who don’t have some sort of relationship.

When we talk about intimate belief we are talking about belief in a person, or in this case Jesus, who is trustworthy and with whom we are able to be ourselves.

Commit - Websters gives these definitions:

- to carry into action deliberately

- obligate or bind

- to put into charge or trust

- to obligate or pledge oneself

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When we commit to Jesus we are pledging ourselves to Him. This is not about our convictions or what we have learned or know. This commitment is a matter of choice and a matter of trust. In a sense we are to bind ourselves to Him.

Spiritually - Usually when we hear this word we think of that which is not physical. Typically we associate the term spiritual with things related to church, heaven, hell and the soul. As Christ followers most of us believe that we have a spirit and there is a Holy Spirit, who acts in accordance with the will of God the Father and who also translates the person of Christ into our own spirits. Spirituality is thought, by most to be a very intimate part of who we are. This would concur with Chamber’s idea that we are to commit ourselves spiritually, to Christ. This is the most intimate way to commit ourselves to another person.

Determine - When we determine to do something we are making a decision. This decision is come to after thought and contemplation. Usually, when we determine something it is because we have come to believe that this particular choice is what we want and what is best for us. We determine to eat better, exercise or get more sleep. We determine to not let anxiety run our lives. We determine to change, improve or become a better person.

In the same way when we commit to Jesus in spiritual intimacy we have made a choice that involves a relationship with Him. What follows in Oswald’s quote may make the hackles on your neck go up, but here it is.

Dominated - Oswald says that we are determined to be dominated by Christ alone. We hear this word most often in association with something negative. Women are dominated by men. Children are dominated by bullies. Third world countries are dominated by power hungry leaders. I’m sure given enough time we could come up with a long list of who’s dominating whom.

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Is Oswald loopy to think that we should determine to be dominated by Christ alone? I think not. I completely agree with him. Who better to dominate us than one who truly has our best interests at heart. This is not a domination as a dictator trying to turn us into mindless zombies. On the contrary, domination by Christ is a life of truest bliss and freedom.

The question then is this, do you have an intimate personal belief that has lead you to commit? I am using this in relation to our spiritual nature, but this could also be true in everyday life. Being committed to a person in a relationship, whether in marriage, as a parent or a child or in our friendships must come from an intimate personal belief that this person we are committed to is valuable. This holds true in our jobs or as we go about our busy lives. Every person we come into contact with has value and it is our belief that will determine how we commit to treating others.

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.”

— Psalm 37:5 (ESV)

“Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.”

— Psalm 31:5 (ESV)

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

— Proverbs 16:3 (ESV)

What Giants are you Fighting?

Last week I wrote a fictional piece that was based on a dream I had a number of years ago. At the time a girlfriend and I were doing a study by Mark and Patti Virkler titled, How to Hear God’s Voice. It was an eye opening study and I would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in delving deeper into their relationship with God. However, I will caution, this study is not for everyone. Some of Virkler’s practices and teachings might grate against those who are more conservative and traditional. It is my opinion that the concepts Virkler addresses are solidly backed by scripture and accountability, thus eliminating the possibility for misunderstanding or being led astray.

All that being said, at one point in the study, the author encourages the reader to ask God for dreams that are of Him and to journal and share those dreams with an accountability partner, which is imperative to the study. It was during this time, God gave me the dream about the giants. When I wrote the piece for last week’s post, which you can read here, I added a few details, but the essence and message of the dream is the same.

All of us are facing giants in our lives. Some of those giants may have us so entangled in their lies that we no longer realize they hold us captive. Many giants we face are brutal and ugly and others are merely just annoying, simply taking up large spaces in our homes and eating our food. In this post I would like to share with you a few of the giants I battle on a regular basis.

The Giant Called SELF

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This one is a doozy. He is huge and like an oversized octopus has his tentacles digging into everything. I find him lounging around my home, like he owns the place and am often at a loss as to what to do with him. However, the Bible is clear on the likes of this one.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,”

— Philippians 2:3a (NASB)

It says do nothing, from a selfish standpoint. That is pretty specific. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to do at least a few things from a selfish point of view?

I hear a giant growing.

I mean, isn’t my time, my time? Shouldn’t I be allowed to do what I want, at least once in a while? Don’t I get to wallow in the bad stuff that has happened to me? Don’t I get to voice my opinion? Don’t I have rights?

No wonder that giant has gotten so big.

Please don’t misunderstand there is a difference between taking care of ourselves and something called selfish ambition.

“ For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”

— James 3:16 (NASB)

Selfish ambition is a seed of self centeredness that is allowed to grow…well, into a giant. What ensues is disorder and every evil thing.

Let me give you an example that many of you might understand. In marriage there is little room for selfishness, yet so often it is self centeredness that leads to arguments, misunderstandings and eventual break downs of relationships. I know! I am married and I still battle with this giant almost every day in my marriage. I believe that is true for two reasons.

1. Satan hates marriage and has no problem creating havoc in a marriage.

2. Marriage and family is, perhaps, the toughest proving ground for living selflessly. After all, any time other people are involved that closely the giant of SELF is bound to interfere.

The Giant Called FEAR

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This giant may be a home dweller for some of you, but for me he just sort of comes and goes. He’ll pop up when I have to do something different from the usual, like go to the dentist or meet someone new. Sometimes, he comes around when it gets dark or just when I am going to lay down for the night. All too often he torments me when I am alone.

Once again, the Bible is clear on this as well.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I quoted this verse in the New King James Version of the Bible, because that is how I learned it. I love the focus that this verse has. God is not the one who makes us afraid. Fear is from Satan. God gives us power, love and a sound mind.

Start listening to the news and you can tell people are afraid. People are fighting for power, dying for love and taking meds and drugs to create a semblance of a sound mind. Satan created fear and he bases fear on lies. Lies that say if you don’t have money or power or this or that you won’t ever have security. Lies that say, if you don’t dress this way or do this or that you’ll never have love. Lies that also say if you don’t have it immediately you aren’t going to be happy or that get you to focus on details that don’t even matter to such an extent that you can’t sleep or eat or think straight.

This giant is persistent and without divine intervention will be a constant companion.

The Giant Called DESPAIR

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This is probably one of the hardest giants to fight. He usually doesn’t make an appearance until I am so worn down I have nothing left to fight with. He often takes over where the other two giants leave off. When I have become focused on myself and am obsessing over my fears, then he steps in and I become hopeless. He often brings up things from the past and leaves me feeling useless and used up.

The Bible is full of stories of people who were sad and despairing. Job, Esther, Ruth, Naomi, David and many others felt the weight of having their souls in despair.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.”

— Psalm 42:5 (NASB)

Often when this giant is looming over us, we don’t even know for sure why he is there, but one thing is often the case, we begin to doubt. We doubt God and all the promises He has made in His word. This doubt is like candy for Giant DESPAIR. He feeds off of our doubt. That is why the psalmist placed his hope in the Lord. Only the Lord is a steady rock in a very shaky world.

Next week I’ll be giving a few pointers for battles the giants we face in our lives. Until then, don’t give up the fight!

Gray

There are times where I feel gray. Being a fashion blogger I talk a great deal about color. Color is an important piece to the outfit equation. We usually don't say that an outfit has a non-color. Colors are colors and they all have names, whether it be orange, blue, pink or brown. We don't usually think of black or white as colorful, but they are made just as other colors from the absorption or refraction of light particles. 

It is interesting that colors have come to have certain associations. When we see red we might think of anger, as in a red head temper; or romance as in Valentine's Day. The color black can be classic and slimming in a pair of pants or hardcore and dark as in Goth. Yellow is sunny and elicits a feeling of summer. Light blue makes me think of the sky on a beautiful fall day, while red, white and blue remind us of the sacrifices many have made to give us freedom. 

But gray? What does that make you think of? What feeling does it draw from you? Sadness, depression or just a vague feeling of non-color. I actually own a number of gray tops, pants, shoes, bags and skirts. Gray is a wonderful color to pair with so many other colors whether it be classic and understated with black, or chic and elegant with yellow or purple. But gray as a feeling? Yeah, it's real. I feel gray. 

Some days, the gray is everywhere. The sky, the water, the land, my life, full of gray. Work, relationships, daily tasks, become a blend of various shades of gray. These are not shades of bad feelings, rather a lack of feeling. In some ways it is like being in a void, alone. They gray is not bad or good, it just is…just as I…am.

The gray becomes my focus, rather than remembering that gray is only a color. It doesn’t actually change the color of anything else. The trees are still green, my husband still loves me, my grandson is still a cutie, even when I feel gray.

Other days, the gray is rough, gritty and cold. It pierces my being like the gray steel edge of a knife. This gray is unyielding, demanding I bend to its force. Driving me to my knees. Down here, nose to the gray, hard, ground, I remember, once again to seek His face. The gray drives me to Him, searching, wanting, begging to feel anything other than shades of gray.

He brings light to the gray. He opens a tiny window in the heavy expanse of gun metal sky. He raises a flower of light from the flat gray beneath my face, reminding me this gray will not last. It will be blown away by the breath of the Almighty One. He chases away the gray, raises me to my feet and breathes light and color back into my gray soul.

“A gray day provides the best light.”

— Leonardo da Vinci

So, it’s okay to feel gray, once in a while. It is normal, just like the gray fog, dark clouds and leafless trees are all part of the progression of life. Today, I choose to be thankful for the gray. God is still there being the light and soon He will again break through the gray, waking me up to His beautiful color.

“Light arises in the darkness for the upright; He is gracious and compassionate and righteous.”

— Psalm 112:4 (NASB)

“Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

— John 8:12 (NASB)

“The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?”

— Psalm 27:1 (NASB)

Mulling It Over - Part 7

This is the final part in this series on 2 Timothy 2:20-26. If you are interested in the Parts 1 through 6, just click on each of the links. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Each week takes a look at one verse. Let’s dive in to this last verse in this chapter.

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“26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

— 2 Timothy 2:26 (NASB)

If you read last month’s post you know that the preceding verse emphasized gentleness as the cloak which correction should wear. Today’s verse is a continuation of that thought. If we are correcting with gentleness verse 26 can be the result. Let’s take this verse apart phrase by phrase.

…they may come to their senses…

First of all, let’s figure out who “they” are. “They” refers back to the previous verse and those that are being corrected or more specifically, “ those who are in opposition.” What were these people in opposition to? Remember, this book was written by Paul to Timothy, a young pastor of one of the early Christian churches. Timothy was dealing with many types of opposition, some of which was to his ability to lead a church because he was young. Paul reminds him in verse 24 to not quarrel with these people. Quarreling, most often, only brings about more problems.

People who are in opposition to us may be jealous, insecure, angry, impatient or any number of other attitudes. These do not necessarily have to be non-believers. Those who are in opposition to us could be people at church, people we work with or even people within our own families.

Now that we know who “they” are, what does it mean to say “may come to their senses?” Have you ever been a situation where volatile emotions begin to escalate quickly? If you have been on the receiving end of those volatile emotions you probably have observed that the ones becoming volatile are not always making sense. Often when our emotions become compromised, whether through overwhelming tragedy or circumstances beyond our control we lose our ability to think rationally. It is best, in these situations, to slow the situation down by being calm and responding with gentleness. When we respond in this way, we often allow people the time needed to regroup and come back to their senses.

This same idea is true with people who are adamantly opposed to Christianity. We will not win them by allowing our own emotions to become volatile and hateful. Those emotions will only give them a firmer foundation on which to base their own reasons to say no to Jesus. We want them to “come to their senses” with regard to the truth of the gospel and the best way to do that is through prayer and gentleness.

“…and escape from the snare of the devil…”

There are people who say there is no devil; that the reference is merely to a fiction made up by people who do not want to take responsibility for their actions. “The devil made me do it.” For those of us who are Christ followers, we do believe in a real enemy of Christ known by names such as Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan, and many others. This enemy is working in the spiritual realm to thwart the spread of the gospel and condemn the persons of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in the world we live in.

The snare’s that Satan’s sets are many, but generally involve lies and deception. His purpose is to prevent people from knowing the truth, that Jesus came to give His life for us and desires a relationship with us. Snares may involve lies about our standing before God, our purpose and the purpose of humanity and creation. His lies include words like secularism, humanism, and rights. There are aspects to all of these which are good, but more often they are a ploy to set our eyes on ourselves and the stand we took at the beginning of time to “be as God.”

“…having been held captive by him to do his will.”

What could be more disturbing than to be ensnared by an enemy who is so charming and subtle that even with the chains on our wrists and ankles we bend to do his will? Friends this isn’t just for those who don’t follow Christ. As Christians how many of us are ensnared to things like food, pornography, sports, hobbies or even our own creeds? Satan can just as easily use a Christian who is bound by legalism, as one who is bound by freedom.

Any of us can be held captive by our enemy, even those of us who are walking with Christ. Our enemy wants to hold us captive and he wants to hold others captive as well. But…

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”

— Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

Writer's Block and Another Piece of Pizza

I'm sitting here having major writing block. I know there are many things I could write about for a faith post, but my brain doesn't seem to be able to think of something at the moment. Sometimes the writing process just happens, like water running downhill. There is hardly any effort involved and obstacles are easily gone around or just flowed over. Other times, writing feels like walking up a steep staircase that goes on forever, after having run a marathon. Words don't always come, which is very frustrating for the one who desires to make writing their profession. 

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Fiction comes much more easily to me. Give me a word, an idea or a picture and I can usually throw myself into the middle of a scenario complete with characters, dialogue and action. The biggest problem between me and getting something published is a lack of discipline. As bad as I feel that I want it and as much as I know God gave me an ability to create and imagine interesting stories, I struggle with actually having the self-control to sit down and complete things. 

I have this issue in other areas of life. Eating, exercise, keeping a clean house, spending time in prayer and in God's word have all seen the ramifications of my wishy washy self-discipline. I will often begin a course of action, at least in my head saying,

"This time I am going to finish that story and submit it."

"Today, I'm going to eat better."

"Monday, I'll start my diet and exercise regimen."

"After I get through this week at work, I'll start doing my Bible reading again."

I have a feeling, many of you can relate to this ongoing dialogue in your head. Maybe you even say these things out loud to a person you've asked to be your accountability partner. Perhaps that person does a good job texting you, calling and making sure you are sticking to your plan...at least for a while, until their own lives fall into disarray and they, like you, jump the track. So how do we get off this hamster wheel of on again, off again self-control or self-discipline? 

1. Perhaps the first thing we need to do is admit we have a problem.

"Hi! My name is Amy and I am lazy, tired and addicted to chocolate and binge watching shows on Netflix."

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It would seem that most counselors agree that until we can admit we have a problem we can’t expect change to happen.

2. The second thing that might be important is to want change.

I do not believe this comes easily. Many of us are paralyzed by the prospect of change. We can say we want it, but do we really? Change is hard and there are not very many of us who like things that are hard. Let me just take my soft blanket and pillow and go hide in a warm, comfortable hole somewhere and I’ll be good.

I really believe we have to ask God for the desire to change. Only He can give that to us. Left up to my own devices, I will repeatedly return to my bad habits, or in many cases my sins.

3. Thirdly, we need to recognize temptation.

Here is a piece from a devotion by Oswald Chambers:

“The word temptation has come to mean something bad to us today, but we tend to use the word in the wrong way. Temptation itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human. Not to be tempted would mean that we were already so shameful that we would be beneath contempt. Yet many of us suffer from temptations we should never have to suffer, simply because we have refused to allow God to lift us to a higher level where we would face temptations of another kind.”

— My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chamber - September 17

Temptation is part of life. What I find myself doing is looking at certain things as temptations and others as just normal desires. What I need to do is start recognizing the temptations for what they are. Look at this scenario:

I love pizza.

We have pizza for dinner.

I’m on my third piece and thinking about the fourth.

It’s just a piece of pizza, right? No worries.

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Is it really just a matter of I should be able to eat whatever I want and how much I want or has it become a matter of gluttony? Once I have identified the temptation, in this case the temptation to be gluttonous, I have a better chance of turning away from that particular temptation. It might be hard at first, but the journey begins with that first step.

4. No matter how many times I fall off the wagon, I need to keep trying.

It is very easy to give up. Even if it is only for a weekend, but a weekend turns into a week, turns into a month and so on. The whole idea behind self-control or self-discipline, is that we have to make a choice and we have to care. If we give up caring about trying to do better, be better, live better, we will end up on a one way street towards difficulty. That difficulty may manifest itself in poor health and weight gain, or in never writing that book that God really wanted you to write.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

— Galatians 2:20 (NASB)

The Closet

The crying closet is a place for Ugly-Beautiful.*

I go into its darkness when I can no longer face the lostness.

I am done in; broken; spent; unable to bear one more straw.

It is in the crying closet He meets me.

He sits beside me in the chaos of hanging clothes, shoe boxes and puffy sleeping bags.

He holds my hand and lets me cry.

"I can't do this! I can't take it any more! The Ugly-Beautiful* is too ugly; too big; too overpowering! Where is the beautiful?"

When my sobs have turned to shivering gasps, He speaks.

He reminds me - He is the Ugly-Beautiful* - the God made man; the man made sin.

He knows there is no Ugly-Beautiful* that is too ugly, too big, or too overpowering.

He pulls my head against His shoulder and breaths...

....rest into my spentness;

....wholeness into my brokenness;

....beautiful into my ugly.

Written by Amy D. Christensen (8/13/12)

* The term Ugly-Beautiful is taken from One Thousand Gifts by Ann VosKamp.

Mulling It Over - Part 6

I am taking an in depth look at 2 Timothy 2:20-26. This week I am going to focus on verse 25.

“25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,”

— 2 Timothy 2:25 (NASB)

Last time I looked at verse 24 and we saw a number of specific commands with regards to the Lord's bondservant. You can see that post here. I explained that a bondservant is one who is sold out to Christ and calls Him Lord and Master. It is this bondservant that Paul continues to address in this next verse. In verse 24 Paul explains that Christ's bondservant is to not be quarrelsome, kind to all, able to teach and patient when wronged. Now we see in verse 25 the main emphasis is on the characteristic of gentleness. Let's define that word.

According to Webster's online dictionary the word gentleness can be define in these ways: belonging to a family of high social station; chivalrous; honorable or distinguished; kind or amiable; docile; free from harshness, sternness or violence; soft or delicate; moderate. 

This verse speaks to the idea of correction, but correction done with gentleness. Think about how you as a parent correct your children. I, unfortunately, was a yeller. I disciplined out of anger, not love and gentleness. I honestly believe, looking back, I did more to harden my children's hearts towards God, rather than encouraging them to desire a relationship with Him. But rather than spend my time being sad and discouraged, I decided that I would use my experiences to try to teach others, there is a better way. That is the way of gentleness.

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The verse says, "with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition,". Before I go further down this road, let me show you a few other scriptures related to gentleness. 

“You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great.”

— Psalm 18:25 (NASB)

Gentleness makes us great? Huh. Who would have thought that?

“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

— Galatians 5:22-23 (NASB)

Gentleness is not something we conjure up ourselves, it is a fruit of His Spirit. 

“But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.”

— 1 Timothy 6:11 (NASB)

It is something we are to pursue. If it is the case that it is a fruit of His Spirit and we are to pursue it, then we ought to be regularly in contact with the Spirit through study of God's word and prayer.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

— Proverbs 15:1 (NASB)

Gentleness is capable of changing a situation.

I wish I would have really understood how this idea of gentleness works. When gentleness is used in a situation where correction is involved I believe it will result in a quicker and smoother resolution to the conflict. Have you ever been in a situation where you are confronted by someone who is very angry. Once in a while in my work as a retailer, a customer will be upset and angry about how a transaction was handled, the price of books or a communication problem. It is easy to let things escalate and get out of hand. However, I have found that responding in a soft, gentle way, and agreeing with the customer that their feelings are legitimate helps the situation to come back to a workable level. 

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Having to correct someone is hard. Being a parent is hard and correcting your children can be a difficult thing, especially when they are older. Using a gentle hand rather than a harsh one will help maintain your relationship with your child and keep the communication lines open. This is also true for managers with their employees and people in the service industry with their customers. 

Looking at the rest of the verse we see that our ability to be gentle has a purpose in God's greater plan. That is, our use of gentleness may actually help to lead a person to the repentance which leads to knowledge of the truth. When correction happens in an environment where a person feels comfortable and valued, there is a better chance that a person will listen to further instruction and advice from the same person. When a child feels loved and cared for, even when a parent disciplines him or her, the child will feel comfortable listening to their parents leading and instruction.

We know ultimately, God is the one who draws people to Himself, but our ability to be gentle as we go through life, might provide an environment where God's Spirit will bring understanding and revelation. 

The Secrets We Carry and the Scars We Wear

I am not sure how to start this post, other than to come right out and say, some of us have secrets. They are secrets we never thought we were going to have to keep. Dark secrets. Secrets that should not have to be kept. Secrets that should not have to be carried. You see, sometimes the secrets we carry are stories. Stories of the past. Stories of things that happened. Things we don't talk about, at least not enough. Often, they are not our stories to tell. Sometimes we are witnesses, or maybe we became burden bearers to help another carry the secret that has become a battle scar on their soul. 

Too often, I hear well intended people say, "Let it go." "You'll get over it." "Move on." "It's not your cross to bear." But really, who are you to tell me that? Are you God, that you know which cross is mine and which is not? No, you are not. 

There are battles that are fought, on plains some of you will never know. Please do not categorize my war wound with your paper cut. It is not the same. Yes, we can all say, we have been hurt. We can all probably say we have fought some sort of battle and probably have a scar or two. However, God has set some of us apart. Some of us have lost limbs. Some of us wake up every morning hoping that the nightmare we had wasn't true, but every morning remember that it is. 

God has set some of us apart to bear scars. That is just the way it is. Yes, the wound will heal, but there will always be a scar. That scar is a reminder of so many things. It is a reminder of what could have been, but will never be. It is a reminder that God, who is sovereign and good, does not always withhold what is ugly and bad. It is a reminder of a time when innocence was nailed to a cross and sin won, even if only for a time. People say, "Your scars are beautiful." No, not really. Scars are pretty ugly. Sometimes even after they are completely healed, they throb, a constant reminder that all that was intended to be beautiful became ugly.

We could ask the question, why? Why does God allow some to wear the scars like armor plating and others to have little, if any, scars. 

“6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. 7 The Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it.” 8 The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil.” 9 Then Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing? 10 Have You not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But put forth Your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You to Your face.” 12 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power, only do not put forth your hand on him.” So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.”

— Job 1:6-12 (NASB)

Job was a man who seemed to have everything. He was wealthy. He owned land and animals. He had a wife and family that he found true joy in. But, one day that was all swept away from him by a windstorm of the enemy so strong that it took his wealth and all of his children. His entire family and way of life was decimated. Though he and his wife survived, their pain endured. The thing I find most fascinating is this:

“20 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. 21 He said,

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

22 Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.”

— Job 1:20-22 (NASB)

Four things stand out to me in these verses:

Job Worshipped

For real? How did this man, who had just lost everything, worship? When tragedy strikes it is not often our response to praise and worship God. More likely, we shake our fists at Him and ask, why? Why did You let this happen? Why didn't you stop it? You are almighty, why couldn't You have intervened? Why? Why? Why?

He Blessed God

He acknowledged God's sovereignty by admitting that it was God who gave the abundance and God who could and did take it away. He then says, "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

He Did Not Sin

There are many ways, Job could have sinned. In the very next chapter we see that the enemy again is allowed to strike Job, this time against his physical body with sores and boils. I think his wife had had enough by this point:

“9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” 10 But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”

— Job 2:9-10 (NASB)

Cursing God, would certainly be on the top of the sin list. But Job didn't do that.

He Did not Blame God

Knowing that God is sovereign and that sovereignty by its very definition means that He controls all things, or He at least allows or disallows, as we saw in the the first portion of Job. He allowed Satan to afflict Job, first by taking his wealth and family and then by taking his health. In a sense, didn't Job have a right to blame God? If God is indeed the filter through which all things, both good and bad come into our lives, don't we have a right to shake our fist at Him and ascribe blame?

You might think I am bordering on blasphemy, but I am trying to make a point. It is easy to go down a path of anger and bitterness when bad things happen. It becomes even more difficult to carry these burdens, seemingly alone, when we cannot share a particular tragedy with others. There are a few important points to remember when faced with personal tragedy.

1. Look at the Whole of Scripture for Answers.

Taking one scripture, chapter or book and focusing on it alone, is not always the best idea. If people only read the Old Testament they would think of God as an overbearing being, who played with people's lives however He willed. The New Testament must also be considered to have a better understanding of who God is and how much He really does love us. 

“28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28 (NASB)

This verse is just as true as the verses above that tell us this same God let Satan beat up one of His most faithful servants. This same God who allows or disallows the scars and the secrets we have to carry is the God who works all these things for good. This same God who allows or disallows the tragedies also calls us and gives us a purpose. This leads me to the next point.

2. Sometimes the Scars are the Purpose.

None of us want to have scars. No one wants to have to carry dark, painful secrets, but often these burdens are placed on us to allow us the opportunity to grow more dependent on Him. There is nothing more important to God than His relationship with us. However, He is also a holy God and that holiness is extremely important to Him. He demands it of us, but the beauty of this omniscient, omnipotent being is that He gives us the ability to be holy through the blood of Jesus. This connection we have with His holiness enables us to bear the scars and carry the secrets.

Our scars and the burden of carrying secrets can make us more sensitive to the difficulties and heartbreak that other people are going through. God uses our scars to help others who are wounded and broken. 

3. Place Your Complete Trust in Him.

“5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.”

— Proverbs 3:5-8 (NASB)

A God who is trusted is also a God who heals. Yes, the scars will always be there, until we stand before His throne, but it is then that we will see how He used those scars to work out His good will in our lives and in the lives of those around us. 

If you are carrying secrets that seem to heavy to bear, don't lean on your own understanding. Lean on Him. He will help you carry them. 

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

— Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

Ready to Die

Dust and smoke rose into the air, creating a haze so thick the sun could barely penetrate. They had been fighting for days. Days that seemed to go on forever. They would push forward, but the enemy's forces always seemed able to push them back. She thought they were prepared for this battle. Her father, the King had thought they were ready, but now she wasn't so sure he had been right.

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The enemy soldiers were not like any other she had fought. They had battled against them previously, but something had happened in those months since that prince of darkness had taken her daughter. She wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was because they were in his territory. Maybe it was due to the long journey their own army had to traverse to get here. Whatever, it was, she did not feel confident in their ability to win this battle. 

The thought made her cringe. How could she even be thinking these thoughts. She had never struggled with doubt before. She always had been confident in her Father's abilities as both a King and a commander. Now, however, doubts seem to plague her like some sort of blister on her foot and she had a lot of those. Her feet hurt. Her legs were stiff and her arms felt like lead. Fatigue filled her being from toes to fingertips.

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Now, her small battalion was surrounded. She was not even sure how it happened. They began the day's fighting in the clear, but now they were backed up against a canyon wall. They were hemmed in on every side. The only thing that kept them from being slaughtered was that they were on the high ground. Every time the enemy tired to attack, they sent a volley of arrows flying and the enemy retreated, but their arrows were running out. 

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"Your highness?" One of her men had come up behind her.

"Yes?"

"We only have enough arrows for one more attack...then..."

She knew the time had come. She had to make the choice to surrender or to go down fighting. She turned to face the soldier.

"I want you to bring the men together. I want to speak to them."

The soldier nodded, bowed and quickly left her.

She went to her knees. "Father, I know you cannot hear me, but wherever you are, I want you to know how much I love you and how much I look up to you. I know that I have been angry, frustrated and impatient in this mission to rescue my child, but you have never wavered and for that I am thankful. I know there is no way out of this. My child might be dead and soon that will be my fate as well, but I will never surrender to that vile, son of filth. I will go down fighting. Thank you for never giving up on me."

Tears, brimmed her eyes. She clenched her fists rising to her feet. Turning, she went to where the men were assembled. She was shocked at how very few of them were left. She stood before them, her head high.

"I would like to offer you hope. The hope that I give you is not hope for life, but hope to die with honor. Today, we are going to die, but you have a choice in how you do it. You can go out cowering, or you can go out, sword in hand, taking as many of those cursed vermin as possible before you fall. If you do that, I will be proud. If you do that, my father will be proud."

Her voice grew loud and her words were clear. "Today, let us die, for the sake of our King!"

She raised her sword and the men raised their's, voices matching hers; a chorus of rebellion they hoped the enemy would hear.  

It was not long before they saw the dust of their enemies' horses, filling the small valley below their sacrificial high ground. She instructed the men to form two lines. The first line was made up of the remaining archers. They went down on one knee, nocking their arrows as they did. The second line was made up of what was left of the battalion. She knew they had no chance, but they would die with honor, fighting for their King, her father. 

"Hold steady archers!" Her voice rang out even as the noise rose ushered in by the approaching chaos. "Hold until I give the order!"

Closer the dust came and along with it the sound of pounding hooves, a battalion of enemy riders bringing death.

Her heart beat rose and sweat mingled with the dirt and grime trickling down her neck. It felt itchy. Funny, she thought, the things one thinks about before one dies. 

Suddenly, the sky seemed to turn dark. She lifted her eyes up and saw shadows coursing through the sky over her head. She felt confused, but then those shadows became the solid forms of horses and their riders. Her heart sank. They were surrounded...

But wait! Those riders wore the King's colors!

Her men looked just as confused as she felt, but more and more shadows flew overhead, diving straight into the approaching storm. She heard a shout.

"Daughter!"

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A dusty figure on his steady mount appeared behind her. It was her father, the King.

He smiled at her, then held down his hand. Pulling her up onto his horse, he commanded others of his battalion to take up her remaining men. Once all the were mounted with other soldiers, the King raised his hand and his voice.

"This ends now!"

(This was a fictional work by Amy D. Christensen)

*     *     *     *     *      *

This fictional work is meant to remind you, when all seems lost, the King is behind you. When the dust storm of the approaching enemy brings you to the end of yourself, the King is above you. When you are severely outnumbered and you have very little left to fight with, the King is diving in ahead of you. He will be there for you, every day, every hour, every battle and especially when you finally lay down your weapons and face the last enemy of death. 

“ ....I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

— Matthew 28:20 (NASB)

For the other parts in this fictional series, click on the links below. 

Part 1: Return to Battle

Part 2: A Father's Perspective

Part 3: Waiting

Too Tired to Cope

The other day my grandson and husband were having a pillow fight. The giggling and verbal noises got rather silly and loud, when all of a sudden I hear my hubby say, "What happened, did the pillow get you in the eye?" I went in to see what was up and my grandson was in a fetal position on the couch, tears running down his face. After trying to get him to calm down and looking at his eye, I determined no real damage was done, other than some amount of pillow fuzz that his eye would eventually wash out naturally. However, my grandson could not stop crying. I tried to console him and asked him if there was something else bothering him and all I could get out of him was, "I don't know," with more tears. Finally, I made him lay down on the couch and left him alone, to try to let him sort out his own issues. He fell asleep!

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Have you ever felt that way? As though something terrible has happened, when in reality the worse part of your day was eating that ice cream sandwich when you were really trying to be good on your diet? Often, life gets brutal and we get a poke in the eye and anyone who's been through it, knows that is not pleasant. Usually, we just keep blinking and get on with our busyness without really taking stock of how tired or worn down we might be. Little kids seem to get it. They know when they are tired and they've had enough they need to take a nap...often they don't want to and usually as parents we can tell and promptly lay them down for a much needed rest. Unfortunately, when children get older, they abhor naps, even though they still might need one once in a while. 

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The same is true of us as adults. We go and go and go and go. Even when tragedy strikes we keep moving, doing, working, puttering, just so we don't have to face the shadows of our back stories. We have all manner of struggles, from childhood abuse, to rebellion in our own children, to grief from the sudden loss of a loved one. Here in the U.S. we have a tendency to not let our vulnerability show. I've noticed this in my grandson. If he's hurt, he usually shakes it off and says, "I'm fine!" So often we don't want to admit that, yes, it does hurt and it hurts so bad that I don't know if I will ever recover. Unfortunately, the way to rest, peace and a better life is being willing to admit when we are weak.

“It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.”

— Psalm 127:2 (NASB)

Take a closer look at this verse from Psalm 127. Rest is so important. Last week I talked about mental exhaustion, but today's thought is with regard to actual physical exhaustion. What this verse seems to be telling us is that even in our sleep God is ministering to us.

I don't sleep as well as I used to. I used to lay down and I would be out before my hubby even turned off the light. He has never been a good sleeper. Now that I have more nights tossing and turning or getting up to use the bathroom, I am beginning to see the toll that lack of good sleep has on a person. God has His reasons for what He does. Maybe as we age, He wakes us up to move us to pray. It seems there are always people to pray for. Or maybe it is that He wants our complete and total dependence. I know on those days that I don't sleep well, I am constantly going back to the verse:

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

— Philippians 4:13 (NASB)

I like knowing that when I am asleep, He is giving to me. What a blessing.

There are no easy answers to this thing we call life and the fatigue we often feel as we are traveling this road, but there are things we can do to help.

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1. Make taking care of yourself a priority. 

I get it ladies. We often give and give and give, until we are dead on our feet, but not taking the time to care for ourselves might lead to someone else having to take care of us. How should i take care of myself? By doing things physically, mentally and emotionally that will benefit you.  Exercise, eating well, getting enough rest (that may mean sleep or it may not, but at least resting), do things you enjoy...sew, read, swim, dance, listen to music, write, get together with friends, watch a movie, go for a walk. There are many things we can do to feel better and take time for ourselves. 

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2. Be honest with yourself and others.

Don't kid yourself. If you are tired, admit it. If you are sad, embrace it. If you are angry, stomp your feet and yell at the sky. Be real with yourself and let the people who love and care about you know what is going on. I have a tendency to keep silent when things are bothering me. I also, tend to keep pushing even when I am tired. Letting my spouse or my daughters know when I need a break or even getting them involved in making myself a priority is helpful. My older daughter and I go for walks with her dogs. My husband has learned to listen to my rants, and my younger daughter, not only thanks me for all the babysitting I do, but she tries to find alternatives when she needs extra help.

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3. Don't carry guilt.

Guilt is meant to be associated with sin. If you have done something wrong, then you should feel guilty, but taking time for yourself is not cause for guilt. Believe me, I know, people will try to make you feel guilty. The world tries to make us feel guilty. We are surrounded by the fabric of "not enough" day in and day out, but that is not from God. The guilt we have when we lie, or cheat, or hurt someone is deserved, but the guilt we feel for going out to eat instead of cooking dinner after a long day, or for a piles of laundry, dirty toilets and stacks of dishes is not worth the energy or time of feeling guilty. 

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4. Don't second guess God.

How much energy do you put into wondering if you did the right thing? I find this rather amusing, and I am guilty of doing it myself. We second guess God. "Are you sure this is what you want me to do?" "Aren't I supposed to be doing something besides being a mom, a housewife or working this job?"

This quote is very appropriate to the idea that even though we may mess up, God is still the one calling the shots. Perhaps we would feel more rested if we just rest in Him rather than trying to take responsibility for everyone and everything. 

I hope this day will offer you the opportunity to rest, relax and recharge physically, mentally and emotionally. And if you find yourself crying for seemingly no reason, maybe it is time to take a nap. 

Mulling It Over - Part 5

It is that time of month again, where I take a look at a particular portion of scripture and ruminate on it by tearing it apart verse by verse. For those of you who following me regularly you know I have been wading through 2 Timothy 2:20-26. The books of 1st and 2nd Timothy were written by Paul to Timothy a young pastor of a growing group of believers in the early church age. The books were written to encourage Timothy in the face of disgruntled church members. Not only were there members who looked down on Timothy because he was young, but there were members who were living a less than moral life style.

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“20 Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor.
21 Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. 22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
23 But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels.
24 The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,
25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,
26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

— 2 Timothy 2:20-26 (NASB)

You can see my musings on the first four verses by clicking on each of the links. Week 1 - Verse 20, Week 2 - Verse 21, Week 3 - Verse 22, Week 4 - Verse 23. Today I'll be discussing Verse 24.

“24 The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,”

— 2 Timothy 2:24 (NASB)

Before we look at the traits of a bondservant we should take a moment to define what a bond-servant was in the New Testament time period. Note the following quotes from an online article regarding the role of a bondservant. 

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“The term “bondservant” in the New Testament (bond-servant or slave in some translations) is a translation of the Greek word doulos. Unlike perceptions of modern slavery, bondservant or doulos is a relatively broad term with a wider range of usage. In the time of the New Testament a bondservant could refer at times to someone who voluntarily served others. In most cases, however, the term referred to a person in a permanent role of service. A bondservant was considered the property of a Roman citizen, holding no right to leave his place of service.”

— from an online article "What is a bondservant?..." compellingtruth. org

“In many New Testament books, the word bondservant was used in reference to a person’s commitment to Jesus. Most of Paul’s letters begin by referring to himself as a servant of Christ Jesus. James and Jude, half-brothers of Jesus, both refer to themselves as Christ’s bondservants. The apostle Peter called himself a “servant and apostle””

— online article "What is a bondservant?..." compellingtruth.org

“The importance of these New Testament authors referring to themselves as bondservants should not be overlooked. Despite proclaiming a message of freedom from sin in Jesus Christ, these writers were dedicated to Jesus as their one master. Further, their service to the Lord was not one they could consider leaving. Just as a bondservant was more than an employee who could leave for another job, these Christians were servants who could never leave their master for another.”

— online article "What is a bondservant?..." compellingtruth.org

If you are a committed Christ follower, then you could say you are His bondservant. It is something I struggle to be, in all honesty. I want to be committed 100% to my Savior and yes my Master...I am not afraid to use that word. We live in a world where the idea of calling someone Lord or Master is not pleasant and truth be told, there is no master that is worthy of our life's commitment other than Jesus. However, there is a disconnect between saying I want to be a bondservant and actually being one. Let's see what the qualities are of one who calls Jesus Master.

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1. Not quarrelsome.

Okay! I am disqualified already. How about you? As a wife, do you ever find yourself quarreling with your spouse? I think most of you know what the word quarrel means. It is not just a matter of disagreeing with someone. We often disagree with our bosses, other employees, our parents and people we are following on social media, but we don't necessarily quarrel with them. When we quarrel we are trying to make our point, not only heard but adhered to. 

Why do you supposed Paul brought up this particular characteristic with Timothy? I personally do not believe Timothy was a quarrelsome chap. In fact, I think it was because people in his congregation were opinionated troublemakers that Paul encouraged Timothy...don't even go there. It won't get you any where. Just like we looked at last month to refuse ignorant and foolish speculations, so too, we should not allow ourselves to become participants in quarreling. 

I find this is incredibly hard with our significant others. We often feel, that we have a right to spew at them, because, after all we are married and they have to take the good with the bad. I hate to tell you ladies, as the Lord's bondservants we are not to be quarrelsome, end of discussion!

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2. Kind to all.

Does that mean everyone? Yes. Does that mean that person at work that I absolutely can't stand? Yes. Does that mean that teller at the bank who is always grumpy and scowling? Yes. Does that mean that person I thought was a friend that talked about me behind my back? Yes. 

Kindness is one of the fruits of the spirit. 

“ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”

— Galatians 5:22 (NASB)

What that means is we have the ability to be kind, all the time, to everyone. Once again, the fruit of the Spirit is His fruit. It grows in our lives as we become better and better at abiding in Christ. As His bondservant we must be kind to all. 

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3. Able to teach.

We could argue on this point that not everyone can be expected to teach, because not everyone has the gift of teaching. However, I would like to interject that we are all capable of teaching by example. You may not be gifted to stand in front of people and give a lecture like my husband is. You may not be good at leading a small group and explaining to others what a Bible passage means, but you can be an example of love and kindness to your children or your grand children. You might be able to teach a younger woman how to cook, take care of her first child or patch a hole in her husband's sock. The point is patience and willingness. We can all be teachers of this type by merely being willing to take the time to show others love and kindness. 

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4. Patient when wronged. 

This is right up there with not being quarrelsome in the hardness factor. We live in a society based on rights. If you hurt me, I have the right to seek retribution whether by payment or incarceration. I am not saying criminals should not be punished. However, there are times that we as the body of Christ are just as hard or harder on our own brothers and sisters when they have wronged us as the penal system is on a criminal. 

I am sure Timothy, as a young pastor had to endure a plethora of wrongs done against him by his own flock. Paul's advice to him is just as pertinent to us today. It is not easy to be hurt or wronged and then patient in the face of it. We want an instantaneous fix. We don't want to be mercy showers and wait for God to move in, not only the other person's life, but ours as well. God is on our side. He is just and merciful and we need to trust Him when faced with this sort of difficulty. It is never the case that only one person has been hurt. 

“13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

— I Corinthians 13:13 (NASB)

If you feel a tad bit convicted after reading through these four characteristics of a bondservant of Christ, then know you are not alone. I am walking this journey with you. I am glad that He is long suffering and He keeps working on us, after all we call Him Master. 

I'm So Tired! Five Ways to Recharge Mentally.

Are you tired? I know I am. I know my husband is. I know many people who are intimately familiar with fatigue. What makes us so tired? Is it poor choices, like not eating well and not getting enough sleep? Maybe we are tired because we don't sleep, experiencing night after night being wide eyed and restless. Perhaps we are tired because of stress. Our jobs, families and difficulties can leave us feeling depressed and less energetic. Simply put, life is a problematic piece of the fatigue puzzle. 

The Apostle Paul was familiar with fatigue. 

“4 but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses,
5 in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, ”

— 2 Corinthians 6:4-5 (NASB)

“24 Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes.
25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep.
26 I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren;
27 I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.
28 Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches.”

— 2 Corinthians 11:24-28 (NASB)

With all of the things he went through don't you think he probably felt a bit tired? Yet, we don't hear Paul give up. The fatigue that becomes most difficult is the kind where you want to give up.

Before I offer a few suggestions on how to deal with this sort of fatigue, I want to say that it is very important to know where your fatigue is coming from. If you are dealing with illness, depression, anxiety or other major issues, please seek the advice of a trained physician and counselor. These people will help to diagnose your fatigue and help you manage it in a way that gives you better quality of life. 

For the rest of us tired people, I'm sure you have read the articles and seen the advice on how to  get a better night's rest. The kind of fatigue I want to speak to is that which is mental, more than physical. For mental fatigue, I think it is more important to find things that will recharge us, in addition to working on those things that will give us better physical rest. Here are a few suggestions to combat mental fatigue. 

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1. Unplug.

You've heard this many times, but it is worth saying again. Get off your cell phone, i-pad, computer and other electronic devices. Our brains are not wired to receive constant input. Our minds are in need of output as well, whether it be doing a cross word puzzle, trying to cook a meal or put an outfit together, our brains benefit from being used, rather than just soaking in information. 

“All things are wearisome;
Man is not able to tell it.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing,
Nor is the ear filled with hearing.”

— Ecclesiastes 1:8 (NASB)

Even before the invention of our electronic devices, Solomon knew that the eyes are not satisfied with seeing, nor are the ears filled with hearing. In other words, no matter how much information we look at or hear we still aren't going to know it all or be completely satisfied. God never intended that we find satisfaction and peace in anything other than Him. 

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2. Unwind.

Find ways to unwind and relax. My husband and I both love the outdoors. Whether it is sitting out on our little patio on a lovely summer evening, going for a walk or camping. We find that reconnecting with the natural world around us, helps us to relax and bring our stress levels lower. 

“Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.”

— Psalm 34:14 (NASB)

Unwinding is a way of seeking peace from the hectic life so many of us live. I believe that we are to seek peace, not only between people, but in our inner selves.

What do you like to do to unwind? Dancing, swimming, listening to music, reading a book are all healthy ways to reduce the mental stress and fatigue we so often feel. 

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3. Exercise.

I'm preaching to the choir here, ladies and gentlemen. It might seem counterintuitive to exercise when you feel tired, but for most forms of fatigue, including physical and mental, exercise actually helps your body to better cope with added stress and the challenges of daily life. Aerobic exercise helps to bring blood to all the places in your body that need it, especially your brain. Your brain also benefits from focusing on something other than the chaos around you. 

“For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”

— 1 Corinthians 6:20 (NASB)

4. Do something different.

You have probably heard that it is important for our brains to learn new things. This gives our brains the ability to continue growing and developing rather than stagnating. Doing something new, learning a new hobby, taking a class are all ways we can keep our brains healthy. 

For me, having a blog has been a real brain stretcher. I am anything but techie and I have had to learn how to navigate the internet, copy links, edit and post photos (or at least post my daughter's amazing pics and others I grab off Pixabay), as well as do collaborations with retailers and more recently use a smart phone! Ha, ha. I have learned so much.

You certainly don't have to start a blog, but how about taking a class? Many communities offer classes for adults through their senior centers, zoos and even colleges have more affordable classes for older adults on history, philosophy and other interesting topics. 

“A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,”

— Proverbs 1:5 (NASB)

Once again, it may seem like the wrong thing to do when you are already feeling mentally overwhelmed. The point is not to add more stress, but to give your brain new, different and exciting things to think about. 

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5. Seek God.

This is probably the most important out of all of these points. Who better to give you peace and recharge your mental batteries than the one who created you? Seeking God through prayer, reading and meditating on scripture, worship and thanksgiving, will not only remove you temporarily from the craziness of life, but it will remind you of who is really in control and who has your back! 

“The afflicted will eat and be satisfied; Those who seek Him will praise the Lord. Let your heart live forever!”

— Psalm 22:26 (NASB)

What I Learned from a Grapefruit

There are lessons to be learned in all areas of life. We can learn from classes, books, videos and computers. We can learn from people, animals and even plants, but a piece of fruit? Go figure. I am always amazed at God's ability to speak into my life in the most random ways. Yes, He uses His word, but like so many, I am busy and don't always crack open my Bible. Often, unfortunately, it might be days before I look at the Word of God. However, God still miraculously speaks, even when I am not listening or looking for Him. 

This morning, I decided to eat the last grapefruit that had been sitting in my fruit basket. I always cut my grapefruit in half and eat the small sections with a grapefruit spoon. I am well acquainted with citrus fruit that goes bad. The outside usually becomes green and fuzzy and a soft indentation begins to appear. The rot is obvious. This one still looked fine, although, I thought it might be a little dried out, as it had been sitting around for a few weeks. This is what appeared when I cut it open. 

Tasty, huh?

It was then the analogy hit me like a brick. Here I am a fashion and faith blogger. I put hours into coming up with outfits, thinking up themes for my fashion posts and so on, but when it comes to my faith posts, I am flying by the seat of my pants. Obviously, the fact that I just came up with this post this morning after looking at a rotten grapefruit, drives the point home. The point being this, I can be pretty and put together on the outside, but the inside can be deteriorating without me even being aware of it. 

There are a few points I would like to draw from my moldy citrus example. 

1. Rot often occurs slowly. 

The problem, most often, with sin is that we become comfortable with it. We think that as long as we look like we have it all together, have a positive vibe about us and don't talk about our inner struggles, then our inner struggles won't come to light. We all struggle. We all sin. 

“23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

— Romans 3:23 (NASB)

I tend to forget that I am a sinner saved by grace. I bask in God's grace and I am thankful for it, but often as Christians when we move further away from our original conversion and initial consciousness of how sin separates us from God, we tend to forget what the cross was all about in the first place. This fading of our roots contributes to the rot that takes place in our hearts. Before we know it, we have allowed ourselves to become involved in activities we once shunned from watching movies with prolific language, violence and sex, to doubts about the origins of our world, to becoming part of the gossip chain. 

2. Rot spoils our taste.

Have you ever bit into something that is rotten? Ewww! It doesn't not taste good! In fact, one little rotten spot can spoil an entire piece of fruit. I will cut off rotten spots on most things like strawberries, peaches or melons, but trying to cut the rot out of an orange or grapefruit usually doesn't work. 

When I allow sin to slowly deteriorate my relationship with God, my usefulness will also deteriorate. 

“Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned?”

— Luke 14:34 (NASB)

We are supposed to be salt. Salt is meant to season and preserve. When we begin to rot we are unable to season or preserve. In fact, we become less useful in God's plan, because we are less likely to hear His voice prodding us to move. 

3. Rot affects others. 

Our internal decay affects those around us. The rot of unexpressed discontent, anger, grief or sadness, not only affects us, but it affects those we love and interact with. Look at the picture Solomon paints of the husband/wife relationship.

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”

— Proverbs 12:4 (NASB)

Those are pretty tough words to hear. We can become rottenness in our husband's bones, if we are allowing ourselves to deteriorate on the inside. You have probably heard the word toxic in reference to relationships and people. We can become toxic if the rot inside of us is unchecked and takes over. 

4. Rot will be cut away.

As children of God, He will only allow us to continue to deteriorate to a certain point, before He gets out the cutlery and begins removing the rot from our hearts. That process can be very painful. However, if we desire to draw closer to Him, then we need to allow His scalpel to have its way. 

““If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire.”

— Matthew 18:8 (NASB)

Jesus was speaking figuratively in this verse, but the point is of prime importance. If we allow something in our lives that not only causes us to stumble and fall, but causes others to fall as well, we need to let the divine surgeon do His work. 

We are beautiful creations of the Almighty God. We are meant to glorify Him and lift others up to Him. Just as a piece of ripe, whole fruit is full of nutrients and good things that bring life and sustenance, we are to be wholly His, rot free, so that we are bringing life and light to those who are perishing. 

Independent or Interdependent?

Today is a national holiday. We have been celebrating the 4th of July since our Founding Fathers declared our country independent of British rule on this date in 1776. While it did not become a Federal holiday until 1941, this declaring of independence has been important to our country and to us as individuals for a long time. Why is being independent such an important concept to us? So important, in fact, that we are willing to go to war and die, to actually maintain it. 

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When we look at the definition of independent we see that it is multi-faceted:

1. Not dependent, as in controlled by or associated with a larger controlling unit.

2, Not requiring or relying on something else; not relying on another's opinions; not bound to a political party.

3. Not requiring or relying on others; free from the necessity of working for a living.

4. Showing a desire for freedom.

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Nobody wants to be controlled by someone else. Having the freedom to come and go as we please, speak as we please, and believe what we want, is primarily important to us. This freedom has been important since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, enslaving people and trying to control them, has also been an opposite ramification of the thirst for freedom. We might think that we are exempt from the mentality that enslaves, so important is the concept of independence to us; however, the drive to be independent can also be the force behind that which enslaves. 

Wasn't it Hitler that wanted to be independent from the blight of the Jewish people? Weren't the good people of the southern states desirous of independence from hard labor and the harshness of plantation life, which they obtained by enslaving others thought to be less than human? Aren't the men and women who engage in human trafficking looking for independence and release from the pressures of a hurried and stress filled life? When we demand to be right and to have rights, aren't we walking down a path that could lead to the fettering of others' freedoms and rights?

Often, when there are more questions than answers, I turn to the scriptures to get God's perspective on a matter. What does His word say about independence? First, let's take a look at a few of Jesus' thoughts.

“I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.”

— John 10:11 (NASB)

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Jesus knew who He was and that He was not independent of His people. His greatest desire was and is the care of His sheep. He doesn't say, "I am a shepherd. I take care of sheep." He says, He is the good shepherd and in being good, He is willing to die for the sheep. This is not a relationship of independence, but of complete dependence. We are completely dependent on the good shepherd and as the good shepherd He is well aware that He is bound to His sheep; to watch over them, care for them, look for them when they are wandering and die for them if need be. 

“I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me, ”

— John 10:14 (NASB)

Once again, Jesus established the dependent relationship. He knows us, those who are His own, and His own know Him. 

I am not saying that Jesus is dependent on us. He is God and has no need of dependence on another being, but He has chosen to be in a relationship with us and relationships require a certain amount of dependence. To much independence in a relationship can cause problems resulting from the struggle to be "my own person," rather than working together to be a better couple, family, community, city or nation.

“17 For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again.
18 No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.””

— John 10:17-18 (NASB)

Once again, we see Jesus taking the stance of interdependence, not independence. Even in the God-head there is a hierarchy. Jesus submits Himself to God the Father and the Spirit to Jesus Christ. Three almighty beings, completely independent, but completely interdependent. 

“11 However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.
12 For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God. ”

— I Corinthians 11:11-12 (NASB)

This passage is found in the context of head coverings and I am not about to muddy the waters in that regard, but the point is we are all dependent on each other. As a Christ follower, I believe in Creation and that, in turn, means I believe that verse 12 is the synopsis of our interdependence. Woman was created from Adam's rib, women birth men, but we all originated from God. 

What, then, does all of this mean when it comes to our freedoms and our desire for independence. As with anything, balance. God intended that we have independent personalities, likes and dislikes, abilities and talents. He did not intend to create a world of identical clones. He also created man with a desire to not see other's suffer at the hands of those who are tyrannical, power driven or only seeking financial gain. We were all created equal, as Abraham Lincoln penned and it is this equality and the ability to live a life with equal opportunities and resources that we are striving for. 

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Today, I am thankful. Thankful that our Founding Fathers, who were not perfect, envisioned a world that could be equal for all. I am also thankful for all the men and women who have served and continue to serve to expand and preserve the freedoms we have. I am also thankful that we are dependent on each other. To be truly independent is to walk a long road very much alone. 

Have a wonderful 4th everyone!

Mulling It Over - Part 4

Some time has passed since I worked on this passage in 2 Timothy, but I have the time, so I wanted to get back at it. If you remember we were taking a look at 2 Timothy 2:20-26. You can see the first three parts by clicking on each of the links: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. Here is the passage again as a refresher. 

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“20 Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor.
21 Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.
22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
23 But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels.
24 The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged,
25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth,
26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

— 2 Timothy 2:20-26 (NASB)

Today's verse is quite pertinent in our society where social media dominates our time. Whether you are on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or some other form of social media there is no doubt that these communication avenues are powerful both in a positive and a negative way. 

“23 But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels.”

— 2 Timothy 2:23 (NASB)

As you know, I like to tear the verse apart. 

But refuse...

I think most of you understand the meaning of the word refuse. Words such as decline, refuse, reject, and spurn, all refer to the act of turning away by not accepting, receiving or considering what is being offered. I like the idea of not even considering. How often do we think about accepting an offer?

How many of you get sales emails in your inbox? How many of those do you read? Of those, how many do you actually click on to look at? If you are like me, you often find yourself clicking over to a site to see what new merchandise they have, and what the current sales offer is. Of course, it doesn't end there. I'll often put a few items into my shopping cart before I finally exit the site. Other times, I actually buy the items I put in my cart. I didn't refuse the offer and actually it started with just a consideration of the offer.

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Now lets move on to what it is we are to refuse, or even consider. 

...foolish and ignorant speculations...

I may get into trouble here, but I believe that a high percent of what is posted on many of these social media platforms are foolish and ignorant speculations. It is one thing to talk about what you did today, share an outfit or post a recipe you want to share, but when these platforms become soap boxes for preaching, arguing or spreading hate, I believe we have moved into the arena of foolish and ignorant speculations. 

Let me say at this point, I am not against having discussions about hard topics on social media platforms, but I believe as Christians we have to be extremely careful what we say and how we come across. Topics can quickly escalate from stating the facts to spewing hateful, emotion based opinions. When I think of what our Founding Fathers meant by Freedom of Speech, I do not know that they were thinking of photos sharing body parts or using explicatives like conjunctions to string sentences together. 

Let's take just a moment to look at the words foolish and ignorant.

     foolish - Webster's online dictionary uses phrases like - showing lack of good sense, absurd or       ridiculous, and marked by a loss of composure. 

     ignorant - Webster's defines this word in this way - destitute of knowledge or education, lacking comprehension, unaware, and uninformed.

Do we really want to look foolish and ignorant when we are putting ourselves out there on social media or any other communication platform. Whether you are having a discussion with friends at the local eatery, posting opinions on Facebook or writing a blog, use discretion when choosing your words. Remember words convey a message, both spoken and written. As Christ followers, we want our message to be one of hope, truth and love. 

Finally, 

...knowing that they produce quarrels. 

Isn't it amazing that Paul, who had no knowledge of social media, knew exactly the kinds of exchanges that could take place when we start rambling off our opinions and feelings without using forethought and caution? Obviously, the tendency towards volatile emotions and conversations has been around since Adam and Eve left the garden. We, by the sin nature into which were born, are protectors of our right to be right, even if we are wrong. 

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Why do you think Paul included these words in his letter to Timothy, who was a young man pastoring one of the early Christian churches? I believe it had to do with Paul's God given understanding of the outcome of such behaviors on the church. Dissension, arguments and quarrels will divide and destroy a church. They will divide and destroy a marriage, a family and yes, even a nation.

Let this verse be our standard when speaking or writing, for His glory and the encouragement of others.

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

— Colossians 4:6 (NASB)

Seasons Come and Seasons Go

We go through seasons in life, just like the earth goes through seasons as it travels around the sun. Spring, summer, fall and winter, all have their presence on the earth, even though they can look quite different depending on where you live. I follow a few fashion bloggers who are based in Australia and it is winter there. It seems odd to see them talk about enjoying their sweaters and heavier weight outfits, even though their pictures still show sunshine and no snow!

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Seasons in our lives can manifest themselves differently for each person. When you are a young adult, you might be going to college, checking out the party scene and figuring out what you want to do with your life. I wasn't a partier. I was studious, but I also liked to go out to eat with my friends and walk the streets of Chicago down to Lake Short Boulevard and the beach or State Street and the Gold Coast. That season of my life, helped shape who I am. I met my husband during that season and discovered I was more interested in getting married than in becoming a missionary overseas.

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“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.”

— Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NASB)

After college, my husband and I got married and it wasn't long until we started a family. I wish when I had been in the throes of that season of life, I would have had an older woman come along side of me and tell me, "This is just a season. Before you know it, in the blink of an eye, your children will be grown and gone. Enjoy it while you can." So often when we are in a particular season of life, we think, "When will this be over? When will it get easier?" The problem with that mind set is that we miss so much. 

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The writer of Ecclesiastes was Solomon, considered the wisest king of all time. I think he pretty much summed up the complexity and simplicity of life in those first eight verses of chapter 3. He knew that every season would come to an end and be replaced by another season, which would then be replaced by another season, and so on, and so on.

What season of life do you find yourself in right now? Is is a time of planting or a time of uprooting? Is it a time of laughter or a time of weeping? Or is is a time of being silent or a time of speaking boldly? The inevitability is, the season you now find yourself in will change. How do we handle the seasons we are in and the busyness and difficulties that come with each of those. 

1. Recognize that it is God who changes the seasons.

“Then God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night, and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years;”

— Genesis 1:14 (NASB)

God, the Creator, is the One who designed the seasons to change. We often think that fall and winter must be a result of the fall, but it says in the above verse that God's intention from the beginning was an earth that changed on a regular basis. So many of us don't like change, but change is a part of God's plan. 

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2. Don't be afraid of the changing seasons.

There is plenty to fear in the world we live in. Watch the news on a regular basis and you'll get a boat load of fodder for an anxiety storm. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I grew up reading the King James Version of the Bible. I decided to use the New King James Version as it is the one most true to the version I memorized. Many versions use the word timidity instead of fear. I am not a Bible scholar so I am not here to argue which version is closer to a word for word translation. I prefer the word fear, because I feel it is closest to what we feel on a regular basis. 

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I am preaching to the choir here, friends. I regularly have to combat my fears. I don't think that fear is wrong, but I do believe that dwelling there or as Timothy put it, having a "...spirit of fear..." is not what God wants for us. I am sure the numbers of people in our country who are taking anti-anxiety meds is staggering. Yet, what is anxiety but a fear - fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of death, fear of illness, fear of any and everything you can imagine. 

It is normal to face fear, when the seasons of our lives are changing. It is scary to face an illness like cancer or the death of a spouse or child. It is terrifying to lose your long time job and have to suddenly be out there looking for a new position in a sea of people in their 20's. Yet, God knows these seasons are changing and as the Psalmist realized, we are precious to Him. 

“Keep me as the apple of the eye;
Hide me in the shadow of Your wings”

— Psalm 17:8 (NASB)

3. Look for beauty in each season.

Every season that comes and goes has something about it that I love. Spring ushers in new growth, returning birds and an explosion of green. Summer abounds with laughing, playing children, a chorus of lawn mowers and the clinking sounds of glasses filled with iced tea and lemonade. Fall, which is perhaps my favorite, throws an amazing party of color and smells during which the trees undress themselves as they prepare for winters' long sleep. Winter, in areas of snow becomes a white backdrop for red sleds and even redder noses and cheeks. 

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Yes, every season has its difficulties. Spring can be full of torrential rains and often the temps don't climb as high as we would like. Summer can be a time of drought and the ebb and flow of crowds vacationing and squeezing in to fairs and summer festivals. Fall brings early darkness and winter seems akin to the time of the dead, especially for those of us with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

However, just as any transition in life brings change we need to focus on all that is lovely and beautiful, even in the sterility of a hospital room or the stifling sadness of a funeral home. Where else in the world can we get 24 hour quality care? The sadness of loss also brings with it the memories of lives journeyed together and moments of love and laughter. A diagnosis of long term illness allows us the opportunity to stand before our Creator and claim the promises He gave us in His word, that He would never leave us or forsake us and that He would give us peace and strength. 

Beauty exists in the form of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and He never changes, no matter what season we are in.

4. Have patience.

Remember what Solomon pointed out in those verses? The seasons change. Our lives are in constant flux. Knowing that God is orchestrating our circumstances allows us to lean back on His strong arms and wait for Him to do what He is going to do. The sooner we realize the reality of this next  two verses, the better. 

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28 (NASB)

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 1:6 (NASB)

God is at work and will never give up on us! Isn't that amazing? It drives me to my knees to realize that the Almighty God who created us from dust, loves that same said dust to the point of sacrificing His only Son, Jesus, so we might be able to have a relationship with Him.

I don't know what season you are in. I hope it is a season of reaping and praising and planting, but if it is a season of tearing apart, war and great weeping, don't forget He is with you. Always and forever.